After All
by Scorp112
Summary: AH - Bella survived the accident that killed her mother, & it changed everything. Stuck in a deep depression, she struggles to move on with her life. Will Bella face her demons & let Edward help her move forward? Or will her guilt & sadness destroy her?
1. Goodbye

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A huge THANK YOU to the Project Team Beta!**!

**A/N: **This story is AU-Human; Everything in Twilight concerning Bella's background before she moves to Forks is the same.

* * *

**BPOV**

"I'll meet you at security checkpoint," Charlie said gruffly.

"Char - Dad, there's no need for that. I'll rent a car and meet you at the house. It's really not a big deal." I sighed. We had been having this argument since I told him my arrival time.

"Bella, I'll meet you at the checkpoint." His voice was stern and I gave up the fight. Charlie and I had stubbornness in common, so I knew that once he set his mind to something there was no changing it. I also knew that he just wanted to do whatever he could for me after everything I had been through in the last few months. I didn't want to be coddled or fussed over, but I didn't have the energy to try and change his mind and convince him I was capable of driving from Seattle to Forks.

"Ok, I'll call you if I'm delayed."

"Sounds good," he said quietly. "I...I've missed you Bells. I'm glad you're coming home."

"Me too. See you tomorrow." I gently pressed END on my cell and put it down on the box in front of me. The movers would be here in an hour to pick up the furniture and boxes I hadn't sold or thrown away. I felt a lump in my throat and my eyes pricked with tears; being here was painful, but I only had to last another night. Tomorrow morning I'd be back on a plane headed to Forks.

I took one last sweeping glance through the small house in Jacksonville, making sure I had everything packed and ready to go. My hip gave a small twinge as I moved to the rear of the house and I rubbed it absentmindedly. The doctor said I would experience some pain and discomfort while my body continued to heal. Standing or sitting for long periods of time and moving quickly was nearly impossible. I had just finished my last out-patient physical therapy session the afternoon before; the doctor had convinced me to continue with them upon my return to Forks. I agreed only because I was hoping that it would continue to help me heal at an accelerated pace.

My suitcase was packed and sitting on top of the bare mattress and box-spring in the bedroom. I looked around at the emptiness of the room, trying not to remember the first time I came back here after the accident. _The Accident. _ I hated thinking of my life as before the accident and after it, but unfortunately, that was what it boiled down to these days. Before everything was sunny and bright and my life seemed charmed. Now, I was suffering from numbing grief and sometimes unbearable physical pain. My body would continue to heal, but I wondered if my heart ever would.

I went to pick up my suitcase from the bed, not realizing I hadn't zippered it properly. The contents spilled to the floor like shattered glass. I didn't have the energy or inclination to curse as I watched my clothes, toiletries and the other odds and ends I had packed clatter to the wooden planks below my feet. I slowly lowered myself to the floor, holding on to the bed for support until I felt the cold wood beneath my jean clad knees. I began to methodically place and fold my belongings back into the suitcase, trying not to think of the pain in my hips and back. It wasn't until I turned and looked down at the picture lying beside me that I heard the sob escape my throat. It was a picture of Mom, Phil and I standing outside of Yankee Stadium. The sun had been shining and our grins reflected how much fun we had been having. I could feel the tears making tracks down my cheeks as memories came back full force.

* * *

"Bella, you have to come with us! You've been at loose ends since school ended. Please honey, you'll love it!"

I laughed at Renee's enthusiasm and the strength of her conviction that I would love traveling to baseball stadiums along the east coast with her and Phil. With my clumsy nature, sports were not my forte, for playing or for watching. If anyone was going to get hit in the head with a foul ball, it was going to be me, so I usually avoided anything having to do with the wide world of sports.

I stood up from the table in the kitchen and walked to the fridge to get a bottle of water. I began to protest, "Mom, I really don't think..."

"Bella, come on. You have another month before you have to be back in Sacramento for school. You said yourself that you didn't know what you were going to do with yourself after your vacation here was over. Come with us!"

I took a swig of water and felt the cool liquid slide down my throat. "I'm pretty sure Phil doesn't want to spend his summer vacation traveling with his step-daughter."

"You know no such thing! Phil adores you and he would love to show you all the places that his heroes have played in. I would love to spend the time with you. We haven't gone on a vacation together since, well, since you moved to Washington eight years ago." I could feel the guilt I had in leaving Renee crushing any arguments I had. Other than her sometimes weekend visits to Forks, or when she came to visit me at college in California, or my trips on school breaks to Jacksonville, she and I hadn't had a real vacation together since I was a kid.

She was opening her mouth to continue her persuasion when I threw up my hands in defeat. "Okay, Mom, you win. I'll come with you and Phil," I laughed. Phil had been planning his "East Coast Stadium Tour" for the last six weeks and was looking forward to showing Mom, and now me, all the places he dreamed of playing when he had been in the minors. Fenway Park, Yankee Stadium and Citi Field, Nationals Park, Camden Field, and Turner Field were all on the agenda for the month trip he had planned driving along the east coast to see his favorite teams. He and my mom had planned to fly into Boston the following week and rent a car to make the drive south to all the parks. It was an easy thing to join them.

It was some of the happiest moments of my life, that trip. I would never forget cheering for the Red Sox in Boston, booing the Yanks in New York, and watching Phil try to catch foul balls in Atlanta. I usually had no idea who was winning or what was happening on the field, but I had an amazing time just being with Mom and Phil. It was the perfect vacation, right up until the end.

* * *

A knock on the door drew me out of my reverie and I quickly swiped away at the tears on my cheeks. I tucked the picture of Phil, Mom and I into my suitcase before getting to my feet with a groan. The pain in my back and hips took my breath away and I had to lean on the bed for a minute before I could stand up straight. The knocking sound returned and I called out, "Just a minute," while I tried to stand straight. The doctor wanted me to continue to use a walker, but I had stubbornly refused. The six weeks in rehab had been more than enough, and no amount of pain was going to make me start using that thing again.

I finally made it to the front door and found the movers waiting impatiently for me. "Everything goes to Public Storage on Roosevelt Blvd. I'll meet you there." They nodded at me and got to work. I went back to the bedroom to retrieve my suitcase. I glanced sadly around the house once more before taking my suitcase and rolling it out of the room. "Bye Mom," I thought silently as the movers took the memories and put them away.

* * *

**My first fan fic, so please review! I'd really appreciate the feedback. **


	2. Reunions

**A huge THANK YOU to the Project Team Beta - especially AddictedtoEdward and 9chen. They had great feedback and helped immensely!**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

* * *

**BPOV**

I spent a sleepless night in a hotel by the airport and dozed fitfully on the plane to Seattle. It had been uncomfortable to sit for such a long time, and even with layovers in Chicago and Denver, my body did not have nearly enough time to recover before having to be stuffed back into those uncomfortable seats. I was practically weeping when we touched down at Sec-Tac Airport. I still had to take a train to the main terminal to meet Charlie, and I didn't know how I was going to manage it. I could have called for a sky cap and asked someone for help or a ride, but even in the amount of pain I was in, I refused to show that sign of weakness. I would make it to Charlie on my own two feet.

He was waiting for me on the other side of the security checkpoint, where he could clearly see everyone arriving in Seattle. He kept moving his head so he could look around the people standing in his way, his hands shoved deeply in his pockets. I wanted to wave, to yell, but it had taken all of my strength to make it this far, and I had nothing left. I had stopped briefly to rest a second when he spotted me; his face split into a grin, and I saw him raise a hand in welcome.

I was pushed and jostled as people rushed past me, trying to make their way to the baggage claim or to another terminal to catch a flight. I kept my eyes on Charlie's face and put one foot in front of the other to reach him. His smile faded as he saw the pain etched into my features, and he moved forward as far as he could without going through security. I tried to smile back at him, but I could tell it must have come out as more of a grimace. It took me another five minutes to walk the hundred yards to Charlie.

"Hi, Dad," I said as I stood in front of him, trying desperately not to cry. I knew he could tell how much effort it had taken me to walk to him, just from my tone of voice.

"Bells...," he murmured quietly and stepped forward to take me in his arms. It was almost more than I could bear. His scent, a combination of gun oil and Old Spice, enveloped me and I felt the cool wetness on my cheeks where my tears fell.

He stepped back to look at me, and I could see his eyes glistening in the lights. "Come on, Bella, let's go home." He put his arm around me and walked us out of the airport.

We didn't talk much on the way back to Forks, mostly because I fell asleep almost as soon as we hit the road. The trip was over three hours, and my body just could not handle the exhaustion I felt, both physically and emotionally. It also didn't hurt that Charlie practically forced one of my pain pills down my throat as soon as we got in the car.

I woke as Charlie pulled up in front of the house. He had changed nothing; it looked the same as I remembered.

"Are you okay to walk, Bella?" Charlie asked as he got my suitcase from the trunk and I struggled to get out of the front seat without screaming in agony. I just wanted to stretch out on a soft, flat surface and give my aching body a rest.

_What's he going to do if I tell him no? Carry me up the stairs? _I was still groggy from the pain medication and the thought of Charlie struggling to carry me up his small, narrow staircase amused me. He was staring at me intently, and I realized I hadn't answered him yet.

"I'm fine, Dad, really," I assured him as I gently shut the door of his police cruiser. He followed me closely as I crossed the lawn into the house and stepped inside. Charlie hadn't changed anything in here either; it looked exactly as it had when I left for college six years ago.

Charlie shut the door behind us and offered, "Do you want something to eat? I can warm up a TV dinner or something."

I shook my head and moved slowly toward the stairs. My hip was screaming with pain, and as I looked at the steps in front of me, I thought that maybe it wouldn't be such a big thing to ask Charlie to carry me. I took a deep breath and, again taking one step at a time, made my way up to my old bedroom. The door was open, and I gasped in surprise when I noticed how it was decorated. Many of the things from my apartment in Sacramento were scattered around, including the new bed I had bought with my first paycheck after I got my teaching job.

Charlie cleared his throat. "Um, I know we told you everything was in storage, but Jake and I drove down last week and got it all and moved it back here. Some of the furniture is stored in Jake's shed; the smaller stuff is in the attic here. We figured you'd be more comfortable surrounded by your things."

I couldn't answer him, so I just nodded, biting my lip and hoping I wouldn't cry.

Charlie placed the suitcase next to my bed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Bells, is there anything I can get you?" he asked, clearly wanting to help, but not knowing how.

I started to shake my head, but then nodded. "A glass of water would be great." Before I could finish the sentence, Charlie was gone. I put my purse on the bedside table as I sat down on my green down comforter. I had my sneakers off by the time Charlie returned.

"Thanks Dad." I gave him a small smile.

"Anything you need, you just let me know," he mumbled as he placed a hand on my hair. I suddenly felt like I was 17 again, and the need to burrow in his strong arms and hold on tight was enormous. I resisted, knowing how uncomfortable and overwhelmed he would be if I gave into the impulse, so I just nodded instead. He kissed the top of my head and then left me alone. I lay down, willing the medication to start working so I could fall into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

When I awoke later, it was dark. The shades had been pulled and a small lamp was lit on my desk in the corner. I noticed the combination of things from my childhood and from my life in Sacramento; it made me feel a little bit better, even though seeing them in Forks meant that my life had changed irrevocably once again. When I left Forks for college, I had no intention of coming back here to stay for any length of time. To see the laptop I bought my freshmen year at Sacramento State, sitting on the desk I had bargained for at a garage sale when I got my first apartment, in the same room that used to hold my crib seemed very surreal. If I really thought about it though, nothing about the two and a half months since _the accident_ had felt remotely real to me. The changes in this room were just more things I had to get used to. I had to adjust to not only the physical limitations I now had, but the fact that I had lost my crazy, lovable mother and a step-father I adored. My mind began to sift through the other things I had lost since the accident, but I quickly pushed it aside; I was not ready to go there yet. I sighed and then jumped when I heard a voice.

"That was a pretty big sigh. Are you okay?" My eyes shot to the corner of the room where my rocking chair stood. Sitting in it was my best friend and brother of my heart, Jacob Black.

"Jake," I smiled and sat up to see him better. He crossed the room in two strides and then I was in his arms. No sooner was my face buried in his shoulder and I could smell his clean, woodsy scent, than I began to sob.

He held me as I cried for the pain I was in, for all I had lost, and for how much I had missed him. He had visited me in the hospital in Jacksonville after I had come out of the coma, but he could only stay a couple of days before having to return to his father in La Push. I had still been in the hospital when Billy died and, therefore, hadn't been able to get home for the funeral. This was the first time I saw Jake since we had both lost our parents.

His strong arms wrapped around me and his jaw worked against my hair as he tried to control his own emotions. Cool drops landed on my head and knew he was crying with me.

It took a while for the two of us to pull ourselves together, but we did, leaning back to take a good look at the changes that had taken place in each other over the last few months. He was skinnier, and his hair was a bit longer, almost touching the collar of his T-shirt. He was still the same Jake though, the only one who could understand me even when I couldn't understand myself.

I pulled out of his arms and ran a hand through my hair. "How long have you been here?" I reached up to wipe some of the tears from his cheeks.

"Charlie called me after you fell asleep. I came right over. Sorry I wasn't there to meet you at the airport, Bells. Leah's shift rang long, and I didn't get here in time before Charlie had to leave to pick you up."

I shook my head as soon as he started apologizing. "Jake, really, it's fine. Had it been up to me, Charlie wouldn't have met me either. I wanted to rent a car, but - "

He held up a hand. "I thought you weren't supposed to drive yet? Charlie said your physical therapist doesn't think you can handle it." Jacob broke off at the look on my face. He rolled his eyes and quickly changed the subject. "So, are you hungry?" He smiled with his big goofy grin.

I nodded and he held out his hand, helping me off the bed. It took me a minute to steady myself, and Jake followed closely as we walked down the stairs. I began to walk to the fridge, but he stopped me and made me sit down. After he was certain I wasn't going to move, he began heating me up some soup. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of my friend cooking for me. Things certainly had changed in the last few years.

He saw me grinning at him and seemed defensive when he asked, "What?"

"I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you can cook," I teased him, giving him a small wink.

"Leah told me when she moved in that she wasn't going to be the only one cooking and cold cereal didn't count as a meal, so I didn't have much of a choice." He ladled the soup into a bowl and slid it on the table in front of me.

"How is Leah?" I asked cautiously. She and I had never had a warm relationship, but she was my best friend's fiancée and we had come to an understanding a few years ago. Jake had yelled at both of us in one very memorable confrontation that he wasn't giving either one of us up; we had to accept the roles we both played in his life, period. Leah was the love of his life, but I had been his best friend since childhood. We managed a civil relationship for Jake's sake.

"She's great. Smack dab in the middle of wedding plans - it's only two months away, can you believe it? She's been working double shifts at the hospital." He paused when I snorted, trying to imagine Leah's bedside manner in her job as a nurse.

"Sorry," I mumbled softly. I concentrated on eating my soup as he continued.

"She's trying to save as much as she can for our honeymoon, especially since the garage is just breaking even."

My head shot up. "What do you mean? Charlie said you guys were doing great."

Jake smiled grimly. "We're holding our own, but things have been tight for awhile." He saw the worry on my face and took my hand. "It's just like you to worry about something you have no control over. We're fine and things'll pick up." He squeezed my hand again. "Seriously, Bells, lighten up. I can pay the bills and still give Embry and Quil their paychecks. Honestly, we're okay. Leah's just working a little more so we have some extra money for the honeymoon."

"Where are you guys going again?" I inquired, sitting back in the chair and pushing the bowl away from me. I had eaten barely half of what he had put in front of me, but I didn't have much of an appetite these days.

Jake frowned at my half-full bowl but didn't say anything about it. He got up to clear my dish off the table. "Vancouver. Leah's always wanted to go and I'll be happy wherever she's happy, so that's where we're headed."

I nodded and shifted in the chair, wincing as my hip protested against the movement. Jake turned around, caught the look on my face and was at my side in a heartbeat. "Back to bed," he ordered, lifting me in his arms.

"The couch will be fine, and I can walk there," I argued.

He ignored me, carrying me up the stairs. He deposited me back into my bed and adjusted the pillows behind me.

"Jake, sto-" He glared at me and I broke off my protest. We didn't say anything while I tried to get comfortable and he tried to help by adjusting the pillows and blankets. I finally caught his eye and we grinned at each other.

"God, Bells, I missed you." He touched his forehead to mine and we sat there for a minute.

"I know, I missed you too." I swallowed, trying to get past the lump in my throat. "Jake... I just want... I mean... thank you for everything. For coming to Florida, for taking care of things for me in California, for being here. For everything."

He leaned back to look at me. "You don't have to thank me. That's what families do, Bella," he reminded me tenderly. "We're there for each other, no matter what."

"I know, but I just needed to say it. I love you, Jake." I touched his cheek gently.

He took my hand and brought it to his mouth, giving me a smacking kiss on my palm. "Love you, too." He started to say something else when we both heard a knock on the door downstairs. Jake glanced at my alarm clock and shot me a grin. "Right on time," he noted as he stood up and headed for the door.

"Who?" I asked, but he was already out the door and down the stairs. I could hear murmurs, laughter from below, and then two sets of feet climbing the stairs.

"BELLA!" cried the voice that could always bring a smile to my face.

"Alice!"


	3. Broken

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**A great big thanks to my betas AddictedtoEdward and 9chen. These ladies rock and I can't thank them enough for all their help!**

* * *

I just stared at Alice as she stood in the doorway of my room. Her body was trembling with excess energy, and I got the distinct impression that she would have come and jumped on me if Jake hadn't been holding a restraining hand on her shoulder.

"Welcome home!" Alice smiled brightly, and I could see her eyes glistening with the tears she was trying hard not to shed.

If Jake was the brother of my heart, Alice Cullen was the sister. She'd been the one who had bounded up to me on my first day at Forks High and immediately welcomed me into her circle of friends. We'd been inseparable from that moment on, right up until we both had left for college two years later. Her parents, Carlisle and Esme, treated me like another daughter, and I spent almost as much time with her family as I did with Jake on the reservation in La Push.

"Wha – I didn't expect – I'm so happy!" I was thrilled to see her and opened my arms so she could jump into them. She crossed my room in one huge leap and we were embracing in less than a heartbeat. I bit my lip as Alice's hug caused me to fall back against my pillows painfully. My back and hip protested, but I just closed my eyes and tried to block out the pain. We continued to hug tightly; I swallowed hard, and kept blinking so I wouldn't cry. It was bad enough that I broke down with Jake, and I refused to let my homecoming continue with constant tears.

I'd missed Alice terribly after the two of us had ended up on different coasts for college. I had stayed on the west coast, going to California State University in Sacramento to major in English. Alice had moved to New York to study Fashion Merchandising at the Fashion Institute of Technology. After graduation, I'd stayed in Sacramento for grad school, and then I got a job there teaching high school English. Alice split her time between New York and Paris after she'd gotten a job as a buyer for Saks Fifth Avenue.

We'd racked up huge long-distance phone bills, and it wasn't unusual for either of us to write or receive four or five emails a day. We did our best to see each other as often as possible, but it wasn't always easy with our obligations to work, school, and in Alice's case, a very active social life. It was hard going from seeing Alice and Jake practically every day to seeing them once, or twice, a year. It just wasn't practical to have more visits with everything going on in our lives. Thankfully, we had managed to stay as close as we'd been in high school, because without her, or Jake, I'm not sure I would have survived the last few months.

Alice and I separated, and I looked at her, grinning from ear to ear. "I can't believe you're here." My voice trembled as I tried to control my emotions.

"Of course I'm here," she replied with a teary grin. "Charlie called to tell me when you'd be home, so I booked the first flight out. Jake and I are on duty when Charlie's at work." Alice had a tight grip on my hand, almost like she was afraid that if she let go, I would disappear.

I looked over at Jake, who was picking up his jacket from my rocking chair. I cocked an eyebrow. "What do you mean by 'on duty'?" I was fairly certain I wasn't going to like the answer.

Jake gave Alice a look that would have scared the crap out of most people, but since they'd been best friends for years, too, it didn't have close to the desired effect. She was cringing, though, so I knew she had said something she hadn't meant to.

"Someone had better explain," I began, feeling myself getting angry. "Now."

Alice shrugged, trying to dismiss my anger. "Charlie didn't want you left alone, but he really couldn't take any more time off from work. He considered hiring a nurse but thought you'd really throw a fit about that, so Jake and I are here to–" She broke off as I pulled my hand from hers and held it up.

"To what?" I spat, looking back and forth between Jacob and Alice. She was wringing her hands and refused to make eye contact with me. Jake rolled his eyes as he put his jacket on.

"It's just to make sure you don't overdo it, Bells. Now stop being a pain in the ass and catch up with Shorty." Jake crossed the room, where he stopped to give me a kiss on the top of my head and then kissed Alice's head as well. "I have to head back to La Push and make sure the guys haven't burned the garage down. Call me if you need anything; I'll call you both later." He looked at Alice meaningfully, and she nodded. He was out the door and down the stairs before I could open my mouth.

I glared at Alice. "I don't need a nurse."

She was biting her lip and her face was very serious when she said, "Okaaaaaay. Will you take a fashionista with juicy gossip instead?"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes because as much as I wanted everyone to stop treating me like a baby, I couldn't stay mad at her. I settled back on my pillows while she sat crossed-legged at the end of my bed. Alice looked radiant. She'd grown her hair out since the last time I had seen her; it was just below her ears now in a cute bob rather than the spiky pixie cut I was used to. Her translucent skin glowed and her brown eyes sparkled with emotion. I'd missed her, but hadn't realized just how much until she was sitting in front of me.

"You didn't have to come," I said quietly.

"You're my best friend, of course I did," she answered simply. With a small smile and a squeeze of my hand, she settled back and started filling me in on the latest gossip from New York and Paris, mentioning people I had only read about in magazines or seen on TV, but that she knew live and in person.

We talked for an hour, and I laughed until my sides ached at some of Alice's stories. I was wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes when Alice unfolded herself from where she was sitting on my bed. "Do you feel up for a walk? The park is pretty close," she asked as she stretched gracefully. I always envied her ballerina-like moves, mostly because I was such a klutz.

"Sounds good to me. Getting out of the house for a while would be nice." I moved gingerly to the edge of my bed and slowly stood up. Alice was watching me carefully, and I knew she was waiting to make sure I wouldn't fall flat on my face.

"Alice, I'm fine. I just ... move slower than usual these days." I shifted my weight from my left hip to my right and back again, testing to make sure it wouldn't give out on me when I took a step. It seemed okay, and I hoped it would stay that way while we walked to the park. I could really use some cooperation, for once, from my still-healing body, after all the roller coaster of emotions I'd experienced that day. It was hard enough going from sadness, to happiness, to annoyance and back to happiness. I really didn't need any more physical pain on top of all the emotional stuff.

Alice walked close in front of me as she led me down the stairs. I shook my head, knowing I would only hurt her if I fell, but deciding it wasn't worth an argument, either. I was starting to get annoyed with how closely she, Jake, and my dad were watching over me, but I also knew it was coming from a really good place. I knew they loved me and just wanted to make sure I wouldn't hurt myself while I continued to recover. Honestly, though, it was really starting to get on my nerves.

Alice skipped to the hall closet where she grabbed our coats. She saw my crutches leaning on the wall next to the front door. She looked over her shoulder at me and asked, "Do you need your crutches?"

"No," I snapped, buttoning my coat. When I saw the hurt look cross her face, I took a deep breath. _Chill out. She just wants to make sure you'll be okay walking to the park._

I gave her a small smile, hoping to make amends. "I'll be okay, it really isn't that far."

She just nodded and watched me closely as I walked toward the front door. I started to feel irritated again, but I pushed it away and thought of other things as we walked at a sedate pace toward the Forks Community Park.

We were silent as we walked, but thankfully it wasn't uncomfortable. Alice and I had been friends for far too long to let some sharp words to come between us.

As we wandered down the sidewalk, I wondered what someone would notice about the two of us if they were watching us. I was wearing my simple black pea coat and Alice was dressed in a purple trench coat. The contrast between the two was amazing, and I thought it was a good analogy for how different Alice and I were. I was plain, simple, and basic; Alice was bright, colorful and stylish. Even after all these years, we were still as different as peanut butter and jelly. But just like the sandwich, when you put us together, it worked.

As we walked, I took the time to look around the neighborhood, realizing that, like Charlie's house, very few things had changed here. Mr. Wilson still had the best landscaping on the block and Mr. and Mrs. Crowley's dog was sleeping soundly on their front porch, just the way it had when we were in high school. It was comforting in its way, and I could feel myself calming down as I breathed in the fresh air. It was a typical cloudy day, but it wasn't raining for once. The temperature was in the mid-50s, and I could feel a slight sheen of sweat on my face, even though we were walking slowly.

The park came into view after a few minutes; Alice and I made our way over to the ancient swing set on the north side of the park. It had been a favorite place for us to go and to talk when we had been teenagers since there were no parents around to listen in on our deep conversations. Being here brought back happy memories, but again, I was swamped with a wave of sadness, remembering just how much my life had changed since those carefree days.

We settled into two swings next to each other, and even though my hip started burning the minute I sat down, I refused to move. I'd had to give up a lot since _the accident_ and I wasn't about to let one more thing be taken away from me. It was tradition for Alice and I to come here, to sit on the swings and talk; the pain in my hip meant nothing compared to the need to have something in my life remain the same.

"I completely forgot to tell you!" Alice had pulled back in the swing and pushed her boot-covered toes into the dirt to push off, but stopped abruptly when she remembered whatever it was she wanted to tell me.

"What?" I smiled, so glad to have my best friend close and acting the way she always had. It felt good to know that some things had not changed; Charlie's house, my old neighborhood, my friendships with Alice and Jake - it was nice to feel comfortable and safe for the first time in a long while.

"My mom and I ran into Mrs. Weber in the grocery store this morning. Angela and Ben moved to Dallas a few months ago. Mrs. Weber said that with Ben's new job, they were able to buy this huge house; she must have talked about the layout of it for a full fifteen minutes." Alice smiled and rolled her eyes. I grinned, imagining that Alice had been bored stiff within the first five minutes of that conversation. Esme was the one who loved interior design, while Alice only focused on fashion design. "She also started bragging that she thought Angela and Ben would be starting a family soon. You should have seen my mother's face when she mentioned Angela and Ben having a baby." Alice started chuckling. "I could tell she was completely put out by the fact that Mrs. Weber might get a grandchild before she does."

I laughed, having been told, in great detail, about the many, many conversations that Esme Cullen had had with her children about settling down and giving her and Carlisle grandkids. "I take it neither you nor your brothers have any intention of helping her fulfill her greatest wish?" I winked, knowing damn well that Alice had no intention of settling down, ever. She loved men and, as she once put it to me, 'was having way too much fun trying them on to pick one out permanently.'

Alice's two older brothers, Emmett and Edward, felt pretty much the same way from what Alice had told me. Both of them had been away at college by the time I'd moved to Forks, so I didn't know them very well. Emmett was four years older than Alice, and from what I could remember, a huge hulk of a man; I think one of his arms was about the size of both my legs. He could be intimidating at first glance, if you didn't look close to see the twinkle in his eyes. After college, he had stayed in Seattle and joined the police department.

Edward was a year younger than Emmett and was more of an enigma. He was tall, but not nearly as burly as Emmett, with bronze-colored hair and green eyes instead of Emmett and Alice's deep chocolate ones. If I was honest, though, he had been the one to intimidate me each time I had met him. It was almost as if he could look right through me and see every secret I'd ever had; that he could know my deepest thoughts with just one glance. Needless to say, I did my best to stay clear of him whenever our paths had the chance to cross, which, thankfully, hadn't ever been that often.

"Apparently, Emmett's dating someone named Rosalie," Alice told me, rolling her eyes, clearly unimpressed with her brother's love life. She started rocking slowly on the swing, blowing her hair around her face with the motion. "She's some sort of lawyer, and Emmett met her when he was at court one day. Mom thinks this one might last – clearly hoping for grandkids again, I guess – but I have my doubts considering this _is_ Emmett we're talking about. When has he ever been in a relationship that lasted more than a month?" I felt it best not to mention that Alice hadn't had many relationships that lasted for more than a month herself.

Edward had followed in Carlisle's footsteps and had become a doctor. He was living with Emmett in an condo not far from Harborview Medical Center, where he was finishing up his residency.

Alice and I sat in silence for a little while, gently moving back and forth on our swings. I could hear the Crowley's dog barking in the distance and I lifted my face toward the sky, taking a deep breath. It felt nice to be outside with the wind blowing through my hair, sharing the day with my best friend. I could ignore the aches in my body and the pain in my heart. It was easy to feel calm, to feel normal when things were like this.

I glanced over at Alice when she stopped swinging and started making designs in the sand with her foot. "Mom keeps bugging me to open a boutique of my own out here; I'm thinking I might," she stated vaguely. Alice was the only Cullen not living on the west coast.

"Really?" I couldn't keep the excitement out of my voice. "Alice, really?"

She shrugged and tried to play it off as not a big deal, but from the look on her face, I could tell she was considering it. "I love New York but the traveling all the time is starting to get old. And I love being a buyer but I think I'd love being my own boss more. And there's something to be said for being on the same side of the country as my family and best friends."

"I would love it if I could see you more; I've missed you so much." I couldn't help the smile that lit up my face. While I had no long-term plans in place, I knew for sure that I wasn't going to leave the west coast. Having my best friend closer would be amazing; it was the first thing I had felt excited about in a long time.

I saw Alice's feet stop moving in the sand and the look on her face was solemn. I wondered if she was really conflicted about moving back to this side of the country or if there was something else going on in that pixie mind of hers. Her pause was brief, and then I had my answer.

Alice bit her lip. "Bella," she started quietly, "Charlie said...well, he said you haven't talked much about what happened." She paused, unsure of how to proceed.

"Can't talk about what you don't remember," I said lightly, but I could feel my body tense. I didn't think I was ready for this conversation. I'd only talked about it once, when the cops in Jacksonville came to interrogate me after I had regained consciousness in the hospital. I had avoided talking about it with Charlie, with Jake, and with the counselors at the hospital, by telling everyone I couldn't remember what happened.

I felt panic and a deep, hurting sadness rising inside of me as the memories started to drift back to the surface. I stood up as quickly as I could from the swing, limping away from Alice and the memories. At that moment, I hated her for forcing me to remember what I just wanted to forget. The annoyance and anger I had felt earlier came crawling back to the surface and I tried hard to beat it back. Underneath the anger was a feeling of utter agony, deep and crushing. I had been so happy when she mentioned moving back to Washington, and now all I felt was the need to be as far away from her as possible. I didn't want to think about what she was forcing me to remember. I didn't want to feel the hurt, the pain, the fear, and the emptiness that those memories brought up inside of me.

I heard her small footsteps behind me before she said, "Bella, I know it must have been..."

"No," I snapped, whipping around to face her. I cried out softly in pain when my hip protested the quick movement, but it didn't deter my anger or words. "You have absolutely no idea what I've been through! How hard it was to be on a happy family vacation only to wake up in a hospital, broken and battered! To find out that the person you loved most in the world is dead. To go through months of trying to put yourself back together. You have no idea! So don't pretend you do!" The words came out of me fast, sharp, and Alice was unprepared for them. She flinched as if I had slapped her. In ten years of friendship, I had never spoken to her like that. I don't know if I had ever spoken to _anyone_ like that before in my life.

Alice looked at me, her eyes filled with worry, hurt, and confusion. I dropped my head into my hands. "I'm sorry, Alice," I whispered. My eyes filled with tears and I took a deep breath, trying to control my emotions. I got angry so easily these days, but as usual, it burned out as quickly as it had come on. Now I just felt exhausted and drained.

Lashing out at Alice was the last thing I wanted to do, and I knew she must be thinking, _This isn't the Bella I know. _How could I possibly explain to her that I was no longer the Bella she used to know, and I would never be that happy, fun Bella ever again? I could fake it for a little while; I did today when I was with Jake. But I couldn't pretend that everything was okay all the time. I wasn't the same person who had been whole and healthy only a few short months ago. When my family had been whole. I had been whole.

But now I was broken. Broken Bella.

And all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Bella back together again.


	4. Agony

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
**

Special thanks to PTB and my super betas - **AddictedtoEdward** and **Ms. Ambrosia.** Without them, I don't know what I'd do. Thanks ladies!

* * *

**BPOV**

I lay in bed that night, thinking over what had happened earlier that afternoon with Alice and how horribly I'd acted towards her. She had forgiven me, of course; it wasn't in Alice's nature to hold grudges. Plus, as best friends, we could act in ways with each other that other people would never forgive. It was part of loving someone and accepting them – the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I knew I was going to have to tell her and Jake about _the accident_ and its aftermath someday. I knew I probably should've been telling them – or anyone, really – about what had happened from the moment I woke up in the hospital. If my reactions to Alice today were anything to go by, holding it in certainly hadn't been the healthiest thing for me. But talking about it meant thinking about it, and it still hurt so much to relive those moments. The memories caused me to feel like I couldn't breathe and I truly feared I'd never breathe easily ever again.

I tossed and turned painfully, willing my brain to turn off for the night so I could fall asleep and escape from all of my emotions for a little while. I kept hoping that the pain medication would kick in and help pull me under, but it wasn't working. I couldn't shut my mind off from replaying _the accident_ and everything that happened afterwards over and over in my head.

* * *

_I think I hear Charlie's voice. It sounds like he's talking to me from the far end of a tunnel; I can hear the sound of his voice, but can't make out the words. It feels like he's holding my hand. I try to open my eyes again, but there's just too much pain. I just want to die._

_My eyes flutter open. I feel like they're being dragged down by bricks and it takes me a minute to fully open them and focus on what's around me. It looks like a hospital room. It smells like a hospital. There's a painting on the wall, next to a small screen TV. I can hear the beeping of the heart monitor._

_Charlie is sitting next to me in a cold, hard chair. He looks like he hasn't shaved in a week, and his hair is disheveled, as if he has done nothing but run his hands through it or pull on it._

_The room is chilly and I shiver under the blankets, staring at my father. I'm trying to put the pieces together; trying to remember where I was and how Charlie and I had gotten here. My throat is dry, and I can see a plastic jug sitting on the tray to the left of the bed. I reach for it, without thinking, and the pain of just moving my body makes me gasp out loud._

_Charlie's hand flinches in mine and I hear him murmur, "Bella..." as he comes up out of his slumber. Once he realizes I'm awake, he stands up and bellows for a nurse, which causes the ache in my head to intensify._

_"Bells, are you okay? Honey, can you talk to me? Are you alright?" He doesn't pause long enough for me to give him an answer._

_A nurse walks in and smiles when she sees my eyes open. "Hello, Bella. I'm so glad to see that you're awake. You've had all of us very worried." She smiles gently and starts taking my pulse before moving on to check my other vital signs._

_I ignore her because I can only stare at my father, who is standing as close to the bed as he possibly can. There are tears streaming down his face, and they're the only things that stop me from voicing my questions, my worries and my fears. If Charlie is crying, things are bad _–_ very bad._

_I can hear the monitor behind my head beeping crazily; my heart rate has skyrocketed. The nurse calls for a doctor and he rushes in to give me something to calm me down._

_An hour later, I am as calm as I'm going to be. I can see Charlie speaking quietly to a doctor just outside the door to my room. They're whispering and the doctor has one hand on Charlie's shoulder. His head is hanging down and his eyes are on the floor. I can barely see the doctor squeeze Charlie's shoulder and Charlie looks up to give him a small nod. The doctor leaves and Charlie turns to come back into my room. He takes a deep breath as he looks at me and I know something bad is coming. I still can't remember what happened to cause me to be in the hospital, but I know instinctively that it's something I don't want to hear._

_Charlie sits on the side of my bed, trying not to crowd me. He reaches for my hand, and I want to pull it out of his grasp, but I know I'll need this connection. I know _he_ needs this connection._

_"Bells, honey, I have something I need to tell you. I need you to be calm, okay?" He waits for my answer, and I give him a short nod, just wanting him to get it over with. Pull it off quick, like a Band-Aid, rather than prolonging the pain._

_"Honey, what's the last thing you remember?"_

_I shake my head, partly as an answer to him and partly trying to clear my fogged brain. Charlie gives me a minute and something finally clicks._

_**It's dark, but the sky is clear. Phil is asleep in the back seat, snoring just loud enough that I can hear him over the radio. Mom is asleep next to me in the front seat. I reach down to turn up the radio or change the station, but something causes me to look up and I see a car bearing down on us. I draw in a breath to scream. Then there is nothing but a dark, wet, heavy cloak of nothingness.**_

_**I try to open my eyes, but I can't. I hear voices, just under the sound of sirens.**_

**"**_**Shit, I think a rib may have punctured a lung. Goddamn, she's a fucking mess."**_

**"**_**She's got a broken hip, I think...Damn, I can't see! Bring me a flashlight!"**_

**"**_**She's bleeding internally. We got to get her the hell out of here."**_

_**I'm in an excruciating amount of pain. I can't seem to open my eyes or scream from the agony. Thankfully, I'm dragged down into nothingness again.**_

_"There was an acci..." I trail off, already knowing where this conversation is about to go. I shake my aching head vigorously, wanting to stop Charlie from saying something I desperately do not want to hear._

_"Bells, another driver hit the car head on. Phil...and...your mom..." I can see Charlie's Adam's apple bobbing up and down and there are tears in his eyes. I'm tugging, trying to pull my hand from his, but he's holding tight. "Honey, they were killed instantly."_

_All the air has been taken from the room, and I can't catch my breath. I hear these vague mewling sounds and a detached part of my brain is wondering where they're coming from. It's not long before I realize the sounds are coming from me. Charlie pulls me into his arms, gently, where I sob. A nurse comes to give me something to help me sleep, and Charlie holds me until I succumb._

_I sleep, fitfully, until the next morning. Charlie has not left my side all night._

_The nurse has kindly brought Charlie a cup of coffee, and as she's leaving, the doctor arrives to talk to me. "Ms. Swan, I'm Dr. Philips. I'm very sorry for your loss." I just stare at him. He clears his throat and gets down to business._

_"You've been in a coma for the last two weeks." My eyes fly to Charlie, who just holds my hand, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles._

_The doctor continues, "Until we run some tests, we won't be sure if the accident or the coma have had any effect on your brain. At best, you can expect to suffer from chronic headaches. At worst, there could be memory loss or changes to your personality." I feel like I'm going to be sick._

_Dr. Philips is kind, but matter of fact. "When you came in, Ms. Swan, you were suffering from a number of internal and external injuries. You have a broken hip and broken ribs. One of your ribs punctured your lung. Your liver had also been lacerated and the surgeons had to make quick work of it to save your life." The doctor clears his throat again and then says, "The bottom half of your body was a mess. You were hemorrhaging badly, but we managed to get the bleeding under control." I think he has something more to add, but after a quick glance at Charlie, he just clears his throat._

_Dr. Philips goes on to explain that I will need weeks, if not months, of physical therapy to completely regain movement and flexibility in my body. He also suggests meeting with the hospital's psychologist to talk about the emotional and mental impact of the accident._

_He clears his throat again and I want to offer him a glass of water, but I don't have the energy or the strength. "I have talked this over with your father, and if you're agreeable, when you're further along in your recovery, we would like to move you to the Mayo Clinic here in Jacksonville. You would stay there until you regain normal movement in your body and can function on your own without assistance."_

_I stop listening. My head is pounding and I cannot begin to process the information he has just given me on top of my grief for my mother and Phil. With a gentle pat on my hand, he leaves me alone with Charlie._

_The next day, Jake arrives, and Charlie takes the opportunity to go shower and sleep for a few hours. Jake fills me in on things that Charlie can't, or won't, tell me about what has happened since the accident and while I was in the coma._

_As soon as they found my cell phone in my purse, Charlie had been contacted. He'd called Jake during his mad dash to the airport to tell him what had happened. Jacob had wanted to come to Jacksonville with him, but Billy was incredibly ill and wasn't expected to live much longer; Jake just couldn't leave him. Charlie had to make the trip alone, and promised Jake that he would call whenever he could._

_Charlie had gotten to Jacksonville about five hours after the accident occurred. Alice arrived only an hour later. Neither Charlie nor Alice left my side except to shower and change clothes once a day; the hospital helped them find a hotel not too far away, so they had a place to stay, but they rarely used it. Alice had stayed for a week, but not knowing how long I was going to be in the coma, Charlie convinced her to leave and return to New York. She only agreed when he promised that he would call as soon as I woke up. My best friend was in a spitting rage when it turned out she had to travel to Paris for a business meeting and missed my waking up._

_"Charlie was your constant companion while you were unconscious, Bells; he talked to you everyday, especially once the nurses told him it was possible you could hear him." Jake is sitting in the chair next to my bed, rubbing my knee in soothing patterns. "He called me at least twice a day, and a few times, he even held the phone up to your ear so I could talk to you, too. He said that maybe if we talked to you enough, you'd wake up to tell us to shut up." We give each other weak smiles and somewhere deep inside, I'm happy Jake is here when I need him most. But happiness cannot compete with devastation, agony and grief. It's better to remain numb._

_Jacob stays only for the night; he returns to La Push when Leah calls to tell him that Billy has taken a turn for the worse. Two days later, Billy dies. Charlie and I miss his funeral._

_In the days that follow, Charlie and I talk very little. It is enough to sit there and watch TV and hold his hand. The silence isn't uncomfortable in the least. I think it is just too painful to voice what we're both feeling; the emotions will bury us under their weight. He holds me when I cry and is constantly asking if there is anything he can do for me. Nothing is scarier than seeing my father helpless. I have always looked to him as the tough guy, the hero who always had the right answer. Even before I lived with him full time, I had this image of him as a rock _–_ no one could be steadier or more solid than Charlie. Seeing him after my accident and mom's death has changed that. Something inside of him has broken and he is trying to put it back together by helping me. He called my best friends and they circled the wagons to assist him and me. He also called my boyfriend, Joe, but that hasn't turned out nearly as well as he has expected._

_As Joe walks into my hospital room, I know immediately that something is wrong. He refuses to meet my eyes, and while he seems somewhat concerned for my condition and prognosis, he won't talk to anyone but Charlie or the doctors about it. In fact, he won't talk to me at all. He has made it very obvious that he does not want to be alone with me, making up excuses to leave the room when it appears that's exactly what will happen. The inevitable is staring me in the face, but I'm too overwhelmed with everything else to recognize it for what it is._

_It's easy to tell that Charlie is less than pleased with how Joe is acting, but Charlie disapproves silently rather than venting his anger verbally. I'm thankful for that, fairly sure I won't be able to handle the emotional stress of my father and boyfriend in a screaming match. I'm barely able to handle the tension between Joe and I on top of everything else I'm dealing with. I'm hanging by an extremely thin thread._

_Physically, my body feels like it has been ripped apart from the inside out; like someone has taken me and run me over, boiled me in oil and then left me on the side of the road, naked on a sunny day in the desert. Emotionally, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that my beautiful, vibrant mother is dead. Anytime I try to think about it, it makes my physical pain seem like absolutely nothing. And the guilt...the guilt is ripping me apart. I'd survived and she hadn't. It doesn't seem fair that my mother, who was so full of life, has been taken away and I've been left here instead._

_Joe has been at the hospital for two days before he finally speaks to me._

_It happens after breakfast; Charlie has been here since visiting hours began, with Joe sauntering in about an hour later. The minute Joe walks in the room, Charlie jumps up from the chair next to my bed and announces he is going to get some coffee. Before Joe can open his mouth, Charlie is out the door, deliberately leaving us alone._

_Joe stands silently at the end of my hospital bed, looking all over my room before finally making eye contact with me. His face is full of indifference and I mentally steel myself for whatever is coming. When he doesn't say anything after a few minutes, I open my mouth to ask him to leave. He cuts me off before I'm able to say anything._

_"Bella, I can't do this anymore." Joe runs a hand over his face and looks at the floor._

_"I didn't come here intending to break up with you, but I can't let this go on any longer. You and I... well, we haven't been working for a while, and I just don't have the energy to pretend anymore. While you were gone, I realized that you just don't fit in my life the way I thought you did. I was going to tell you when you came home, but with the accident... When Charlie told me the extent of your injuries _–_ I feel horrible saying this _–_ but I can't be there to help you through your rehabilitation. God, I'm sorry. But I've come to realize that I don't even want to try to make this work; I just don't have it in me. I'm sorry."_

_He glances at me once before he turns and walks out the door and out of my life. I am humiliated and in shock._

_**What the hell just happened? Was I really just dumped while lying in a hospital bed? Seriously? **_

_The questions are running through my mind and the tears stream down my face. I don't bother to hide them from Charlie when he returns to the room, looking around for Joe and staring at my tear-streaked face. When I can find my voice, I just tell him that Joe decided that we should break up and he had left. Charlie is speechless; he looks a bit like a fish with the way he keeps opening and closing his mouth. It would've been amusing if I weren't so stunned and hurt. The man I love just broke up with me while I'm recovering from a serious accident and lay broken in a hospital bed. My mother is dead, I'm grieving and he's got the nerve to walk in here and say he can't do this anymore? Are you kidding me?_

_Charlie and I sit in silence for a while, and every once in a while I hear a muttered curse or insult directed toward Joe, but I choose to ignore it. I go back to feeling numb again, as it seems to be the only way to keep the crushing pain from cutting off my airway._

* * *

_And here I am._

My hip protested as I rolled over onto my back, staring up at my ceiling in the dark. I took a deep breath and ran my hands over my face, scrubbing the tears from where they had fallen.

How much could one person be expected to take?

I wondered, not for the first time, if it would have been better if I had succumbed to my injuries and died with my mother and Phil. The tears began again and I knew I was in the darkest place I could possibly be, wondering if I really had it in me to take one more breath, to live for one more day.

* * *

**A/N:**

Would love to hear your thoughts about Joe...he's just awesome, isn't he?

I'm on Twitter and sometimes give out updates and teasers -** Scorp_112**

Thank you so much for reading!


	5. Highs and Lows

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

Thank you as always to PTB!

There are no words to describe how thankful I am for my betas,** AddictedtoEdward** and **Ms. Ambrosia**. A2Ed alone read this chapter three times and they both made great suggestions. Ladies, thank you for all your help!

* * *

EPOV

_If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it. If you liked it you shoulda -_

I slammed my hand down on top of my alarm clock. Fucking Emmett and his fucking pranks. My moronic brother changed my radio station _again_. He knows how much I hate Top 40. Give me Eric Clapton and Van Morrison over Beyonce and Britney any day.

I stood up, scratching my stomach and yawning. The six hours of sleep I'd gotten in my own bed was basically a miracle, but I could've used about twelve more. I still felt tired and grumpy and in no mood to get up and face the day. I wasn't one to pull the covers up over my head, but today that was all I wanted to do.

Emmett was in the kitchen when I stumbled in. He handed me a mug of coffee and leaned back against the counter, arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Little brother, you look like shit."

I glared at him over the top of my mug. "Thanks."

"Seriously, dude, you look like you got hit by a bus. What the hell is going on with you?"

I turned my back on him, walking over to the refrigerator. I grabbed a pizza box from the bottom shelf and brought it over to the counter. Coffee and pizza - the breakfast of champions.

"Hello?" He waved a hand in front of my face. I ignored it, taking a bite of pizza.

"I'm talking to you here. Are you going to answer me? What the fuck is up with you?"

Emmett wasn't known for his patience and it clearly showed as I continued to ignore him.

I shrugged, continuing to eat. Emmett just crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

"It's been a long week, Em, and I'm tired. Cut me some slack, okay?"

I sipped my coffee, burning my tongue. I glanced over at my big brother. He was eyeing me doubtfully and it wasn't hard to tell that he had no intention of accepting my answer and moving on. He opened his mouth to say something, but I just dropped my pizza crust into the garbage and left the kitchen.

"Need to shower. Have to be back at the hospital in an hour," I called to him over my shoulder.

I heard a mumbled "shit" behind me, but I ignored it and kept walking. We both knew what the problem was, and apparently he was ready to talk about it. Me? Not so much.

By the time I left for work, Emmett was gone. I had no idea if he'd gone to work or somewhere else; our shifts were so different and changed so often that it was hard to keep track of who was working nights, days, or overtime. Our schedules had made avoiding each other for the last few weeks very easy.

It was a typical gloomy day in Seattle, but for once it wasn't raining. As I drove my Volvo toward the hospital's parking garage, I was still feeling depressed. I couldn't help but wonder if my crappy mood had something to do with the gray skies. There was no apparent reason for why I felt so down. This couldn't be blamed on a lack of sleep; I'd survived on less than six hours for years now, and usually did so in a much better mood.

Hell, if I was honest, I'd felt moody for at least the last month.

I slammed the door of the Volvo and made my way into the hospital, thinking about my uncharacteristic depression. There was no reason to complain, to be depressed, or to be out of sorts about anything. I was finishing up my residency at one of the best teaching hospitals in the country. My parents were proud of me and extremely happy with the fact that I was following in my father's footsteps. I loved everything about being a surgeon and was looking forward to the day – which was to be very soon – I would be an attending rather than a resident. My brother, who also happened to be one of my best friends, and I were sharing a beautiful penthouse condo located just minutes from my job. I had a beautiful girlfriend and things were progressing well between us. My parents lived a little over three hours away, which was close enough to visit when the mood struck, but far enough away that I still felt like I could have my own life.

_So, what the hell is your problem, Cullen?_

The hospital was busy as usual when I walked in and made my way to the elevator that would take me to the surgical wing. I gave half-hearted hellos to some of my co-workers as they rushed past me to their patients. The elevator was crowded and I wished that, for once, I could have just a few minutes to myself.

My wish was granted when I got to the doctors' lounge and it was empty. After I put my coat and car keys in my locker, I sat down on the wooden bench and sighed. With my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands, I imagined that if someone was looking at me they would have no problem telling just how fucking depressed I was. I couldn't go and face my colleagues and patients like this. Maybe I should've just called in sick.

Standing up, I took a deep breath. I was here, and there were people counting on me. Maybe if I focused on other people for a while, I would slip out of this depression. One of my fellow residents, Rafael, entered the lounge and I gave him a smile as I left. Operation "Cheer Up" was now in effect.

"Cullen."

I heard my name as I made my way from the lounge toward the nurses' desk that held the medical charts and our assignments for the day. I had a few patients from the day before that I needed to check on, and I wanted to find out who had been assigned to them overnight in case something had changed in their conditions.

"Dr. Bradley, good morning."

I stopped and looked at my chief resident as she marched toward me purposefully. Dr. Bradley was four feet, eleven inches of no nonsense. She was as tall as she was wide and at first glance, most people would consider her sweet and cuddly. She shattered that illusion quickly.

"Did you get some rest last night, Cullen?" she asked, leaning over the nurses' desk and pulling out a chart.

"Y-yes, Dr. Bradley, I did. Were you able to get to Josh's piano recital on time?"

Dr. Bradley made me quake every time she was within twenty feet of me. She was a brilliant but tough doctor and even while she made me nervous, I greatly admired her.

"I did, and he did an excellent job on his solo. We both thank you for your help."

When Dr. Bradley had found out I minored in classical piano in college, she had asked me to help Josh, who was practicing for an upcoming recital and having some trouble. Over the last few weeks, I'd spent a little bit of the free time I had giving him tips and acting as his mentor. It had been nice to spend some time playing the piano again, and I'd enjoyed helping Josh. His recital had been the night before, but I'd been scheduled to work and hadn't been able to make it.

"It was my pleasure. Please give him my congratulations."

Dr. Bradley's smile faded as she handed me the chart she had pulled. "Okay, Cullen, let's go. You've got a long day ahead of you."

"Yes, ma'am. I have some patients – "

She cut me off as she turned on her heel and motioned me to follow her. "Your patients are being looked at by Dr. Owens this morning, Cullen. The Chief of Surgery has asked specifically for you."

I stopped dead in the middle of the hallway, causing the nurse walking behind us to slam into my back. I hurriedly apologized to her, which she waved off with a flick of her hand. Dr. Bradley stopped and glared at me over her shoulder. I hastily started walking again.

"The Chief, Dr. Bradley?"

She was still marching ahead of me and I was having a hard time keeping up with her. Who knew someone so small could move so fast? I should have known better, though. My sister, Alice, barely reached my shoulder and could move like a bullet when she wanted to.

"Yes, Cullen, the Chief. He has a surgery scheduled for today and he specifically asked that you scrub in and assist with it."

_Well, shut the fuck up! _A grin spread across my face and it took all my composure not to pump my fist in the air. "That's ... great."

She kept walking but looked over her shoulder at me and gave me a smirk. There wasn't much that got past Dr. Bradley and she knew I was thrilled.

Dr. Bradley spent the rest of the way to the O.R. filling me in on the Chief's patient and the procedure we would be performing that day. She suggested I look over the chart and familiarize myself with it, pointing out the Chief would quiz me on everything before he even allowed me into the operating room. Dr. Bradley left me in the prep room, where I could study while waiting for the Chief.

Six hours later, we were done and the surgery had been a success. I'd worked hand-in-hand with the Chief to repair the patient's heart, and that definitely helped turn my mood around from where it had been that morning. The Chief was one of the best teachers we had at the hospital, and it was always a privilege to work with him to save someone's life. I was exhausted from standing on my feet for six hours and from the concentration needed to perform the delicate surgery correctly, but I was also walking on cloud nine. My depressed mood from this morning had been lifted.

As I left the O.R. and moved into the dressing room to change, I pulled the surgical cap from my head, lost in my own thoughts, barely looking at anything but the floor under my feet. I could feel the corners of my mouth turn up in a grin.

"Well, hello, Dr. Cullen." I was so engrossed in my own head that hearing the sultry voice startled me and I was jolted into looking up from the floor. When she noticed my reaction, she gave a throaty laugh.

Standing in front of me was my own personal super model. She was five feet and eight inches of pure sex. Tanya Jackson had long, curly, strawberry blonde hair, sky blue eyes, and lush lips that made Angelina Jolie's look thin. Her legs were long and went on for miles, and she had curves in all the right places. We had met here at the hospital when our residencies began five years ago, but had just started dating in the last six months.

"I heard you had a very successful surgery today." She moved toward me with feline grace and ran one of her long, graceful fingers down my scrub-covered chest. Damn, this woman could make me hard with one look.

"Yes, it went very well." My words and tone did not match the grin that was on my face, but they didn't have to. Tanya knew how much it meant to get called into a surgery with the Chief.

"I'm glad to hear it." Tanya's smile was seductive and her hand continued to trail a path down my chest toward the waistband of my pants. "Do you need help getting cleaned up?"

I caught her hand before it could go much further and leaned in to nip at her bottom lip. "Thanks, but I'm good. Maybe later?" As much as my body was aching to take her right there, having sex in the surgical dressing room would probably not be one of our better ideas.

Her bottom lip popped out and she looked at me through lowered lashes. Tanya was _very _used to getting her way, but I had been on the receiving end of this look too often in the last six months for it to have much of an effect on me anymore.

"Sorry, hon, I'm beat and I really just want to get showered and changed," I said quietly, moving in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek.

My body was exhausted, even though parts of it were itching to take Tanya up on her offer. She seemed to have a thing for wanting to have sex in public, especially when we were at the hospital. At first, it was a bit of a thrill to sneak off to a closet for a quickie, but lately, it was beginning to get on my nerves how much she wanted to jump me while we were at work. I was trying to make a decent impression on the attending physicians and the Chief. Now that I was coming to the end of my residency, it was more important than ever to make sure I wasn't making any waves that could jeopardize getting a permanent position at Harborview. I was actually a little surprised Tanya was willing to risk it herself.

Tanya continued to pout, but I just gave her a small wink as I turned to make my way to the showers.

"I'll meet you in the lounge in fifteen minutes."

Twenty minutes later, I was in the doctors' lounge and Tanya was nowhere to be found. She was probably pissed that I turned down her offer for shower sex and annoyed that I was late meeting her. It was also possible that she was irate that I dismissed her to the lounge to wait for me. Tanya was not the type of woman to wait anywhere, or for anyone. I sighed, knowing she was going to make me pay for this next time I saw her.

I'd left my cell phone in my locker, so I checked it to see if anyone had called while I'd been in surgery. I had one missed call and a voicemail from Emmett.

"Little brother, when you get done saving lives, give me a call. Rosie and I are going to dinner tonight and I'm inviting your depressed ass. Call me."

I shook my head at his message and grinned. I'd go to dinner with him and Rosalie, but my depressed ass would not be attending. My mood had changed dramatically since getting assigned a surgery with the Chief.

Emmett picked up on the third ring. "Fuckface, you in for dinner?"

"Just tell me when and where and I'll be there."

I could sense Emmett's surprised pause on the other end of the phone; he hadn't expected me to agree. This wasn't surprising, considering how tense things had been between us lately, but if he was ready to let it go and move on, so was I.

"Ooba's in Bellevue around seven. I have to pick Rose up at her office, so we'll just go right there unless you want me to swing by the condo and pick you up."

"Nah, I'll meet you guys there. I'm going to invite Tanya, okay?"

I was greeted by a deafening silence from the other end of the phone. "Emmett?"

I heard a loud sigh and then, "Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Jesus, Emmett, could you be more gracious in your invitation?"

More silence.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, we'll see you there at seven."

I heard "Peace and chicken grease" followed by a click.

I sighed and sat down on the bench in front of my locker. There was definitely no love lost between Emmett and Tanya. Even after Tanya and I started dating, Emmett continued to introduce me to women he thought I might be interested in. I was polite, but never went out with any of them. The last time he ambushed me with a "date," I didn't talk to him for a week. He'd finally gotten the point that I wasn't interested in dating anyone but Tanya. He had never said why, but I could tell he wasn't happy about my choice.

Emmett had always been cold but civil to Tanya whenever she was around, so I hadn't ever had to call him out on his apparent dislike of her.

Things changed a month ago though, when I finally confronted him after we all had dinner together one night. Rose had been polite, if a bit bitchy, but that was Rosalie, so I didn't necessarily think it was directed toward Tanya personally. Emmett, on the other hand, had been an absolute bastard the entire night.

After dinner, Emmett had taken Rose home, and I dropped Tanya off at her place since we both had an early shift the next morning. Emmett made it back to the condo before I did and had been lounged on our black leather couch, flipping through television stations. I slammed the front door and glared at him. His eyes were trained on the flat screen in front of him, barely sparing me a glance as I stormed in. I'd been livid.

"Do you mind telling me what the hell your problem is?" I stood next to the couch, waiting for him to answer me.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He'd been calm as he answered me, still refusing to take his eyes off the television.

"I'm talking about the way you treated Tanya at dinner tonight. You were a complete fuck!"

He just shrugged, and I growled. He continued to ignore me and when I'd finally had enough, I grabbed the remote from his hand, turning off the TV.

"HEY!" Emmett had jumped off the couch and stood glaring at me.

"I want to know why you acted like a complete ass tonight and treated my girlfriend like shit. You really hurt her feelings. What the hell is your problem?"

Emmett hadn't really hurt Tanya's feelings; it would take a hell of a lot more than Emmett being a bastard to do so. She wasn't exactly the warm, sensitive type and most things bounced right off her. Still, it hadn't excused my brother for his behavior at dinner.

Emmett's right hand was pounding against his thigh, a sure sign he had something on his mind. I waited for an answer; silence did not make me uncomfortable in the least.

It had been like an explosion when he finally answered me.

"Dude, she's not for you! She's loud, brash, and the most self-centered person I've ever met in my life! She makes Rose look like a fucking choirgirl! She was practically giving you a hand job at the table, despite the fact that you were doing your best to tell her to knock it the fuck off without embarrassing her, which is a hell of a lot more than she deserved. She was rude and short to the wait staff and she talked about nothing but her bitchy-ass self for most of the night. She cut you off a million times when you were talking! When she wasn't ignoring you, she was treating you like a five-year-old! She's a bitch and you deserve better."

Emmett was breathing hard by the time he finished.

_Well, shit. I'm so glad he held back. Fuck._

I felt my jaw tense and my fists clench. Before I could have done something I regretted, I turned and walked to my room, slamming the door behind me.

As I'd lain in bed that night after our fight, I realized that what Emmett had said about Tanya had bothered me, and it wasn't because he was wrong. When I had calmed down and really thought about his outburst, I knew he was absolutely right. Tanya _was_ a bitch. She was rude, crude, and incredibly self-centered.

And ... I absolutely didn't care.

We had rocking sex. She was a brilliant surgeon, and she pushed me to be a better doctor. We both worked insane hours, so I didn't have to worry about being with someone who couldn't understand the demands my work had on my schedule. Despite what my brother thought, I could ignore what bothered me about Tanya and easily focus on what I did like about her.

Emmett and I hadn't spoken about our fight since it'd happened.

* * *

At seven o'clock, I was sitting inside Ooba's by myself, waiting for Emmett and Rosalie to show up. Tanya had ungraciously declined, claiming that she had plans with her sisters. It may have been true, but I had a feeling her refusal had more to do with getting back at me for leaving her waiting earlier. At least now I could enjoy dinner, rather than worrying how she would piss Emmett off and how he would react.

I glanced up from my menu for the fourth time when I was finally rewarded with seeing my brother and his girlfriend moving toward our table. Emmett had his arm around Rosalie's waist with a huge shit-eating grin on his face. Rose was gliding next to him with a small smirk on hers. I was puzzled, wondering why the hell they were smiling.

It wasn't until they drew abreast of the table that I saw what caused their happiness. Alice peeked out around Emmett's right side and squealed when she saw me. I jumped up to hug my baby sister, grabbing her into my arms before she cleared Emmett and Rose's backs.

"Edward! I need to breathe!" She gasped as I hugged her tight. I might not have always told her, or even acted like it, but I adored my little sister. I was shocked, but thrilled that she was here in Seattle.

We settled down to the table with Alice on my right, Emmett across from Alice, and Rose directly across from me. We took a few minutes to peruse the menus and order before launching into the whys and wherefores of Alice's visit.

"So, Baby Girl, what are you doing on our side of the world?" Emmett's booming voice echoed through the restaurant and Rose smacked his right arm as a reminder to not let his excitement be known to everyone in the greater Seattle area.

"Bella's home."

I jerked, surprised by Alice's answer. I shouldn't have been; Alice and Bella had been best friends since high school. I'd heard about Bella's accident from my mother and knew that my sister had been by her side within hours of it happening, so it shouldn't have been a surprise that if Bella were back in Washington, Alice would be too.

I tried to convince myself that the shock I felt was the remains of seeing Alice so unexpectedly and not from hearing Bella's name.

It didn't work.

Alice explained to us the story behind Bella's accident and her recovery. I only heard every third sentence, as my mind was pulled back to ten years earlier, when I had first met Bella Swan.

It had been the summer after my junior year of college, and I'd only been back in Forks for a few days. I'd been spending most of my time sleeping and settling into the routine of living at home again. On this particular day, it was past noon by the time I dragged myself out of bed and headed downstairs to see what my family was up to. Emmett had elected to spend the summer after his graduation from college with our aunt and uncle in Alaska, and it was boring as hell without him here. I was happy to see Alice and my parents, but was already ready to go back to Dartmouth. Maybe Alice could be convinced to head down to the beach in La Push and hang out with me for the afternoon.

I'd made my way into the kitchen and stopped short when I saw Alice sitting at our extra large kitchen table with a girl I'd never seen before. She had chestnut-colored hair, and it hung just past her shoulders in smooth waves. There seemed to be a light surrounding her, almost seemingly from the inside out. Her cheeks had a pink tinge to them and her head was thrown back, laughing at something Alice had said, exposing the line of her throat. I felt my mouth dry up and my stomach clench. Damn, she was beautiful.

I'd wondered if I could sneak back out of the kitchen to go grab a shower before having to officially meet Alice's friend, then Alice glanced over to see me standing in the doorway, giving me a grin.

_Too late._

"Bella, the monster standing in the doorway is my brother, Edward. Edward, this is my friend, Bella."

Bella turned to look at me, giving me a small smile before she bit her down on her bottom lip. Her cheeks were a brilliant pink and I swallowed hard, trying to find my voice.

"He-hello, Bella," I stammered; my voice was squeaky and I cursed to myself for sounding like a twelve-year-old boy.

I cleared my throat, and I felt my palms get sweaty. I hadn't been this nervous since I'd asked Jane Mays to our senior prom. I'd tried to nonchalantly wipe my hands on my pajama pants, but Alice had noticed and gave another giggle.

"Hi," she said quietly, looking down at the table in front of her.

It had been almost involuntary, how my feet had begun to move across the tiles of the floor. Something had been drawing me to her and I wanted to get closer, to smell and see her better. The dark blue shirt she'd been wearing brought out the color of her milky white skin, her shorts gave me a great view of her legs and I could just see a hint of pink on her toes.

_God, I love summer._

I wondered how I could convince Alice to spend the day with me so I could stare at – and hopefully get to know – Bella, when my mother came storming in the front door, out for blood.

"Edward Anthony Cullen! It's about time you got out of bed. Come with me, now!"

_Shit, what the hell could I have done? I've been asleep for the last nine hours._

Alice gave a tinkling laugh and I could see Bella trying to hide her smile. I ran a nervous hand through my hair and waved goodbye as I followed my mother. I heard Alice and Bella giggle as I left the room.

I hadn't gotten the chance to know Bella better that summer, or at any point thereafter. She'd left for Jacksonville a few days later to spend some time with her mother and stepfather and by the time she returned, I'd gone to Alaska to join Emmett at our aunt and uncle's. From Alaska, I went right back to college.

Even ten years later, our first meeting had stuck in my head. There had been just something about her...

Hearing her name now, as Alice talked about her recovery and her move back to Forks, I could only think of that meeting and how beautiful I'd found her. I couldn't help but wonder if the accident had changed the light I had seen in her, if she was still as beautiful as I had found her that first day.

"Edward! Earth to Eddie!" Emmett crowed across the table and I threw myself back in the present, cringing at the nickname Emmett called me.

"Did you need something, Emmy?"

Emmett's face got red and Rosalie let out a chuckle.

Alice smiled and patted Emmett's hand. "Em, he hates it when you call him Eddie. You knew he was probably going to pull the Emmy card."

Emmett scowled, but didn't reply.

Our food arrived and silence fell around the table; the only sounds were the scraping of forks across plates and few murmurs about how delicious everything was. After a few minutes, I noticed that Alice had stopped eating her fajita, put down her fork, and was just sitting there, staring at the three of us.

"Ali, is everything okay, honey?" I asked gently, putting down my own fork and taking her hand.

She nodded and smiled. "I was just thinking."

"Do you mind if I ask about what?"

She sighed and played a little with her fork before speaking in a rushed voice. "Well, I've only told Bella yesterday afternoon, and I called Jake on the way here and they both think it's a great idea. It's going to be a huge life change and there's a lot to think about before I actually do it. But Bella and Jake love the fact that I'm even thinking about it and I know Mom is going to have an absolute freak attack, and Dad will probably be thrilled –"

Emmett reached over and patted Alice's other hand. "Baby Girl, slow down and tell us what everyone is going to be so excited about."

Alice took a shaky breath and a sip of water. "I'm thinking of moving back to Washington and opening my own boutique here in Seattle." She looked at us warily, gauging our reactions.

Emmett and I looked at each other and then back at Alice, huge grins splitting our faces.

"Baby Girl back on our side of the country? That would be fan-fucking-tastic!" Emmett jumped across the table and lifted Alice up into a crushing hug while the people next to us laughed at his exuberance.

"Put the poor girl down, Em! She can't breathe!" Rosalie was smiling and shaking her head as Alice's face turned red from lack of oxygen. Emmett dropped her gently back into her chair and she tried to get her breath back. She looked at me and I nodded.

"I would love to have you nearby. The Cullen kids living in the same town? Seattle will never be the same."

Everyone laughed and we continued to chat over our meals, talking to Alice about the logistics of quitting her job, moving cross-country, and starting her own business. My sister had obviously thought about this a great deal, and Bella's name came up often as she spoke about her plans. It became apparent that Bella's accident had caused my sister to re-think the future she had once been so sure about.

We stayed at the restaurant for another hour, talking, making plans, and reminiscing about old times. It was fun to explain to Rosalie some of the pranks Emmett and I had pulled on Alice when we were younger, and Alice's successful attempts at revenge. We were still laughing as we walked out to the parking lot to our cars.

Emmett was going to stay at Rose's that night, and Alice was staying with me at the penthouse. The girls made plans for the following day to go shopping and to check out possible storefronts, although Alice made it clear that it was just looking at this point.

"Do you think Bella might want to join us?" Rosalie asked as she opened the passenger-side door to Emmett's Jeep.

Alice shook her head. "I don't think so. The trip from here to Forks was pretty hard on her the other day. Jake and I both saw her yesterday after Charlie brought her home, and she was okay, but not great. I got her to take a walk to the park, but when I stopped by this morning, she was in rough shape. She was pretty quiet and I'm fairly sure she was trying to pretend she wasn't in as much pain as she really was. I think shopping might be a bit much for her right now."

I felt my stomach drop. I had the urge to drop everything and go to Forks and check on her.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

"What happened to Tanya?"

I jumped at Emmett's question. He had opened the door to his Jeep, but hadn't gotten inside, stopping to listen to the girls' conversation like I had. I looked at him, wondering if there was a hidden meaning behind his question, but his face and tone were void of anything other than indifference.

"She had plans with her sisters already," I answered cautiously. We had a good night and the tension between us had been non-existent at dinner. I had no intention of doing anything to bring it back, so I left my answer at that.

Emmett nodded once and then slapped the top of the Jeep. "Ladies, I hate to break this up, but I have to testify in court tomorrow, so we need to get this show on the road."

The girls hugged goodbye. I walked Alice to her rental, which wasn't parked far from the Volvo. She didn't know Seattle very well, so I told her to follow me closely as we made our way back to the condo. She rolled her eyes but didn't say anything.

There was no traffic, thanks to the late hour, and we were at the condo within fifteen minutes. I took Alice's bag inside and we chatted quietly on the elevator up to the penthouse.

"Damn, boys." She whistled when she walked in. Emmett and I had moved here four months before, thanks to the money from our trust funds that had been left to us from our maternal grandparents. We had been drawing on the interest since we were twenty-five but got access to the principal when we'd turned thirty. The minute I got my share, we'd started looking for new places to live so I could be closer to the hospital. It helped for the nights I was on-call and made it possible for me to actually come home to sleep rather than sacking out in the lounge; there was just no way to beat a two-minute commute. Emmett didn't care where we lived, and although we both could afford to live alone, we liked the company we got out of living together.

Luck had been on our side when the penthouse condo in The Gainsborough opened up. It offered us amazing views of Puget Sound and the Seattle skyline. My favorite part of the condo was the roof top garden – it was a great place to go decompress and think. I couldn't be happier with how everything had worked out. Emmett and I had fought over who got the master suite with a game of _Halo_ and I'd won. I still couldn't tell if he was more upset about losing the game or the suite.

I settled Alice into Emmett's room before heading through the condo to make sure the lights were off and the door was locked. I thought back to what we had been discussing at dinner and I found my thoughts drifting again to Bella. I was having a hard time wrapping my head around my reaction to Alice telling us she was having a bad day. I wondered if she was taking care of herself and if she would recover better being back among friends and family.

A knock at the front door brought me quickly out of my thoughts, and I crossed the living room to open it. Tanya was standing on the other side, wearing a long, black trench coat, red stilettos and a big grin.

"I was waiting for you, lover. Thought you might be up for that shower now," she said seductively, moving her hands to untie the belt at her waist. She was wearing black stockings held up by a black garter belt and a red and black corset that barely held up her ample breasts. I swallowed hard.

"Why don't you come in?" I pulled her across the threshold and into my arms, scattering the thoughts of Bella right out of my mind.


	6. Seattle

**Thanks to PTB and my Twilighted validation beta, neveryoumind!**

**AddictedtoEdward and Ms. Ambrosia are the BEST. BETAS. EVER. They seriously keep me on track when I'm headed off to parts unknown. My thanks forever for the two of them. **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

* * *

Three Months Later - BPOV

"Jake!"

Silence.

"Jacob!"

"What. Do. You. Want. Now?" I heard him yell from the other room, breathing heavily.

"Did you see the box labeled 'Bella's Room'?"

The one I was looking for had my sheets in it and I wanted to make my bed. Since Jake had carried most of the boxes into my room, I figured he would probably know best where that particular box was.

Jake strode into my bedroom, glaring at me.

"Which box?" he asked, clenching his teeth. "This one?" He pointed to the one under the window. "Or maybe that one?"

His gaze and index finger moved to another one across the room, tipped over on its side. They both had "Bella's Room" written on them, as did most of the others scattered around my new bedroom.

I could feel a blush stain my cheeks. "Um...never mind."

Dr. Philips wasn't kidding when he said my memory might suffer due to the accident. Sometimes I felt like I had Swiss cheese for brains.

Jake's eyes narrowed and he did a quick about-face, storming out of the room without another word. I bit my lip, trying not to cringe. Alice and I were going to have _a lot_ of making up to do with him.

Jake had offered to help us move into our new condo in Seattle, despite just returning from his honeymoon with Leah. Alice and I had spent the last two days ordering Jake and Emmett around, yelling when they put boxes in the wrong room and screaming if they even looked like they were going to hit the wall with a piece of furniture.

We could've used more help, but neither Charlie nor Carlisle could take the time off from the police department or the hospital to come out. Esme was arriving to help us settle in and decorate after all the heavy lifting was complete. Alice had tried to cajole Edward into helping as well, but his schedule was such that all he had been doing these days was working or sleeping. According to Emmett, it seemed to be more work than sleep. I was almost relieved I hadn't seen him. I still haven't gotten over that thing where I'm convinced the man can see into my soul. The longer I can put off those squirms I feel in my stomach when I'm around him, the better.

Jake and Emmett were currently in Alice's room, handling the bedroom set she'd had shipped in from New York. Since the moment they had loaded it off the truck, she'd been begging them to be careful; she was now in her room with them, watching their every move.

The last two days had been spent with me helping as much as I could – which wasn't much, since no one would let me lift anything weighing over two pounds. Emmett was as overprotective as Alice and Jake when it came to letting me do anything. I was actually surprised they hadn't just stuck me on the couch to watch them all work. It's possible the thought might have crossed Emmett's mind, but one of my best friends must've convinced him that if he tried it, I'd rip him a new one. Every once in a while I'd see him look at me, then the couch, and I could tell he thought I was overdoing it. I knew my limits though, and as much as I loved pushing them, I had no plans on doing something that was going to interrupt my physical recovery.

My body was continuing to heal, but I would still get twinges in my hip from time to time. I'd started physical therapy the week following my move to Forks and as I had hoped, I continued to make progress. There was more definition and tone to my body than ever before and could feel myself growing stronger every day. My physical therapist, Sarah, had made an appointment for me with a friend of hers here in Seattle and my therapy would begin again next week. I had been downgraded to once-a-week visits and I was proud of myself. My body was strengthening by the day.

At this particular moment, I knew I needed to rest and take a breather. Doing so on an unmade bed, though, didn't seem right. I was being silly and anal, but I also knew I'd feel better if there was some sense of order around me. Making my bed in my new apartment would help that sense of order. I just needed to find the right damn box!

I began searching through the mess in my room again, hoping I'd overlooked them the first time. I'd only made it half-way though when I heard a thump, a curse, and then Alice's scream.

I hit the door at a run, groaning as my hip protested at my quick movement. I wasn't paying attention to what was in front of me, only intent on getting to Alice and seeing what had happened.

Big mistake.

I would later swear that the damn box jumped out in front of me. After all, when a klutz like me enters a room, the nearby inanimate objects grin, knowing they have the perfect person to trip up. I was positive this box was no exception.

One minute I was walking on my own two feet, and the next I was flying through the air. "Crap" was the only word I got out before I thought I heard something snap and my head hit the wall hard. Then, everything went black.

I came to groggily, my hand reaching up to try and hold my brains in where I was sure they were leaking from my head. It could be the only explanation for the pain I was in.

_Goddamn, this hurts!_

Someone grabbed my hand and gently pulled it back to my side.

"Shhh...Bells, you're okay. We're on the way to the hospital."

I groaned, hearing Jake's voice.

_Great._

I opened my eyes, glaring at the bright light surrounding me. Jake was sitting next to me, holding my hand, a worried, yet amused, look in his eyes. There was a guy dressed in a blue uniform sitting next to him, holding a blood pressure cuff and rattling off something to a person somewhere behind my head. I looked beyond Jake and the guy and realized I was in an ambulance.

"You called a freaking ambulance?" I moaned, closing my eyes.

It was bad enough that I was such a klutz, but an ambulance usually wasn't needed for my mishaps. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks and the humiliation bubble up in my stomach. There was also a rising sense of panic in my chest. The last time I'd been in an ambulance was after the accident in Jacksonville. I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm.

"Emmett thought it would be best; we couldn't get you to wake up and we're not sure what happened to your ankle..."

Jake trailed off, looking down my body. The minute he said the words I could feel the agonizing pain in my left ankle and something about it felt...off. I tried to raise my head, but Jake and the paramedic pushed me back down.

"Just stay put, Ms. Swan."

Jake pushed my hair back out of my face and smiled gently. "Only you."

I would've rolled my eyes if it wouldn't have hurt so much. Instead, I just sighed and closed them. Jake started talking quietly to the paramedic next to me and I was grateful for his calming presence. It helped to keep me from freaking out. I couldn't concentrate enough to hear his exact words, but his tone allowed me to focus on something other than the pain I was feeling and the memories this ride to the hospital was evoking.

I must've passed out again, because I didn't remember arriving at the hospital. I wasn't sure how long I was out, but when I woke, I was in a hospital bed and still in a lot of pain, with both my head and ankle throbbing. Jake was standing next to me, holding my hand.

When he saw my eyes open, he squeezed my hand and said, "Thank God, you're awake. I'm going to go get a nurse."

Then he was gone and I felt the terror begin. I started to sweat and my heart felt like it was going to pound right out of my chest.

_I don't want to me here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here!_

I focused on the first thing I could, which was Alice's voice. I could hear her from somewhere beyond the curtain that was surrounding me.

"Get your ass down here!"

Pause.

"Honest to God, Edward, she's my best friend and I want you to be her doctor, not some moronic idiot who doesn't know which end of the syringe he should poke her with. The guy they stuck her with is freaking stupid and I won't let him treat her, so get your butt down here now!"

Focusing on Alice's voice helped calm my breathing for a moment – at least until she stopped yelling. When I could no longer hear her voice, I began pulling air into my lungs and my heart started galloping. I thought I heard a muttered curse and I opened my mouth to call for Alice when Jake returned. He pulled back the curtain and I could see Alice standing there, hands on her hips, glaring at Emmett, who was bent over at the waist, groaning.

Jake moved to the side of my bed. "Shorty's got a lot of power behind her punches. I tried to tell him..."

I looked at Jake in confusion, fear and pain. My breaths were becoming shallower and I was pretty sure I was hyperventilating. My body was trembling all over.

"Get...me...out...of...here."

Jake looked confused, and then realization dawned on his face.

"Alice!" She turned toward him and took one look at me before running away.

There was sweat pouring off my body and I was shivering. It felt as though I would vomit any minute. I couldn't focus, and it felt like a scream was about to rip from my throat at any moment. Memories came tumbling back, unwanted.

_"She's bleeding internally. We got to get her the hell out of here."_

_"Bells, another driver hit the car head on. Phil...and...Renee...honey, they were killed instantly."_

_"You've been in a coma for the last two weeks."_

_"Bella, I can't do this anymore."_

I couldn't seem to draw a breath into my lungs, and my body was screaming in pain, telling me to flee, to get as far away from here as I possibly could. My eyes were darting all over the place, trying to find an exit – a way out – but all I could see was Jake, holding his hands on my leg, trying to talk to me. I bucked my body, trying to throw his touch off of me, but he barely flinched and I shrieked from the pain in my ankle and the terror I was feeling.

Emmett came to the other side of my bed and put a hand on my shoulder. "Hang in there, Bella, you're fine. You're safe. We're not going to let anything happen to you." Emmett's voice was soothing and low.

"Come on, Bells, take a nice deep breath. Focus on me." Jake moved his right hand to my other shoulder. With his left, he began running his fingers up and down my left arm, trying to keep his eyes locked on mine. "We're right here. You're okay. Nice deep breaths."

I was too far-gone to focus on anything but trying to find a way out of this bed and as far away from the hospital as I could. I tried to sit up, but both Jake and Emmett kept their hands on my shoulders, holding me as gently as possible to the bed. This only increased my sense of panic. The same mantra kept playing in my head.

_Get out. Get away. Get out. Get away. Out. Away. Out. Away. Outawayoutawayoutaway._

Then I felt the impression of something pricking me on my arm. A few minutes later, the feeling of terror was buried, and I was feeling very foggy, almost drunk.

"Jaaaak..."

Saying Jake's name was hard.

I could sense confusion and panic around me before I heard someone say, "It's a side effect of the sedative. She'll be fine."

Emmett leaned over me and he reminded me of a giant teddy bear.

"Emmy...Teddy..." I giggled, and tried to focus on Emmett's face, which looked at little shocked.

I heard Alice's tinkling laugh and Jake gave a chuckle that sounded more like a barking cough.

"I'll go call Charlie and tell him what happened." Emmett stepped back from my bed and Alice took his place.

I closed my eyes, still floating from the effects of the medication. Somewhere deep down, I was still freaking out, but the sedative kept the feeling well below the surface. For the moment, I was calm enough to relax and let the medication drag me underneath a nice, quiet cloak of darkness.

I woke up when I heard a new voice. I was surprised to recognize it instantly.

It would be difficult to forget the velvet-lined tones of Edward Cullen, even when I hadn't heard them in years.

"Have you lost your damn mind?"

I opened my eyes and saw Alice's brother standing at the end of my bed, looking extremely tired. He was glaring at Alice.

"Edward – " Alice had her "don't be mad at me" face on.

"Save it. I'm here and I'm probably going to get my ass kicked for it. You owe me big time, little one."

He grabbed the chart off the end of my bed and looked it over. His hair was sticking up all over the place; it actually looked like he just rolled out of bed. There were dark circles under his eyes and his scrubs were wrinkled and stained with something I really hoped was coffee.

For the first time since he arrived, he looked at me. I was still pretty out of it so I didn't recognize all the emotions that crossed his face, but there were a few I thought I recognized. Surprise, pleasure, concern...and then it went blank.

Dr. Cullen had officially arrived.

"Bella, how are you?"

He moved to my bed, looking at my ankle when he asked the question, not looking at my face. He touched it gently and I jumped. His eyes met mine.

"Does that hurt?"

It hadn't actually; I jumped when I felt his hands graze my skin. His fingers were a bit cold and as he moved them to different places along my ankle, a tingling sensation remained. His touch was gentle; somewhere in the cloudiness of my brain there was the thought that I didn't want him to stop touching me.

Edward didn't wait for my answer, but continued with his examination.

"Can you wiggle your toes?"

I did, and I saw him give a slight nod.

He moved up to my head, shining a light into my eyes and having me follow his finger. He gently probed at the top of my head and I winced. Our eyes met and I could see the apology in his. I felt him move a piece of my hair away from my forehead, as he continued to look into my eyes. His were a deep, piercing green and were swirling with emotions. I wondered what he was thinking and why I felt the need to reach up and touch his cheek. My hand began to move when Emmett cleared his throat. Edward stepped back.

"Bella, it looks like your ankle is sprained and you have a concussion. I'm going to order some x-rays so we can rule out a break, just to be on the safe side. I don't think you need a CAT scan; it just seems to be a mild concussion. I'm going to keep you overnight –"

"I...I can't stay here."

My words were slightly muddled and came out in whisper. I was thankful that the sedatives were still working, but underneath the fuzzy feeling was the same sense of terror I had felt earlier. I took a deep breath, willing myself to stay calm and focus on the point I needed to get across to the doctor in front of me.

Unless they knocked me out, there was no way I was staying here.

Edward's eyebrows came together in confusion.

"Bella, it would be best –"

"I'm. Not. Staying."

My words were clear, concise and at a normal volume for the first time since my arrival.

"Edward, can I talk to you for a minute?" Alice took her brother's hand and pulled him away from my bed.

I turned to look at Jake, ready to plead with him. It was unnecessary. "We'll get you out of here tonight, I promise. Alice and I won't make you stay."

This was why he was my best friend. He knew what I needed before I had to voice it.

Alice returned with Edward. He looked unhappy with whatever his sister had said to him.

"Bella, although it's against my better judgment, I've agreed that Alice and Jacob can take you back to the apartment tonight. You'll have to sign an AMA wavier stating that you're leaving against medical advice..." he trailed off, almost as if he was hoping that if I knew I had to sign a piece of paper, I might change my mind about staying overnight. My body began trembling again.

_Fat chance._

Edward continued, "I'm going to have the nurse give you some pain medication now, which should help any discomfort you're having. After the x-rays are done, I'll have someone –"

He broke off when Alice growled behind him. Edward just rolled his eyes and continued. "_I'll _wrap your ankle. We should have you out of here in under an hour. Sound okay to you?"

I gave him a slight nod. The trembling subsided a bit; at least I had a time frame as to when I could escape this hell.

He marched away from my side and I saw him conversing with a nurse. Edward seemed annoyed, but I couldn't figure out why my refusal to stay in the hospital would bother him so much. I'm sure I'm not the first, nor would I be the last, patient to refuse a hospital stay.

The nurse came over then and gave me a shot of the pain medication that Edward had prescribed.

When she was gone, I glanced up and saw Jake and Alice, standing next to each other, exchanging a look.

"What?"

Alice gave me a too-big grin and replied, "Nothing, sweetie. Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

I took a minute to assess my body and realized my ankle and head no longer hurt, but I still wanted to flee. My body was taut and I knew if either Jake or Alice gave me an opening I'd be headed for the first exit, X-ray and ankle wrap be damned.

Telling Jake and Alice that though would probably result in Alice sitting on me for the next hour, so I thought it better to just lie.

"No, I'm alright." I paused and then asked her something that had been in the back of my mind since I saw it happen. "Al, why was Emmett bending over and groaning earlier?"

Alice huffed at my question and Jake swung an arm up and put it around her shoulders. The gesture caused her to grin at him, laying her head against his side.

"My idiot brother dropped my headboard, and scratched the damn thing. He also put a dent in the floor, which is why I screamed. If I hadn't screamed, I'm sure you wouldn't have come to investigate what the hell was going on and you wouldn't have tripped over the damn box that the idiot left sitting in the hallway. So this whole thing is his damn fault and I figured the least he deserved was a punch in the gut."

She smiled smugly.

"You...you hit Emmett?"

I couldn't wrap my head around the image of small little Alice punching her big bear of a brother in the stomach.

She nodded and Jake just kept on grinning.

"But it's Emmett..."

"The ass should've listened to Jake when Jake told him not to piss me off. I think he forgot Jake taught us how to throw a punch back in high school. Moron." She rolled her eyes.

Alice, my champion.

Someone arrived with a wheelchair to take me to get my X-ray and after some whispering and pointing between Alice and Jake, Alice came with me. Jake mumbled something about finding Emmett. I had a feeling they were afraid to leave me alone.

My best friends knew me too well.

The trip down to X-ray was uneventful, with Alice chatting the entire way. They had to take me into the room where the actual X-ray machine was held without Alice, but thankfully, the sedative was still working enough that I could control my outward anxiety. It also helped that the technician was at least six foot seven and out-weighed me by 100 lbs. I wouldn't put it past Alice to tell him to sit on me to keep me here.

Alice was waiting right at the door when they wheeled me out, grabbing my hand and telling me she had talked to Esme. She was driving out first thing in the morning to come stay with us for a few days.

"Al, she's not supposed to be here until Friday, and that's five days away. I don't think she needs to rearrange her schedule because of my klutzy ways."

Alice just smiled and changed the subject. "So, I was thinking that there's this table at Pier One that would look great in the entryway. I saved a picture of it on my laptop; remind me to show you when we get home."

We arrived back to my designated spot in the E.R., where Jake and Emmett were waiting for us.

"Bella, I talked to Charlie. He told me to tell you to call him the minute you get home. He was going to drive out here tonight, but I told him that we had things under control and to wait until he talked to you. I figured you had enough baby-sitters without adding your Dad to the mix."

I gave Emmett a grateful smile.

"Thanks, Em."

"Emmett, I'm shocked at your perceptiveness. Where the hell did it come from?" Alice winked at Emmett, and he smirked back at her.

Their brother returned then, still looking annoyed. His demeanor was off-putting and I instinctively moved my body closer to Jake, who glanced at me, puzzled.

"Guys, can you give me some room to work here?" he practically growled at Alice and Emmett.

Alice pointed to the door that lead to the E.R.'s waiting room and said, "Bella, I'll be right over there, okay?"

I nodded and she and Emmett left. I reached my hand up, without looking at Jake, who took it and squeezed it.

Edward watched our exchange and his face settled into a frown. "Jacob, Bella will be fine with me. You can join Emmett and Alice in the waiting room."

"I want him to stay."

I was clinging to Jake's hand and felt panicked with the thought of him leaving like Alice did. I was almost done with this nightmare and even drugged, there was no way I was going to make it through the rest of it without one of my best friends by my side.

Edward didn't say anything for a moment and then he nodded before getting to work on wrapping my ankle. "You should stay off this for at least the next twenty-four hours, although forty-eight would probably be better, considering your body... is still recovering."

He paused for a moment, taking his eyes off my ankle and meeting my gaze. Something seemed to spark in the air between us, but he quickly looked back at my ankle before I could put a name to it. His face settled into a scowl.

"Ice your ankle for that long as well, and then start using moist heat on it. You can put some weight on it, but don't over do it. Alice told me you still have your crutches, so use those while it heals."

He patted my leg gently and stood up. He was no longer scowling but he looked uncomfortable.

"Jacob has your prescriptions – I gave you Tylenol with codeine for the pain, but don't take it until tomorrow as it will interact badly with the sedative you were given. I also prescribed some Vistaril for your... anxiety. Do not take this or the Tylenol together, but I wanted you to have them, just in case. Do you have any questions?"

I shook my head. The more he talked, the longer I sat here. I wanted out, now.

"Okay. Everything I just told you is in your discharge papers if questions do happen to come up later. If something isn't answered with your paperwork, just have Alice call me. "

He spoke hurriedly, as if he suddenly had somewhere he had to be at that moment. He moved to the small table next to my bed and taking out his pen, signed my discharge papers. When he was done, he handed them to me, brushing my fingers with his own. My fingers tingled and I fought the urge to reach out and touch him.

_What the heck? They've given me way too much medication. _

"I hope you feel better soon, Bella."

With that, Edward turned and walked away.

Jake helped me move to the edge of the bed as a nurse came over with the wheelchair. Alice was at our sides within minutes of her brother's departure, giving Jake her car keys so he could move the car right up to the entrance doors.

Alice explained that Emmett had called his girlfriend to come and pick him up, once it was clear I was going to be okay. He had tried to convince Alice to go with him, but she remained steadfast in her refusal to be further than a few feet from me.

The nurse wheeled me out to the car, giving me the same instructions Edward had along the way. Jake stopped, getting out of Alice's bright yellow Porsche, to pick me up and set me in the front seat.

I was feeling knocked off my butt on pain medication and the still-remaining effects of the sedative. Alice slid into the back seat, leaning forward so she and Jake decide what to order for dinner, since we didn't have any groceries at the moment. I just dozed, trying very hard not to think about where I had just spent the last three hours.

When we arrived home, Jake carried me inside, one arm under my knees and the other around my back. He deposited me carefully on the couch and went to go help Alice make my bed and set my room up for the night.

My mind was racing. Being in the hospital had brought back memories that I had spent months burying and I wasn't about to let them come to the surface again.

The night after my outburst with Alice had been horrific and it was one I didn't think I could physically survive if I had to go through it again. The next day I had been wiped out, both emotionally and physically drained. It took me days to recover from it and I had decided that I would forget everything I had remembered about the accident and my time in the hospital – all of it – and move on with my life like I'd planned. Focusing completely on my physical recovery made ignoring my emotional pain easier.

As time went on, I was able to tuck it away almost completely. Being back at the hospital today, though, brought all those memories back with a vengeance.

I had to forget them.

I _would_ forget them.

Despite what anyone thought – what anyone told me – remembering everything hurt much more than pushing it down and away ever could.

The medication could help, but it wasn't something I wanted to rely on for more than a night or two. Having an addiction to prescription pills was the last thing I needed and I was bound and determined to forget everything through physical exhaustion and sheer will.

Alice came out and stood behind the couch, looking down at me. "Honey, Jake and I made your bed. Do you want to stay out here or go in there?"

"I'm exhausted. I just want to go to bed."

I gave her what I hoped was a convincing smile, and moved to stand up.

"Sit your butt down, missy!"

She pointed a finger at me and then yelled for Jake. "Jake, can you carry Bella to the bathroom?"

I could feel the blush rise on my face. Closest friend or not, that would just be mortifying.

"Alice, just give me my crutches. I can make it to the bathroom and my bedroom alone."

She shook her head. "Jake's here and you're blitzed out on meds. This will be easier, trust me." Her voice told me I wasn't going to win any argument with her.

Jake came out of my room and picked me up without a word, dropping me off in the bathroom and leaving me alone to take care of the necessities. Alice had left a t-shirt and a pair of yoga pants on the bathroom counter and I changed as easily as I could without putting any weight on my ankle. I was sweating from the effort and called Jake weakly to come and get me.

He entered, taking one look at me and shaking his head. "What are we going to do with you?"

I didn't think he expected an answer, so I didn't give him one as I laid my head down on his shoulder. I was deposited in my bed moments later, Alice waiting to pull the covers up and over me.

"Just call if you need anything, okay, sweetie?"

She pushed back my hair from my forehead, much like Edward had done earlier that afternoon. Jake leaned down and gave me a kiss on the forehead and then they both left, talking quietly as they headed up the hallway to order dinner.

I rolled to my side and shut my eyes, falling into a deep, medicated sleep.


	7. Confusion and Hope

**A/N: My sincere thanks as always to AddictedtoEdward and Ms. Ambrosia - the best betas ever!**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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EPOV

When Alice had called from the emergency room, I was fast asleep in the on-call room. I had been working for twenty-three hours straight and was trying to catch an hour or two of rest before another marathon shift began. There had a major traffic accident and the patient I had spent four hours in surgery with had succumbed to their injuries just prior to Alice's call. I was physically and emotionally exhausted and in serious need of peace and quiet to re-charge.

Then Elvis's "Little Sister" began to play and I grabbed my phone, ready to tear Alice a new one.

She never gave me the chance.

The minute she told me Bella was downstairs in the E.R., I was already up and walking out the door. I was tired, cranky and feeling…panic?

_That can't be right. _

Alice kept talking, mentioning some moron doctor that wouldn't know one end of the syringe from another and I knew exactly whom she was talking about. There was no way I'd let even my worst enemy be treated by Dr. Ford, so there was no way in hell I'd subject anyone I actually knew to him.

I had to be careful being down in the E.R. It wasn't my turf, and if Dr. Bradley caught me here without her permission, there'd be hell to pay. Also, doctors can be possessive and territorial, and if Dr. Ford knew I was taking over one of his patients, I'd never hear the end of it.

I saw Alice standing at the end of Bella's bed, talking with Emmett and some guy who looked vaguely familiar, but I was too tired to try and place.

Bella's eyes were closed. I ignored Emmett and the other guy and lit into my sister. "Have you lost your damn mind?"

I glared at Alice over the chart I had picked up at the end of Bella's bed. They had given her nothing for the pain –_ idiots_ – but had given her a mild sedative about five minutes before.

_What the hell? Why a sedative and not pain meds? _

"Edward – " Alice began to pout.

"Save it. I'm here and I'm probably going to get my ass kicked for it. You owe me big time, little one."

I continued glancing through her chart, still failing to understand why someone would give her a sedative and not pain medication.

Alice's was right. Dr. Ford _was _a moron.

I put the chart back down on the bedside table and looked up to address Bella. My eyes met her chocolate brown ones and it felt like someone punched me in the chest.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't focus.

_Fuck. Me._

She was still fucking beautiful. Even more so than she had been the first time I met her.

Her eyes were clouded in pain and I wanted nothing more than to wipe that expression from her face, her eyes. I wanted to gather her up in my arms and carry her away from this damn place, away from these people and make her feel safe and loved.

_What. The. Fuck? _

Only seconds had passed, but I knew if I didn't get a grip, someone was bound to ask what the hell my problem was. I quickly switched to professional doctor mode.

I broke eye contact and asked her how she was, examining her ankle. I touched it as gently as I could and Bella jumped. My fingers tingled where they had touched her bare skin and I glanced up at her. She looked confused, muddled.

"Does that hurt?"

_Of course it hurts, you Dickmunch. What kind of question is that to ask? _

I went back to my exam without waiting for her to answer the Dumbest. Question. Ever.

I asked her to wiggle her toes and when she did, I was pretty sure we were dealing with a sprained ankle. I would order X-rays just to be safe. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm myself. I was going to have to look at her face and back into those beautiful, expressive eyes. This could get dicey.

I took the penlight out of my pocket and moved up the bed so that I was standing next to her. She was biting her lower lip and I tried to smile at her, but honestly, I couldn't tell if I had managed it.

I looked at her eyes, checking to see if her pupils were dilated and had her follow my finger to make sure her eye movements were normal. I moved my fingers up to probe at the bump on her forehead and I felt her wince. My eyes flew down to meet hers and I gave her a small smile of apology. Without thinking, I reached up to move a piece of hair that had fallen across her forehead and into her eyes, holding her gaze and getting lost in her big brown eyes.

I'm not sure how long I stood there like that, but I practically jumped out of my skin when I heard Emmett clear his throat behind me. I quickly stepped back from the bed.

"Bella, it looks like your ankle is sprained and you have a concussion. I'm going to order some x-rays so we can rule out a break, just to be on the safe side. I don't think you need a CAT scan; it just seems to be a mild concussion. I'm going to keep you overnight –"

She did not react well to that piece of news. Her voice came out in a whisper so I could barely hear her tell me she couldn't stay overnight in the hospital. I tried to explain to her why remaining here would be in her best interest, but she was adamant that she would definitely_ not_ be staying. Her brown orbs were full of panic, but there was clear sense of determination there as well. I was utterly confused and about to go all_ doctor_ on her when Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me away from Bella's side.

"Alice, what the hell –"

"Edward, she can't stay here. They had to give her a sedative to settle her down when she got here because she was losing her shit. You _have_ to let her go home tonight."

I ran a hand through my hair. "Alice, she has a mild concussion and I really think it would be better to have here so we could watch her –"

"Jake and I will keep watch over her tonight. I will do whatever you tell me to; I'll wake her up every two hours, I'll shove medicine down her throat, I'll do anything so she doesn't have to stay here tonight."

"Who the hell is Jake?"

Alice huffed. "Jacob Black? Bella's and my best friend since high school?"

She sounded like she was talking to a five-year-old. I think she forgot that I was in college when she was in high school. The only person I remembered from that time was Bella. Since he had looked familiar to me, I supposed I must have seen him with Alice and Bella at some point in the last ten years, but obviously it hadn't been enough to leave a lasting impression.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Ali, you and Jacob aren't doctors, and Bella needs to be watched carefully – "

"Edward, I'm serious. She can't stay here. I'm not sure she'll survive if she had to spend another night in the hospital."

Alice's eyes filled with tears and the truth of what she was saying was written all over her face. She was absolutely convinced something horrible would happen if Bella had to stay here.

I felt that same punch in my chest as I had earlier.

_Fucking, fucking stupid. How could you have forgotten what happened to her? _

No matter how tired I was, no matter how unprepared I was by my reaction to Bella, I should've realized what was going on the minute I read that she had been given a sedative.

_You really are the world's biggest Dickmunch. _

Running another hand through my hair, I nodded at Alice and walked back over to Bella's side.

"Bella, although it's against my better judgment, I've agreed that Alice and Jacob can take you back to the apartment tonight. You'll have to sign an AMA wavier stating that you're leaving against medical advice…" I felt like an even bigger dick saying that to her.

_I know it'll kill you to stay here, but make sure you sign a piece of paper so you won't destroy my career by leaving. Thanks. _

Forget Dickmunch. I just graduated to world's biggest asshole.

"I'm going to have the nurse give you some pain medication now, which should help any discomfort you're having. After the X-rays are done, I'll have someone – "

I broke off when Alice growled behind me. Fucking pixie wasn't going to let anyone but me touch Bella tonight. Now I'd have to figure out how to touch her without anyone seeing my irrational reaction to her.

"_I'll _wrap your ankle. We should have you out of here in under an hour. Sound okay to you?"

Bella nodded and I left to go order the X-ray and to tell the nurse that I would be looking after Ms. Swan while she was in the E.R. She gave me a strange look, but thankfully didn't question me.

Heading for the area where the vending machines were located on this floor, I tried to pull it together. It felt like I was coming apart at the seams.

_What the hell is wrong with you? _

"Dude, are you okay?"

Emmett had followed me out. Before I turned around to face him, I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. I had to pull it together. I had no idea what was wrong with me, but something obviously was, and if Emmett caught on, I wouldn't hear the end of it until I gave everything up. Since I didn't know what I'd be giving up, I thought it best to push it aside and figure it out myself later. Once I knew what it was, I could explain it.

_Logically. _

Could be there would be nothing to explain. Nothing I had to figure out about what was going on inside of me. Nothing I had to face. Nothing I had to confess to.

I probably just needed more sleep.

"Hey, I'm fine. It's just been a long night. Long surgery, and the patient died anyway. I was trying to sleep when Ali called."

Emmett just nodded, but I could tell that he knew something else was up. Thankfully, though, he left it alone.

"Em, do you know that Jacob guy that's with Ali and Bella?" I asked, genuinely curious about the huge Native American man who stood next to my sister and her best friend like he'd take a bullet for them if the need arose.

"Dude, that's Jake!"

Emmett just looked at me like I was stupid when I shook my head, still having no memories of this guy to put him in any sort of context.

"Wow, he was always around Mom and Dad's as much as Bella was, so I don't know why you don't remember him, but you remember Bella." He smirked, and I rolled my eyes. Emmett continued. "He's been helping me move the girls into their new condo this week. Cool guy, he's really protective of both of them, but especially Bella. Wouldn't let her do a damn thing this week."

I just nodded. "Oh."

"I swear that guy would jump in front of a bus if either Bella or Alice asked him to. You can see how protective he is of both of them just by watching the way he treats them. He's not so bad with Alice, but with Bella….he's very careful. He constantly asks how she is, if she needs anything."

What could I say to that? It was great that both my sister and Bella had a friend who looked after them and took care of them the way I would, had I been around more.

Emmett paused for a moment, and he looked almost calculating before he continued. "I've caught Jake looking at Bella when she hasn't noticed and there's just something, well…there. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was head over heels for her."

I could feel the growl move up from my chest and into my throat. It took all the control I had to stop it from coming out of my lips.

"Really?"

I tried to sound disinterested, and it must've worked because Emmett just kept talking. "Yeah, it's weird, but sweet, you know? And I think something's there on Bella's end too. Sometimes I'll see them just looking at each other and I almost feel like I should leave the room, there's so much tension. It's fucking adorable, really."

My fists were clenched and I was biting the inside of my cheek so I didn't flip my shit on my brother or go out and find Jacob Black and beat him to a bloody pulp.

Emmett was staring at me, his head tilted to the left. "Bro, is everything okay?"

He looked almost smug, and I narrowed my eyes, wondering what the hell he was up to. But no sooner than I had the thought, his face held nothing but concern.

"Everything's just fine. I better get back and see if they're done with Bella's X-rays."

"Alrighty, I'm going to give Chief Swan a call and let him know what's going on. After everything that's happened…well, he probably should know about this."

I nodded and followed Emmett back into the E.R., stopping at the nurse's station while he continued through the doors that led to the ambulance bay. Neither Bella nor her X-rays were back yet, so I told the nurse I was going up to radiology to see if I could hurry things along. I had promised Bella I would have her out of here in an hour and I wanted to keep that promise.

Bella and Alice were on their way back to the E.R. by the time I got to the radiology department, but they still hadn't processed her X-rays. It took some cajoling, but I got Bella's films within fifteen minutes, which was record time for this them. Films in hand, I went back down to the E.R.

Alice, Emmett and _Jake _were gathered around Bella's bed when I returned and I was immediately annoyed. It'd be nice to talk to her without three people breathing down my neck and staring at me while I worked. I noticed Bella move as close to Jake as she possibly could and I found that pissed me off even more than her entourage.

"Guys, can you give me some room to work here?" I snapped at them, and I knew it was uncalled for, especially after seeing the confusion on Alice's face. Emmett snickered, but I ignored him. I didn't have the time or energy trying to figure out what was going on in that head of his.

Alice and Emmett went into the waiting room, and I saw Bella reach up, without looking, to take Jacob's hand. It seemed as though she didn't need to look – she could just reach out and she knew he'd be there to catch her.

I _really_ wanted to rip his head off.

"Jacob, Bella will be fine with me. You can join Emmett and Alice in the waiting room."

"I want him to stay." Bella's voice was a bit weak, but the tone behind them was very clear. He was staying. Period.

_Okay, then. _

I wrapped her ankle and gave her specific instructions about using ice and heat. When I got to the part about her staying off her ankle since she was still recovering, I stumbled over the word "body" because I was suddenly swamped with images of Bella's body, naked and in my bed.

_This is so not good. _

I explained the prescriptions I'd given her, which I had left at the nurse's station while I was up in radiology. The nurse had told me upon my return that she had given them to Jacob while Bella and Alice had still been upstairs.

Bella had no questions and I knew my self-control was running out. I was on the verge of beating the shit out of Jacob and grabbing Bella and taking her somewhere far, far away. I quickly signed her discharge papers and handed them to her.

My fingers tingled where hers brushed mine.

_Time to get the fuck out of Dodge. _

"I hope you feel better soon, Bella."

I practically ran out of the E.R.

Once back in the doctors' lounge on the surgical floor, I lay down, trying desperately to fall back to sleep. All I could think about was the woman I had left downstairs and the feelings swirling around in me. Feelings I hadn't felt in years. Feelings my own girlfriend didn't bring out in me.

My pager went off and I looked down to see it was the trauma unit. Time to go back to work.

I ran my hand through my hair and tried to put Bella out of my mind. My job didn't lend time for distractions. It was time to focus and save someone's life.

But as I made my way down the stairs toward the patient that needed me, I realized that for the first time, in a very long time, there was something bubbling up inside of me, causing a grin to cross my face.

It was hope.


	8. Unexpected

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
**

**As always, much love to my betas, AddictedtoEdward and Ms. Ambrosia. I seriously don't know what I'd do without the two of them.**

**There's quite a lot of stuff happening in this chapter. I hope you enjoy!**

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**BPOV**

I blinked, trying to remember where I was and why I felt so crappy. Rolling over, I looked around the room I was in, recognizing some of the objects scattered around, but my brain just wasn't cooperating with me. Where was I?

Sitting up, I took a deep breath and tried to put the scattered pieces of my mind back together. My head was aching and my left ankle hurt like hell. Had I hurt myself during physical therapy?

It took a few more seconds before everything came rushing back – my bedroom in the new condo, Alice's scream, tripping over a box, the hospital…Edward Cullen.

I groaned, remembering what an ass I made out of myself in the hospital last night. I can't believe they had to give me a sedative because I was having a panic attack. Not only did I lose it in front of Jake, Alice, and Emmett, but the hottest guy I have ever laid my eyes on also had to deal with me in the mist of my humiliation.

My cheeks were burning as my face fell into my hands. Moaning, I tried desperately not to remember my absolute freak attack in the hospital in front of everyone. The medication I had been given had knocked me out not long after Jake and Alice brought me home, but that meant I now had the opportunity to relive my breakdown.

While I was thankful that they had given me drugs to keep me from losing it more than I had, I was embarrassed by the fact that I lost it at all. It was a hospital for God's sake, not a torture chamber. Granted, much of my time in the Jacksonville hospital felt like torture – physically, emotionally and mentally – but last night was just my normal, run of the mill "Bella had another accident" hospital trip. I was mortified that I had lost myself so completely to the memories and my panic.

And to do so in front of Edward – I'll never be able to stand in the same room with him ever again. Our meetings had been few and far between over the years, but now that we were living in the same city and I was living with his sister, our paths were sure to cross more often. After last night, I should probably just go into the witness protection program and call it a day.

_Overreact much? _

I fell back against the pillows and groaned again. I was being ridiculous. Everyone understood why I reacted the way I did, and they had been more than kind and understanding about it. Well, everyone – with the exception of Edward.

His bedside manner left something to be desired, that's for sure. He was brisk – almost cold – in his demeanor, and thinking back on it, I couldn't help but wonder why. Granted, he and I had never been anything more than somewhat friendly acquaintances, but I was his sister's best friend for God's sake. You'd think he would've made the effort to make me feel at ease and a little more comfortable, especially since I was fairly certain Alice had explained to him about my panic attack and where it had come from. His attitude had remained cool though, and left me wondering if he was like that with all his patients or if it was just something I had brought out in him.

Justifying my reaction to him would be less complicated, considering the fact that I had always felt a bit intimidated by him. When he had walked through the Cullen's kitchen door the summer Alice and I had graduated from high school, I thought for sure I had seen a Greek God. His jaw looked like it was shaped from marble, and his almond-shaped eyes were a brilliant jade green. His brown hair had bronze highlights, and its careless style made him look like he had spent a very enjoyable night rolling around his bed. He had flashed me a crooked grin and my stomach flew up to my throat. It took all I had to force myself to stay seated at the Cullens' kitchen table, instead of running out the front door and as far away from Edward as I could get. I had a hard time catching my breath and had never been so thankful when Esme's arrival had stolen him away. Having him that close to me was nerve-wracking and I'd had no idea how to deal with all the feelings that had been swirling around inside of me.

Edward had unnerved me, making me feel things I had never felt. No one I had ever met before had elicited in me such a strong reaction. My urge to bolt hadn't come from any fear of Edward, but rather the need to clear my head and understand why his presence had caused a multitude of emotions inside of me. All I could think about were his piercing green eyes and how they seemed to see right through me as they had met my own.

I'd been mortified and confused by the reaction I'd had to Edward, and I had done my best to avoid him before I left to spend the rest of the summer with my mom and Phil. I continued to evade Edward over the next ten years easily, since we hardly ever seemed to be in the same place at the same time. Whenever we were in the same vicinity, I made sure to keep our interactions brief and fairly formal. No one had ever questioned my aloofness, so I figured I had pulled off the "polite, but cool" vibe pretty well. There had been no reason for anyone to guess that I was purposely avoiding my best friend's older brother. There also had been no reason for me to question why I was so set on avoiding him.

_Until last night. _

I blamed my reaction to Edward last night on the medication. I hadn't felt such a need to touch him, or felt the electricity between us, in any other time we had met, with the very exception of the first time I'd met him. The only logical explanation – the only explanation I was comfortable with – was that I had been having a very odd reaction to the medication that had been given to me.

My cell phone rang at that moment, drawing me out of my musings. I reached over to my bedside table, picking it up to see Charlie's name flash across the tiny screen. I had forgotten to call him last night when I got home.

"Hey Dad."

"Bells, are you okay?" His voice was gruff, as if he had just woken up, but there was a bit of frantic worry underneath as well. I took a look at the clock and realized it was just after seven o'clock in the morning, and he must have just woken up.

"I'm fine. My ankle's a little sore, but other than that, I'm doing just fine. I'm so sorry I forgot to call you last night."

"No, no, it's fine. Jake called me and told me he and Alice had gotten you settled in for the night and said you were pretty knocked out on the meds they'd given you. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay before I headed into work."

"No worse for wear. It was a typical 'Bella' move, and if it wasn't for hitting my head and not waking up, I probably wouldn't even have had to go."

Charlie gave a small chuckle. "Nothing's ever boring with you around, kid."

I smiled. "No, no it's not."

"Well, you take it easy, okay? I'll have my cell if you need anything. Carlisle and I spoke last night and I told him I was going to try and rearrange my schedule so I can come out and visit you kids this weekend –"

"Oh, Dad, no! You're so busy. It's fine. Alice and I – "

He cut me off in a tone that told me to hold my tongue. "Carlisle is going to try and do the same, so we'll be there this weekend if we can swing it, kid. I gotta get going, but you call if you need anything."

"I will. I love you, Dad."

"Love you too, Bells. Be good."

I smiled at his usual ending; no matter what I was doing or where I was going, he always ended our phone calls with the same request. When I was younger it would annoy the heck out of me, because seriously, when had I ever _not _been good? But now that I was older, I appreciated the sentiment for what it was – my dad looking out for me.

We said our goodbyes and I put my cell back down on the table. I was grateful for the friendship that Carlisle and Esme had formed with my father when Alice and I had first become attached at the hip, and even more so when it continued after we left for college. Carlisle and Charlie would sometimes go fishing together, more often now that Billy's death had left Charlie without his usual fishing companion. Esme had tried to set Charlie up with different women over the years, although nothing serious had ever come from these dates. It was nice to know that my real family and my chosen family got along so well.

Since I was wide-awake, I decided to get up and face the day. I gingerly put some weight on my ankle and when it held without much pain, I wobbled into my bathroom so I could take care of necessities and shower. Edward had told me to stay off of it for at least forty-eight hours, but that just wasn't going to happen. It took a bit of maneuvering so I could strip out of my clothes and unwrap the bandage around my ankle without falling on my butt, but I eventually made it into the shower without mishap. There was a bench that lined the shower wall and being able to sit while showering was going to make my life in the next few days much easier. The shower was big enough for at least four people, and at first, I had balked at how excessive it had seemed for just me. Today was one of the few times in my life I was thankful for the Cullens' need to have the best. I stuck my head under the pounding cascade and let it roll down my body. The warm water felt good against my skin, and it dragged away the remaining fogginess from the meds.

A half an hour later, I had dressed and re-wrapped my ankle, though not nearly as well as Edward had last night. I limped down the hallway toward the kitchen and living room, wondering if either Jake or Alice were awake yet. Alice's bedroom door was closed and I could hear Jake's snores coming from the couch in the living room. Making my way into the kitchen, I noticed someone had gotten some groceries last night. The fridge had bacon, eggs, milk and butter. I figured the least I could do was make them breakfast for taking care of me and keeping me from staying in the hospital overnight.

The bacon was sizzling in the pan and I had just poured the scrambled eggs into the warm skillet when I heard a noise behind me. Jake was standing on the other side of the kitchen island, glaring at me.

"Don't even start." I turned back to the stove and ignored him.

"Dr. Dick said you shouldn't be on your ankle for at least another twenty-four hours. You've taken a shower. What the hell is wrong with you?"

I hated Jake when he acted like my father. It just ticked me off.

"I thought I would do something nice for my best friends and cook them breakfast." I stirred the eggs and turned down the burner under the bacon. "But if you're going to be a jerk, you can march your sorry ass back into the living room and starve."

"You are the most stubborn, pig-headed, aggravating woman I have ever met, and I'm married to Leah! Why can't you just – " Jake's voice was rising and I turned, brandishing a fork and matching his tone.

"Are you kidding me? For all the years you've known me, has anything less than a broken bone ever kept me out of commission for more than a day?"

"You know Alice and I could've taken care of this so you could take it easy. Jeez, Bells, can't you just do what you're told for once?"

"You're one to talk, Jacob Black! When have you ever done anything you're been told to do?"

"You know, you're such a freaking brat. I should just – "

"Go ahead, big man. Bring it on!"

We were screaming over each other at this point, the food forgotten behind me. Jake and I hardly ever fight, but when we do, it's brutal. If I hadn't been gimped out, I would've already been across the kitchen slapping the crap out of him and he'd be wrestling me to the ground so he could pinch the hell out of me.

There was an ear-piercing whistle to our right and both our heads swung over to see Alice, standing in the doorway that lead down the hallway to our bedrooms, her hands on her hips. Her hair was standing up on end and she had a short, pink robe wrapped around her tiny body. If looks could kill, Jacob and I would be dead where we stood.

"It's eight hell o'clock in the morning. Do you think you guys can hold off on the smack down until at least nine when most of our neighbors are probably at work and won't have to hear how freaking dysfunctional we are?" Her words were mild compared to the look she was shooting out of her eyes.

Jake and I glared at each other, but when Alice stomped her foot, we grumbled a vague "sorry" in each other's direction. I turned back to the stove and heard two of the bar stools Alice had brought with her from New York scrape across the kitchen floor.

I finished cooking in silence, and grabbed three plates from the cabinet next to the stove. I was debating how to get the full plates over to the island without asking for help or dropping everything over the floor, when Jake approached me.

He took them from my hands, kissing the top of my head. "Sorry, babe."

I gave him a half smile. "Me too."

Jake walked the plates over and sat one of them in front of Alice, placing the second one to the right of the chair he had been sitting in. I had the third plate in my hand and was about to limp across the kitchen, but one look at Jake's face stopped me. He returned to me and lifted me easily into his side, walking the plate and me across to the island. He deftly removed the plate from my hand before sliding me into the chair next to him.

"Eat," he commanded before sitting down and tucking into the dish in front of him.

Alice, Jake and I spoke quietly over our food. Alice told us that Esme had called just before she had heard Jake and I yelling, and that she should be there sometime before noon. Jake said he was going to stick around until she got there, but then head back to La Push and Leah. He had been gone for three days, and his voice told Alice and I just how much he missed his wife.

Alice finished eating first and informed us she was going to take a shower. She told me in no uncertain terms that I was to leave the dishes alone and keep my ass on the couch after Jake put me there.

Jake and I finished eating in silence until I snorted. He glanced over at me, questioningly.

"Care to share with the class, Bells?"

"Dr. Dick?" I snorted out a laugh.

Jake laughed. "What? Too nice?"

I was in full out hysterical laughter now, bent over at the waist, trying not to knock my head into the counter. "Where the hell did you come up with that?"

"We spent a lot of sitting around waiting yesterday and it just kind of came to me. You have to admit – the guy wasn't exactly Mr. Friendly."

"The person you're referring to as 'that guy' is your best friend's brother, so you better hope that she doesn't catch you calling him Dr. Dick."

Jake nodded. "I know, I know. But even she said his attitude sucked, and she couldn't understand it. Emo, I think she called him, but she said she'd never seen him border-line rude like he was last night." Jake shrugged and got up to take our dishes over to the sink. "Whatever, Dr. Dick has been christened. I'll just have to be careful that I don't call him that in front of Ali."

I just shook my head and rolled my eyes. He'd never get away with it. Jake didn't have a filter; whatever he thought just came out of his mouth whenever it crossed his mind.

By the time Alice got out of the shower, I was deposited on the couch and Jake and I were arguing over what to watch on TV. Ali headed into the kitchen to put away our leftovers and take care of the dishes, and then settled down with a Pottery Barn magazine.

As promised, Esme arrived just before noon. She was welcomed with a crushing hug from Jake and lots of enthusiastic bouncing from Ali. I was a bit teary when she came in and gave me a hug. I was almost thirty years old and had lived on my own for the last ten years, but I desperately missed having a mother figure in my life. Esme would never take Renee's place, but her presence helped mend the crack in my heart a bit, even if it was just for a temporary moment.

With Esme's arrival came Jake's departure, and there were more tears. I had relied on him a lot in the last three months and it was going to be weird not seeing him on a daily basis anymore. I knew we'd get by as we always had – with emails and phone calls – and Seattle was a lot closer than Sacramento had ever been. But he had been one-third of the team that had held me up since my return from Jacksonville. I already missed Charlie more than I cared to admit and now my team would be down one more with Jake's return to La Push.

"Behave," he warned as he sat on the couch with me wrapped in his huge arms.

"Don't I always?" I tried to joke, but it came out choked through my tears.

"I'm leaving you, alone, in Seattle, with Alice and Emmett. There's no possible way you'll behave in any way, shape or form."

I laughed as I leaned back and looked into his big brown eyes. "You've been my rock, Jake. Thank you for – "

He cut me off with a finger placed over my lips. "What did I tell you about this thanking me crap? It's what –"

" – families do. I know."

There were no more words, just another hug that seemed to end all too soon. He said goodbye to Esme and then picked Alice up and gave her a great big hug, whispering into her ear. I could see the tears track down her cheeks as well, and I wondered what he was saying to her. Ali gave him a small peck on the lips before sending our boy on his way.

It had been an emotionally draining day and it was only just past noon. Between Charlie's phone call and my fight with Jake, Esme's arrival and Jake's goodbye, I was wiped out. Excusing myself to my room, I told Alice and Esme I just wanted to lie down and rest. Thankfully, sleep claimed me quickly.

I woke up almost five hours later, with the glittering Seattle skyline shining outside my open bedroom window. I stretched and got up slowly, making my way into the living room. The condo was silent and I wondered where Esme and Alice had disappeared. There was a note on the counter answering my question.

**B,**

**Mom and I went out to get some groceries and other stuff.**

**I wanted to show her the dining room table I found in the PB mag. **

**We won't buy anything until you approve.**

**Mom's going to cook dinner so don't worry about anything.**

**Back soon,**

**A**

I planned on ignoring Alice's plea to not worry about dinner; there was no way I was going to make Esme cook after driving out here and then being out all day with Alice. Opening the fridge, I looked around to see what I could do with what we had, when I heard the knock at the front door.

Surprised, I shut the stainless steel doors and hobbled over to the entryway. I called out "Hello?" as I put my eye up to the peephole. When I saw who it was, I stumbled back in shock.

It was Dr. Dick.

_Crap. _

My first instinct was to ignore him, but he probably had already heard me say hello. I certainly couldn't leave him hanging out in the hallway all night, especially with Alice and Esme set to return at any moment. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door.

"Bella." He seemed slightly surprised. "How are – you shouldn't be standing on that ankle."

"Hello to you too, Edward." I stepped back and opened the door wider so he could come in. He quickly stepped in, and without missing a beat, picked me up in his arms. I squealed, surprised, and threw my arms around his neck. He kicked the door shut with his foot and strode to the living room.

"Wh – what are you doing?" I yelped, as he deposited me on the couch.

"Getting you off your ankle, like you should've been all day. I thought I told you forty-eight hours before you could stand on it." His voice was firm, but there was a hint of warmth there too; one that had definitely not been there when I had seen him yesterday.

_Maybe Dr. Dick's been working on his bedside manner? _

Edward sat on the coffee table in front of the couch and pulled my foot into his lap.

I shrugged. "It was feeling better. Plus, someone had to answer the door since your mom and Alice aren't here. Or would you've preferred to stand in the hallway until they got home?"

"If it meant keeping you off your foot, then yes, I would have stood there all night." I could definitely hear the amusement in his tone, and I was taken aback. What had happened to Dr. Dick?

I sighed and tried to pull my foot away. Edward clamped his hand gently down on my ankle and looked up at me, raising his eyebrow. We started at each other, having a silent battle of the wills, until I huffed and fell back onto the couch cushions, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Did you wrap this yourself?" Edward asked as he began removing the ace bandage from around my ankle.

I nodded, but he wasn't looking at me, so he didn't notice. He must've thought I was ignoring him because he looked up and said, "Bella?"

"Yes, I wrapped it myself."

"Thought so."

"What the heck is that supposed to mean?" I growled at him, annoyed that he seemed to be mocking my wrap job.

Edward glanced up again, surprised. "Nothing, just that it's hard to do a decent wrap job on your own ankle. It always comes out better when someone else can do it."

"Well excuse me, but my personal physician didn't arrive until just a few moments ago."

His fingers stilled on my now bare ankle and he looked up at me slowly. His eyes danced with mischief and his mouth was turned into the same crooked grin that had mocked me for ten years. I couldn't help but grin back at him.

_What the hell is going on? I feel like Alice in Wonderland after she fell down the rabbit hole. _

I sat in silence while Edward examined my ankle, answering him when he asked a question about how I was feeling and if I was in any pain. We were quiet as he re-wrapped my ankle. The silence was surprisingly comfortable, and I wondered how and why things seemed to change between us. For ten years, we had been coolly polite toward each other. Yesterday, things between us had been absolutely glacial. Twenty-four hours later we were sitting in my apartment and the atmosphere between us was warm…almost...flirty?

_That really can't be right. _

Edward stood up and looked around, leaving my ankle propped uncomfortably on the table in front of me. "What are you looking for?" I asked him, as he moved around the living room.

"A pillow to prop your ankle on. Doesn't my sister have like a million of those stupid little ones that you just toss on things?" I tried not to laugh at the exasperated look on his face, or the ways his arms flung wide to imitate throwing pillows on the furniture.

"Up the hallway, second door on the right. There's a pillow on my bed you can use."

Edward's eyes clashed with mine and we just stared at each other, as the tension in the room seemed to grow exponentially. I could feel the blush on my cheeks and I saw his throat bob as he swallowed. He nodded once before leaving me on the couch to release a tension filled sigh.

The front door opened and I saw Alice and Esme enter the condo, laughing quietly.

"Bella! How was your nap?" Alice asked, putting grocery bags on the kitchen counter.

"Hello, dear. Wait until you see what I got for your bathroom; I think you're going to…" Esme trailed off as Edward walked into the room, holding a pillow from my bed.

"Edward!" Both Alice and Esme exclaimed at the same time.

"Hey Mom, Ali." He gave them a smile before coming over and gently lifting my foot so he could place the pillow underneath it.

"You okay?" He asked quietly, looking down at me with those piercing green eyes.

I nodded, staring back at him, unable to speak over the lump in my throat. The air was tense with something I couldn't define and part of me wished that Alice and Esme had delayed their return a bit longer. They both stood in the kitchen, gaping at Edward and I like they had never seen us before.

Edward turned toward his family and walked over to give Alice and then Esme a hug.

"Missed you," he said as he rocked Esme back and forth in his arms for a few seconds.

Alice was silent, watching me carefully. My first instinct was to blush and look down, although nothing inappropriate had happened between Edward and me. I couldn't control the blush, but I refused to look away, meeting her gaze head on. We had one of our silent conversations.

"_What's my brother doing here?"_

"_No idea."_

"_Really?"_

"_Nope." _

I could tell she didn't believe me, but there was nothing I could do about that. Edward hadn't told me why he was there, although a guess could be made that he came to check on my ankle and see his family. Our eye contact broke when Esme spoke and we looked back at the mother and son hugging in our kitchen.

"I missed you too, sweetheart. You've been working too hard." Esme traced the dark circles under Edward's eyes. "And you're getting too thin!" She stepped back to look him over in her motherly way.

Edward shook his head and gave a short chuckle. "Mom, I'm the same weight I've been since I started med school. Remember, that's when you told me I was getting a little chunky? I'm fine."

Esme shook her head and began emptying groceries out of the bags on the counter. "You'll stay for dinner and then I'll know you got a decent meal. You can stay right?"

Edward nodded. "I worked this morning and don't have to be back until tomorrow at noon, so yes, I can stay. That is, if it's okay with Alice and Bella." He looked at his sister and then over at me for our approval or denial.

"I suppose you can stay." Alice rolled her eyes and bumped hips with Edward. He slung an arm around her shoulders and glanced over at me.

"Of course, Edward. You're always welcome here."

_Whoa, wait. Did I just say that?_

Both Alice and Edward looked as surprised as I felt. It looked like the corner of Edward's mouth had turned up in a slight grin, but I wasn't completely sure. What I did notice was the way Alice's eyes narrowed in speculation.

Esme nodded and got back to work, emptying bags and putting things aside that she'd need to make our dinner. Alice and Edward helped her, deciding between the three of them the best place for our food to go. Considering the kitchen was my domain since Alice didn't cook, I felt a little left out and annoyed that they didn't bother consulting me, but I shrugged it off. I'd just go and fix it the way I wanted to later.

Esme shooed Alice and Edward out of the kitchen so she could start making the spaghetti and meatballs she had planned for our dinner. They settled down in the living room with me, Alice in a brown armchair she had brought with her from New York and Edward on the couch with me. The length of the couch separated us, but I felt his presence as acutely as if he had been sitting right next to me. I spent the next hour avoiding Alice's eyes and trying to concentrate on the episode of Law and Order we were watching. I was relieved when Esme called us to grab our plates for dinner.

We hadn't bought a dining room table yet, so we were going to eat in the living room. I started to work my way off the couch when I felt a hand on my shoulder. My skin tingled where Edward's hand lay, and I bit my lip in confusion as I looked up at him.

"Stay put; I'll get you a plate." He smiled and giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze, moved over to the counter where Esme had laid out the food.

I looked over to see Alice giving me another speculative look, but I just turned away, glancing back at the TV. I knew she was wondering what was going on – someone would have to be completely oblivious to not see that something was different in the way Edward was behaving toward me. It was as puzzling to me as it seemed to be to her, but I was just as confused by his behavior as Alice seemed to be. But for some strange reason, it didn't bother me.

It didn't bother me at all.

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**Fic Rec: Please check out my girl Brown's story - "Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave." It is like my crack, and I can't get enough. It's on Twilighted and here at FF(dot)net. There's a thread on Twilighted for the story too, so come on over and chat it up with us! **


	9. Girlfriend

Much love and thanks to my PTB betas - **AddictedtoEdward** and **ms. ambrosi****a **and to my girl, **Browns**, who jumped on to beta as well. Thanks for all your feedback and help, ladies! I don't know what I'd do without you!

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
**

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BPOV

Dinner, with the four of us sitting in the living room reminiscing about old times, was fun. Esme, Alice and Edward did the story telling. I loved being able to sit back and hear some of the stories from the Cullen siblings' childhood. Esme had us all cracking up over a story about three-year-old Edward.

"He was driving Carlisle and I crazy; we weren't sure if Emmett was talking him into doing these wacky things or what, but he was into _everything_. One day at breakfast, Edward walks down the stairs dressed in this crazy combination of underwear, cowboy boots, a cape and a feather boa. Carlisle managed to stop laughing long enough to ask him, 'Where did you come from?' and Edward answers, straight-faced, 'The F.B.I.'"

It was a few minutes before any of us were in any shape to speak. Edward just sat there and grinned.

"Yeah, I have no idea where I got that." He looked over at me and smiled. I could feel myself blushing as I grinned back at him.

_Maybe Dr. Dick isn't so bad after all._

The tension that had been there between the two of us earlier had disappeared as we ate our dinner and the four of us chatted. The atmosphere felt comfortable and carefree.

Once we recovered from the F.B.I. story, Alice and Edward took our plates and went about cleaning up the kitchen. They ordered Esme to stay put with a glass of red wine.

"Bella, have you spoken to Charlie today?" she asked as we sat quietly in the living room watching the siblings work together in the kitchen.

I nodded. "He called this morning to check in on me. He said he's going to try to move some things around so he can come up this weekend."

"Oh, good! I was hoping you had a chance to speak to him. Carlisle called while we were out shopping and told me that he and Charlie had talked and they were both going to try to come out and see everyone this weekend. I think your dads want to check on you."

I smiled at Esme's words, "my dads." Charlie had always been a good father. We'd grown closer when I moved in with him, and even more so since the accident. He and I had never had the type of relationship where we vocalized how we felt. Charlie's way of telling me he was proud of me was a pat on the head or a gruff, "Good job, kid." But he took care of me in all the ways that mattered, and I was forever grateful to be lucky enough that I had him as my father.

Carlisle and I had first connected over a shared love of books and reading. We had spent hours discussing the merits of Hemingway and Steinbeck, Austen and Brontë. From there, I found it easy to talk to Carlisle about anything. Unlike my relationship with Charlie, Carlisle and I were able to talk with ease. No subject was off limits when we spoke; he was always there to listen and give advice if I asked. I loved him with the same devotion that I loved Charlie.

"I wish they wouldn't rearrange everything to drive out here, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy about seeing both of them. I've missed them and it's only been a few days."

Esme smiled and reached over to pat my hand. "We miss you guys, too. But I have to say it's a thrill to have all our 'kids' so much closer to home. It just wasn't the same when you lived in California and Alice was in New York."

I gave her a small smile, trying not to feel angry at the fact that the only reason I was living in Seattle and not Sacramento was because of the accident.

_The Accident._

I really hated those two words. I despised the fact that my life seemed to be defined by them. I felt like I was two Bellas – the one before the accident and the one after it. After Accident Bella wasn't nearly as carefree as Before Accident Bella had been, and After Accident Bella certainly had a much harder time keeping her emotions in check.

Since the accident, I had been on an emotional rollercoaster – happy one minute, sad or angry the next. Charlie had gotten used to me snapping at him out of the blue and I'm sure Esme could see the sadness and anger passing over my features now. This new me differed greatly from the old me, and sometimes I mourned the loss of the Bella I was before as much as I mourned for the loss of my mother and Phil.

I took a deep breath, trying to focus on the fun we'd been having moments before rather than the rage and hurt that was trying to bubble up inside of me. Dwelling on the past would not get me anywhere – it would only cause me to pull away from the people I loved. I had lost so much already and I couldn't afford to let myself get pulled into an angry, depressive state that would only leave me even more alone than I already felt.

Edward and Alice finished the dishes and came back to join us in the living room. Edward sat in the brown chair that Alice had occupied earlier, while Alice slid gracefully to the floor in front of the TV. Esme was perched next to me on the couch.

"I was just telling Bella that your father and Charlie are going to try to come out and visit this weekend." Esme took a small sip of her wine, smiling at her children. Edward smiled and Alice bounced in excitement.

"We should do a family dinner! Edward, what does your schedule look like for Friday and Saturday?" Alice jumped up, looking around for something.

Edward suddenly looked uncomfortable and ran a hand through his hair. "Um, I have plans for Friday night with...um, with, uh, someone."

Alice looked puzzled, clearly wanting to know what his problem was, but he just looked down at the floor. Alice shrugged and said, "Well, what about Saturday?"

He pulled out his Blackberry and pushed a few buttons. "I'm on from seven to seven."

"Great, we can do a late dinner." She'd finally found what she'd been looking for – her phone – and tapped the touch screen before putting it to her ear. At our quizzical looks, she lifted a finger, giving us the universal signal to wait.

"Hey! Are you and Rose free Saturday night around eight for a family dinner? Charlie's coming out to see Bella and Dad's coming with him." She paused. "Well, get over it. Em, Rose is going to have to meet them sometime and now's a good a time as any." Another, longer pause. Alice was pacing back and forth in front of us, nodding intently. "Uh, I'm not sure, I'll have to ask him." Her eyes flitted over to Edward. "Oh...okay. All right, I'll call you during the week and let you know where we're going. Love you, too. Bye."

Alice floated across the room and sank back down to the floor. "Emmett doesn't think he and Rosalie have any plans, so they're coming. I'll do some research this week and find a place for all of us to go."

She paused and looked at Edward. "Edward, Emmett wanted to know if you were bringing someone named Tan –"

Edward cut her off quickly. "I'm not bringing anyone."

The atmosphere was tense for a few seconds and Esme, Alice and I exchanged confused glances. Edward refused to make eye contact with any of us and he quickly changed the subject by asking Alice if she had any luck finding a suitable place for her boutique yet. Alice launched into the descriptions of some of the places she had looked at and the awkward tension passed.

We talked quietly for a little longer before Esme stood and said she was tired and was going to head to the Pan Pacific Hotel, where she was staying for the week. Esme had turned down all our offers to let her stay in one of our rooms, telling us that staying at a hotel would allow everyone to feel more comfortable and have some privacy and not leave anyone sleeping on a couch. Personally, I think she just wanted to be able to take advantage of the day spa that was located in the hotel. I had no doubt she'd convince Alice and me to join her there at some point during the week.

Edward and Esme left together, with Esme telling us she'd be back in the morning and Edward just leaving with a quiet, "good night."

The minute the door was shut, Alice whirled around and pounced.

"Do you want to tell me what was going on between you and my brother tonight?"

I knew she had noticed the tension, but I had hoped she would've shrugged it off as awkwardness between Edward and I.

_Not so much._

So I played dumb. Not that it was hard, since I had no idea where the tension between Edward and I had come from.

"I don't know what –"

"Oh, don't even go there, Bella Swan! You can't play dumb with me. The sexual tension was so thick you could've cut it with a knife. He couldn't take his eyes off of you all night!"

I blushed and looked away, picking at a piece of imaginary lint on the cushion of the couch. "Ali, don't exaggerate. He stopped by to see you and your mom, and check on my ankle. If he was looking at me at all, it was because he was concerned for me as his patient."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Don't bullshit a bullshitter, Bella. Something is going on with you two and I'm going to find out what it is."

It was awkward, but I managed to stand up on my bad ankle without falling on my face. "Well, when you figure it out, you let me know. I'd be happy to hear all about it." With that, I limped up the hallway and into my room, hoping she'd take the hint that the conversation was over.

I wasn't sure if I was relieved or frustrated when she didn't follow me.

* * *

The week passed surprisingly quickly.

Spraining my ankle had turned out to be a good thing. With my limited mobility, I had all the time in the world to start looking for a job.

The move to Seattle hadn't been in my plans when I had first returned to Forks. But after a month in the small town, it'd become clear to me that I needed to find something to do with my life. Finding a job seemed a good place to start.

My first hope had been to return to teaching, but jobs for English teachers in Clallam County were shockingly non-existent. I was almost at the point of sucking it up and asking Mr. and Mrs. Newton for my old job back, when Alice called to tell me that she was moving back to Seattle and wanted me to move in with her. I had jumped at the chance.

I spent much of the beginning of the week sending out resumes and letters of reference to many of the private and public high schools in Seattle. I expanded my search into higher education as well, sending inquires out to both Seattle Community College and UW. I hadn't taught college-level English before, but since I had a Master's degree, I thought it couldn't hurt to see if there were any openings. I figured teaching college students couldn't be any more difficult than trying to get high school seniors to appreciate Shakespeare.

By Wednesday, I was able to walk without a limp or any pain. Alice, Esme and I spent Thursday shopping throughout Seattle for furniture. We managed to pick up our much-needed dining room table as well as some other odds, ends, and accent pieces that we liked.

The three of us spent Friday morning and afternoon at the Vida Spa at the hotel where Esme was staying. We got the works done – massages, facials and body wraps. Esme paid, telling Alice and me it was our welcome back gift from her.

It was no secret that the Cullens had money, and a lot of it. I knew about Alice's trust fund and that if she chose, she could easily live off just the interest without ever having to work. But Carlisle and Esme had instilled a strong work ethic in their children, so it didn't surprise me that all three of them had chosen to have careers. The Cullens had provided well for their children, and while there had never been a need to worry about money, the extravagance to spend it without thought was never there. They didn't spend their millions on diamond-encrusted spoons or solid gold pens. Items were bought as needed, vacations taken when time permitted. It just so happened that the Cullens could afford the very best of these things.

It had taken me a long time to get used to the fact that they had no problem considering me a part of their family and therefore liked spending their money on me. There were a lot of uncomfortable moments and hurt feelings when I didn't react graciously to a gift or opportunity given to me by Esme, Carlisle or Alice. I learned after a while to just accept what they offered me in the love and friendship it was intended. So even though Alice had bought the condo and most of the furniture in it, I agreed to live there with her. She, in turn, allowed me to pay her the going rate for what rent was in our neighborhood.

Or at least she would, when I found a job and had a steady income.

Charlie and Carlisle arrived on Friday night, having rearranged their schedules to permit the visit. Carlisle was staying with Esme at the Pan Pacific, and Alice and I convinced Charlie he'd be comfortable crashing on our couch. The five of us spent Friday night hanging out at our apartment, ordering pizza for dinner and filling Charlie and Carlisle in on our week and all we'd accomplished. When Carlisle heard about my job search, he offered to try and open some doors for me at UW, having a variety of colleagues he could call in favors from. I wasn't sure how a doctor could have contacts that would help get me a job teaching English, but I wasn't going to turn down help when it was offered. I thanked him sincerely for his assistance as I accepted his offer to make some phone calls to see what he could do for me.

Charlie and I spent Saturday morning and afternoon together exploring my neighborhood, before we headed over to Pike Place Market. The two of us explored the shops and spent a lot of time people watching, but mostly just enjoying being together.

We returned to the apartment by six o'clock so we could get ready for dinner. Alice had consulted with Emmett's girlfriend and had made reservations at well-known Seattle steakhouse. Alice spent the hour we had before we left for dinner bugging me about my clothes, hair and makeup; I just let her do whatever she wanted. I had kind of missed letting her play "Bella Barbie" with me, but I also didn't have the energy to try and fend off her need to style and dress me.

She put me in a red top she had found while shopping with Esme earlier that week, and gave the "okay" for a pair of skinny jeans I had. She squealed in excitement when she saw brown boots in the back of my closet – I didn't have the heart to tell her they had been a present from Renee for my last birthday. She lent me a long silver necklace before concentrating on my makeup and hair. Thankfully, she kept it simple with long waves down my back and some mascara and lip gloss.

Charlie, Alice and I arrived at the restaurant a little before eight to find that everyone but Emmett and Rosalie were already there and seated. We made our way to a table in the back to find Carlisle seated at one end, with Esme on his left and Edward to his right. Charlie quickly plopped down next to Esme, so he was facing the entrance, back to the wall. I rolled my eyes, remembering all the times Charlie made me change places with him when we went out to eat. It was apparently part of police academy training to never have your back to the door when in public.

Alice suddenly excused herself to go to the bathroom, leaving me standing there, wondering where to sit – next to Edward or next to Charlie. I bit my lip, starting to slide toward Charlie's side of the table when I heard Emmett behind me.

"Hey, hey! The gang's all here!"

I turned to see Emmett striding toward us, holding hands with a beautiful blonde. Carlisle and Esme stood to give their oldest child a hug, and they seemed thrilled to finally meet Rosalie, both of them giving her a warm, welcoming hug. Emmett clapped Edward on the shoulder and I heard Rosalie say hello to him as well. Then they approached me.

"Bella, this is my beautiful girlfriend, Rose. Rosalie, this is Alice's best friend and my honorary adopted sister, Bella."

"Hi Rose, nice to meet you. I've heard great things about you." I stuck out my hand.

She grasped it, giving me a sunny smile and returned my greeting. "Hi Bella, it's really nice to meet you too. Welcome to Seattle."

I smiled back my thanks and moved out of the way so Emmett could bring Rosalie around to be introduced to Charlie. I glanced down to find Edward staring at Rose, then back at me, a shocked expression on his face. Just then, Alice returned from the bathroom and there were more hugs. My dilemma about where to sit was taken out of my hands as Alice slid next to Charlie, and Emmett took the spot next to Alice at the other end of the table. Rosalie sat to his right, which meant the only seat open was the one next to Edward. I quickly lowered myself into the chair.

We busied ourselves with small talk and looking over the menu. Rose began questioning Alice and I about our condo, apologizing for not being able to come over with Emmett to help us move since she had been in New York visiting her parents at the time. We waved off her apology and Alice invited her to stop over whenever she could.

I glanced to my left to see Edward watching the three of us with the same shocked look on his face that he had earlier.

"Is everything okay?" I leaned over and asked him quietly.

He jerked, surprised, and met my eyes. "Uh, yeah. I'm just...well, shocked to be honest."

"About?"

"Rose. She can be very sweet, but normally when she first meets someone she's very cold. I'm just surprised with how warmly she's acting toward you."

I raised my eyebrow and shrugged. "Maybe she just didn't like you when she first met you."

Edward looked taken aback and then began to chuckle. "I wasn't referring to...yeah, maybe she hated me on sight."

I grinned. "Is that possible?"

_Whoa, did I just flirt with Edward Cullen?_

He looked shocked and then gave me that sexy, crooked grin. "I would hope not, at least where some people are concerned."

I blushed and bit my lip.

_I'm in way over my head._

I broke our eye contact and looked at the menu. I used my father as an excuse to end my conversation with Edward. "So Dad, what do you think you're going to get?"

Charlie answered me as Carlisle asked Edward a question and the moment of awkwardness passed.

We didn't speak directly to each other again until dinner was served. After I had a few bites of my meal, he leaned over and asked, "How's your chicken?"

My mouth was full so all I could was nod and chew. Once I had swallowed, I looked at him and answered. "Very good. How's yours?"

"Perfect. Would you like a bite?"

_Holy crap!_

I don't think I consciously thought about it as I nodded. We didn't break eye contact as he took his fork, which already had a piece of steak pierced on its tines, and raised it to my mouth.

Our eye contact broke only when he looked down and watched the juicy meat disappear between my lips. Neither of us moved as my lips closed and I felt the steak on my tongue. I watched him watch my mouth, and the fire I saw in his eyes captivated me. He lowered the fork as I slowly began chewing the succulent meat, his eyes still fixated on my lips.

We were both startled when we heard Emmett give a loud guffaw, and it broke the strange spell that seemed to have been encompassing us. I quickly looked back down to my plate and from the corner of my eye, I saw Edward adjust the napkin on his lap. Swallowing the piece of steak he had fed me, I could feel the blush begin in my cheeks. I knew that despite my best efforts, I would not be able to will it away. In the next second, it occurred to me that the entire table could have been witness to what just took place. I glanced up quickly to look around.

Carlisle was talking to Charlie, who was nodding his head in agreement at whatever they were saying. Edward was listening to their conversation politely. Emmett and Rosalie were laughing with Esme over something, thoroughly enjoying their conversation. I took a deep breath, steeling myself in the hopes that the only person left would be wrapped up in something other than what just happened between Edward and me.

_No such luck._

The minute I caught her eye it was remarkably clear that she had caught the entire interaction. Alice's eyebrows were raised and her mouth hung open a bit in surprise. I felt my blush grow worse, firing up my already overheated cheeks. I broke her gaze and began eating again, wishing that the floor would just open up and swallow me whole.

The rest of dinner passed quietly. Edward and I didn't speak again, having our conversations only with the others. He spoke to Carlisle and Esme mostly, and had an intense discussion with Charlie over the Mariners' prospects for the spring. Their discussion about baseball reminded me of Phil. My heart clenched with the reminder of our stadium tour and how it had ended.

_The Accident. _

I quickly turned my head to the right, immediately immersing myself in the conversation that Emmett, Rose and Alice were having. It took a minute to catch up with what they were talking about, but it was enough for me to bury the pain and calm the rising panic I was feeling.

Not long after Carlisle paid the check, and we all rose to leave. As I was rising from the table, I turned to say something to Alice. I had risen at the wrong angle and was trying to turn in order to face her, but instead I did nothing more than throw myself off balance. Before I could hurt myself or fall to the ground in a humiliated heap, I felt someone grasp my elbow.

"Easy there." Edward held me tight to his side, helping me right myself. "Are you okay?"

I nodded and gave him a small smile. "I'm fine. Just terminally klutzy."

He grinned and opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, we both heard a shrill voice call, "Edward!" from across the restaurant.

I instinctively turned toward the grating voice, which put me in even closer proximity to Edward's long, lean body. I could feel him tense next to me, and the grip he had on my elbow tightened slightly.

I looked up to find a stunningly beautiful woman floating toward us.

That_ voice belonged to _that_ body? _

I got my answer as she reached us. Her eyes narrowed as she took in Edward's hand on my arm and the closeness of our bodies. I could see her jaw tense and then relax. She reached up and gently cupped Edward's cheek. Her face moved toward his and the grip on my arm tightened even further.

I watched curiously as Ms. Fake Boobs leaned in, lips puckered and quiet obviously aiming for Edward's lips. His head turned away despite the hold she had on his cheek, and her lips grazed the side of his mouth.

Her hand fell from his cheek and she stepped back, a look of clear disappointment crossing her face for a brief second. Had I not been watching the exchange so closely, I probably would've missed it all together.

"Darling, when you said you had plans tonight, I had no idea that you were coming here."

_Right, and I'm the Queen of England._

I had to hold back a snort. I highly doubted that this woman did anything without design.

Edward gave a tight smile and said, "Yes, well, we were just getting ready to leave."

I had no idea who this woman was, but I knew that I didn't like her, not from the moment I'd heard her annoying voice from across the room. I had been in her presence for only minutes and I hated everything about her – from her over-processed hair to her giant fake boobs spilling out the top of her coat. She was standing much too close to Edward and I had to hold myself back from pushing her away from his body.

_You're traveling through another dimension – next stop, the Twilight Zone._

I was _definitely_ in The Twilight Zone; there was no other explanation for how I was feeling. The way I was reacting was just not...me. It didn't make any sense.

Before I could delve any further into that thought, Ms. Annoying-the-Ever-Loving-Heck-Out-of-Me put on her best pout.

_Oh, hell no, she did not just push her lip out like a two-year-old._

"Aren't you going to introduce me first?"

Edward froze, obviously at a loss about what to do. Ms. Fake Boobs took the matter right out of his hands. Turning to Carlisle, she gave a full-watt smile and held out her right hand.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Tanya Jackson, Edward's girlfriend."


	10. Concession

Lots of love, hugs and thanks to my PTB betas, **AddictedtoEdward **and **Ms. Ambrosia. **They keep me focused and thank God for that!

To my girl, **Browns**, who took the time out of her weekend to help me out. If you aren't reading her story **"Oh, What a Tangled Web we Weave"** you should be. That story owns me.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. .

* * *

BPOV

_Did she just say girlfriend? _

_You've got to be kidding me. _

I'm not sure if it was conscious or not, but I found myself taking a step back from Edward so our bodies were no longer pressed together. He didn't immediately let go of my elbow, so I gave it a gentle tug. He took his eyes off Carlisle and Tanya for a split second, glancing down at my arm before looking up into my eyes. I gave him a small, tight smile and tugged my arm again. He finally let go.

Everyone had fallen silent with Tanya's introduction to Carlisle, with the exception of Emmett, who just gave a small snort. I turned my head and saw Rosalie giving him a look of warning. Alice looked as surprised as I felt, meeting my gaze with one eyebrow raised. I could tell we were both thinking the same thing.

_Ewwwww!_

I looked back to the scene playing out in front of me. Edward looked completely mortified. Carlisle shook Tanya's hand and introduced her to Esme. Esme gave Tanya a polite smile, but I could tell she was completely bewildered. My father just stood there, looking out of place and uncomfortable. Even he could tell that something just didn't feel right.

"Carlisle and Esme, it's such a pleasure to meet you. Edward has spoken so highly of you both. I'm so thrilled that we've finally had a chance to meet – although it would have been nice if Edward had told me you were going to be in town. I would have joined you for dinner tonight."

Emmett wasn't nearly quiet enough when he snorted, "As fucking if!"

Tanya shot him a nasty glare over her shoulder and then sneered at Rose. Rosalie narrowed her eyes and took a step forward, but Emmett stopped her by throwing an arm over her shoulder.

Tanya's eyes skimmed over Alice and I, before turning back to Edward, Carlisle and Esme without a word to either of us. Charlie didn't even make a blip on her radar.

"Dr. Jackson, I'm afraid my son has never mentioned you, so your introduction to us has taken us a bit by surprise. Do you work at Harborview with Edward?" Esme's voice was cool and barely polite. I saw Carlisle's eyes widen with surprise at the tone in his wife's voice. I heard Edward groan quietly as he ran a hand through his hair.

Tanya huffed. "Yes, Esme. Edward and I are on the same surgical residency rotation. We've been together for the last five years."

"It's _Mrs._ _Cullen_, Dr. Jackson." If possible, Esme's tone had grown colder.

Carlisle rocked back on his heels and I was almost positive that I heard Emmett mutter, "Fucking hell."

Before Tanya could reply, Edward firmly grasped Tanya's bicep. "Everyone, please excuse Tanya and me for a moment. I'll meet you all outside." With that, he marched her away.

We all stood silently for a minute before everyone started talking at once to cover the uncomfortable silence that was left in Edward and Tanya's wake. Emmett and Rosalie led the way out of the restaurant, with Alice and me right behind them. Carlisle, Esme and Charlie followed us, talking quietly.

Charlie caught up to Alice and me as we neared his car in the parking lot. "Girls, it might be best if we head back to the apartment now."

Alice whipped around to look at him. "And miss the show that's about to take place between Mom, Dad and Edward? No way in hell, Charlie."

Charlie tried to look stern and disapproving, but it wasn't something that had ever worked on Alice. I could be reduced to tears and admit to crimes I hadn't even committed when he gave me that look; Alice just smiled and looked mildly amused.

"Then Bella and I will head back to the apartment, so why don't you see if you can get a ride from your brother or your parents. This is a family matter, and I don't think we need to intrude."

Part of me wanted to argue with him, knowing damn well that Alice would tell me what happened and Carlisle would end up telling Charlie as well. But I needed the break from the tension; I also needed to take a step back and figure out what the heck was going on between Edward and me, considering he apparently had a girlfriend.

_One he's been with for five years and never told his family about. Nice. _

Alice nodded and she walked over to Emmett and Rosalie to ask them for a ride home. She turned back to Charlie and nodded to him that they would give her a ride. When he saw her give the okay, Charlie strode over to where Esme and Carlisle were standing a few feet away.

"Esme, Carlisle, thank you so much for dinner; I'm glad we got a chance to get everyone together in one spot." He shook Carlisle's hand and gave Esme a kiss on the cheek.

"Of course, Charlie. I'm glad we were able to come out and see the kids. Thanks for the ride." Carlisle smiled, but I could see the tension beneath it.

"You two are all set to drive back tomorrow?" Charlie asked.

Carlisle nodded. "The plan is to check out and have a leisurely brunch before driving back to Forks."

"Sounds good. You drive safely." With one last goodbye, Charlie headed back to the car and got inside.

I leaned in and gave Esme a warm hug. "Thank you both so much for coming out to see us. It was wonderful to spend time with you."

Esme held on a little tighter. "You call if you need anything, anything at all." She stepped back, holding on to my shoulders. "Promise me, Bella. Anything."

I nodded. "I promise. Thank you for everything, Esme."

Esme didn't answer me, just reached up and touched my cheek gently.

I turned to Carlisle and he enfolded me in his arms. "You take care of yourself, Bella."

"I will, Carlisle. Please drive carefully."

He squeezed me tight once more before letting me go. I walked back to where Charlie was waiting for me, waving to Alice, Emmett and Rosalie; I hoped I'd be seeing them soon.

Charlie and I rode back to the apartment in silence. When we got back, I convinced him to sleep in my room, arguing that I didn't want Alice to wake him up when she finally got home. He agreed only after I told him I'd sleep in her room that night and not on the couch.

I really just wanted to make sure I didn't miss Alice when she got back and being on the couch practically guaranteed it. I also didn't want Charlie driving back to Forks tomorrow morning without enough sleep. I'd be a nervous wreck until he called to say he was back in Forks anyway, and I didn't need to worry about him being sleep deprived on top of all my normal anxieties.

I changed into my pajamas, grabbed my pillow and snuggled up on the couch. An old episode of Family Guy was on, so I left the channel where it was while I waited for Alice's return. It only took a few minutes of watching Stewie plotting to kill Lois before my brain kicked into overtime.

I knew I wasn't crazy – Edward had definitely been flirting with me this past week. Granted, I'd only seen him twice, but still, the way he had been the night of Esme's arrival and then tonight at dinner was definitely considered flirty. It was certainly different than his attitude the day I had gone to the hospital; it was different than any way he had acted with me since we'd first met.

_But why would he act that way if he had a girlfriend?_

That was what I couldn't wrap my head around. It just didn't make sense. It didn't seem like something that Edward would do; I certainly knew that Esme and Carlisle hadn't raised him to be anything but respectful toward women. And even if he was willing to take the opportunity to be overly-friendly to someone other than his girlfriend, why me?

As much as I considered Tanya over-processed and fake, I also couldn't deny that she was what most men would consider beautiful. I also knew that I was not. I was quite plain. If I was having a really good day, I might be able to pass for mildly attractive. I had absolutely nothing on Tanya. I was an unemployed, former schoolteacher who was broken in so many ways that my own boyfriend hadn't stuck around to support me. In a Tanya vs. Bella contest, Tanya would be the obvious winner.

I sighed and buried my face into my pillow. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I had mistaken Edward's friendliness for flirting and in reality it had been nothing more than Edward just being nice.

I fell asleep on the couch around midnight, tired of waiting for Alice to arrive home.

* * *

The sun was streaming through the windows, warming up the apartment to an almost uncomfortable level. I threw the blanket off of me, walking half-blind to the thermostat to turn down the heat. The temperature for January in Seattle was usually somewhere around forty degrees, but it had been running much above normal for the last few days. We were constantly adjusting the thermostat as the days got warmer and the nights turned cold.

I didn't hear anything from anywhere else in the apartment. Checking the clock on the microwave, I realized it was after ten and Charlie would've left already. Sure enough, there was a note on the counter.

**Bella,**

**I didn't want to wake you, so I just let myself out. **

**Call me when you can.**

**Be good.**

**Love,**

**Dad**

I sighed, upset I hadn't seen him before he left. Farewells were hard for both of us lately. It would've felt better if I'd had the chance to hug him goodbye.

I folded the note and walked down the hallway to my room. Alice's door was shut, so she must have gotten home at some point last night. It rankled that she didn't wake me up, but I shrugged it off. I had no idea what time she got back and she may have been tired and not in the mood for a conversation.

Once I had showered and dressed, I decided to take a walk to the espresso bar down the block. The sun was shining brightly and there was a hint of spring in the air. The air was still much colder than what I'd been used to in Sacramento and Phoenix. Sometimes I missed the sun, but I doubted I would ever leave Washington again. It had become stunningly clear just how much I needed to be near Charlie, Jake, and Alice. Leaving them to start over someplace else would never be an option again.

Entering the café, I smiled and said hello to the barista. I ordered a latté for me, and a tall house blend coffee for Alice, with the hope that she would be awake when I returned.

I could hear Alice moving around the apartment as I put my key in the door. She gave me a small smile when I walked in. I immediately held her coffee out to her. She took it from my hands without hesitation.

"You are a life saver." She breathed in the strong aroma and her smile grew brighter.

Taking off my jacket, I hung it in the hall closet before moving into the living room where Alice was now sitting curled up on the couch. I wanted to start asking questions about last night right away, but couldn't figure out a way to start the conversation without coming across as a gossip. Thankfully, Alice saved me the worry.

"Did you hate that bitch on sight like I did?"

I hesitated, not sure how to answer her question. Normally, I would agree at once and we would move into tearing Tanya apart. But I was afraid my answer would give Alice an insight to my still unresolved and confusing feelings about Edward, and I wasn't sure if I was ready for that conversation just yet.

Alice didn't seem to require an answer. "I don't know why I bothered asking, anyone with any taste would hate her on sight. Rosalie wants nothing more than to punch her every time she sees her and don't even get me started on the stuff Emmett had to say about her."

"Have Rose and Emmett spent a lot of time with Tanya and Edward?" I asked cautiously. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know the answer, but I couldn't help myself.

"No, Emmett hates her. I mean, he just _loathes_ everything about her. But according to Em, he's only met Tanya a handful of times and the four of them have only gone out together twice."

I was definitely confused. "That seems…odd, considering how long Tanya said she and Edward have been together."

Alice rolled her eyes. "They haven't been dating for five years – they've been with the same surgical program for five years. They only started dating nine months ago, and according to Edward, it was never that serious. Apparently we can add manipulative bitch to her list of attributes."

I definitely needed to hear the whole story. "Okay, you're gonna have to start from the time when Charlie and I left. What did Edward say? What did your mom and dad do? What do Emmett and Rose know about this woman?"

_Screw not knowing. I was dying for answers. _

"We ended up waiting outside for another ten minutes before Edward came out. Tanya had obviously slapped him, because he had a nice red palm print on the side of his face. I thought Mom was going to go back inside and give the bitch a smack down, but Dad managed to calm her down. Dad asked Edward to go back to the hotel with them, and I went home with Em and Rose. Edward got there about an hour later."

"Your parents –"

"…Were_ pissed_. I think they felt as though Edward had been lying to them all this time, especially when they thought he had been with her for so long. I think they were more disappointed to think that Edward would keep from telling us he had a girlfriend for five freaking years, but he said they calmed down when he explained the situation to them. They still weren't thrilled with the fact that he's been dating her for nine months and never mentioned her, but they'll get over it."

"Is he…okay?"

Alice shrugged. "I guess so, though I'm seriously starting to doubt his taste in women."

I couldn't help it – I blushed.

Alice leaned back, making herself comfortable and smirked. "I knew it!"

"Ali…"

"Bells, I saw the way he was looking at you and the way you were looking at him. There's something definitely going on between you two. Spill."

Huffing, I pulled my knees up to my chest. How did I explain something I didn't understand myself?

"I don't know that there's anything going on. He was a jerk to me at the hospital, but the next day, when he came over, he was friendly – flirty, I guess. And you saw what happened at dinner last night." I shrugged, unsure of what else to say.

"Do you like him?" Alice was practically vibrating with excitement.

I rolled my eyes. "Alice, seriously?"

"Just answer the question."

"I don't…I don't know." Alice looked extremely disappointed. I think she was waiting for me to give a declaration of undying love for her brother. "How can I know if I like him when I barely know him? We've exchanged maybe ten sentences in the last ten years. He's never treated me like anything other than a polite acquaintance."

"Yeah, last night? That thing where he fed you from his fork? That was definitely not a 'polite acquaintance' move."

"Yeah, well…. He has a girlfriend, so that definitely means I won't be doing anything about finding out if I _do_ like him."

"He broke up with her."

I was slightly surprised with how happy that statement made me feel, but again, it was not the time to examine the feeling. "Because of what happened at the restaurant?"

"When Edward was with Mom and Dad, I grilled Emmett about Tanya. I won't get into everything he said, because it's not important, especially since Edward broke up with her anyway. Let's just say, she's not a nice person – and that's putting it mildly."

Alice set her coffee cup on the table before continuing.

"Emmett's been trying to get Edward to break up with her for months; they even had a huge blowout over it at one point. Emmett has his theories about why Edward never did, which again, aren't important. But about a week ago, Emmett said that Edward was practically floating around the apartment. Em said he hasn't seen Edward that happy in years. Being Emmett, he flat out asked Edward what was going on and all Edward would tell him was that he wasn't going to waste anymore time and was finally going to go after everything he's ever wanted."

"What does that mean?"

Alice rolled her eyes and gave me a pointed look. "Really, Bella?"

"I don't…." I shook my head, confused.

Alice waved her hands out in front of her, dismissing whatever I was trying to say. "Okay, you'll just have to get there on your own. Anyway, when Edward came home, he apologized for Tanya's behavior and said that she wouldn't be an issue anymore. He broke up with her at the restaurant and that's when she slapped him."

"He broke up with her right there?" I may not have liked her on sight, but that seemed a bit harsh, especially after they'd been together for nine months. To be dumped, seemingly out of thin air, just seemed cruel. _Joe…_

"According to him, he's considered breaking it off for the last three months. Finally, he just decided he had to go ahead and do it. He said he'd been trying to get her alone to tell her all week, but she was avoiding him or canceling on him at the last minute. Remember when he said he couldn't do dinner with everyone on Friday night? He was supposed to see her then and was going to tell her it was over, but she called him and told him she was sick. Edward was shocked to see her at the restaurant because he'd thought she was supposed to be working. She apparently gave him the excuse that she was meeting her sisters there for a late dinner, but Edward said that it just seemed a little too convenient."

"She's following him?" So apparently, Tanya's a _crazy_, manipulative bitch.

Alice shook her head. "Not that he can prove, but it was too much of a coincidence, you know? He did say she's been hinting at meeting our parents for a while, but that something kept holding him back from letting it happen; he said the relationship never felt like it was serious enough for that. Maybe she didn't set it up to work out the way it did, but he thinks she may have seen the opportunity and took it."

"That's…creepy."

"Agreed."

We sat there in silence for a few minutes, Alice giving me the time I needed to adjust to all the information she had just thrown at me.

"So, does any of this change your mind about getting friendlier with my brother?" Alice was smirking again.

I shrugged and her smirk died a quick death. "Ali…I just…I'm not sure that Edward and I are meant to be anything more than…well, what we are."

"Which is?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The same thing we've always been – polite acquaintances with only you in common. I told you, I barely know him."

"And you just said that the only reason you weren't going to explore the possibility of getting to know him better was because of Tanya. Well, she's out of the picture, so what excuse do you have now?"

"I didn't say it was the only reason."

"Whatever. Stop arguing with me. Are you, or are you not, going to spend some time getting to know my brother better to see if there's an attraction there?"

"I never said I wasn't attracted to him." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I clamped a hand over my lips.

"HA! I knew it!"

Part of me wanted to smack the smug expression off her face and part of me wanted to laugh at it.

"Attraction or not, I'm still not sure about…anything really. I don't know if I'm ready to explore _anything_ with Edward, or anyone, right now."

Alice's smile dropped and her eyes held concern. "Bella, you can't stop living your life."

I shook my head slightly, causing some of my hair to fall into my face. "I just mean that so much has changed in the last few months for me that I'm just not sure I'm ready for anything more than being someone's friend. Sometimes I worry I'm not even being a good one of those."

Alice took my hand. "First, you're a wonderful friend, you always have been. Secondly, I'm not saying that you have to marry my brother. I'm just curious to see if you might be willing to explore this new thing that seems to be starting between you two?"

I didn't answer her for a few moments. Eventually, I gave her what I could. "Maybe…yes, I would be willing to spend some time with him and just…see."

"Good, because he's coming over tonight." The smirk was back.

I glared at her, but she just continued to smile before speaking again. "So, what are you going to make for dinner?"

I wondered if Edward would be upset if I killed his sister.


	11. Dinner

**Ms. Ambrosia and Browns **are the most wonderful, best, amazing betas in the entire world. Without them, I don't know what I'd do! Thank you ladies for everything!

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
**

* * *

**BPOV**

I hadn't killed Alice...

Yet.

But I was seriously considering it.

It was bad enough she had invited Edward to dinner without telling – or asking – me first, but when you throw in the fact that I had to cook dinner along with wanting to dress me up, Alice was on my last nerve.

I finally had enough and stormed out of my bathroom when she tried to put glitter eye shadow on me.

Glitter.

On.

_Me._

The Pixie was about to become Pixie Dust if she didn't knock that crap off.

She was currently in her room singing along with Lady Gaga about a bad romance. I rolled my eyes as I walked to the kitchen to check on the food.

My iHome was in the living room, playing Norah Jones softly in the background. The chicken was in the oven and the water was warming for the spaghetti when I heard the knock at the door. Ignoring the butterflies in my stomach, I went and answered it.

Edward was standing there looking amazingly hot, wearing a leather jacket with a fist full of Gerber daisies in his hand.

_Oh, my. _

"Hey," he said quietly, giving me his crooked grin.

"Hi." I could feel the blush on my cheeks, as well as the smile that lit up my face.

"Come in." I opened the door wide to allow him entrance. He moved into the entryway, slipping his jacket off his shoulders as he maneuvered the daisies from hand to hand.

"Let me take your jacket." He handed it to me with a quiet, "Thank you," and I hung it up in the hall closet. When I turned back to him, he was standing there watching me intently.

"These are for you...and ah, Alice, of course."

"Thank you. They're beautiful." Walking to the kitchen, I reached up to the cabinet over the refrigerator to grab one of the vases I knew we had stored up there. The reach was a bit high for me, and as I turned to grab a chair from the dining room table, I felt Edward behind me.

"Which one?" Edward asked, his face bent so his lips were down near my ear. I bit my lip to hold back a groan as his breath passed over its lobe.

I was pressed tightly between him and the fridge and I could feel every inch of Edward behind me. It had been a long time since I had any physical contact with someone I was attracted to and the temptation to push back into Edward's body was strong.

_Very strong_.

"Doesn't matter." I had to hold it together.

It was only hours ago that I had admitted to Alice I was willing to see where this attraction to Edward took me – us – but it had been almost seven months since I'd had sex. I wondered if I'd react this way to any male body this close to me, or if it was Edward in particular that was eliciting such a strong reaction in me. Jacob had hugged me, held me and was physically closer to me in the past few months than any other man. Yet, I never had this sort of reaction to him. I had no choice but to believe these feelings were brought on only by Edward.

He moved just a bit closer to me to grasp one of the vases and I found myself sinking into his form. I wished his arms would encircle my waist and pull me tight against him. It scared me a bit that I got lost in the fantasy for a moment.

_Whoa, take it easy there, slick. He's just a guy. _

That he happened to be one of the hottest guys I've ever had the opportunity to lay my eyes on didn't help. I was a girl who hadn't been laid in a very long time and that made this a very dangerous situation.

He placed the vase in my hands and shut the cabinet door, but neither of us had moved from our positions. My breathing had picked up and if I wasn't mistaken, his had as well. I swear I could feel his face in my hair, but the touch was feather light and I wasn't sure if I really felt it or just wished I did.

Alice interrupted the moment.

"Hey guys!" She came bounding out into the kitchen. Edward backed up and I moved away from him, grabbing the vase and the flowers. I stood there, my back to Alice, as I arranged the bouquet.

"I, uh, just wanted to tell you, I'm going to have to skip dinner." She sounded amused and wary all at the same time.

Whipping around, I looked at her suspiciously. "What to do you mean you have to skip dinner?"

"Rose just called from Tacoma; she was on her way back and got a flat. Emmett's working and she couldn't get a hold of anyone else, so I have to go pick her up. We're just going to grab something to eat on our way back."

"Oh." Her story made sense, but part of me couldn't help but wonder if she set this whole thing up so Edward and I would be completely alone.

"Save me some chicken parm though, please!" She threw on her coat, grabbed her keys and was out the door before either Edward or I could say goodbye.

I stood there for a minute longer, continuing to arrange the daisies in the vase, even though they didn't need it. My back was to Edward and I wondered how he felt about Alice's hasty exit.

"Thanks for having me over tonight," he said quietly. He was standing very close to me, our bodies almost touching.

_It's not close enough._

I seriously needed to get a grip.

"No problem. I'm glad you could come." Taking a deep breath, I turned and faced him. We stood there, staring at each other for a few minutes when the timer on the oven dinged.

The two of us jumped, and the moment of...whatever, was broken. I placed the vase of flowers in the center of the kitchen island and turned back to the oven.

"Do you need help with anything?" It sounded like he moved a bit further away.

_Damn it._

"Um, there's a bottle of Pinot Noir over there if you want to open it and let it breathe." I gestured with my head to where I had put the bottle earlier and pulled the chicken out of the oven to check it.

"I can handle that. Bottle opener?"

"In the drawer next to the sink." The chicken could use a few more minutes, so I stuck it back in the oven and then moved up to the stove to put the pasta in the now boiling water.

"What the hell is this?" I whirled around to find him holding the bottle opener.

I laughed. "A, uh, bottle opener?"

He was holding our rabbit style bottle opener in his hands, looking at it like it was a new species of animal. "What happened to the old fashion corkscrew ones?"

I couldn't hold back another laugh. "That has a corkscrew."

"Uh, huh." He was still turning it around in his hands, trying to figure out how the contraption was supposed to open a bottle of wine.

"Give it here." I held my hand out to him and he gave the bottle opener to me without hesitation.

I walked over to the counter and attached the bottle opener to the bottle, maneuvering it so the corkscrew easily removed the cork from the bottle. Edward stood next to me, our sides touching, while he watched. I then used the opener to remove the cork from the corkscrew.

"Well, that's just fuc-freaking handy now, isn't it?" He gazed at me with a look of amazement on his face.

"We really need to get you out more." I laughed as I tossed the cork into a bowl Alice and I had set aside with the decorative purpose to fill with wine corks. It was a tradition my mom had started when she moved to Jacksonville and I had picked it up when I started drinking wine.

"Apparently," he said, his voice low and husky.

I looked up to see him staring down at me, his eyes raking over my face. He looked like he was searching for something, and I wondered what he was trying to find. I was startled when I saw his hand move toward my cheek, and I noticed he hesitated for a fraction of a second before continuing his movement. He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers running through the tresses, before coming to rest on my neck. "I'm looking forward to learning all sorts of new things."

From the living room, I could hear Norah singing about having someone come home and turn her on.

_Was it just me or did it get, like, amazingly hot in here?_

"Good thing I'm an excellent teacher." My eyes went wide when I realized what I said and he chuckled softly.

"That is a good thing. A very, very good thing."

_Holy. Crap. Would you prefer to take me on the counter or the floor, Dr. Cullen?_

Things were moving very quickly and I needed to step back. A week ago, Jake and I were calling him Dr. Dick and I was annoyed with his attitude. A day later, we were on slightly friendlier terms. Last night, I was eating off his fork and staring deeply into his eyes before meeting his girlfriend. Now, I'm standing in my kitchen ready to drop trou and have him screw me silly on the kitchen floor.

_Remember to breathe in, and breathe out._

"I...uh...um, have to check the pasta," I said as I moved away from him, and his hand fell from my neck. He didn't answer me. Instead, he just gave a small nod, staring at me with a smoldering look in his eyes.

I stirred the spaghetti, checking to make sure it was done. I spent the next few minutes preparing the pasta and sauce. When that was done, I pulled the chicken out of the oven. I moved to the fridge and pulled a bowl of tossed salad off the bottom shelf. Edward stood and watched my movements silently the entire time. When I began bringing our dinner to the table, he helped me carry things from the kitchen to the dining room table. I told him to take a seat as I took one last look around the kitchen to make sure I had everything we needed. Taking one last deep breath, I joined Edward at the table.

"Everything looks delicious, Bella." I smiled, and looked up to see his crooked grin.

_Don't jump him at the table. Don't jump him at the table._

"Thank you, Edward. I hope it tastes as good as it looks."

I could have sworn I heard him give a low groan, but I couldn't be sure as he immediately asked, "Wine?"

"Yes, thank you." I handed him my glass.

There was more silence as we filled our plates and began to eat, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Tense, yes, but I had a feeling it had more to do with the sexual vibe surrounding us than anything else.

"Dad told me you were looking into jobs at UDub. Have you had any luck so far?" Edward took a bite of the chicken and I was temporarily mesmerized by the sharp angle of his jaw, moving as he chewed.

"Um, uh, no...not yet. But I just sent my resume out last Tuesday, so it might be awhile yet. Carlisle offered to call some of his contacts, but I'm not quite sure how a doctor will help me find a job teaching English." I had to remind myself to pick up my fork and eat rather than watching Edward.

"You'd be surprised; Dad knows a lot of people. Before he and Mom moved to Forks, he did his residency out here and worked with people who went on to teach at UDub. He's really good at networking and making contacts. He's probably already made some phone calls."

"I'd be appreciative of any help he could give me. I'm so tired of sitting around all day and not pulling my own weight."

Edward looked at me, confused. "Pulling your own weight?"

I shrugged, uncomfortable now. "No job means no money and I'm just not used to relying on other people to...take care of me. And for the past few months, that's all I've been doing – letting other people take care of me." He didn't say anything, just watched me with slightly narrowed eyes.

I shrugged again. "It's a bit humbling and humiliating to ask your father for money to go buy shampoo or deodorant, you know? Practically everything in the apartment was bought by your sister or your parents." I gestured around me.

"I can't even pay her rent right now. My insurance ran out when I lost my job and I'm currently on Medicaid to pay for my physical therapy." A tear ran down my cheek. "So yeah, it would be really nice to find a job."

I looked down at my plate, embarrassed that I voiced my shame to Edward. These were feelings and thoughts I hadn't told Jake or Alice about; I barely liked to think about it when I was alone.

Except, it was practically _all_ I ever thought about.

I was horrified that I had to rely on welfare to help me pay my way. Any money I had in my savings account had been drained. My unemployment checks went right into helping pay my hospital bills; even with what my insurance had covered, they were astronomically high. No one that had loaned me money – my dad, Jake and Leah, Alice, Carlisle and Esme – had ever made a big deal about it, but it still made me feel horrible. Even though I had made it perfectly clear to all of them that I would be paying them all back, it still felt like I was asking for handouts. I was ashamed, mortified that my life had come to this. Now that I was physically able to work, and in a place that offered the opportunities, finding a job was my first priority.

The sexual tension was completely gone now, replaced by a heavy silence. Another tear ran down my cheek and I was afraid to move to wipe it away for fear that Edward would notice my crying.

_Way to ruin dinner, Bella. Real smooth._

Edward's left hand reached out and gently grasped my chin. He raised my face so he could meet my eyes. I tried to turn my head, but he just moved it back so I was looking at him again. With his right hand, he used his thumb to swipe away the tears that had fallen. When he finished, he removed his hand from my chin and brought it up to my cheek.

"Bella, I have no doubt you will find a job very soon. And there should be no shame in allowing the people who love you to take care of you. They want to. They need to. So it's okay to let them."

More tears fell as I closed my eyes. I could feel a sob bubble up in my throat and I took a breath, trying to hold it back, but it came out anyway. The next thing I knew, I was in Edward's arms and we were striding across the floor to the living room. He sat down on the couch, pulling me into his lap, arms wrapped securely around me. I buried my face in his chest and sobbed.

I'm not sure how long I cried, or how long we sat there after my cries had diminished to sniffles and then silence, but we never moved. Edward held me, stroking my hair, rubbing down my back and arms, whispering words of comfort. His hand was currently making tender circles on my back, soothing me. I was content for the first time in months, feeling completely safe and cared for.

I finally spoke. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"I ruined your shirt."

"I have others."

"I shouldn't ha –" He stopped me.

"You needed to."

I shifted in his arms, moving to get up, but Edward held me tight.

"Are you still hungry?"

I shook my head.

"Why don't you go take a shower and try to relax? I'll clean up and put everything away."

"Oh, Edward, no, I can –"

"Doctor's orders." A small smile pulled at his lips. When I began to protest again, Edward placed a finger over my mouth. "Let me take care of it, Bella."

I sighed and then nodded. When he got my confirmation, his arms loosened and I stood. I couldn't meet his eyes as I whispered, "Thank you, Edward."

He didn't answer, but I could feel his gaze on me as I made my way to the hallway that led to my bedroom.

* * *

A half an hour later, I was in a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeved t-shirt, making my way back out to the living room. My hair was still damp, pulled on top of my head in a knot. The kitchen and dining room lights were off, the only light coming from over the stove and the glare off the TV. I could see that the table had been cleared of our aborted meal and there were dishes in the rack next to the sink.

Edward was nowhere to be found.

I found myself disappointed and depressed that he had left without saying goodbye. Over the course of the last hour or so, I had experienced comfort, safety and contentment, feelings that had been solely lacking in me lately.

_What is it about this guy that makes me want to jump his bones one minute and feel perfectly comfortable crying in his arms the next?_

Being held by him had been soothing in a way I hadn't expected, and the need to feel them around me again was so strong, it felt like an ache in my belly. I hadn't realized how lacking I had been for human contact; that the hugs from my family and friends had been only doing so much to ease the need to be close to someone.

I stood there, lost in my thoughts, when I suddenly felt him behind me. Edward touched my shoulder and I turned toward him.

"Where were you?" I kept my eyes on his chest as I asked.

"Alice's bathroom."

My mouth moved in a silent "o."

"Feel better?" Edward asked quietly, searching my face.

I was finally able to meet his eyes. "Much better, thank you."

Edward smiled. "You feel up for watching a movie with me?"

Grinning back at him, I nodded. "What do you want to watch?"

"You pick this time. I'll choose the next." He gave me that sexy, crooked smile.

_Now I want to jump him again. Mood swings anyone? _

...

_Whoa, back up a minute. Did he just say "next time?" I haven't agreed to a "next time." _

_Wait, does he think this is a date? This isn't a date, its just dinner between friends. Well, kinda friends. Friendly acquaintances. _

_Holy crap, I need a drink._

I took a deep breath, trying not to worry about whatever "this" was right now. I'd analyze the whole night later, after Edward was gone.

"Okay. How about Shaun of the Dead?" I asked, naming one of my favorite movies.

"Zombies?" Edward raised an eyebrow, looking and sounding surprised.

"Yeah, I've been obsessed with them since college when my friend Jeremy handed me a copy of 'The Zombie Survival Guide.' I have a bug-out bag packed and ready to go at a moment's notice."

Edward just stared at me, and I could tell he was wondering if I was serious or not. After a minute, I couldn't hold a straight face anymore.

I started giggling. "You should see your face."

He looked relieved. "You were pretty convincing."

"Don't knock zombies at least until you've read _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies_. But even I haven't gone as far as having a survival plan or a bug-out bag."

He looked amazed. "People really have those things?"

I nodded and grinned. "Charlie does."

Edward's eyes widened and I laughed. "His aren't for a zombie apocalypse though; he's just a law enforcement officer prepared for war or a natural disaster. He's been trying to get me to put something together since Hurricane Katrina. He's always telling me you never know what's going to happen and when help is going to come, so it's better to be pro-active rather than re-active."

"He's actually got a really good point." Edward looked thoughtful and I chuckled softly.

"Probably, but he still hasn't convinced me to do anything about it." We laughed together and I moved to the media cabinet to get the movie. Edward sat down on the couch as I put the disk in the DVD player.

I moved back over to the couch and sat down, leaving a good amount of space between Edward and myself. I settled back against the cushions, trying to get comfortable when he reached over and pulled me to him.

I looked at him, shocked, but he just smiled, throwing his arm around my shoulder. His legs were propped on the coffee table in front of us and mine were bent off to the side. I settled into the groove of his arm and shoulder, laying my head on his chest.

We watched the movie in silence, breaking it to laugh at Simon Pegg or Nick Frost. I know some people don't get British humor, but I just love it.

Edward spent most of the movie stroking my hair and I felt oddly comfortable and turned on, all at the same time. I was no closer to figuring out where his personality change had come from or what my sudden draw to him was, but honestly with all of the other things weighing on my mind, this was the least of my worries. I knew I was attracted to him, and the more time I spent with him, the more comfortable and safe I felt. I was going to stop worrying about it and just go with it.

The movie ended, but neither of us moved as the credits rolled and the DVD blue screen came up. Edward continued to move his hand through my hair and I snuggled further into his chest. After a minute though, I needed to ask him something.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm?"

"Can you...will you please...not say anything to Alice about what I told you tonight?" I lifted my head so I was looking up into his face.

He was looking down at me, his face expressionless. Finally, he spoke. "On one condition."

I raised an eyebrow. "Okay..."

"That you stop beating yourself up over everything and that if you're feeling shitty about stuff, you'll talk to me about it."

I sighed. I was definitely the "suffer in silence" type, not wanting to burden anyone with my worries or problems. I was more like Charlie in that respect and neither of us were big on verbalizing how we felt. Agreeing to talk to someone when I was bothered or upset was nearly impossible. But if it meant that only Edward would be aware of my secret shame, I would do it.

"Alright."

Edward looked surprised. "That was much easier than expected."

I shrugged my shoulders, not sure how to explain to him why I agreed so easily. It was easy to talk to him and if that's all I had to do to keep Alice from finding out about my mini-breakdown, then I would. She was concerned enough as it was about me and I didn't want her to worry anymore.

Just then we heard a key in the door and I sprung up from my position on Edward's chest, throwing my feet on the floor. He didn't let me get far though, since he kept his arm flung around my shoulders. That's how Alice found us when she walked into the apartment a few seconds later.

"Oh! Well, um, hi!" She looked at us, clearly surprised at our close proximity. She may have hoped with her evil "I'm leaving" plan that this was what would happen, but she definitely didn't expect it.

Edward and I both responded with a "hey" as she moved toward us and plopped herself in the big brown chair. She looked quickly at the TV before turning back toward us.

"What movie did you guys watch? You _did _watch a movie, right?" She smirked, over her shock.

"Shaun of the Dead, smartass," I replied with a tiny growl.

Edward chuckled quietly and asked, "Everything's okay with Rose's car?"

"Her car?" Alice looked dumbfounded for a second before it clicked. "Oh! Her car! It's fine. When I got there some guy stopped and helped us change the flat and I followed her home. Everything's just fine now." Alice gave us a big grin.

I rolled my eyes. _Could she be anymore transparent?_

Edward removed his arm and stood up, stretching. "I have to work tomorrow, so I should get going before it gets much later." He smiled as he looked down at me. "Walk me to the door?"

I smiled and nodded, standing. He grabbed my hand and we walked past Alice to the hall closet, where I grabbed his coat. Edward took it from me and pulled it on, never taking his eyes off mine. Once he had it on, he took my hand again and pulled me just the tiny bit closer to him.

"Are you busy this week?" He spoke quietly, probably so Alice wouldn't overhear him.

I tried to tone down the large smile that threatened to split my face in two. "Not that I know of." I bit my lip, still unable to contain my grin.

"Will you go out to dinner with me?"

I nodded, unable to actually form the word "yes." Was it normal to feel this giddy, especially after I'd been feeling so horrible earlier?

"Is Thursday okay? I'm working a marathon stretch starting tomorrow, but I'll be done Thursday morning."

"You won't be tired?"

"Not enough to keep me away from you."

_Swoon_.

"I guess we're on for Thursday, then."

We both smiled. Edward held my hand as he moved the few feet to the door.

"Bye, Alice!" he called out to his sister, before turning the knob.

"Later, big brother!" Her reply was a bit muffled and I wondered where she was.

Edward stepped out into the hallway, having still not let go of my hand. I planted my feet at the doorway, refusing to go any further.

"You're not going to walk me down to my car?" he teased.

"I think you can handle it."

He leaned in and I thought for a minute he was going to kiss me, but he just touched his lips to my forehead briefly before moving away. He released my hand, and a quiet goodbye, walked to the elevator. I watched him until it arrived and only shut the door after he gave me one last wave and the elevator doors shut behind him.

Thursday couldn't come fast enough.

* * *

**A/N:**

If you're interested in outtakes, visit my profile to read **After All - The Outtakes**. It includes the moment where Edward decides to pursue Bella, as well as the Breakup Scene.


	12. Scared

Thank you to my wonderfully fantablous betas, **MsAmbrosia** and **Browns**. You guys are the best and I'm so glad you're along for this crazy ass ride with me.

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

* * *

**BPOV**

"Wakey, wakey, Bella baby!" Alice's trill voice sang through the bright morning sunshine.

I rolled over and groaned, pulling a pillow over my head. I didn't know what time it was, but it didn't really matter. Anytime was too early for Alice's exuberance. It didn't help that I hadn't gotten enough sleep; my insomnia had kicked in and I spent the night wandering the apartment, trying to keep busy and not wallow in my thoughts. When I had fallen asleep, I had been plagued by my usual nightmares of the accident. But instead of seeing my mother and Phil's lifeless bodies next to me, the dream had changed and instead I saw Alice, Jake, my father and Edward in their places.

"Nope, you're not going to hide!" She pulled the pillow off my head and threw it somewhere in my room. "We have a lot to do today, so get up and get moving!"

"Nooooo, Alice. I'm tired. Leave me alone." I tried pulling my comforter up over my head, but she was sitting on it and I didn't have the energy to try to displace her. I groaned again and buried my face in my mattress.

"Well, if you hadn't stayed up all night prowling the apartment, you wouldn't be tired. But we have things to do today and you're getting up, tired or not!"

I looked up at her, trying to glare at her with the one eye I released from the bed. "How do you know I was up all night?"

"I got up around two to pee and heard you messing around in the kitchen. Nice cake, by the way. Where'd you learn to make those fancy roses?"

Giving up, I rolled over and blinked in the harsh morning light. The bitch opened my curtains before she woke me up.

"I took a class awhile back. Joe was working a lot and I got bored sitting at home at night, so I signed up."

Alice nodded. "Cool. All right, get in the shower. We've got a lot to do today and it's already after nine."

When I didn't make any effort to move, she started pushing me toward the edge of my bed. "Belllllaaaaaaa, cooooommmmmeeeee oooooooon."

God, I hated it when she whined.

I threw the covers back and wide, making sure they landed on her head. I crawled out of bed while she squealed and tried to get free. Ignoring her, I went into my bathroom, slamming the door.

I emerged twenty minutes later to find my room empty and my bed made. Opening my closet, I shook my head. I hope she hadn't short-sheeted it before she made it. It would be just like her to do something like that to get me back for throwing my blankets on her. I learned over the years that Emmett had taught his baby sister the art of pulling a prank.

I dressed and dried my hair, finishing off my preparations with a little lip gloss and eye liner. I had to use a little concealer to tone down the dark circles under my eyes and thankfully, by the time I was finished, I no longer looked half dead.

Flicking the light switch off, I made my way up the hallway toward the kitchen, hoping Alice had the decency to at least make some coffee.

And bless her, she had.

Alice was sitting at the counter, engrossed in the newspaper. I took a few sips of coffee and let the caffeine hit my system before I reached over and took the paper from her hands.

"So, I'm up and ready to go. What is so important that you dragged me out of bed after only getting four hours of sleep?"

Alice gave me a huge smile. "We are going to scout locations for my new store. We have an appointment with a realtor in exactly," she paused to look at her watch, "twenty minutes, so we have to get moving."

I protested as she took my coffee mug from my hands, but shut up once I saw she was only emptying it into a travel mug. She had us bundled up and out the door within five minutes. The cold had returned to Seattle in full force.

We chatted about inconsequential things as we drove toward the realtor's office. Not once did Alice mention my night before with Edward, which immediately caused me to become tense and on guard. When she had jumped on my head this morning, I thought for sure that she would start slamming me with questions right away. When she didn't, I'd wondered if she was just waiting until she had me as a captive audience in the car. Not for one second did I think she was going to let me off the hook and allow me to keep what happened to myself. It wasn't Alice's style to not be nosy about my life, especially my love life. And now that said love life might include her brother? There was no way she wouldn't pester me until I gave in and told all.

The realtor, Carmen, was waiting outside for us when we pulled up to the little house that held her office. Alice parked the car but left it running. With a quick, "Be right back," she jumped out and met Carmen halfway down the sidewalk. They spoke for a few minutes before Alice hopped back in the car.

"We're gonna follow her to the locations because she has to meet with another client right after she's done with us." Alice pulled the car back out into the street and followed Carmen to the first shop. It was dingy and dreary and not at all what I pictured for the type of shop that my best friend should and would own. I gave Alice a questioning glance and she just gave a tinkling laugh at my expression.

"Bella, you have to look beyond what it is, to see what it could be!" Hopping out of the car, she met Carmen with a blinding smile. I slowly followed her.

I didn't have much to say as I trailed Carmen and Alice around the building. All I could see were the dirty floors, the cobwebs in the corners and what looked suspiciously like an old bloodstain on one of the walls.

_She can't be serious about this place. _

Except, I hadn't seen Alice this happy in a long time. Her eyes lit up as she spoke to Carmen about the electricity, the heating system and the surrounding neighborhood. I was glad that Alice could see the potential in this site, even if I couldn't.

Twenty minutes later, we had moved on to the next place, and it looked almost as bad as the first one. The upside was that the neighborhood was much nicer, with many clothing stores, specialty shops and cafés lining the road. Carmen and Alice continued to chat while I just stood back and added my two cents when Alice asked me a question.

The truth of the matter was that I just wasn't in the mood for this today. I knew I should've been excited for my best friend and the new journey she was embarking on, but I couldn't seem to drum up the energy to meet her at even half her level.

What happened with Edward the night before was weighing heavily on me. Instead of being able to sleep, the night had kept replaying over and over again in my mind. When I had finally fallen into bed around four a.m., I was no closer to understanding the effect he'd had on me.

While I had agreed with Alice that I would see where my attraction to Edward would take me, I hadn't expected it to go where it had. The horny part I understood, since it had been a good seven months since I had last had sex. It was the emotional breakdown I had with him that really threw me for a loop. Opening myself like that was just not something I did. Joe and I had been together for five years and I couldn't remember a time where he had ever seen me cry. Our relationship just hadn't been that way.

I had never been able to open myself easily to others, not even those people in my life that I loved and trusted the most. This part of me had only gotten worse since _The Accident_. The loss of seemingly everything I loved – my mother, the life I had made for myself, and the man I thought I loved – just overwhelmed and consumed me. Since then, I'd worked hard to bury the rage and pain I felt as a result of all these losses, so much so that not even Alice, Jake or my father could tell how deeply they affected and hurt me. I could tell they were worried, but I became an excellent actress in the time immediately following the accident. Now six months later, I had convinced myself I was fine and completely content with the changes that had taken place in my world.

_Until Edward._

One innocent question from him last night had brought down a portion of the wall I had created around my pain, my worry and my shame. To make matters worse, everything came pouring out of me before I had a chance to stop it. When I realized what I was doing, it occurred to me that I didn't _want _to stop pouring my heart out to him.

_What the hell was happening to me? _

Once the moment had passed, and Edward was gone, I started thinking again. I had worked too hard and fought too long to be buried in emotions once again. I was fine. I had recovered from the accident and from the loss of my mother and stepfather. I had let go of the life I once had and loved. I was not going to allow Edward Cullen to walk into my life and tear down my carefully constructed walls.

Last night his captivating eyes and that sexy crooked smile had blinded me. When he asked me out for dinner on Thursday night, I hadn't hesitated. But now, seeing what having him in my life would mean, I couldn't do it.

I wouldn't do it.

"Bella, what do you think?" Alice came bounding up to me, all smiles, and brought me back to my surroundings.

"It's…interesting, Ali. The more important thing is what _you_ think about it."

"Carmen still has one more place to show us, but I really see some potential with this one. It's in the right neighborhood, the shops around here are fun and funky, which is exactly what I'm looking for. I want to look at the next one to be sure, but I think this one might be it!"

I gave Alice a small smile. "Well, then let's get out of here." Hooking my arm through Alice's, I walked with her to the door.

We climbed back into the car and followed Carmen to the last store. One look around told me that Alice was definitely going to put in an offer for the second place. If I had thought the first place was bad, this one was worse.

Alice went inside and looked around for only a few minutes before turning to Carmen. "Carmen, thank you so much for showing us all these shops. Is it alright if I give you a call tonight and let you know if we need to look any further or if I'm going to put in an offer on one of the places we saw today?"

Carmen nodded. "That's fine, Alice. I'll look forward to hearing from you tonight."

Alice and Carmen shook hands and we said our goodbyes. Getting in the car, Alice turned to me.

"I definitely think the second one. There are so many other stores around it that it's bound to get some of their traffic. And once I make a name for myself…" She was so excited she was bouncing in her seat. I was a little scared about her driving like this.

"Um, Ali, do you want me to drive?" I hated driving, especially since _The Accident_, but I'd do it if it meant we'd get home without being all over the road thanks to her exuberance.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Stop worrying, I'll get us where we're going in one piece."

She pulled out into traffic and I gripped the sides of my seat. I didn't have to look down to know my knuckles were turning white. I concentrated on my breathing and tried to fight off the panic attack I could feel beginning.

Alice was oblivious to my plight, chattering away in the driver's seat. She was babbling about the second building we saw and all the things she had planned. I closed my eyes and used a relaxation technique my physical therapist had taught me when I was at the clinic in Jacksonville.

Eventually, my white-knuckled grip loosened on the seat and I was able to move my hands into my lap. I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. That's when I noticed Alice had pulled over and was staring at me, worried.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded. "I'm fine."

"You weren't just a minute ago." She reached for my hand.

"If you weren't bouncing around in your seat like a manic and trying to drive at the same time, I would've been fine," I snapped, pulling my hand from grip.

Alice flinched and then smoothed her features out so her face was blank. She took a deep breath before speaking to me. "I'm sorry I scared you, but I was in complete control the entire time. I would _never_ put you in danger, Bella."

I sighed. I knew deep down inside that she'd never put me in danger, but I wish she'd take into account how I might feel when she bounced all over the place while driving. I was nervous enough as it was in a car and her lack of consideration was irritating.

"I know. I'm sorry I snapped at you." I put my head down, staring at my lap.

Alice was silent for a few moments before she spoke. "Bella, are you sure –"

Meeting Alice's concerned eyes, I stopped her. "I said I'm fine. I'm sorry I bit your head off. Can we just forget it and go?" My tone wasn't sharp, but it was firm. There would be no more discussion about this.

_I am fine. _

Alice opened her mouth once more but one look at my narrowed eyes had her shutting it. She sighed, putting the car back into drive and pulling out into the busy street.

We drove silently for a few minutes until I notice we were headed away from our apartment rather than toward it.

"I know I don't know Seattle that well, but isn't our apartment back that way?" I pointed over my shoulder at the street we just passed.

"We're not going right home." Alice gave me a cautious grin.

Raising my eyebrow, I just looked at her, waiting for a better answer.

"I'm taking you shopping!" Alice squealed, causing me to cringe.

I covered my face with my hands. "Oh, please, no."

"Bella, stop. We need to find you something hot to wear for your date with Edward." Alice's smile was huge and there was a twinkle in her bright brown eyes.

The words were out of my mouth before I even thought about stopping them.

"I'm not going out with Edward."

I could tell Alice wanted to whip her head around and look at me, but luckily for both of us, she kept her eyes on the road and hands firmly on the wheel.

"What do you mean you're not going out on with Edward? You just mean you're not going out on Thursday, right? You just changed the day of your date or something…right?"

When I remained silent, she continued. "Bella, I heard you agree to go out with him last night."

"Where do you get off listening to a private conversation?" I was furious that she eavesdropped, although I should've known better.

"Standing in the doorway of our apartment does not make a conversation private. And as it involves my best friend and my brother, I reserve the right to eavesdrop whenever I want." She had the nerve to wink at me.

I let my angry expression speak for itself.

For the second time that day, Alice pulled the car over without us reaching our intended destination. She was slow and deliberate in her movements as she placed the car in park, removed her seatbelt and turned to face me.

"Bella, please explain to me what you meant when you said you weren't going out with Edward. I spoke to him this morning and he told me that you said you'd go out –"

"Not only did you listen in to our conversation but then you called to confirm what overheard? What the hell, Alice? How is this any of your business?" I yelled at her, livid.

_How dare she? _

"Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have listened in on your conversation. That was wrong of me and I really am sorry. But I was just so happy for you! You're finally moving on with your life and I just know that you and Edward are perfect for each other! I just want you to be happy Bella, and if that can happen with Edward, that's even better!"

I wanted to understand where she was coming from, and perhaps the Before Accident Bella would have. But I couldn't stand Alice's interference, especially now that I had decided that Edward was not someone I wanted in my life. She would make this difficult and I didn't need that on top of everything else. I was still reeling from my breakdown last night and how I reacted to Edward's kindness and caring. I had so many feelings swirling around inside of me and I had no idea where to put them. The last thing I needed was Alice adding to my confusion.

Swallowing hard, I looked into my best friend's eyes. "You need to back off, Alice. I make my own decisions and I run my own life. I do not need your input or opinion. I told Edward last night I would go out with him, and then I decided I would rather not. End of story."

Alice looked crestfallen. "Bella, I don't understand why –"

"You don't need to understand why! Just leave me alone!" I grabbed my purse from the floor and flung open the car door. Within seconds, I was moving away from the car and Alice. I could hear her calling for me as I strode away, but I didn't turn around. The further away from her I was, the better.

The only emotion I could get a clear grip on was my anger. There were others floating around in the background, but the anger was the easiest to feel, so I went with it. I was angry with Alice for not knowing when to back off and let me be. I was angry with Edward for stirring up emotions I had long buried and bringing them back to the surface. I was angry with myself for not having any control over my life. I just wanted to be left alone so I could just think for a moment without someone telling me what I should be doing or how I should be feeling.

I'm not sure how long I walked before I realized my anger had melted enough for me to focus on my surroundings. We had been downtown and I assumed Alice had been heading for the Pacific Palace to do our shopping. Realizing that I was starving and not far from the shopping center and Pike Place Chowder, I headed that way.

Calmer now, I began to feel bad about yelling at Alice and taking off on her. I knew deep down inside that Alice had only been trying to help. She had always had the best of intentions in everything she did, even if it didn't always come across that way. I knew she only wanted to see me happy, and to see her brother happy. If we were happy together, she'd be thrilled.

I couldn't let her have her way in this though; she had already been too involved by pushing me to hang out with Edward from day one. I had agreed and look where it had gotten me – thinking about things I'd rather not think about and feeling things I didn't want to feel.

_I was fine before Edward had come into my life and I'll continue to be fine without him in it. _

I ignored the pain in my chest I felt when that thought crossed my mind.

It was just after noon and the little restaurant was extremely busy. I stood in line for ten minutes before ordering a number two combo – a cup of chowder, a half of crab sandwich and a soda. I got lucky and a seat opened up so I could sit and eat.

Just as I was about to give up and give my poor stomach a rest from all I'd just stuffed in it, I heard my cell phone ring in my purse. Looking at the display, I didn't recognize the number that flashed across. Deciding to let it go to voicemail, I dropped the phone back in my purse and threw what was left of my lunch into the trash.

I debated walking around the mall for a little while, but I felt drained from the emotions of the day and just wanted to go home. Calling Alice to come and get me was out of the question and the bus held no appeal.

Lucking out again when I walked outside, there was a cab at the curb dropping someone off. I made my way over and hopped in, giving the cabbie the address for our apartment.

My phone beeped, letting me know that whoever had called before had left a voicemail. As the cab driver fought downtown traffic, I listened to the message.

"_Bella, it's Edward. Alice gave me your phone number; I hope you don't mind. Um, I'm on a quick break and just wanted to call and say hello and let you know I was thinking about you. I hope that you're having a good day. I'm really looking forward to Thursday. Bye." _

I covered my eyes with my hand, hoping to stop the flow of tears that threatened. Just the sound of his voice made me ache for the comfort of his arms and that stupid crooked grin I found so sexy.

Part of me wanted to call him back, let him hear the smile in my voice and tell him how much I couldn't wait until Thursday to see him.

But there was another, much stronger part that demanded that I stay away for my own self-preservation. I couldn't handle the way he drew me out of my shell, and actually made the cracks in my broken heart feel like they might be capable of healing. Having Edward as a part of my life might be wonderful in some ways, but in many others it would just lead me down a path I never wanted to travel.

I didn't think I would survive it if I had to actually face and deal with what had happened to my life over the last six months. Forgetting it had happened, or at least pretending to, was the only way I could keep breathing.

The cab pulled up to the front of my building and I handed the cabbie his money. I didn't see Alice's car parked on the street and I hoped she hadn't arrived home yet. I wasn't ready to face her. I had overreacted and I needed to apologize, but I still wasn't completely over my conflicting emotions and anger.

The apartment was silent when I entered and Alice's bedroom door was open as I walked up the hallway to my room. She wasn't home.

I shut my bedroom door with a sharp click, locking it behind me. I didn't think she would come barging in, but I really wanted to make it clear to her that I wanted to be left alone.

Completely alone.

I walked to the window, taking in the view of the Seattle skyline. A hint of sun was peeking through the clouds and it made me think of hope, and breakthroughs.

I snapped the curtains shut.

Walking over to my bed, I turned the duvet down and climbed inside. Maybe if I slept for a little while, I'd feel better after having disappeared into unconsciousness.

I had just lain down when I heard Duran Duran's "Hungry Like a Wolf" coming from my cell and I groaned.

_Jake. _

Alice had called him, of course. When she was upset it was either him or me that she called; most of the time it was both of us. Since she and I weren't actually speaking right now, it all fell on Jake. And now he was going to try to fix things.

_To fix me. _

I debated answering for a minute, but figured he'd just get pissed off and keep calling, so I sucked it up and hit a button on my phone to connect the call.

"Yes?" No formalities were needed.

"Well, hello to you too. I'm sort of surprised you answered." I could practically see his smirk coming through the line.

"You're the first person who's called me in hours…but, yes, I'm answering the phone."

"A little birdie told me Edward called and you didn't answer…"

"Are you kidding me right now?" Edward must've talked to Alice and Alice must've told Jake. The anger that had dissipated before was back with a vengeance.

_This is getting beyond ridiculous! _

"Not in the slightest. Being perfectly serious."

"Get to the point, Jake. I was trying to take a nap," I snapped, no longer caring what he wanted.

"Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing, that's all."

"Bullshit."

"Fine, I'm calling to see what the hell crawled up your ass that you felt the need to make our best friend cry. Plus, I wanted to make sure you got home okay. And while I've got you on the phone, I'd like to know what happened to get you to agree to go out with Dr. Dick and then change it back again? What the hell, Bells? Do I need to come back out there again and kick your ass?" Playful Jake was gone. He sounded pissed off.

"Screw you, Jake."

"Not in a million, babe. I'm not interested and besides, Leah would kick my ass. Talk to me; tell me what's going on. Why are you treating Alice like this?"

"Treating her like what? She listened in on a conversation that didn't involve her and is trying to set me up with her brother. I don't need her help! I don't need anyone's help!"

"Yeah, that's obvious to everyone." His sarcasm was clear even through the phone.

I couldn't take it anymore. "Fuck off, Jake."

I hit the end button on my cell and threw it on my bed where it hit with a dull thump.

It took me ten minutes before I was calm enough to call him back. Once the anger had vanished, I felt completely drained.

_I seriously have to get a handle on myself. This overreaction stuff is so not cool. _

"I'm sorry." I didn't bother with a hello. He and I were so beyond that and it would've just been a waste of time.

"Accepted. Now tell me what's going on."

"I just…I'm not ready for this. And Alice was pushing…"

"You're not ready for what, to go out with Edward? Why the hell not, other than the fact that his personality sucks? And while we're at it, why the hell did you think that Alice would not be pushy about this? She's pushy on a normal day. Did you really expect anything different when you decided to date her brother?"

I huffed. "I'm not _dating_ her brother, I just agreed to go out with him one time. And she needs to learn not everything is her business."

"Agreed, Ali can be a bit…overbearing when it comes to the people that she loves and we've been lucky that for the last few years that she's only had the opportunity to do it with us from a distance. So, these are just growing pains while you learn to live with her. She'll get the point and back off…eventually. You and Ali are going to be fine. I want to talk to you about Edward."

"There's nothing to talk about." I was sitting on my bed, pulling at a non-existent thread. Jake would've been all up in my face had we been talking in person.

"Bull. You agreed to go out with him."

"A moment of weakness."

"Hmmm…."

"What?"

"Nothing…nothing at all. So why did you change your mind?"

"I just decided it wasn't a good idea."

Jake was quiet for a moment. I was about to check the display on my phone to make sure I hadn't dropped the call when he finally spoke. "That's probably for the best. I mean, if you're scared of him and all, it's not really a good way to begin a relationship. Probably makes it damn near impossible, really."

"I'm not scared of him."

_Liar. _

"Then why not go out with him?"

I had no answer because I _was _scared of Edward. I was scared of the things I wanted to tell him, the memories I wanted him to take and replace with newer, happier ones. I was scared of how safe and content I felt in his arms and how vulnerable I felt around him. He made me put my guard down and I couldn't afford that. I wouldn't be able to handle it when he wasn't there to catch me when I fell. And he wouldn't be there. Who would stick around to handle the mess that is Broken Bella?

"You're scared of him." Jake's tone was matter of fact, not accusing, just stating the plain facts.

"I'm…" I sighed. Lying to Jake wasn't easy and how could I explain this to him without telling him the whole sordid story? There were some things Jacob did not need to know and my fragile state and mini-breakdown from last night was one of them.

"I'm just not ready to date." That was true…sort of.

"Bella, you need to live a little. Stop being a scared little kitten and go out with him."

"I thought you hated him."

"I don't hate him, I don't even know him. He definitely needs to work on his bedside manner, but obviously he already has or you wouldn't have agreed to a date in the first place. Look, babe, I'm going to lay it out for you. Make up with Alice. Apologize for being a raving bitch and let her take you shopping to make it up to her. Go out with Edward this week and see what happens. Just…be."

"I'll…think about it." I had no intention of changing my mind about Edward, but at least I could let Jake think I would. It would give me some peace for a few days. And of course, I would apologize to Alice. Getting her to give me a break would be a completely different story.

"Alright, but I expect you to stop thinking about it soon and actually do it."

"Yeah, yeah."

Jake laughed. "Miss you, babe. I'll call you in a couple of days to make sure you pulled your head out of your ass, okay?"

"Whatever, Jake."

"Bye, Bells."

"Later."

I hung up the phone and flopped back on the bed. Was Jake right? Could I just…be? Just pretend for a little while that I was normal and whole? Could I keep my guard up enough that Edward's presence in my life wouldn't cause me more heartache and pain? I had worked so hard at burying everything and I seriously didn't think I could bear it if being with him caused it all to come bubbling to the surface.

He did offer me comfort, contentment and God knows, he made me want to drop my panties with just one look. Would it be so wrong of me to enjoy it, even for a little while?

As I was lying there, conflicting thoughts and emotions running through my mind, I heard Alice come home. I knew I could hide out in my room and face her later, but that would just prolong the inevitable.

_Time to face the music._

I opened my bedroom door slowly, not wanting to scare Alice if she didn't think I had returned yet.

"Ali?" I called quietly, remorse evident in my voice.

She didn't answer, but I hadn't expected it to be that easy.

I moved out to the living room and saw Alice sitting on the couch, curled up with a pillow on her lap. She glanced up at me and I could see that she had been crying. If I hadn't already been feeling horrible before, I certainly was now.

"I'm so sorry. I never should have yelled at you and treated you the way I did. I'm so sorry I overreacted." I could feel my own eyes tear up and the next thing I knew we were crying together, locked in a hug.

"I'm sorry too, I should just stay out of it…" Alice blubbered into my shoulder.

We calmed down and sat on the couch, facing each other. I took a deep breath before starting.

"Ali, I know you care about me and want what's best for me. But I really would appreciate it if you just let me figure out what that is on my own."

Alice sighed. "Bella, I know that you're scared of Edward." I shook my head, but she continued. "Yes, you are. You forget, I've seen the two of you together at least three times now and I've seen how you look at each other. That's gotta be a scary feeling – an overwhelming one. I know you can see what things could turn into and you're afraid of that, but you also looked so happy last night!"

"Happy? Alice, you need your eyes checked." She was shaking her head as I spoke.

"No, Bella, I know what I saw. I have never seen that look on either your or Edward's face. The way you were turned toward each other on the couch. The way you walked him to the door. It was like, watching two bodies with massive gravitational pull toward each other. It was…awesome."

"Awesome or not…Ali, I just don't think we're good for each other." I had to make her see where I was coming from.

"How can you say that after one date? Oh, don't shake your head at me; it was a date you were on last night with my brother! You can try to deny it, but I saw it with my own two eyes –"

"You mean you planned it with your own sneaky ways!"

Alice shrugged and gave a small smirk, looking remarkably like Emmett in that moment. "That's besides the point, even if it did work. At any rate, I think you're running scared and making up excuses not to see my brother again, but I'm not going to let you!"

I stood up. "See? This is what I mean! It's not your decision to make, Alice! This is my life and I reserve the right to decide what I do with it!"

Alice stood and met me toe to toe. "And as your best friend, I reserve the right to kick your ass when you're acting like a jackass and making the wrong decision!"

"How do you know it's wrong? I'm trying to build a new life here Ali, and get back on my feet. Edward just broke up with his girlfriend of nine months. None of that bodes well for starting a new relationship."

"How do you know it's not exactly what you need? What if being with Edward, being happy with Edward, will help you get back on your feet and build this new life? And don't even go there about Tanya. I think you need to hear the full story from him and really understand that you wouldn't be a rebound relationship for him. But you can't do that if you won't see him again. Please Bella, just give it a chance. Give_ him_ a chance. I know how happy the two of you can be together."

"Psychic now, are you Ali?" Her pleas were getting to me and I could feel myself caving.

Alice smiled. "Maybe I am; I'd like to think so. Bella, I'm just asking you to give Edward a chance, to give yourself a chance to be happy."

"Why is this so important to you?"

"Because he's my brother and you're my best friend and you're two of the best people I know. You both deserve so much love and happiness and I think you can give that to each other. Plus, if you get married we'd be sisters officially and how great would that be?" Alice's eyes twinkled.

"Can we get through the next date before you have us married, please?"

Alice started jumping and clapping her hands. "You're gonna go out with him?"

"How can I argue with you about this? You'll just keep pestering me until I agree!"

"I'll do whatever it takes until you pull your head out of your butt and see what's right in front of you. I'm not going to let you wallow in your misery, Bella. I know it's probably easy to do with all you've been through, but I'm not going to let you. You deserve to be happy. I think you and Edward can have it together."

"You didn't tell him about my freak out on you today, did you?"

"No, of course not. He called me when he couldn't get a hold of you; I think he was hoping you'd be with me. I just told him that I had to run some errands and you had some stuff of your own to handle, so that's all he knows. Are you going to call him back?"

I shrugged. "Maybe later," I said, knowing I was lying.

Today had been too much for me to handle already. I couldn't deal with Edward right now; maybe tomorrow when I calmed down and relaxed. Right now, I was completely drained and just wanted to sleep. I may have agreed to keep my date with him, but I was afraid if I talked to him, I'd change my mind…again. Plus, I tended to have diarrhea of the mouth when I talked to him and I didn't need to spill my guts to him about what happened today. Tomorrow would be soon enough.

I had three days to prepare myself for Thursday and I knew just where to start.

"Ali, do you think you and I could go shopping and help me find something to wear for Thursday?"

Her resounding squeal was answer enough. I had just been completely forgiven.

I was taking my first step toward a new, normal life. I would go out with Edward. I would control my thoughts and feelings. I would enjoy the time I spent with him and keep my walls up at the same time. I could do this.

I would do this.


	13. Firsts

My ever grateful thanks to my wonderful betas, **MsAmbrosia **and **Browns**. I don't know what I'd do without them and all their help. They're the reason this chapter is getting uploaded at all!

Read their fics, **Blossom** and **Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave**. Seriously, if you aren't reading these stories, you're missing out.

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
**

* * *

**BPOV**

I felt lighter somehow.

It took some drama to get me there, but in the end, once I had decided to give dating Edward a chance – _a real chance_ – my mind and heart settled.

That's not to say I didn't still feel apprehensive about agreeing to go out with Edward, but I tried to put it in perspective. It was only one date. We weren't starting a relationship; he wasn't asking me for anything more than to spend one night in my company. When I looked at it that way, there was no reason to be scared.

I continually ignored the voice in the back of my head that told me that this date could very well lead to a relationship. It was a voice that sounded strangely like Alice.

_Damn that interfering pain in the butt for getting into my head!_

The idea of a relationship with Edward scared me. It meant more walls would come down, but anytime I got nervous or freaked out, I pushed it down. Instead, I concentrated on being excited; I really _was _looking forward to what Thursday would bring.

I had no idea how Edward felt about me, but I knew how I felt when I was around him.

Safe. Cared for. Peaceful. Content.

Horny.

_Come on, Thursday!_

Alice and I went shopping on Tuesday, where we spent all day looking for the perfect outfit. Actually, Alice looked; I just went along for the ride, trying on whatever she threw at me and standing in front of her while she critiqued it. She finally settled on a pair of black skinny pants, and a sleeveless, fuchsia top. She paired all this with a pair of black ballerina flats – _thank God!_ – and a cute necklace that she swore brought out gold flecks in my eyes. I let her prattle on and experiment with different hairstyles and makeup for me. Alice's happiness had a way of being contagious and I was content to bask in it.

Early Wednesday morning, my phone rang, waking me out of a sound sleep. I almost jumped out of my skin. I didn't even bother looking at the display to see who it was.

"No one I know would call at this hour," I growled into the mouthpiece.

His velvet chuckle came through the line. "Um, sorry?"

I sat straight up in bed, suddenly wide-awake. "Edward?"

"Yes. I'm very sorry, I really should've thought before I called. It's still pretty early."

I glanced at the clock. Eight a.m.

_It's a damn good thing he's cute._

"It's fine, Dr. Cullen. Although, next time you better wake me up in person."

_Holy crap. Did I just say that? Dear God, this man brings out the...everything in me._

There was silence from the other end of the phone before I heard some shuffling and a small, muffled cough. "Um, I... I, uh..."

_Well, hell. I think I just made Dr. Cullen nervous. Go me!_

Edward gave a slightly edgy chuckle before continuing. "Well, I, uh...I just got out of surgery and I'm not sure when I'll be free again. I just wanted to call to confirm our date tomorrow night."

"Oh, did we make a date? I'm having a hard time remembering."

"Ha. Ha." His tired sarcasm was evident even over the phone.

"We're still on, as long as you're sure you're not going to be too exhausted." I bit my lip, hoping he wasn't going to back out. It would just be my luck that I finally got my head to be where it needed to be and he'd break our date.

Edward replied in a low, sexy growl, "I can promise you that I'll be anything but tired when I see you."

_Holy. Hell. Towel, please. I need to mop up the puddle I just melted into._

I coughed, trying to clear the lump in my throat. He left me speechless.

"I'll pick you up at six, okay?"

"Tha...that's, um, fine. Sounds good. Perfect, in fact."

_Rambling, that's just awesome._

"Okay, I'll see you then. And Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Bring socks."

"Socks?" What kind of request was that?

"Just make sure you have a pair of socks, okay?"

"Um, sure."

"I'll see you in...thirty-four hours. Have a good day." _He's counting down the hours?_

Edward hung up before I could answer. I flopped back onto my pillows and sighed.

_Socks?_

Shaking my head, I decided to get up and shower since I was wide-awake. I took my time in the bathroom, thinking about all that happened yesterday after my shopping trip with Alice.

She had put in an offer on the second store we had visited and was currently in negotiations to buy the whole building rather than rent just the bottom floor. She'd talked it over with Carlisle and Esme and they both agreed that if the owner was willing to sell, buying would be a better investment than renting. Money obviously wasn't an issue for her. I knew Alice would feel better knowing she could do whatever she wanted to the place without worrying about a landlord. When she hadn't been busy searching for the perfect outfit for me, she had been on the phone with Carmen, the bank and her lawyer. Between barking out orders over the phone and throwing clothes at me, it was obvious she was in her element.

Rosalie had stopped by after we got home to hang out with us. Since Alice had been knee deep in reading the contract her lawyer drew up, it left Rose and I time to talk and get to know one another. I learned that she grew up in Rochester, NY and her parents and younger sister still lived there. She had gone to college at the University of Buffalo before heading to Chicago for law school. One of her professors had a good friend who was in the DA's office here in Seattle and had hooked Rosalie up with a job after graduation two years ago. She missed her family, but she made a home in Seattle and was happy to be here. She and Emmett started dating last May when Rose prepared Emmett for his testimony in a case she was prosecuting. They'd been together ever since.

Rose laughed about being Alice's alibi to leave Edward and I alone on Sunday. She had no idea what Alice was up to when she'd randomly shown up at Emmett and Edward's apartment that night. All Alice told them was that she missed Emmett and wanted to play Mario Kart with him on Wii. Rosalie thought it was a strange excuse, but Emmett shrugged it off, more than happy to oblige his little sister.

Rosalie hadn't stayed late, needing to be up for work the next morning, but in the few hours we spent together, I knew I found a new friend. Her confidence had a way of surrounding me, but instead of being intimidated by it, I found myself basking in it. I hoped someday I would feel that comfortable and confident in myself.

I was brought back into the present when I heard my cell ring. I grabbed a towel and went running for the bedroom. My phone was sitting on the bedside table where I left it and I flipped it open with a breathless, "Hello."

"Hello. May I speak to Isabella Swan, please?"

I didn't recognize the voice. "This is she."

"Isabella, my name is Kathleen Monroe and I'm calling from the English Department at the University of Washington. I received your resume from a colleague of mine last week and I was wondering if you had a moment to speak with me."

I was stunned. "Um, of course. Absolutely."

"Is now a good time for you to talk? We can chat briefly over the phone and then go from there."

"Yes, now is fine."

"Excellent. Well, Ms. Swan, as you may know, our semester starts very shortly, in two weeks as a matter of fact. I've recently had one of our adjunct professors leave her position to go accept full time work somewhere else. We are in desperate need of someone who is able to teach a couple of English courses for us as a part-time, adjunct. According to the resume I have in front of me, you seem to have the necessary qualifications. Are you still looking for work?"

I struggled to find my voice. "Um, yes, I...I am actually."

"Excellent! Now I'd like to meet with you in person to see if we may be a good fit for you and vice versa, but as I stated, time is limited. Is there anyway you could meet with me today?"

"Absolutely. I'm free anytime."

"Would ten o'clock this morning be too soon?"

_Thank you Edward for calling and waking me up!_

"No, that would be perfect."

We finished our conversation with her giving me directions for where I would meet her. As soon as I hung up the phone, I went tearing into Alice's room.

"Ali, get up." I ran over to her bed and shook her shoulder.

"Hmmph..."

"Alice! Get up! I need you!"

Alice rolled over, but didn't open her eyes. I huffed.

"Mary Alice Cullen, it's a fashion emergency!"

That got her butt moving. She sat straight up and opened her eyes wide. "Wha...wait, what? What's going on?"

"I have a job interview in an hour at UDub. I need help with what to wear!" I left her room and ran back to mine, heading straight for my closet. Alice was right behind me. I began pulling some of my old work outfits out, but Alice took one look at them and threw them down to the floor with a huff.

"Bella, this is all my fault!" she wailed, looking at the mess she was creating on my floor.

I stopped what I was doing, bewildered. "What?"

"If I had visited you more in California this never would've happened! I never would've allowed your wardrobe to get this bad!"

I rolled my eyes. "Alice, you can take me shopping for a whole new wardrobe if I get this job, I promise. But for now, just find me something to wear so I can actually go get the job!"

It took as a little while, but we finally settled on a black pencil skirt, a black blazer, a peach camisole with black polka dots and a pair of black shoes with a bit of heel. Alice said I looked professional, but young and hip at the same time, deeming me the perfect college English professor.

I dried my hair, leaving it in soft waves, since I had no time to straighten it. With some mascara and lip-gloss, I was ready. I grabbed my resume, which Alice had thankfully printed for me while I was changing, and my messenger bag. Alice, of course, groaned when she saw me with it.

"Oh, no, no, no. You cannot bring that old thing!" She hurtled off toward her room.

I sighed and glanced at the clock on the microwave. "Ali, I have got to go!"

Seconds later she was standing in front of me holding a large black Fendi bag. I immediately shook my head.

"No, absolutely not. I won't get the job because they'll take one look at that bag and think I'm rolling in dough and don't need any job they offer me. Mine is fine."

Alice rolled her eyes and took my bag off my shoulder. "This needs to be burned." I tried to grab it back from her, but she was already transferring my wallet and my resume into the Fendi.

"You are the most annoying creature that ever walked the planet, you know that, right?"

"You can thank me later when you don't look like a total mess walking into that interview." She handed me the bag. "Now go!"

I laughed as I walked out of the apartment. Sometimes pushy was not the word for my best friend.

Two hours later, I waltzed back into the apartment with a huge smile on my face. The minute Alice heard the door open, she was standing in front of me.

I grinned at her patiently held silence. "I got it!"

A smile lit up her face and she squealed. "Oh, Bella, I knew you would! I'm so happy for you!" She threw her arms around me and gave me a hug.

Stepping back, I put the purse on the counter and walked toward my bedroom, kicking my shoes off as I went.

"Kathleen, the department chair, is great. She really comes off as a complete no-nonsense academic, but once we got talking and I told her about my experience in Sacramento, she completely lightened up."

I made my way back toward my room, unbuttoning the blazer and taking it off, still talking the whole way. "I'm just going to be teaching two courses, both held on Tuesdays and Fridays. I'll have to hold some office hours, and share an office with another adjunct, but that's fine. I have to get started right away on a syllabus and finding books. Kathleen gave me the tentative outline the other professor had, so I can definitely work off of that, but I only have –"

Alice cut me off, laughing. "Bells, take a breath!"

I took a deep one, slipping a t-shirt over my head and then buttoning my jeans. "Sorry, I'm just so excited and I have so much work to do. At least I won't have to start from scratch, thanks to my predecessor's outline, but still...I only have two weeks before classes start."

"And you'll figure it out and do great. I'm so proud of you, Bella! Did you call your dad?"

I nodded as I looked at the joy on Alice's face. She really was thrilled for me and it made me feel bad about how I acted on Monday. My best friend was beginning a new and exciting journey of her own, and I had been too wrapped up in my own head that I failed to be there for her.

I moved to her, throwing my arms around her small frame. "I owe you so much. And I'm so excited for you too. I hope you know that."

She hugged me back. "I know, Bella."

We held each other tight for a few more minutes before we pulled away.

"I still have a contract to revise and you have a syllabus or two to prepare, so let's get to work!"

For the rest of the afternoon and evening, I worked on the syllabi for both classes. The professor scheduled to teach the courses had good outlines prepared and I felt comfortable using much of what she had laid out to do. I changed only a few of the required readings, and some of the written assignments. Kathleen had informed me that my classes were mostly taken by upperclassmen, so I made sure I included some assignments that were challenging. I knew I would have to get Kathleen's approval before any of this got to the students and she would let me know if I was off track with my requirements.

I worked until seven o'clock, finally coming up for air to ask Alice if she wanted to order dinner. She had been on the phone and Skyping with Esme most of the afternoon, planning the layout and design of the shop, talking wall colors and debating the merits of wood floors verses carpeting. I could hear them arguing from time to time, but it made me smile just as much as it made me sad. I was happy that Alice was including Esme in her preparations for her store, even if they didn't always see eye to eye. I was sad because I wished I could have just one more stupid argument with my own mother.

I didn't want my good mood to be brought down, so I focused on what my classes would be like, the students I would meet and the knowledge that I would impart on them. That was something to get excited about and that's what I would concentrate on – moving forward.

Alice and I ordered in from what was fast becoming our favorite pizza place, sitting around talking about her shop and my new job. We avoided the subject of my date the next night with Edward. We had seemed to come to a silent agreement that we needed no repeats of Monday and Alice would wait for me to talk to her about anything.

I'd like to say that I slept well that night, but there was too much going on in my head – my new job and all the excitement and worries that came with it, my date with Edward and the anticipation and fear I had about being around him, and the fact that there was a weight on my chest from how much I missed my mother.

The tears came easily and I hoped Alice couldn't hear me cry. My grief hadn't seemed to lessen since my mother's death, but I'd learned to get up every morning and live with it. It weighed on me some times more than others and tonight was one of those times. I wanted to be able to call her and tell her about my new job and my date with Edward. I knew she'd be thrilled for me and beg me to call her after my date so I could give her all the details. She had always been more of a friend than my mom, but it was a relationship that had worked for us. I loved her and her crazy, kooky ways. I missed her more than I could stand.

I spent the night crying myself to sleep.

* * *

I felt heavy and drained when I woke up the next morning. My slumber had been plagued by nightmares and dreams of my mother, and my face showed the signs of my sleep-deprived night. The alarm clock said it was just shy of eight and I decided it wasn't worth trying to go back to sleep. Stumbling out of bed, I opened the curtains to see that the sky was grey, but there was no rain. I stood there looking over the Seattle skyline for a minute before deciding that the best way to let go of the night before was to go for a swim.

It surprised me more than anyone that I had learned to have some sense of athleticism when it came to swimming. I couldn't walk over a flat surface without stumbling over something invisible standing in my path, but luckily that didn't seem to be an issue when I was in the water. This was newly required knowledge, since I only starting swimming since my accident. My physical therapist in Forks had recommended it once it was clear my body had healed enough for me to step up what I could do physically. I started off slow, but eventually could swim laps in an Olympic-sized pool with ease. I never swam for speed and I found that I was able to let go and relax when I was in the water.

This was definitely a morning for a swim.

I threw on my bathing suit, covering it with a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before heading down to the indoor pool in the building. Alice appeared to still be asleep, since her bedroom door was closed and I couldn't hear any noise coming from inside.

The pool was empty when I entered. I stripped off my clothes, laying them next to my towel on a lounge chair. I stretched for a few minutes before diving into the water. I had no goal in mind of how many laps I should do, so I decided to just swim until I felt better.

My arms sunk in and out of the water in smooth, fluid strokes. I concentrated on just gliding through the water, keeping my breathing even and relaxed. This was good. This was what I needed. As I cut through the water, I could feel the tension leave my shoulders, the stress and grief from the night before draining away. I could feel a small smile play over my face as I thought about what the night ahead would bring. As nervous and scared as I was for my date with Edward, there was a part of me that really was looking forward to it.

I was also anxious to see what I'd need socks for.

_What did he have planned?_

An hour and a half later, I was back in the apartment. I had no idea I had been gone so long, since I couldn't wear a watch in the pool and I'd forgotten my cell phone. I had swam until my arms and legs were weak with use. It felt good.

"Hey!" Alice was sitting at the counter, drinking coffee and typing on her laptop. She took in my appearance and then said, "Have a good swim?"

I smiled at her. "Yeah, it was great." I walked to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. I turned to her as I twisted the cap off. "Sorry, I forgot to leave a note."

Alice waved me off. "It's okay. I figured you didn't go too far since your wallet and phone were still here." She pointed to where I had left them on the coffee table the night before after I had emptied her Fendi bag of all my things.

I just nodded. "I'm gonna go get in the shower."

She tilted her head to the right and looked at me. "You okay?"

I winked at her. "Absolutely. Just felt like a good day for a swim."

She looked me over for a few more minutes, but just grinned back at me before turning to her computer.

My tension was released further as the warm water hit my back. I had a rough night last night, but I got through it. I found a way to deal with what I was feeling and I let it all go. Today I would work further on my plans for the courses I was going to teach and then I would get ready for my first date with Edward. And I would be ready for whatever tonight was going to bring.

Today was going to be a good day.

* * *

**EPOV**

_She smelled like strawberries. _

That was my first thought as Bella opened the door and she greeted me, a great big smile gracing her face.

I could feel my pants tighten and I swallowed hard, trying to get control of myself.

Her body was draped in a flowing pink top that followed the lines and curves of her body. Her hair lay in loose curls around her shoulders, except where she had pinned it up and back on the sides.

_Would it be wrong to try to convince her to stay in and put out on the first date?_

I shivered at the thought and realized that if Bella knew what I was thinking, she'd probably slap me.

_Maybe she'd spank me instead? Or let me spank her? Hmm...the possibilities..._

_GET. A. GRIP. Fucking pervert._

I spent too much time with Emmett, obviously.

I got a hold of myself and smiled back at her. "Hey."

"Hi. Want to come in?" She bit her bottom lip, and I had to hold back a moan.

_It was going to be a long night._

"Um, mind if we just get going? We have...reservations."

Her eyes widened and she glanced down at her body. "Am I dressed okay for where we're going?"

She could've been wearing a burlap bag and I would've thought it was appropriate. "You look beautiful. What you're wearing is fine."

She nodded. "Okay. I'm just going to grab my purse." She disappeared for a moment, then returned holding a small black bag and a black coat. She was trying to hold her bag, put her coat on and walk out the door all at the same time and she was having plenty of difficultly doing so.

So, like the gentleman I was, I helped her.

That it gave me an excuse to touch her that had absolutely nothing at all to do with my motives.

She smiled sweetly and a blush covered her cheeks as I moved the jacket over her arms and up to her shoulders. "Thank you."

"Anytime." I put my hand on the small of her back as we crossed the hallway to the elevator. As I pressed the down button, I asked her, "Did you remember your socks?"

Bella laughed and lifted her bag. "They're in here. Are you going to tell me what I'm going to need them for?"

I swept her hair back over her shoulder so I could see the creamy expanse of her neck. "You'll see soon enough."

She huffed and rolled her eyes. "Not even a hint? I really hate surprises."

"You won't have a long wait. Where we're going isn't far from here." Bella gave me a dubious look as I led her onto the elevator.

"Trust me," I said, as I reached down, putting my hand out for her to take. I had no idea what she would do, but I knew I had to touch her in someway or I'd go mad. My need to feel her, to be near her, was overwhelming me. I had waited ten years for this moment and I wanted to savor it and make the most of it.

Bella didn't move for a few seconds and I could see the side of her face as she looked down at my hand. Her bottom lip was in between her teeth and her pink blush was staining her face once again. Just when I was about to pull my hand back, she reached out and clasped it in her own.

I released a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

We held hands throughout the elevator ride and out to where my car was parked at the curb. I opened the passenger side door for her and she gave me a small smile as she slipped inside.

Fifteen minutes later, I pulled into the parking garage next to the combination pool hall and bowling alley I had chosen for our night out.

I told Bella to wait for me while I came around and opened her door. She looked a little shocked, but she stayed put.

_What can I say? My mother taught me manners, and I used them. Most of the time. _

I opened her door and again, held out my hand for her to take. There was no hesitation this time as she grasped it. We walked toward our destination, holding hands and glancing at each other every few steps.

Once we reached the doors she looked at me, eyebrows raised. "The Garage?"

I smiled. "Trust me."

The Garage used to be an old automotive shop that someone bought and remodeled into a pool hall, complete with a bar. They added the bowling lanes later and it's _the_ place to go in our neighborhood for bowling and a night of classy fun. It's nice, clean and it's for the older crowd. The perfect first date place.

I escorted Bella over to the bar/restaurant area and grabbed us an empty table. "I thought we could eat first, since we have a seven-thirty reservation for one of the lanes."

Bella bit her lip and looked a little ill at ease. "Edward, um, I don't know if you'd know this, but I'm a little clumsy."

I raised an eyebrow. "Okay..." I said, slowly.

Bella chuckled. "Bowling might not be the best thing for us to do. I'm liable to drop the ball on my foot, or worse, on yours."

I smirked. "Has that happened before?"

Instead of the pink tinge that usually covered her cheeks, I was rewarded with the sight of a deep red flush crawling up her neck, over her face and upward toward her ears. Seeing it caused me to laugh.

"Your foot or someone else's?" I asked, still laughing.

Bella buried her face in her hands. "Mike Posada, freshman year of college. It was our second – and last – date. I broke his foot in three places."

I couldn't help it; I was down right howling from laughter now. My girl was completely embarrassed and it was absolutely adorable.

Bella moved her hands away and looked at me indignantly. "Oh, go ahead and laugh. You have no idea what I went through after that! He was on the soccer team and he was their best player. They were set to go to some tournament and here I go and break his foot! I was harassed for weeks. I couldn't go anywhere on campus without someone glaring at me or mocking me. It was awful."

Well, shit. Now I felt bad. I stopped laughing immediately. "I'm sorry, Bella. We could go somewhere else if you'd like. We don't have to stay her or go bowling."

Bella looked at me and smirked. "It's fine. The jerk deserved it when he kept trying to cop a feel all night. I told him to stop touching me."

I sat back in my chair. "I'll be damned. You did it on purpose."

She smiled as she picked up a menu. "Just wanted to give you fair warning. No need to suffer the same fate if you can help it."

I raised an eyebrow. "Trust me, Bella. If I'm going to touch you the way I want to, it's not going to be in front of a crowd at a bowling alley."

Her face flushed again, but I couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment or arousal.

_Dear God, please let it be arousal._

I moved in my seat, trying to adjust my too tight pants without being obvious. It appeared to work, as Bella continued to look over the menu, paying no attention to me.

Our waitress appeared then, taking our drink and food order. I settled back in my chair, my hard-on now a mere memory. The waitress's too obvious attempt to flirt and make her interest in me known was more than enough to kill it.

"So, how was your week?" I asked Bella after the waitress had dropped off my beer and Bella's glass of wine.

The blush was back, and Bella avoided my eyes. "It was...fine." She hesitated slightly, and if I hadn't been paying such close attention to her, I would've missed it.

I raised an eyebrow. "Fine?"

Bella finally looked me head on. "Actually, better than fine. I found a job."

Pride welled up inside of me and I couldn't help the grin that covered my face. "That's great! Where? Doing what? When do you start?"

Bella laughed at my questions. "Wow, um, at UDub, working as an adjunct English professor and two weeks."

I reached across the table and took her hand in mine. "Bella, that's fantastic. I'm so happy for you."

Bella blushed, biting her lower lip again. There was a moment of hesitation before her hand turned and she intertwined her fingers with mine.

_And the hard-on is back with a vengeance, folks! _

"Thank you. I'm nervous, but mostly excited. I can't wait to get in there and start teaching people who are actually interested in the subject matter."

"What will you be teaching?"

"Early American Lit and Shakespeare since 1603. I have less than two weeks to plan for a whole semester, so I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, but it's a good overwhelmed, you know?"

Bella's whole face lit up as she talked to me about her new job. She was truly excited about the subject matter and I couldn't help but be thrilled for her. Her smile was brilliant, her eyes filled with hope and happiness. I found myself just taking her in, breathing in the essence that was Bella.

"I have to call your dad and thank him, I just feel like I should do more." I realized I had missed a whole part of what Bella was saying and tried to focus back in our conversation.

"More?" I asked, hoping she'd give me a clue as to what she had been talking about.

"Kathleen, the department chair, told me she got my resume from a colleague in the biology department, who had gotten it from a friend of his. Since your dad is the only person I gave my resume to, I have to assume it was him who got me the job."

I smiled. "He helped in getting your name out there, but you got the job on your own."

Bella just shrugged. "I just want to thank him for all he's done, both him and your mom. They've been wonderful to me for so long, but especially since...everything. I feel like a thank you isn't sufficient enough for all they've done for me."

I squeezed her hand. "It's more than enough. I'm sure they'll be happy to just see you happy and healthy."

Bella looked uncertain about that, but our waitress arrived with our food then and the topic was dropped. I knew my parents would want nothing from Bella as thanks – except maybe the grandchildren we could give them.

_Whoa, wait. Where the hell did THAT just come from?_

Apparently my mother's constant push for me or one of my siblings to have babies had become too much and here I was thinking about it on my first date with the girl I've been in love with for ten years.

_There's nothing _at all_ out of the ordinary about that. _

I mentally shook my head, trying to clear it. I would think about all this later, when I was home, alone.

If I went home alone.

_Is it too much to hope she puts out on the first date?_

_Dude, you just went from thinking about her having your babies to wanting to fuck her on the first date. Pick a side and stick with it!_

I reined myself in, hoping that Bella hadn't noticed the conversation I was having with myself. She wasn't looking at me any differently, so I figured I was in the clear.

Dinner passed with easy conversation about her new job, my week at work – boring and long – and how she and Alice were settling in at the apartment. I noticed Bella tense up when I asked her about how she and Alice were doing living together, but her tone was even as she answered. Other than the tension in her shoulders, I never would have noticed something was not quite right. I debated asking her about it, but figured if something was wrong with her and Alice, Bella would tell me if she wanted to talk about it.

We finished eating and after paying our bill, I stood and took Bella's hand, leading her to the bowling area.

Bella went to choose a ball while I confirmed our reservation for a lane with the cashier behind the desk. He gave me our lane number after I paid him and then handed me a pair of shoes for both Bella and myself. I walked over to where she was looking at two different balls, biting her lip and looking contemplative.

"Everything okay?" I asked, approaching her.

Bella looked up and smiled at me and it almost knocked me back on my ass. Her eyes were lit up and she looked like she was no older than seventeen.

She was stunning.

"I was trying to decide if using the very girlie pink ball would make me lose face in front of you."

I picked it up and handed it to her. "At least it won't hurt as much when you drop it on my foot."

Bella grinned and moved toward our lane. I quickly found a ball of my own and followed her.

She had already put her socks on and was waiting patiently for my arrival with our shoes. She finished first, moving toward the screen to input our names. I finished tying the ugly ass things on my feet and moved in behind her as she stood, putting my hands on her hips.

She leaned back into me slightly, her ass just brushing the front of my jeans. My eyes floated shut and I tried not to give into the need to push forward into her. I stepped back slightly, but kept my hands on her hips and moved only my head forward to whisper in her ear, "Ready to start?"

Bella nodded and I could hear her swallow hard. Her body tensed, but before I could step away, she spun in my arms so that she was facing me. Her chocolate brown orbs were filled with uncertainty as she glanced from my eyes, to my mouth and back to my eyes. She stepped closer to me and leaning up on her the tips of her toes, pressed her lips to mine.

Before I could even begin to enjoy it, to even register what she had done, what we were doing, the sensation was gone and she stepped out of my arms. Bella had a small smile on her face and her cheeks were tinged with pink. My tongue slipped out, touching my bottom lip lightly, trying to find another taste of her as I stood there stunned.

"You first." She grinned and moved to sit in the chair behind the electric scoreboard.

I took a deep breath, trying to control my rapidly beating heart and unsteady breathing. I glanced up at the TV above our lane to see our names.

"EDDIE?"

Bella shrugged and giggled. "Don't you like that name?"

"No, _Isabella_, I don't." Bella's smile changed to a grimace and it was my turn to laugh.

Bella's eyes narrowed. "Let's bowl."

Our first game was fairly straight forward, with both of us trying to impress the other by bowling our best. Neither one of us did that great; Bella's natural clumsiness made it difficult for her to do anything more than hold on to the ball long enough to roll it down the alley. I hadn't been bowling in years, so I was a little rusty myself. By the time the game had finished, we were both just getting the hang of things.

"Up for another game?" I asked Bella as she rolled her last turn.

"So you can kick my ass again?" Bella smiled and pointed up to the scoreboard.

"I didn't kick your ass."

"There's a hundred points separating your score from mine. I think that's an ass kicking if I've ever seen one."

"Would you be willing to try again if we wagered on it?" I winked at her, wondering if she'd take the bait.

"What are you proposing, Mr. Cullen?" She bit her lip and looked at me warily.

"Just a small bet. Winner picks his prize."

"What if _her_ prize is something the loser doesn't want to give?"

"Winner's choice. The loser will just have to deal with the consequences."

What I was suggesting was pretty out there for a first date, since it required a lot of trust on the loser's part to believe that the winner wouldn't do anything that would embarrass or hurt them. But I knew exactly what I was going to require of Bella when I won and I hoped that by her actions from throughout the night, she would be receptive to it. If for some quirk of fate she won, I trusted her enough to take it easy on me.

Bella pondered my thrown gauntlet for a moment before sticking out her hand to shake mine. Our palms touched as she said, "Deal."

If I thought our first game was serious, the second was cutthroat and neither of us was playing fair. Bella was up first this time and as she set up her shot, I sneaked up behind her and blew in her ear. I was lucky that she didn't drop the ball on my foot or hers. Instead it hit the lane with a resounding thud and rolled slowly toward the pins. Half way down, it rolled right into the gutter.

Bella spun around and glared at me. "Oh, it's on now." She stormed away as I stood there and laughed. I turned around to grab my ball from the ball return when I saw Bella sitting down, twirling her hair and biting her lip.

"Are you pouting?" I asked, incredulously.

Bella dropped her hair and gave me an innocent look. "No, just waiting for my next turn." With that, she reached up and placed her finger in between her teeth and looked at me from under her eyelashes.

_Let me tell you, bowling with a semi is not easy._

On her next turn, I goosed her ass, but she still managed to make the shot, knocking down seven of the ten pins. On my next turn, I was just about to throw the ball when I heard her cough behind me. I looked over my shoulder to tell her that something simple as coughing wouldn't distract me when instead I saw Bella bent over at the waist, her perfect round ass staring me in the face while she tied her shoe.

_If you thought bowling with a semi was difficult, try bowling with a full out hard-on._

As I turned from the lane and faced Bella, I saw her smirking as she met my gaze. Her eyes traveled down my body and landed on my crotch and the smirk left her face. Her cheeks lit up and her eyes widened. I couldn't control my grin.

Bella and I walked toward each other slowly, never taking our eyes off each other. The sexual tension was so thick I'm sure they could feel it throughout the entire building. All I wanted to do was grab her and throw her down, burying myself inside of her.

"See something you like, Cullen?"

She had no idea.

I swallowed hard, unable to push the words out through my throat. We were finally standing within inches of each other, her brown eyes locked on mine, a small smile playing about her lips.

"You need to take your shot," she whispered.

"I think I'm done here."

"You'll lose the bet; I'm ahead."

"I'm okay with that. Want to go?"

Bella chuckled. "Are you sure?"

I dropped my bowling ball in the ball return and was back at her side in seconds. Taking her hand, I walked swiftly to grab our coats and her purse. She dug her heels and when I stopped to look back at her, she pointed at her feet. I huffed, taking just enough time for both of us to remove our ugly ass bowling shoes and return them to the counter before I took her hand again, pulling her outside. Bella was breathing heavily beside me, practically running to keep up. I couldn't seem to control this need I had for her.

Finally, we reached the car. I truly meant to only reach down and open the door for her, but instead, I found myself pressing her up against the side of the car, covering her body with my own.

Our breaths were coming out short and heavy, both from the rush to the car and from the tension between us. I wanted nothing more than to devour the woman in front of me, to begin kissing her and never stop.

Our heads moved towards each other in eager anticipation and I knew I had to pull back the monster inside of me and calm down. I took an unsteady breath, and loosened the grip I had on her hips. Her arms tightened on my shoulders, but I didn't allow her to pull me down to her. Instead, I pushed away from her just a little, creating a bit of space between us, but not much. I didn't want our first kiss to be a rush of hormones and need, even if it was what we were both feeling. I needed to show her that what was happening between us was more than lust, that it was deeper than that on my end.

Bella was staring up at me, wondering. I could tell she was confused as to why we weren't making out like teenagers against the Volvo, pawing at each other. I could speak the words to tell her how I felt, but decided it would be better to show her instead.

I lowered my head slowly, giving her the opportunity to back away if she somehow changed her mind. I got my answer as her small hands moved from my shoulders up to the wrap around my neck. I hesitated once more, my lips just mere millimeters from hers. Our breath mingled, hers tangy and sweet from the wine she had drank earlier. The last sight I had before my eyes drifted closed and my lips pressed to hers were Bella's eyes drifting closed, shuttering the look of bliss I saw in them.

It was everything I had thought it would be – sweet, slow and sexy. Bella's hands moved from my neck and up into my hair, and I groaned low in my throat from the sensation. My hands moved from her hips to wrap around her back, pulling her flush against me. Our kiss did not change in intensity, both of us taking the time to explore the contours of our lips. My tongue reached out, touching her bottom lip lightly, and Bella opened her mouth to allow it entrance. Her tongue met mine and we gently tasted one another.

I withdrew slowly, knowing we both needed to breathe. I nipped a few times at her bottom lip before ending with a few small pecks and pulling away. Our breathing was still fast and dense, but the sense of urgency from before was gone.

We smiled at each other and I couldn't help but pull Bella toward me and tuck her into my body. She buried her face in my neck and sighed. I kissed the top of her head, breathing in deep to take in her wonderful smell.

_How did I go without this for so long?_

We stood there for a few moments, just basking in what was blossoming between us. I felt Bella begin to pull back slightly, hesitantly. I tightened my hold on her for a minute, but then let her go. While I never wanted to leave this spot, I also knew we couldn't continue to stand here all night.

I kissed her once more, just a small, sweet kiss, before opening the car door for her. She slid inside and I sped over to my door, not wanting to be away from her for longer than necessary.

I started the car and pulled away from the curb, reaching over and taking Bella's hand with my own. We were silent, but there was a strangely comfortable feeling over us in the car.

I wanted to ask her to come home with me, to spend the night with me, even if it didn't lead to sex. I couldn't imagine being away from her, not having her in my arms as the sun rose.

I was terrified to ask though.

I didn't want to move too quickly and scare her away. I knew that she was open to me in a way that she hadn't been with anyone else if our dinner on Sunday night had been any indication. Our kisses and playful banter tonight made me hope that we could continue on that path, but I knew not to push for too much too soon. Asking her to come home with me would be doing just that.

As I got closer to her and Alice's apartment, I could feel a sense of sadness and disappointment settle over me. I squeezed her hand tight in mine and glanced a look over at my beautiful girl.

Bella's eyes were cast down and her teeth were worrying her bottom lip. There was an air of uncertainty and nervousness about her.

"Bella, love, are you okay?"

She didn't answer me for a moment and I felt some uneasiness rise inside of me. As I pulled up in front of her and Alice's building, she turned toward me and met my eyes.

"Edward? Will you tell me about Tanya?"


	14. Confessions Part 1

"_**Is this love that I'm feeling?**_

_**Is this the love that I've been searching for**_

_**Is this love or am I dreaming**_

_**This must be love …"**_

_**- Whitesnake**_

**BPOV**

The night had been…amazing.

Edward had been sweet, kind and a true gentleman the entire time. He also hadn't bothered to hide his desire for me, which made my own need for him come bubbling to the surface.

I loved the way he looked at me – like I was the most delicate of porcelain, the sexiest of women and the reason for his existence – all wrapped up into one. The way he held my hand, the way his eyes caressed my face, made me feel wanted.

_Loved._

My brain was telling me it was entirely too soon for that, but my heart told a different story. I was also under no illusions that this thing between Edward and I would be innocent and carefree. There was something deeper, something steady and true beneath the surface. I knew I could trust him with everything I had and more.

_So much for thinking this would be a simple date and that would be the end of it. _

Honestly, I tried to pull it back – to pull it in and make myself believe that I was jumping too quickly into believing what I felt for him – but I knew better. I knew that this wasn't a normal reaction; people didn't always find someone to make them feel the way Edward made me feel. It was scary and liberating all at the same time.

So instead of fighting it, I just went with it.

I returned his flirtatious behavior, taking that silly bet and doing my best to distract him while he bowled. It didn't take much to realize that I had him wound up tighter than a coil and he was ready to spring.

Seeing his rock-hard erection had sealed that deal.

When he had rushed us out of The Garage, there was no second-guessing about what we were doing or whether we were moving too fast. We were moving at our own pace, and as long as it worked for both of us, I wouldn't question it.

Our first kiss was indescribable. I floated and clung, wanting to hold on to that moment forever. It was the best first kiss I had ever had. It was the best first kiss _anyone_ had ever had.

When we separated and got in the car, I debated asking him to come home with me. Fast or not, I hadn't wanted to be away from him. I wanted to spend the rest of the night kissing those perfect lips, tracing the lines of his beautiful face with my fingertips and feeling his body press up against mine. I wanted to curl myself along his body and bury my face in his neck, breathing in his tangy, musky scent.

Except something held me back.

I knew where things between us could go. I knew that this thing between us could easily develop into a serious relationship and that I was riding in a car with the man that I could potentially spend the rest of my life with.

Quick or not, it was the absolute truth in my heart. My head was having a hard time catching up to my heart.

So, some questions needed to be answered before I allowed those feelings to become a possible reality. My head needed those answers. It may have been horrible timing on my part, seeing we just had the most amazing first date and first kiss ever, but I needed to know.

"Edward? Will you tell me about Tanya?"

Immediately, the whole atmosphere in the car changed. His fingers tightened on mine once again, before releasing them and letting go completely. His whole body was tense and not in a good way. I almost regretted asking, but I knew that if we were going to move forward with whatever this was, I needed to know about Tanya.

And I would have to tell him about the accident and Joe.

Edward ran a hand through his hair, something I was coming to realize he did when he was anxious or upset. He was definitely agitated and I felt bad for it, but ultimately, I knew I needed to hear from him what had happened. I wasn't about to turn over my heart and my trust to him if he was still hung up on his ex-girlfriend. Even though Alice had filled me in on what she knew about Edward and Tanya's relationship, I needed to hear it from him.

He sighed and I bit my lip to stop myself from telling him that he didn't need to explain anything to me. So I stalled instead.

"Come on, let's go inside." I patted his arm before turning and opening my door. I was half way out of the car when I felt him grasp my elbow.

"I'd rather not do this with an audience, if that's okay. We can go to my place. Em's working tonight so we'll have it to ourselves."

I dropped back in my seat, nodding my head in acquiesce. Having this conversation with Alice listening, or horning in, was not an option.

The ride to his apartment was quiet, with only the radio playing softly in the background, breaking up the silence. The space between us seemed to grow the longer we drove. By the time we got to Edward and Emmett's apartment, the atmosphere was incredibly tense and my nerves were screaming.

It hit me like a truck in that moment – I was head over heels for Edward already.

If he told me that he had been in love with Tanya, I thought I would vomit. If he told me he was _still_ in love with Tanya, I would break. I had known it the first time I saw her – between her and I there would be no contest. She would win, hands down, every time.

I wanted to run; I wanted to tell Edward to forget it, that I really didn't want to know the truth about his relationship with Tanya and what it meant for us. Hearing anything other than that the story Alice told me was the absolute truth would devastate me in ways I didn't even want to think about right now.

He already had a hold on me and my heart.

This was too much, too soon, but there it was.

In the span of two weeks I'd found someone who tore down every wall I had built. He wormed his way in, without even trying, and I was at his mercy.

The silence continued as we rode up the elevator to the penthouse. Edward fumbled for his keys before opening the door and leading me inside. The apartment was huge, with windows giving a beautiful vista of the Seattle skyline and the Sound. I could see a black baby grand in one corner and I remembered that Alice told me Edward had been playing forever.

I walked toward the windows, giving me a chance to step away from Edward while taking in the gorgeous view. He turned on no lights, allowing the city skyline to light up the room.

I heard his footsteps, echoing slightly on the hardwood floor beneath us. Edward stopped just behind me, not touching me, but close enough that I could feel his body heat.

"Would you like something to drink?" His voice was low and taut with something more than the tension that had plagued us the entire car ride.

I nodded. "Water would be good, thanks."

I sensed him moving away from me, and I continued to stare out the window, barely registering the small noises Edward made getting our drinks.

"Bella…" His voice was quiet, but there was plea in it that I couldn't ignore, even though part of me wanted to. The urge to run was still great, but I knew that in order for us to move forward, I had to hear whatever he was going to say, even if I didn't like it.

After all, I couldn't be positive he'd be thrilled to hear about my past either.

We were going to have to trust one another, and hope like hell we didn't break each other.

I turned, finding Edward standing next to a black leather couch that was in the center of the living room. As I faced him, he held out a hand for me to come and take. I couldn't ignore the pull that drew me to him, and I quickly crossed the floor to meet him.

Taking my hand, he gently tugged so I was following him down, until we were both seated on the couch.

We, almost instinctively it seemed, turned to face one another. I slipped my shoes off and tucked my feet beneath me, curling them up to try and keep them warm, as the apartment was slightly cooler than I was used to. Edward placed one foot on the floor with the other crossed in front of him, his right foot touching his left knee. Our legs were just barely touching.

There was more silence, the two of us just staring at each other for countless minutes, brown falling into green. It was easy to get lost in his eyes – _channeling Debbie Gibson here_ – and I wondered if he would mind if we just sat here for the rest of the night, staring rather than talking.

I saw him swallow and I wanted to follow the outline of his Adam's apple with my tongue.

_I was so stupid to ask him about Tanya. I should've waited. We could be doing something so much more enjoyable now. _

Edward looked down, no longer meeting my gaze. I could see him collect himself, taking a breath and sitting up straighter before looking at me once again.

"Tanya was, for lack a better term, a friend with benefits."

I blinked. I was slightly shocked, though I shouldn't be, considering what Alice had told me, but there was no other word for it. I just was not expecting him to tell me that. I worked myself up over the fact that he was going to tell me he loved her or still wanted her and it was she that broke it off. I steeled myself to hear that he wanted more from her, but lied to his family to save face when she dumped him on his ass.

So "friend with benefits" was a little unexpected.

I opened my mouth to speak, but snapped it closed when I couldn't think of anything to say.

Edward sighed. "Bella, I had a feeling you would ask about her at some point and I wondered how I'd answer this question when you did. I'd hoped for more time to come up with a better answer for you," he said, raising an eyebrow at me.

I blushed and shrugged. Nothing between us had gone as expected, so why should me asking about his ex…friend with benefits, be any different?

"I'm just going to tell you the truth, without trying to pretty it up and make me look like less than an asshole. I used her. I was lonely; I was tired of having dates that lasted no more than one night and Tanya made it clear she was available for whatever I wanted from her."

_Wait; did he just allude to the fact that he's a man whore? And that he used someone for sex? _

The pit of dread grew in my stomach and part of me wanted to tell him to stop talking before I heard anymore. I almost wished he had told me he had been in love with her, because I wondered if I would be able to deal with that easier than knowing he used her and slept with countless women throughout Seattle.

I shuffled back away from him, almost before I realized what I was doing. The pain and regret in his eyes was evident and I had to fight the urge to reach out and soothe him.

But I needed to hear more.

"I'm not proud of my actions, especially when it comes to Tanya. I've made mistakes, Bella, huge mistakes that could've been avoided if I hadn't been selfish and stupid."

Edward paused, collecting his thoughts before he continued.

"I met Tanya when we began our residencies together, but I only started seeing her last April. I hadn't been out with anyone in a while and I was…I was lonely. Tanya asked me out one night, and I took her up on it. Our jobs can be stressful and I thought maybe it'd be easier to be with someone who understood that. At the time, I even wondered if we might be able to build on it. For a while, I tried to make it something more. I let her refer to herself as my girlfriend; I introduced her to Emmett, and I…I tried. She understood my job; she pushed me to be a better surgeon. I thought it would be enough..."

Edward trailed off, his eyes begging me to understand. I had questions, but instead of asking them, I motioned for him to keep going.

"I enjoyed her company at first, but eventually, I saw things about her that I really didn't like. I should've broken it off then, I should've ended it. But I was so tired of being alone; seeing Emmett with Rosalie only made it worse. I wanted to belong to someone and be a part of a couple. I was tired of dating endless women and not having it work out."

My eyebrows raised and I backed up even more. It was hard enough to think of Edward with Tanya. Thinking of him with many women just made me ill.

"I'm sorry. I've screwed this up so badly already…" He looked devastated and I pulled myself together. I knew Edward was no virgin and he was so handsome that I knew there would be no shortage of women flocking to him. I couldn't let what happened before me matter so much.

_Unless it had to do with Tanya._

She was the one he decided to try and have a relationship with, the one he allowed to call herself his girlfriend.

"Edward, I asked you to tell me. I want to hear this. I _need_ to hear this," I said.

And I did. I might not like it, but I had to know for my own peace of mind. I wouldn't allow Tanya and my questions about their so-called relationship to threaten our future. I needed to know this so I could accept it as part of his past and move forward. My timing may have been crappy, after such a wonderful first date, but I knew that this thing between Edward and I wouldn't be stopped. And in order to be okay with how fast this seemed to be going, I had to know about his past and come to terms with it. He, after all, would have to know about mine and be okay with that too. We both had baggage, myself probably more than him. We had to lay it all out there and make sure we were both okay with everything we brought with us.

Edward sighed, and then continued.

"I was convinced she could be different, that I could be different with her. Weeks, months, went by and I ignored the fact that I didn't even like spending time with her anymore and that my brother fucking hated her. I refused to acknowledge that she was an absolute bitch to everyone and the only time I saw any admirable qualities inside of her was when we were in surgery together. I kept trying to convince myself that would be enough.

"I fucked up, Bella, fucked up bad. I have no one to blame but myself for how it all turned out, since I knew Tanya thought of us being more serious than I did. She had been hinting at meeting my parents for weeks, wanting me to take her to Forks. She even started talking about the two of us moving in together. But instead of just breaking up with her, I avoided her. I ignored what she said or just changed the subject. I knew she'd be pissed when I broke things off, and I just didn't want to deal with it."

Edward ran a hand through his hair, messing his already destroyed locks further. "I'm going to tell you something, Bella, and I hope it doesn't scare you away. I'm going to put it out there with the hope that you feel what's between us and maybe you'll understand where I'm coming from."

Feelings of dread and hope swirled around in my stomach and I had to remind myself to breathe. I couldn't seem to form any words, so I just nodded my head.

"The night that Emmett, Alice and Jacob brought you to the hospital for your ankle changed everything for me. There was just something about you that made me want to hold you, protect you. It was irrational and it was illogical, but there it was. And I knew then, when I looked into your eyes, that I wanted to get to know you better. I wanted to spend time with you and get to know you as more than my sister's best friend. I wanted to know the woman you'd become and learn everything about you. When Emmett told me that you and Jake were together, I wanted to hit –"

I held up a hand. "Wait, what did you just say?"

Edward just gazed back at me, his eyes holding nothing but honesty and sincerity. "Emmett told me that you and Jake were together. Well, he didn't say together, but he said the there was something between you two and that –"

I couldn't help it, I started laughing. And not just a small chuckle, but full-blown belly laughs that had me clutching my stomach and tears of laughter rolling from my eyes.

"You…thought…that Jake and…I were…together?" I managed to gasp out, still rolling with the absurdity of the idea.

Edward looked perplexed and overwhelmed. "Well, yes. He wouldn't leave you alone with me, the way he was holding your hand…just the way he was there for you. All you had to do was reach out your hand and he was right there to take it. It's obvious there's something special between the two of you."

"Of course there is! Edward, he's my best friend. We used to make mud pies together when we were little and got close when I came to live with Charlie during high school. There's absolutely nothing between Jake and I except friendship. He's the brother I never had." I wiped my eyes, waiting for Edward to say something.

There were a few beats of silence while Edward took in what I said. Finally, he fell back into the arm of the couch and spat out, "That fuck nugget."

"I'm sorry?"

Edward sat back up and looked at me. "My brother, the fuck nugget. That asshole knew what I was going through that night and he fucking played me. I'm gonna kick his ass."

I shook my head. "I don't understand…"

Edward sighed. "That night, I was extremely jealous of Jake, and it was hard for me to understand why. I took a few moments alone to try and collect my thoughts when Emmett came to find me. He started saying all this shit about you and Jake, apparently playing me, so I'd get all pissed off. It worked, because I wanted nothing more than to go back into the E.R. and kick Jake's ass and take you away from him. My fucking brother saw right through me and played me. He did it on purpose."

Now it was my turn to sit back. I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. "That fuck nugget."

Edward threw his hands up in the air. "Exactly!"

We both started chuckling and it lifted the tension in the room for a few moments. We smiled at one another and I couldn't help myself. Lowering my arms from around my legs, I slid forward until I was on my knees, our heads on equal level. I leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on his lips. I began to pull away when Edward's arms snaked around me and pulled me toward him. We situated our bodies until I was sitting sideways in his lap, my head pillowed between his chest and shoulder. Our fingers were twined together, his thumb continuously moving against my own.

Again, logically, this wasn't the place to finish having this conversation. But it was where I wanted – _needed_ – to be.

We sat quietly for a few minutes before Edward started speaking again. "It was that night that I realized that what I felt in just being around you for a short while was more than I had ever felt for Tanya. When I got home that night, I decided I was going to end things with her.

"She must've realized something was up, because she spent the entire week avoiding me. I finally got her to agree to meet me on Sunday afternoon, but as you know, she showed up at our family dinner on Saturday night instead. After everyone left, we had a…discussion, and I told her it was over."

I could hear Edward's heart beating steadily through his shirt and part of me wished I could crawl inside of him and never leave. Here, in his arms, I felt safe, steady and completely and utterly cared for. He had done exactly what I asked him to do and told me about Tanya. While I wasn't thrilled with some of his confessions, or his treatment of her, I at least somewhat understood where he had been coming from. _And his name was Joe…_

"Okay."

I felt him shift and I looked up to see him gazing at me, looking slightly puzzled.

"Just like that? Okay?"

I shrugged. "It is what it is; you can't change it." I paused, but then I asked the question I knew I needed to in order to let all of this go. "Did you love her?"

"Oh, fuck, no."

I nodded. Edward reached up and gently took my shoulders, pulling me away from him.

"Bella, I need you to look at me." I complied. "I need you to know this, even if you believe nothing else I've told you tonight. I never loved her. I admired her as a surgeon and in the beginning of our involvement, I liked her. When I realized that it was never going to be more than that, I should've ended things. I will forever regret that decision because it wasn't fair to Tanya and as much as I dislike her right now, I did something pretty shitty by not ending our involvement sooner. She has every right to be angry with me and you have every right to never want anything to do with me again. I know how lucky I am that you didn't go running out of here when I explained to you how I felt about her and how horribly I acted. I get that and I'm so very grateful you stayed."

_As if I could say goodbye. _

There was a part of me – _the part Charlie raised_ – that was screaming at me to leave. The fact that Edward readily admitted to acting like a grade-A, major asshole to a woman he was supposed to care about should've had me bolting out the door. I had enough baggage of my own and certainly didn't need to take on whatever Edward's issues were.

And yet, here I sat. And not just sat, but cuddled up to him like it was the most normal thing in the world.

I settled back against his chest, unsure of what to say or how to react to his confession. I wasn't happy with him by any stretch of the imagination, but at the same time, I kind of knew where he was coming from. Things between Joe and I hadn't exactly been copasetic before I left Sacramento. Edward and I had a bit more in common than he thought…

I was startled out of my reverie by Edward clearing his throat.

"Bella, there's something more I feel I should tell you. And this might actually have you really running for the door."

_Mother of God, I don't know if I can take much more. _

How did one of the most wonderful nights of my life deteriorate into such a clusterfuck?

_Because you just had to open your damn mouth thinking you'd get the answers that would reassure you._

I nodded. "Go ahead."

_What else was I supposed to say? "No, don't tell me anything more?" That would hardly solve our problems. _

"Do you remember when we first met?" he asked quietly.

The smile came to my face without me even thinking about it. "Sure, it was right after Alice and I graduated from high school. You were home from college for the summer and we were in your parents' kitchen. You'd just woken up and were standing in the kitchen doorway with terrible bed head."

I paused, my cheeks flooding with color. I covered my face with my hands, mortified. I couldn't believe that I just admitted to remembering our first meeting with such clarity.

Edward laughed softly, pulling my hands from my face. "Oh, baby, don't be embarrassed. It actually makes me feel really good that you remember it so clearly. It might make what I have to tell you much easier."

He was holding my hands again, giving me a small smile. "I'm about to confess to you something that I've never admitted to anyone. I've only just recently admitted it to myself. I hope you won't hold it against me or think…" Edward trailed off, looking unsure of how to continue.

I bit my lip. "Just tell me, please."

He sighed before beginning. "That day in the kitchen, something happened when I looked at you. I felt compelled to you; I just wanted to be near you and get to know you. Then my mother came storming in and that was the end of that. You left for the summer and by the time you got back, I was gone. But it didn't stop me from thinking about you. In fact, I've thought about you a lot over the last ten years."

I sat there, stunned into silence, trying to wrap my head around what he was telling me.

_I'm completely and utterly overwhelmed. After his confession about his involvement with Tanya, I don't even know how to wrap my head around what he might be telling me now._

"I…don't…what are you saying?" I asked.

Edward swallowed hard and ran his hand through his hair. "I... shit, Bella, I was attracted to you that day and for some reason, it stuck. And instead of just finding a way to tell you the next time I saw you – anytime I saw you after that, really – I was a coward. By the time I finally got up the nerve to talk to you and ask you out, you were already dating someone else and it sounded serious. So I locked it away. But when I saw you again, that night in the hospital, I knew…"

_Holy hell. _

There are thousands of words in the English language and I couldn't think of one to use. I was completely and utterly speechless.

_And I can't lie; I'm slightly creeped out and flattered, all at the same time. _

We sat in silence – his nervous, mine contemplative. I thought about what he told me tonight and what he just revealed and I realized something very clear.

I could look at this in two different ways.

The first being that he was a jerk who screwed up royally with the last girl he was involved with. He also was a bit of a creeper, admitting to having a crush on me for the last ten years.

Or I could look at him as being someone who wasn't perfect, who admitted to his mistakes and was willing to take responsibility for them. He was willing to be vulnerable and trust me with a secret he'd held on to for ten years.

Comparing the two, the answer was clear.

I reached up, turning and wrapping my hands around his neck. I pulled his head closer to mine until our foreheads were touching. I closed my eyes and spoke.

"Thank you for being honest with me and trusting me. I'm glad you decided to say something this time. Really, really glad."

And with that, I leaned in and touched my lips to his.

His kiss was tentative at first, but grew as he realized I wasn't going anywhere. He sucked on my bottom lip before touching it gently with the tip of his tongue. I needed no further prodding, opening my mouth to his, letting him inside.

I'm not sure how much time passed, but eventually we were lying length-ways on the couch, Edward pressed up against the back, his arms around my waist. We continued kissing each other – lips, necks, ears – only stopping to gaze at each other and smile. Sometimes he would take his fingers and trace my face, over my eyelids, cheeks and lips, down to my chin and neck. His hands never went lower and while part of me was screaming at him to touch me everywhere, I appreciated that he was taking things slow and just letting us settle into this new thing with each other.

Eventually, the kisses slowed and we laid there, holding on to one another. I felt Edward's chest rise and lower beneath my cheek, the beat of his heart steady and sure. I lifted my head to see that he had fallen asleep. I snuggled back in, trying to get comfortable.

The romantic stories you read would have you believe that I should have fallen asleep instantly, comfortably wrapped in the arms of the man I lo…liked.

_Yes, liked. I wasn't going to say love. Too damn soon for love. Definitely liked._

But the truth of the matter was, I felt like I was going to fall off the couch any minute, the edge of it pressing uncomfortably into my side.

I tried to situate myself so I could give into my exhaustion and fall asleep next to Edward, but it wasn't happening. Deciding enough was enough, I poked him, hoping to wake him up so he could move and either give me more room, take me to his bed or take me home.

Instead of waking though, Edward rolled over and unceremoniously dumped me off the couch.

I landed on the floor with a muffled "whoomph," and laid there in disbelief. I looked up at Edward through my curtain of hair waiting for him to apologize profusely and help me up off the floor.

_The bastard was still asleep. _

Slowly, I sat up, waiting for Edward to wake up and realize what he'd done. Instead, all I got were small, muffled snores. I poked him, hit him lightly and even pinched him. Still, he slept on, not even realizing I wasn't by his side.

Huffing, I got to my feet and looked around. There was no way I was sleeping on the floor or in a chair for the rest of the night. I was going to find his bed and make use of it.

Edward hadn't turned on any lights during our talk, so all I had was the light from the skyline to show me my way. I had no idea where his bedroom was, but figured it couldn't be too hard to find. He had mentioned earlier in the evening that he won the master suite from Emmett by winning some stupid video game, so I would just look for the bigger room and camp out there.

My only problem was that both rooms were huge, and both had their own bathrooms.

I took a chance and moved into what looked like to be the bigger of the two rooms. I stripped down to my bra and underwear, finding a t-shirt lying over a chair in the corner of the room. It was huge on me, but that meant nothing, considering both Edward and Emmett towered over me.

I figured in the long run neither Emmett nor Edward would care if I borrowed their shirt or the bed for the night. If I was in the wrong bed, I had no doubt Emmett would kick me out when he arrived home. In fact, I was counting on it.

I climbed into the king-sized bed and was asleep within minutes.

I woke up hours later, wrapped tightly in Edward's arms.

It wasn't until I pressed my body back into his and realized that none of this felt familiar that I panicked.

_Emmett…_

I tried to push myself out of Emmett's embrace, but he held tight, snuggling in closer, his morning erection pressing into my back.

I'm mortified – completely and utterly mortified.

_I hope I can get away before he wakes up because if not, I will never hear the end of this. _

I tried moving again, but instead all I got was poked with Emmett's penis and a murmured, "Oh Rose, baby. Hmmmmm…."

Then he started kissing my hair.

I squirmed, trying to push and shove at him, hoping he'd wake the hell up already. My actions were small, considering how tight he was holding me and how wrapped up around me he was. My attempts had less than the desired effect.

"Oh baby…. hmmm…. scratch…harder. Hmmm…more…."

_Is he for real? _

"Emmett!" I said, forcefully. "Emmett, wake up!"

He didn't let go, in fact, he squeezed me tighter and grinded into my back harder.

I was going to scream bloody murder if he didn't stop trying to screw my back with his monster dick.

_Yes, I said monster. I may be involved with his brother, but when confronted with a dick this size, one does tend to take notice. _

_Though I doubt his brother and his girlfriend would be happy that I did. _

I tried again. "Emmett! Emmett, will you wake the hell up!"

He continued to grind and moan, making this extremely awkward and uncomfortable.

"EMMETT!" I finally screamed at the top of my lungs.

Two things happened simultaneously. First, there was a loud crash from the living room. Secondly, Emmett stopped moaning and grinding on me. I pushed away from him again, trying to get him to let me go, but he still held on tight.

"Wh…what?"

"Emmett, will you let me go?" I said, as loud as I could through clenched teeth.

I had a feeling I knew what the crash from the living room was and I wanted to be up and out of Emmett's bed before Edward came running. Explanations would be hard enough with me just being in Emmett's room. I couldn't imagine what would happen if Edward actually found me still in bed with his brother.

_And obviously the universe hates me…_

Before I could say another word, Edward was in the doorway, staring at me lying in his brother's arms, in his brother's bed.

I wasn't sure if I should be horrified by the circumstances or hysterical at the look on Edward's face.

Shock, disbelief and confusion colored his features before it settled back into just disbelief. I was thankful anger hadn't made an appearance.

_Yet._

I twisted out of Emmett's arms, who was finally coherent enough to realize that I wasn't Rosalie and he needed to let me go. I turned, sitting up and trying to scoot as far away from Emmett as possible.

Too bad I didn't notice I was right on the edge of the bed. I tumbled over it and landed on my butt.

No one moved until Emmett peeked over the side of the bed and looked down at me.

"Fuck, Bells. It wasn't that bad, was it? Or was it that good?" He leered at me.

_Someone kill me now. _

I was sure my face was the color of ripe tomatoes. Emmett was grinning down at me, looking too much like the Cheshire Cat for my liking. I didn't have the guts to look over at Edward.

I huffed, awkwardly trying to get to my feet. I did my best to not flash either of the Cullen boys, but in my haste to stand up, I ended up getting tangled in Emmett's shirt and fell back to the ground, exposing my backside to both Edward and Emmett.

_At least I had underwear on…_

Emmett started howling, his laughter coming out in loud squawks.

"Jesus, Bella!" Edward rushed to my side, trying to help pull me to my feet and cover my butt all at the same time. We were a tangle of arms and legs, me full of apologizes and Edward silent, while Emmett continued his guffaws in the background.

I finally got back on my feet, Edward holding the top of my arms gently.

"Are you okay?" he asked, quietly. I couldn't tell by the look on his face or the tone in his voice what he was thinking.

I nodded, looking at the floor. _I'm never going to be able to face him again._

Emmett had stopped with his cackling finally and the silence settled back in the room. Finally, Emmett spoke.

"Bella, I think we should tell him. It's only fair."

I whipped my head around and giving Emmett an incredulous look. He was sitting up in bed, lying back against his pillows, hands linked behind his head. He was wearing nothing but a sheet and a grin.

"Emmett…" Edward said, a warning in his voice.

"Oh, come on Eddie. No reason to be a poor sport. It's just obvious what happened here."

My mouth dropped open in shock. _What the hell?_

Emmett just continued to grin. "Sweet Cheeks, was he _really_ that bad last night?"

Edward cursed and I gaped.

"What? I mean…no! Emmett, it's not…Edward, I thought…" I lifted my hands, dropping my face into them.

"Darlin', it's fine, really. I understand. When faced with that…" Emmett gestured to Edward. "And then given the choice for this…" He pointed to himself. "I totally fucking get it."

I couldn't help but stare at Emmett. _Was he freaking serious?_

It took me a second, but I finally caught the twinkle in his eye and came to the realization that the grin on his face was more of a…smirk.

_Bastard was playing me. _

I chanced a glance up at Edward, who had his lips pressed tightly together, trying not to laugh.

_Oh, hell no. _

I let out a huge huff of indignation and stomped from the room. I marched up the hallway, finally finding a bathroom. I stepped inside, slamming and locking the door.

_Those jerks._

_Jerks…who have my clothes. _

In typical Bella fashion, I stormed out, leaving my clothes on the chair in Emmett's room.

So much for my plan to get dressed, call a cab and get as far away from my humiliation as I could.

There was a knock at the door.

"Bella, I have your clothes." It was Edward.

I looked at the door for a few seconds, debating whether or not to open it and face him, or just wait it out and hope he left my clothes in the hallway for me.

I wasn't really mad at either of them, because, well, it _was_ funny. Only I would end up in the wrong brother's bed.

That's just my luck.

But I was embarrassed beyond belief. The thought of facing Edward now was just mortifying.

_You're gonna have to do it at some point, Sweet Cheeks. _

Steeling myself, I took a deep breath and opened the door. Edward was waiting on the other side, my clothes in his hands. He gave me a small, tentative smile.

"I thought you might need these." He held them out to me.

I took them with a small "thank you."

Edward nodded. "Um, I'm not sure if that bathroom has towels or anything in it, but if you want to take a shower, you can use mine."

I opened my mouth to tell him I would just shower when I got home, but Emmett came strolling by at that moment. He was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers, stretching and scratching his stomach.

"Mine's open too, Sweet Cheeks. You're more than welcome to it." He shot me another grin and winked.

I slammed the door in Edward's face.


	15. Feeling

Many thanks to my betas, **MsAmbrosia** and **Browns**. I adore them and you should too.

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
**

* * *

**BPOV**

I took my time getting dressed. I didn't feel the need to rush out there for more Emmett-style embarrassment.

When I couldn't put it off any longer, I exited the bathroom and made my way up the hallway to the living room. Edward was standing in the kitchen, his back to me, working over something on the stove. Emmett was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey," I said softly as I came up behind him.

Edward spun around, a fork in his hand. "Hey yourself."

He leaned over and tried to give me a kiss on the lips, but I turned my head so his mouth landed on my cheek instead. He looked confused and a little hurt.

I smiled and tapped my mouth. "Morning breath."

The corner of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. "There's an extra toothbrush in my bathroom. Toothpaste is in the drawer under the sink; the toothbrush should be in there too. It's the _second_ door on the left." He emphasized the directions to his room and I rolled my eyes.

"That information would've been helpful last night when you dumped my butt on the floor."

Edward immediately looked contrite. "Oh babe, I'm sorry. I was just so comfortable and next thing I knew, I was out. It takes an army to wake me up once I'm asleep."

"Yeah, I noticed." He still looked upset so I squeezed his arm. "I'll be right back."

Edward's bathroom was huge, with a large tub and shower stall and two side-by-side sinks that were so far apart they weren't really side-by-side at all. I found the toothbrush and toothpaste without a problem, impressed with how clean and organized his bathroom was.

_He is definitely one of a kind. _

There was still no sign of Emmett when I got back to the kitchen; Edward was plating up some eggs, bacon and toast for us.

"That smells great." I smiled at him as he handed me a dish. I began to sit down at the counter where there were two bar stools, but Edward motioned me over to the dining area on the far side of the living room. It had a beautiful view of Puget Sound.

"This is gorgeous." I breathed, as I sat down and took in the sight before me. A ferry was shuttling over from Bainbridge Island and the sun was bright on the horizon.

We sat eating in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the food and the view. I kept glancing at Edward and found him looking back at me every time with a sweet smile on his face.

We had finished most of what was on our plates when suddenly he stopped eating and put his fork down. I looked at him, puzzled.

"Are we okay? After last night, I mean? Are you okay with everything I told you?" Edward ran a hand through his hair, letting me know he was definitely nervous. He wouldn't meet my gaze.

I put down my own fork and reached over to pull his hand off his head. "Hey, look at me." I tugged at his arm until he did. His eyes looked so sad.

"We're good. We're better than good – we're great. I won't lie and tell you that some of what you told me last night didn't bothered me…a bit. But, I also realized something."

I paused, biting my lip, because now_ I_ was nervous. Taking a deep breath, I continued.

"There's something about you that makes me feel things I never felt with anyone else. I trust you on a level I trust few others. I feel…connected to you in a way I never could've imagined. I don't know where this is going, but it feels like it could go somewhere really good – really, really good. And I want to explore that and see if I'm right….if you're okay with it."

Edward gave me the biggest smile I'd ever seen. He stood up, and walked over to my chair, pulling me up out of it. One hand reached up and traced down my cheek while the other wrapped around my waist.

"I am definitely okay with that," he whispered, before leaning down and giving me a kiss that left me breathless.

We parted a few moments later when I heard a loud wolf whistle nearby.

_I'm going to have to ask Edward if he'd be willing to move out of state, otherwise my face is going to be permanently red. _

Emmett was standing behind their couch, arms crossed over his uniformed chest, cheesy grin on his face.

"Awww, look at the love birds. I hope you know what you're giving up by choosing him, Bella." Emmett did some sort of weird pelvic thrust and hip shimmy. I buried my face in Edward's chest, groaning while Edward laughed.

"Oh Em, lay off. She's not used to having you around so much; you have to ease her in to your crazy ass ways." Edward kissed the top of my head and let me go. He turned and picked our dishes up off the table and walked them over to the kitchen, cleaning up.

Emmett vaulted over the couch, ignoring Edward's yell and was at my side before I could blink. "You're not really mad at me are you?"

He looked like such a sad, little puppy that I couldn't help but laugh. "No, Emmett, I'm not mad at you. You're a pain in the butt, but I still like you…kinda."

He punched my shoulder gently and said, "Good. Now I have more time to work on other ways to make you blush. If you were mad at me, I'd have to chillax on that for awhile."

I rolled my eyes at him and rubbed my shoulder where he punched me. _Dude's way stronger than he thinks! _

Emmett's smile fell. "Um, Bells, I do want to apologize for last night…. I had no idea you were in my room. I was fucking beat after work and wasn't paying attention when I crawled into bed. I was out as soon as I hit the damn pillow."

I was amazed. _Emmett's actually squirming!_

He looked even more uncomfortable when I said nothing. "Well, you know, I just didn't want you to think I'd take advantage of you like that. You know, 'cause that's just not cool. I mean, not that you're not cool, but I wouldn't do that to my little brother, ya know? Fuck, Rosie would kick my ass. Shit, Bella, you know what I'm saying, right?"

I let him flounder for a few more seconds before taking pity on him.

"Emmett, it's fine. We're good. Mistakes happen."

Once he realized he was off the hook, he relaxed. Grinning, he pounded me on the shoulder once more before moving toward the front door. He grabbed a jacket and called out, "I'm off to save Seattle from dirt bags and drug dealers! Peace out, my peeps!" And then he was gone.

I looked over at Edward. "Is he always like that?"

Edward shrugged, still washing dishes. "Usually. You get used to it after awhile."

I moved to his side, picking up a dishtowel to dry the dishes that he finished washing. We worked in a comfortable silence until everything was clean. When we were done, he took my hand and pulled me over to the couch.

Settling into the comfy cushions together, Edward pulled me onto his lap. We didn't talk for a while, preferring to just smile and stare at each other in between long, lingering kisses.

"So, Ms. Swan, what's on your agenda for the weekend?" He asked, stroking my cheek with his finger.

"Probably just working on stuff for my classes, making sure I have everything in place," I shrugged. "What about you?"

"Well, I was hoping that I could get this incredibly gorgeous woman I know to go out with me again. Maybe spend the night with me this time, rather than in my brother's bed."

I raised my eyebrows. "Somehow I don't think Emmett's going to be okay with you asking Rosalie out…." I started laughing as Edward began tickling me.

"Uncle! Uncle!" I cried, tears in my eyes, as Edward's fingers tickled over my stomach and my ribs.

He stopped as soon as the first "uncle" left my lips and he was grinning like a goofy little boy while I tried to catch my breath.

"Not….fair…" I gasped out, pulling myself off his lap.

Edward snickered. "Sorry, but that crack about Rosalie called for it."

"Nothing ever calls for tickling." I couldn't help but laugh though. I loved having these moments with him. It was something that I hadn't even known was missing in my relationship with Joe, but now that I was with Edward, I realized that Joe and I hardly ever spent our time laughing and having fun with each other. My relationship with Edward was a wonderfully different change.

We agreed that Edward would bring me home so I could shower, change and get some work done. He said he had some errands to run and would come over to the apartment when he was finished. From there, we would decide on our plans for the evening.

The important part was that we would have plans for the evening – together.

Twenty minutes later, I was keying into my apartment, having said a prolonged goodbye to Edward in the car. It was hard to leave him – harder than it should've been considering we had our first date only last night – but we finally separated so I could go inside and he could go off and do whatever it was he had to do.

I could hear music coming from the direction of Alice's room, and I wondered if I could sneak by without her hearing or seeing me. I was a little worried about her reaction to me not coming home last night, as well as the third degree I was sure I would get about _the date._

Tip-toeing up the hallway, I approached Alice's slightly closed bedroom door with the caution of someone approaching a sleeping tiger.

My BFF must have super spidey hearing because the minute I hit her doorframe, she yelled, "Bella, you're home!"

Her bedroom door swung open and Alice smiled at me. Her room was covered in clothing and accessories and Alice looked more disheveled than I had ever seen her.

"Ali, are you…okay?" I asked, slightly concerned.

She waved off the mess behind her. "Yeah, just going through some stuff; early spring cleaning and all that." She tilted her head and grinned at me. "So…. how was _the date?"_

I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face. Apparently that was answer enough for her.

"Excellent! When are you guys going out again? Should I make myself scarce tonight?"

My grin faltered a bit when I realized she wasn't going to ask for details. This was definitely not like Alice.

"Um, we're getting together later…Ali, are you sure everything's okay?"

Alice smiled. "Bella, everything is fine! I'm going to get back to my cleaning and I'm sure you have stuff to do, so…" Alice left the door open as she moved back into her room, turning her back on me.

I stood there for a minute, biting my lip. Despite Alice's reassurances, I knew something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on what. She smile seemed sincere and her tone was light and friendly, but something was wrong. Deciding I would shower first so I could think about how to approach things with her, I left her room and headed for mine.

I took my time in the shower, replaying last night and this morning. Other than the situation named Emmett, things had gone better than I expected. I believed Edward had been nothing but truthful with me. The things he shared hadn't placed him in the best light, which is what truly made me think that he was hiding nothing from me. I knew without a doubt that I could trust him with my heart. Knowing that, I couldn't help the joyous feeling that spread over my body.

_Alice had been right; moving to Seattle was the start of a wonderful new life. _

I could only hope that Edward would be by my side through it all.

* * *

Wandering to Alice's room after showering and dressing for the day, I found her gone. There was a note on the counter that read:

**Bella,**

**Decided to make myself scarce, just in case.**

**Have fun.**

**Love to you both,**

**Alice**

Biting my lip, I read the note again, wondering why she felt the need to leave and leave so quickly. Her lack of questions about _the date_ might be able to be explained away by the tentative truce we called earlier in the week on the subject of Edward, but I thought for sure that with me being gone all night she would've quizzed me to death.

_Instead, I'm left with barely two sentences on a cryptic note. _

Taking my cell out my pocket, I dialed her number. Four rings later, her voicemail picked up.

"Alice, it's Bella. Um, I just want to make sure everything is okay…um, I'm sorry you left before we had a chance to talk. I really hope you didn't leave on account of Edward coming over. Um, call me back, okay?"

I hung up, worrying my bottom lip with my teeth. Something was definitely off with my best friend, but I had no idea what it was. There was nothing in her attitude or tone that made me believe that Alice was anything less than happy for Edward and I, but something wasn't right with her. Yet, until she decided to come clean with me, I was at a loss about what could possibly be wrong.

Deciding there was nothing more I could do at the moment, I went back to my room and booted up my laptop. I opened iTunes and, settling in with some classic rock, I started planning out assignments for my classes.

I was startled when I heard a loud knock on our front door. Glancing at the clock on my laptop, I realized that almost two hours had passed without my noticing. The knocking sound came again, and I jumped up, moving toward the foyer.

I glanced through the peek hole – _Charlie's lessons are always with me_ - to see Edward standing on the other side. I couldn't get the door unlocked and opened fast enough.

The minute I had the door open, I was swung up in his arms, his mouth covering mine.

_Is it possible to be this happy?_

We finally pulled away from each other, grinning into each other's faces.

"I missed you," Edward breathed, his eyes searching my face as if he hadn't seen me in years rather than just hours before.

"I missed you too." It was true. I had gone almost 28 years without him doing any more than just passing through my life at brief interludes. One date and a bunch of huge confessions later, I couldn't imagine being without him.

I pulled Edward into the apartment and he shut the door behind him. We stood in the entryway, just holding hands and smiling at each other. I was giddy with happiness.

Edward leaned his head down to mine, our foreheads touching, gazes locked. We were silent, not wanting to break the spell around us with unnecessary words.

_I can't stop smiling._

"So, Ms. Swan, how's your day been so far?" Edward stepped back a bit so we could see each other better.

"Good, I got some more work done, so I should be set for the first couple of weeks of the semester at least." I sighed happily, thrilled to be in Edward's arms and satisfied with the amount of work I finished while we were separated.

"That's great! Are you at a good place to stop and maybe go get something to eat?"

"Sure. Where do you want to go?"

"There's a sub shop not far from here, is that okay?" Edward reached up and brushed a piece of hair out of my eyes, his fingertips ghosting over my forehead.

"Sounds good. Let me just grab my wallet." He released me and I headed back to my room.

"Where's Alice? I thought maybe she could come with us," Edward yelled from the other room.

I threw on a pair of sneakers and grabbed my wallet. "She's not here," I answered him, walking back to where he was waiting for me.

"Oh, okay." Edward tilted his head and looked at me appraisingly. "Is everything okay?"

I shrugged as we walked out the door and got on the elevator. "I guess so. She seemed a little manic when I got home this morning –"

"So she was acting normally?" Edward chuckled as he opened the passenger side door of the Volvo for me.

I smacked his arm. "Be nice. That's my best friend you're making fun of."

Edward held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. But remember, she's my little sister, so taunting, mocking, and just general making fun of her is in my job description."

I shook my head as he shut the door and walked around to the driver's side. I waited until he was in the car before I continued. "Anyway, she was cleaning out all the stuff in her room and there were things everywhere. She seemed fine, but…" I trailed off, not quite sure how to describe it. Maybe I was seeing something that wasn't there.

"But…." Edward prompted.

I sighed. "I've been your sister's best friend for over ten years, and never once has she not bugged me relentlessly about my life. From my job, to the men I dated, to what I ate for breakfast, Alice has always been abnormally interested in what's going on with me. So, not only was I expecting the third degree when I walked in the apartment this morning, I was almost counting on it. But she never said a word. She asked if we had a good time and then wanted to know if she should leave the apartment so we could have some time alone."

Edward didn't say anything, so I continued. "Alice and I had a fight earlier this week." He turned his head to look at me, his face curious. "We had a…difference of opinion about something I was going to do. She had no problem telling me what she thought I should do and how I should handle it. I thought she should mind her own business, and I told her so. She didn't think she was doing anything wrong and we kind of had it out."

"Had it out?"

"We argued, I stormed off, she called Jake, he called me and gave me a kick in the ass –"

Edward interrupted me. "He did what?"

I rolled my eyes. "Stop being so overprotective. He gave me a verbal ass kicking, which, I will admit, I needed. Alice came home, we talked and we made up. I thought we were okay – we seemed okay –but today, something just seemed…off."

Edward didn't move for a few moments and then finally, shrugged. "Maybe she's butting out like you asked her to do."

I shook my head. "Maybe, but I don't think so. It was more than that. It didn't have the feel of Alice trying to stay out of things…something else was going on. I just can't figure out what."

We arrived at the sub shop then and I waited until Edward joined me on the sidewalk before continuing. "I might be overreacting, but something just didn't seem…right."

Edward reached down and took my left hand, bringing it to his lips for a quick kiss. "I believe you. I'll try talking to her later, see if I can get anything out of her. Have you called Jacob to ask if he's spoken to her?"

Shaking my head, I sighed. "No, not yet. I figured if she hasn't talked to me about it, she probably hasn't talked to him either."

Edward squeezed my hand, which was now intertwined with his. "Or, she might not be ready to talk about it with you yet, so she called him."

I literally took a step back because the thought of Alice turning to Jake, and not me, hurt. It hurt a lot. There was nothing that the three of us haven't shared with one another, at least anything that I knew of. I always told them both when something was going on, but Edward's comment made me wonder if they had been sharing things with each other that they hadn't shared with me.

"Bella?"

I looked at Edward, the pain and confusion written clearly on my face.

"Oh sweetheart, please don't worry. I'm sure Alice will talk to you when she's ready. You're both going through some big changes – the move to Seattle, both of you starting new jobs, learning to live together as best friends and roommates – you're bound to be going through some growing pains. If Alice is talking to Jake, then I'm sure she'll be talking to you soon too. Please don't worry about it. Alice will be fine. Your friendship with Alice will be fine, I'm sure of it."

I nodded, trying to believe him.

Edward squeezed my hand one more time before we walked into the shop. We held hands until we reached the counter, and then separated to order our sandwiches. One turkey on a hard roll and one pastrami on rye later, we were sitting at a small corner table eating quietly.

We hadn't gotten far into our sandwiches before Edward asked, "So what was the difference of opinion that you and Ali had?"

_Crap. _

I really hadn't wanted to tell him, which is why I kept it purposely vague. I knew that telling him that I had been considering canceling our date would hurt him, and I wanted to do anything to avoid that. At the same time, he had come clean and been truthful when I asked him questions last night, and he should only expect the same from me.

Edward looked at me expectantly, but didn't say anything. He didn't have to; I knew he was waiting for me to tell him why Alice and I had argued.

"The day after you asked me out, I panicked a bit." Edward raised an eyebrow and I gave a humorless laugh before continuing.

"Okay, I panicked a lot. I had spilled my guts to you over dinner, telling you things I hadn't told anyone and it freaked me out a little. So in my panic, I figured the best way to keep from freaking out in the future would be to just not see you again."

Edward looked down at his plate. "I see."

I took his hand. "Do you? Edward, my freaking out didn't have a thing to do with you. It was me, doing what I do best – running when things get tough. I tend to avoid things that I'd rather not face and I was trying to avoid how you made me feel."

Edward's face was impassive as he looked at me. I wondered what he was thinking, but when ehwhenhe remained silent, I figured I should continue. "It took an outburst with your sister and a kick-ass phone call from Jake to help me pull my head out of my butt. But that's where things have been dicey with Ali."

"What happened?"

"I didn't do a good job of explaining to Alice where my head was and why I was thinking of not going out with you. That being said, I was also getting slightly irritated with the fact that she just wouldn't back off when I asked her to – or butt out for that matter. We had an argument that basically consisted of her trying to convince me to go out with you and me begging her to back the hell off."

"So, you only went out with me because Alice badgered you into it?" There was no mistaking the hurt in his voice or on his face.

"No! God, no! No matter how much I love your sister, I would never have gone out with you if I hadn't wanted to, no matter how annoying and irritating she was." I squeezed his hand tighter and I hoped he could see the sincerity on my face.

Edward stared at me silently for a moment, before nodding his head and giving me a small smile. "I believe you."

I couldn't help myself. I stood up, walked over to his side of the table and grabbing his face in between my hands, laid a sweet kiss on his lips. "Thank you," I said, when I finally pulled back. I began to move back to my seat when Edward grabbed me around the waist and pulled me down to him, crushing his lips to mine.

It took me a few minutes to remember where we were and that I wasn't that big into public displays of affection. He gave me one last peck on the lips, and I pulled away, my cheeks flaming and slid back over into my seat.

The atmosphere was relaxed, with only a slight current of sexual tension running underneath it. We finished our sandwiches, chatting happily about everything and nothing. We left the shop hand-in-hand about a half an hour later, with plans to head back to my apartment.

Alice hadn't returned by the time we got there and I had a feeling we wouldn't be seeing her anytime soon. I wondered where she was, hoping she was okay. I felt horrible thinking that she felt like she couldn't even stay in her own apartment – an apartment she was paying for – because she might intrude on Edward and me. It seemed ridiculous and silly. I appreciated the sentiment, but at the same time, I also didn't feel comfortable feeling like I was keeping Alice away from her home.

Edward settled down on the couch, turning on the Discovery Channel and making himself at home. His sneakers had been toed-off next to the coffee table and his feet were propped up on it.

"You better hope Alice doesn't come home and see those," I pointed to his feet, "on her brand new coffee table."

Edward smirked at me. "She's young, she'll adjust."

I laughed. "Have you been talking to my dad?"

Edward shook his head and grinned. "No, why?"

"He says that all the time, usually in reference to me complaining about something. It was funny to hear it from you too."

Edward pulled me down on top of him, my legs straddling his waist. "Are you comparing me to the great Chief Swan?" he asked, nuzzling my neck.

"Okay, it's time for you to stop talking about my father and kiss me." I moaned as his teeth grazed over the column of my throat.

"Your wish…" Edward trailed off as his lips met mine.

He bit my bottom lip before swiping his tongue over it, begging me to open for him. I did, meeting his tongue with my own. He tasted of peppermint and soda, pastrami and mustard. It was an odd, but comforting and comfortable taste. I moaned softly as his lips left mine to travel down my jaw and throat.

I'm not sure how long we sat there and made out like two teenagers, but eventually our hips started moving in time with one another, grinding our bodies together. My underwear was soaked and the hard bulge in Edward's pants left no doubt he was as turned on as I was. I felt barely coherent enough to wonder if I should ask him to my room, which was followed quickly by the thought that it was entirely too soon for us to make love.

_But it's not too soon for us to screw like bunnies. _

_Is there a difference? _

_Um, yes, of course there is._

_Oh hell, he's licking my collarbone. _

_Where'd my shirt go? _

_Too fast, this is moving entirely too fast. _

_And there goes my bra. _

I was quickly losing what was left of my control and knew that if I didn't pull back now, I would find myself doing something that I might later wish I had waited a bit longer for.

My body was screaming at me to invite him inside of me, to feel his warm hardness filling me.

_Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!_

_Oh. My. God. What this man can do with his tongue should be illegal. _

_Too fast…moving too, too fast…._

_What the hell do I know? It's been seven months! Continue to get naked and go for it!_

No sooner did I think the word "naked," I froze.

Edward would see me – naked. Every part of my body would be exposed to him.

Including the scars left behind from _the accident_.

My hands flew up, pushing against Edward's shoulders as I scrambled off his lap. I barely registered the surprised confusion that was written all over his face as my arms came up to cover my bare breasts. My eyes darted around the living room, searching for my shirt. Edward began speaking, but I was too lost in my horror to make sense of his words.

I felt vulnerable and unprotected, unwilling to show Edward just how scared I was of him seeing the scars that littered my stomach and lower half of my body.

I sprinted up the hallway toward my bedroom, stumbling as I crossed the threshold. Running for my dresser, I pulled too hard, spilling the contents of one of the drawers onto the floor. It wasn't until I had a t-shirt pulled down over my head and covering my torso that I even realized that Edward was in the room with me.

I couldn't face him. I was mortified, embarrassed – even more so than I had been the night of our first dinner. That evening, I had allowed him to see a small part of my fear and shame. Today brought everything to a whole new level.

"Bella?" I heard him speak softly behind me.

I couldn't turn around. I brought my hands to my face, covering my red-hot cheeks. I felt the wetness there and was surprised, as I hadn't even realized I was crying. I shook my head, trying to get my bearings.

"Bella, love?" Edward was closer now, but I still could not turn around and face him.

"Ed…Edward, I…think that you…should…probably go…" I forced the words out of my mouth, afraid I'd break down if I said too much.

"Sweetheart, please turn around."

I shook my head, refusing to do as he asked. There were muffled footsteps and then I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Bella, please turn around."

I shook my head again, but the effort was less this time. I felt the gentle pressure of his hand, urging me to turn and face him. I resisted for only a moment before turning and throwing myself at him.

"I'm…sor…sorry…" I said, through hiccupped sobs.

"Shhhh…I'm sorry. I never should've..."

Hearing that, I just cried harder. It was bad enough I was having second thoughts, now I had to deal with the knowledge that Edward was regretting what happened as well.

Edward was rubbing my back in soothing circles and I could feel his breath stir the hair on top of my head.

Suddenly, I just felt exhausted. It felt like my body could no longer stand under its own weight. I sagged against Edward, who immediately noticed the change in me.

"Oh baby," he murmured softly. He turned our bodies so that he could lift me up and carry me over to my bed. My face was pressed into his shoulder, my tears ruining yet another shirt.

Edward leaned down but didn't let me go; when he finally laid me down, I realized he had pulled my comforter back. He placed me in between the sheets and tried to back away, but I refused to let him go. I couldn't look him in the face, but the comfort of just having him there was more than I could stand to lose.

Thankfully, Edward seemed to understand. He laid down next to me on the bed, over the covers, pulling my body to his. I continued to cry into his shirt, as he whispered nonsensical words to me.

Eventually the torrent of tears ended and I was left feeling drained. Edward stayed quiet, his hands running up and down my back in a calming motion.

I fell into an exhausted slumber with Edward humming against my ear.

* * *

I'm not sure how long I slept, but when I woke, my room was dark.

Shifting a little, I realized I was still secure in Edward's arms. Part of me wanted to close my eyes and go back to sleep, to ignore my earlier meltdown, but I also knew that wasn't going to happen.

Edward wouldn't allow me to hide, not from him.

I sighed, moving away from him a little, knowing I was going to have to face what I'd done.

Looking up, I met his eyes. He looked down at me, a small, sad smile on his lips. "How are you?" he asked quietly.

I paused before answering, really considering how to answer his question. "Drained…embarrassed…angry…sad…exhausted…" I trailed off, not completely sure if I was done describing all that was going on inside of me.

One of Edward's hands came up and he ran it through his hair. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I never should've pushed you into doing something…please, forgive me." His voice was barely a whisper by the time his sentence ended.

I reached up, taking his hand from his hair and brought it down to the bed in between us. "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who should be apologizing to you."

His voice was fierce as he answered me. "No, you have nothing to be sorry for either. I'm the one who couldn't control myself."

I shook my head, and bit my lip, trying to stop the apology on the tip of my tongue. At this rate, we'd spend the rest of the night apologizing to each other.

"Can we both agree that we're sorry and move on?" I finally said, my tone weary and soft.

When Edward didn't say anything, I looked back up at him and saw his green eyes were regarding me seriously. Finally, he spoke.

"I'm okay with accepting each other's apologies and moving on from them. But I think we need to talk about what happened earlier and deal with it so I don't upset you again."

"Edward, you didn't –"

He cut me off. "Obviously I did, or you wouldn't have reacted the way you had. Bella, please, tell me what I did wrong."

I sat up, pulling out if his warm embrace, and ran a hand through my hair.

_I'm already picking up his habits._

The thought made me smile.

I turned so I was sitting facing him, crossed-legged. I reached down and took his right hand, interlocking our fingers. Edward continued to lie where he was, left arm behind his head, his eyes watching me carefully.

"You're into the communication thing, aren't you?" I asked, stalling for time.

He answered me seriously. "Yes, I am. Carlisle and Esme were very big on talking things out as a family and it stuck. Talking – and listening – is important to any relationship."

I nodded, and looked down at our hands. "I'm just not used to it. Charlie isn't a big talker and Renee," I ignored the hitch I felt in my heart, "Renee would just tell me that an apology was enough, that there was no point in rehashing what was done. I guess I carried that into my last relationship and I never learned how to do this whole communication thing real well. I wasn't kidding when I told you I would rather run than face confrontation or trouble."

Edward's hand tightened on mine. "Bella, the only way _this_ is going to work, the only way _we _are going to work, is if we talk things out. I thought I showed this to you last night when I told you about Tanya and my feelings for you. That wasn't easy for me and honestly, I know how much of an ass it made me look. But I did it because I knew that if I didn't, we would be starting this relationship on the wrong foot. I want to do this right, Bella, because it matters. _You_ matter."

It couldn't be helped, the tears started again. Every word he said went straight to my heart and I knew he was right. I mattered to him, but more importantly, he mattered to me.

Taking a deep breath, I began.

"Everything was fine. I was fine with everything you were doing, what we were doing. Part of me was worried that we were moving too fast, so I'm not sure how much further we would've gotten anyway, but…I panicked when I realized that you were going to see me…see _all_ of me."

Edward's hand came out from behind his hand and he reached out to stroke my cheek. "Bella, you're beautiful. Everything about you is perfect and gorgeous."

I glanced down at our hands again, unable to meet his eyes. There was no way I could doubt the sincerity in his voice. But he hadn't seen all of me yet. I wondered if – when – he did, if he would change his mind.

_How I would handle it if he did?_

_No point in prolonging the torture. _

"_The accident_," my breath hitched, "it left me with some…_scars_. They're not pretty. The doctor said that the lower half of my body was pretty busted up when I came in…the way steering wheel hit and the impact…well, it doesn't matter how it happened. They're not pretty; they're actually quite gross. Some of them are still raised and dark and…ugly. I don't…" My throat felt like it was closing up and I could barely get enough air to push the words out. "I don't want you to see them."

The silence was heavy and I kept waiting for Edward to stand up and leave me there, now that he knew I was anything but gorgeous and perfect. Yet, the silence continued and Edward never moved. Letting my curiosity get the best of me, I finally looked up and met his eyes.

His eyes were blazing and I could see the moisture gathered in their green depths. I was momentarily disarmed by what I saw in them, and then outright stunned when Edward shot up, wrapping his arms around me. He crushed me to his body and I could feel him shaking slightly. My arms came up to wrap around his neck, but I didn't hold him tightly. I could barely hold on at all.

Edward began talking as he buried his face in the groove between my neck and shoulder. "I can't fucking think of you like that, Bella. I just can't. It hurts to think what might have happened to you, that I might not be here holding you now if… Jesus, I can't fucking even think!" His grip tightened on me, and his breathing was shaky.

I tightened my grip around his neck, swallowing hard. I didn't want to cry anymore than I already had, but that's all I seemed to do around Edward.

_This can't be healthy. _

I tried to pull away from him, to give me some space, but Edward held on tighter and I didn't have the energy to try and move. After a couple of minutes, Edward loosened his grip just enough so he could lean back and look at me. When he saw I was crying, he used his thumbs to wipe the tears from my cheeks. I tried to shake my head away from him, but he refused to let go.

"Bella?"

I let out another sob. "All…I seem…. to…do…is…cry…around you."

"Oh, baby. C'mere." He un-folded my legs, grasped my hips and settled me into his lap, straddling him. He pulled my head to his shoulder, stroking my hair and telling me it was going to be okay. When I realized he wasn't letting go, the hands that I was pushing at him with became a death grip on his shirt. My legs locked tight around his waist.

"I'm so sorry…I don't know why I'm reacting like this. I don't want you to leave me. Please don't leave me. I'm not perfect, I'm not beautiful, and I know you can do better, but please don't leave me."

Edward stiffened under me and I gripped him tighter, afraid he was going to do exactly what I asked him not to do. His arms constricted around me and I barely heard him as he whispered, "I'm never going to leave you – ever."

We stayed in that position long after my tears stopped and dried on my face, leaving salty tracks down my cheeks. It wasn't until I heard the front door open and shut that I finally moved.

"Alice," I said quietly, pulling away from Edward. "I don't want her to see me like this."

I untangled myself from him and got up from the bed, my body aching and stiff for being so still and tense for so long. As I made my way to the bathroom, I heard Edward ask, "Will you be okay alone?"

I nodded, looking over my shoulder and giving him a small smile. "Yeah, I'm better now." I paused before adding, "Thank you, Edward."

He gave me a brilliant smile and just nodded. No more words were necessary. It was one more storm that we weathered together and made it through, fairly unscathed, to the other side. Being with Edward made me feel better and as much as I couldn't hide from him, being with him made things easier to face – or at least be honest about to myself. I knew we still had to talk some more, but for now the crisis had passed and we would move on.

I heard Edward greet Alice as I shut the bathroom door. I took my time washing my face and combing the tangles and knots out of my hair. My breakdown and Edward's subsequent soothing gestures had caused it to look like a bird's nest.

My rollercoaster of emotions had wreaked havoc on my face as well. There was a deeper paleness to my skin, dark shadows beneath my eyes and my mouth was drawn down in a sad frown. For the first time, I considered calling the therapist my doctor in Jacksonville had suggested before my move. I had put his card away, knowing that the odds of my seeing a doctor that practiced in Seattle while I lived in Forks were nil. But now that I was actually here in the city, I no longer had the excuse of distance. Had I been alone, I would have never thought twice about going to see him. I had done a very good job of convincing myself that I was dealing just fine with everything without intervention. However, being around Edward – and my numerous breakdowns when I was with him – were causing me to re-evaluate my decision. Maybe I did need help coming to terms to the changes I had been through and the loss of my mother, who had been like my best friend.

I put the brush down on the counter with a sharp click and straightened my shoulders. I would be stronger and I could get through this without help. I had been doing fine so far, and as long as I kept my emotions in check, I would continue to be okay. I would never be the same, but I would continue to survive.

I promised myself that if I continued to have these up-down, crazy mood swings, I would seriously consider talking to someone. But for now, I would try to live without doing so.

Alice's bedroom door was closed when I walked by and I could hear mumbled talking coming from inside. Thinking Edward was in there with her, I walked into the kitchen to get a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Want to grab me a beer?" I heard his deep, velvet voice ask from the living room area.

I jumped and gave a small squeal as I whirled around to face him. "Where did you come from?" My hand was on my chest, as if it would keep my hard beating heart from leaping out of my chest.

"I've been sitting here the whole time," he chucked softly, getting up to meet me in the kitchen. "You didn't even look my way when you came in."

"I thought you were in Alice's room with her; I thought heard people talking."

He shook his head, his face pensive. "Must be her TV. She came in, said hello, we exchanged hugs and 'how are yous' before she said she was tired and excused herself to her room."

My eyebrows furrowed. "Something is wrong."

Edward nodded. "I agree. But I also know that my sister won't talk until she's ready."

"She may not talk to _you_, but she'll talk to me. I hope."

Edward gave a small shrug. "Good luck. I'm just going to wait her out like I normally do. She'll talk to me when she wants, if she wants. I'm sure she's fine, Bella."

It was my turn to shrug. "Yeah, maybe."

Edward put his arms around me and pulled me close to him. "How are you feeling?"

I took a deep breath and answered him. "Better. I'm sorry I keep flipping out on you. There's something about you that tends to bring out my inner drama queen or something. I'm not usually like this."

He leaned down and kissed my nose. "It's okay. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to let your guard down and share things with me, even if it's not always pretty. I want to be here for you, Bella. I want to be whatever you want and need me to be."

_How the hell did I get so lucky? _

My hands moved from around his waist to travel up and cup the back of his head. I pulled him toward me and met his lips with my own. It was a slow, sweet kiss and with it, I tried to show him all the emotions he made me feel. I was overwhelmed by my feelings for him and so incredibly thankful that he was a part of my life. It amazed me that he had always been on the fringes of it, but now, when I desperately needed someone to help ground me, helping me feel optimistic and real, he was here completely. I hoped he meant it when he promised me he would never leave.

We finally broke apart, gasping for breath. Edward kissed my forehead, my nose, my eyelids, and my cheeks before returning to give me one last kiss on my lips.

"I'm sorry I ruined our evening." I laid my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

"You didn't. We talked about some important stuff, although, we're going to have to talk more at some point."

I rubbed my cheek against the softness of his t-shirt. "I know…just…not tonight, okay? I'm wiped out."

Edward ran his hands up and down my back. "No, not tonight."

We stood there for a few more minutes in a comfortable silence before Edward finally broke it. "I was going to ask you to come and spend the night with me, but –"

My breath caught. "You don't want me to go with you anymore?"

His arms tightened around me. "No, baby, no. I just didn't know if you'd want to or if you'd feel more comfortable here."

"I'm more comfortable being wherever you are."

He didn't say anything right away and I could've sworn I heard him swallow hard. I moved so I could look up at his face, but he wouldn't let me go. "Okay, here or my place?"

"Is Emmett going to be there?" Either way, we'd have to deal with a Cullen sibling. After the fiasco that was this morning, I had no interest in seeing Emmett anytime soon. I also didn't want to make Alice uncomfortable in her own home. There wasn't an obvious choice here, but if it meant facing Emmett, I'd have to go with staying here.

"No, he's staying at Rose's tonight; he texted me earlier to let me know I'd have the condo to myself."

"Do you mind if we go there? I…don't want to make things weirder with Alice than they already are and I think a slumber party with her older brother might just do it."

"She's going to have to get used to the idea sometime, sweetheart. In fact, wasn't she the one pushing you and I together to begin with?"

"I know, but…" I didn't know how to put it into words. Something was up with Alice and I was kind of hurt that she wouldn't talk to me about whatever it was. Having some space from her would be a good thing. _I think. _

"Do you want to grab anything before we go?" Edward's hold loosened and I stepped out of his arms.

"Yeah, I'll pack some stuff."

Edward walked over to one of the bar stools and sat down. "I'll wait for you here."

Ten minutes later, we were leaving the apartment hand-in-hand. I had stopped by Alice's room before we left so I could tell her I was staying with Edward. She gave me a huge smile and hug, but her eyes held something that looked sad and lonely. I almost told Edward that I changed my mind and we should stay here, but Alice hugged me again and told me to have a good night and I decided to let it go. There would – hopefully – be plenty of nights where we would be staying here and I wanted to ease Alice in slowly. Plus, the thought of having an empty apartment all to ourselves was too tempting to resist.

That night, as I fell asleep in Edward's arms, in Edward's bed, I prayed that the worst was behind me, behind _us_, and that Edward and I could begin a relationship that was free of anymore drama and pain.

Sometimes, prayers come true.

But sometimes, I learned, they don't.


	16. Pretending

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
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Thanks to my wonderful, fantablous betas, Ms. Ambrosia and Browns. I heart you both.

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Not going to lie, this one is crazy angsty. In fact, here's a warning for ya'll.

**Warning**: Parts of this chapter are somewhat graphic and may be disturbing to some people. _**Please read with caution.**_

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* * *

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"_**How many times can I break 'till I shatter? **_

Over the line can't define what I'm after…

_**All that I feel is the realness I'm faking **_

Taking my time but its time that I'm wasting…

- "Shattered (Turn the Car Around)" by O.A.R.

**BPOV**

_There is pain everywhere. Nothing feels right, and it hurts. Holy fuck, does it hurt._

_I look down to see the steering wheel embedded in my stomach. I cannot see my legs, and there is pain. Huge, overwhelming amounts of pain._

_There is blood everywhere and I am covered in glass. I can barely make out the shape of a car in front of me, its front end is somehow connected with ours. And through the windshield…_

_Being stuck as I am, there is no way to avoid seeing the man lying across the hood of our rental car. I vomit when I see the body. It goes all down the front of me, mixing with the blood. I can smell the sickness, the blood…and death._

_I hear the sirens before I see the lights. Turning to my right, I tell my mother help is on the way._

_She isn't there. _

_But Phil is...part of Phil anyway. _

_I hear someone screaming and it only takes a moment to realize…_

_It is me. _

"Bella? Bella, wake up sweetie."

I'm disoriented, not sure of where I am. I definitely know who is talking to me though.

"Mom?" I ask, confused.

"Hi baby. You were having an awful nightmare. I came in to wake you up; you were screaming so loud."

I open my eyes and look around. I'm in the guest room at her and Phil's house in Jacksonville. It takes me only a minute to realize that I shouldn't be here. _She_ shouldn't be here. I immediately sit straight up in bed, grabbing her and pulling her into my arms. She gives a bit of a startled chuckle, but wraps her arms around me, hugging me tight.

"Sweetie, are you okay?"

I'm crying, sobbing really, into her shoulder. I cannot speak and it takes me a minute to calm myself before I answer her.

"I am now. Oh, Mom, I'm so glad you're okay."

Renee laughs softly. "Of course I'm okay, baby. Everything is fine. Everything is just fine."

I cannot stop hugging her. I'm afraid if I let go, I'll never see her again, never hold her again. I hold on to her with everything I have, refusing to let go even when she begins to back away.

"Bella, you have to let me go." Her voice sounds weird, like something is in her mouth, preventing the words from coming out.

"Mom?" I still don't want to let go, but I pull back slightly, just to make sure she's okay.

She wrenches herself from my arms, her movements jerky and spastic.

"Mom?" I'm in a panic now, wondering what's wrong with her.

I now see her face, with the blood pouring from her mouth, her nose, her ears and – worst of all – her eyes. There is blood covering every bit of her body – gaping holes in her chest, where her left arm used to be. Her mouth opens and more blood gushes out. Her head wobbles before it falls off her neck and rolls across the floor. I am screaming – for help, for anyone to come and save her. I look down to see my own body covered in her blood. It's all over my hands and I scream again….

* * *

"BELLA! Bella! Oh, Bella, please wake up, please! Bella, come on! Wake up, Bella!"

My eyes popped open and I heard the scream coming from my lips. My breath was coming in hard, fast pants and it felt as though my heart would beat right out of my chest. I could still hear someone talking to me, but the roaring in my head made it hard to comprehend who it was.

I came out of it enough to realize that I was in my room, in mine and Alice's apartment in Seattle. I panicked, looking down at my hands, and felt nothing but relief to find that they were not covered in blood. My screaming stopped and I took a deep breath, trying to calm my pounding heart. I was shivering and felt the tiny hand on my shoulder before I recognized Alice's voice.

She was babbling. "Oh Jesus, Bella. Are you okay? Where the fuck is your phone? I'm calling Edward and telling him I'm bringing you to the hospital; he can meet us in the E.R. Why didn't you tell me that you were still having nightmares? Oh fuck! I don't want to leave you, but I need to call Edward. Or Emmett – I can call Emmett and Rosalie. Shit, I wish someone else was here. Fuck!"

It took me a minute, but I was able to reach up and touch her hand on my shoulder, which instantly shut her up. She looked down at me, her eyes wide and teary, terror and worry all mixed in.

"I'm…" I cleared my throat, as my voice came out all scratchy and shaky. "I'm…okay, Alice. Please…don't…don't call."

Alice sat down on the bed next to me, taking one of my hands into hers. My skin was cold and clammy and I could feel the sweat drying on me in a heavy film. I was still shaking lightly, but it had calmed considerably from what it was when first woke up.

"I'm sorry that I got you up," I said, quietly. "Normally, they don't get far enough for me to actually…" I broke off at the look on Alice's face, realizing too late that I had said much more than I had intended.

"Bella, do you have these kind of nightmares every night?"

I shook my head. "No, not every night."

_That was true…for the most part. _

"Bella…" She obviously didn't believe me.

"Alice, truly, I'm fine. It was a horrible nightmare, and I'm grateful you woke me up from it because I really didn't want to see what was next." I tried to make a joke of it, but I had no energy to use the right inflection to make it work.

_And what was next was Phil walking into the room…or an ugly, bloody half of Phil crawling into the room. _

I shuddered from the memory and Alice's eyes grew wide once again. "Bella, does Edward know about your nightmares?"

I shook my head violently. "No, and you're not going to tell him."

Alice sighed. "Bella, how does he not…?"

"I told you, I don't have them all the time. I had a long day and I saw a report about a car accident on the news tonight, so it must've triggered my subconscious. I'm okay now, really."

I prayed she wouldn't question my lie. I refused to have anything to do with TV or print news for the mere fact that seeing the words "_fatal car accident_" could cause a panic attack or a flashback to _the accident_.

"I still think Edward should know…" Alice said. She was looking at me like she was scared I was going to freak out at any minute.

"No. I'm not going to tell him and _neither are you_. This was a fluke nightmare, Alice, and I'm fine now. Thank you for waking me up out of it."

Alice sighed, but didn't disagree with me.

_She didn't agree with me either. _

"Ali, you have to promise me you won't tell Edward."

Alice refused to meet my eyes, stubbornly crossing her arms over her chest.

"Ali, please. I can't…I don't want him to know. He would just get all freaky overprotective and I don't want our first fight to be about this when it could be over something like what movie we're going to see or who's the better kisser." I forced a smile to my face, keeping my tone light.

_Please, _please_ buy into this, Ali. _

She didn't say anything and I began racking my brain, trying to find another way to get her over to my way of thinking. She surprised me when she just sighed and nodded her head.

"Okay. I won't tell him." She turned to glare at me. "But if this happens again, I am telling him whether you like it or not."

_Dodged that bullet. _

"Thanks, Al. I appreciate it."

Alice still looked unsure about her decision, but I wasn't about talk her out of it. There was no way I was going to allow Edward to know about my nightmares.

_Don't you mean night terrors? _

Unable to take my internal thoughts or the feel of the sweat drying on my skin, I pushed Alice out of my way and stood up next to the bed on slightly unsteady feet. Alice quickly stood up and put her hands out to steady me, but I managed it on my own without her help.

"I'm going to go take a shower," I murmured to her. "Thanks for…you know."

She said my name as I crossed over to my bathroom, but I ignored her. I was afraid if I stopped and took a minute to address her I would lose the little control I had left over my composure. Once I was in the shower I could let loose the tears I needed so badly to cry.

It was bad enough to have a nightmare within a nightmare, but to have one where my mother was back with me, even for the briefest of moments, just seemed incredibly cruel. To think she was gone, then to have her back, only to see her dissolve into a bloody mess all over me was just more than I could take. I sunk to the floor of the shower, trying to quiet the sound of my sobs so Alice wouldn't hear me. I couldn't face any more questions or well-intentioned concern.

This was just one more nightmare to add to the list of hundreds I'd had since _the accident_. I will pull it together and go on, just as I had for the last seven months.

There has to come a point in time when I would run out of tears.

_This too shall pass…_

_

* * *

_

"Ms. Swan, can I talk to you for a minute?"

I looked up to see one of my students, a somewhat attractive male with long blonde hair, striding toward me in the small classroom where I taught Shakespeare three times a week. My fingers tightened involuntarily on the podium I was standing behind. I forced myself to relax.

"Of course…." I meant to add his name, but I'd be damned if I could remember it. "What can I do for you?"

He gave me a smirk and raised one eyebrow, leaving me in no doubt_ exactly_ what he wanted me to _do_ for him. "I wanted to talk to you about the 'Much to do about Anything' paper."

It took everything I had to hold back the exhausted sigh that wanted to escape me. "You mean the 'Much Ado about Nothing' paper?"

He had the grace to look slightly ashamed. "Yeah, that one. I'm not quite sure what you're looking for with it."

"Hmmm…I'm not sure what else I can do to explain what I'm looking for, since it's spelled out pretty clearly in the syllabus and we covered it for almost a third of our class time today. What exactly are your questions?"

"Um, well, you said you want us to talk about how the female characters are judged by accusations of being dishonest and unfaithful…" He trailed off and I was still not sure what he was asking me.

"That's right; I want you to compare how the female characters are treated against the male characters when the same accusations are made about them. Then you'll write about what message Shakespeare may have been trying to portray with the differences in the gender roles and the conflicts that arise from it."

Blondie shook his head. "I'm afraid I still don't understand. I have a class until five o'clock, would it be possible for us to meet after that? Maybe even grab a bite to eat?"

_Well, hell. _

I just did not have the energy to fend off an infatuated student today. The nightmare I had last night had drained me completely and I did not fall back to sleep after I got out of the shower. Alice had been waiting for me, and I brushed off her attempts to talk about what happened. Instead I lied and told her I was going to try and go back to sleep. When she left, I turned on the television and stared at it, unseeing. Four hours later, I got up, dressed and headed to the campus _hours_ before I needed to be there. I had escaped seeing Alice and buried myself in work. This was my last class of the week and I just wanted to leave so I could stop pretending to be okay for five minutes.

_Yet here I am dealing with Blonde Romeo. _

"I'm afraid that's not possible. I have office hours on Monday from twelve to two; you're welcome to stop by then and we can go over any questions you have about the paper."

"Ms. Swan, I'd really feel more at ease if we discussed this in a less formal setting. Your office can be a bit intimidating, I'm sure. There's a café down the street that would be a perfect place for us to talk."

I shook my head. "My office or the classroom will be the only places I'll discuss class work. I'll be happy to talk to you in either of those places during my office hours or right before or after class."

He leered at me. "But what if I want to discuss something other than class work with you, Ms. Swan?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him. I'm sure he thought his charm would allow him to talk to me anyway he pleased, but I had grown up with Jacob Black, the king of sexual innuendos. Nothing this guy could say to me would throw me.

_At least, I hope not. I'm not caught up on all the latest lingo._

"Mr. Wilder," _I finally remembered his name_, "the only thing I'll be discussing with you is what happens in class or about your work due for class, which means conversations will only take place here in the lecture hall or in my office. If you can't abide by those boundaries, then I'm afraid I can't help you."

I picked up my new messenger bag – a gift from Edward – and threw my papers and books from class inside. "Now, if that's all Mr. Wilder, I'll see you on Monday during my office hours or in class. Have a nice weekend."

With that, I walked past him and out the classroom door. As an exit, I thought I did pretty well.

Walking slowly toward the tiny office I had in the building where the English Department was housed, I tried to relax. Mr. Wilder was persistent, but at least he didn't take to following me across campus. I hoped my luck would hold as the semester continued and he would move on to his more willing – and available – fellow students.

I glanced up at the darkening sky, thinking over the last few weeks. The good news was that I liked my job. Most of the students in my classes were nice and seemed interested in the subject matter I was teaching. Over the last two weeks they had engaged in compelling and introspective discussions. I could only hope that it would continue throughout the semester.

I was sharing an office with another adjunct professor, C.C. Browne. She wouldn't tell me what C.C. stood for, and anytime I tried to ask she shut me down with a look.

The other professors in the department were kind; they invited me to go out with them often for dinner or drinks. I felt bad always telling them no, but I just never felt like joining them. I could sense their disappointment, but it wasn't enough to make me change my mind. I just wasn't interested in hanging out with them in a social setting. They were kind enough to forgive me for snubbing them, always offering to help or show me the ropes, if need be. C.C. had been more than accommodating in helping me find my way around the department and the campus. I was glad Kathleen had paired the two of us together.

C.C. wasn't in the office when I entered it a little while later. I placed my messenger bag on the floor and sunk into the faux leather chair behind my desk. It rolled a bit as I sat down, but was still close enough to the desk for me to lean my forehead down against the cool metal. I wasn't sure how long I laid there, arms dangling at my sides, head down, before I gathered myself enough to look at the clock.

It was just after four-thirty and I had promised to be home by five. Honestly, I was wiped out from the night before and not really in the mood to do anything more than to go home and crawl into bed. Edward, however, was incredibly excited about celebrating our one-month anniversary and had a surprise planned for me. I didn't want to disappoint him and had worked hard over the last month to make sure that we were okay.

_Actually, I acted my ass off to show him I was fine. Then I spent hours convincing myself it was true. _

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it, my time with him had been somewhat limited. Edward's work schedule was erratic; there was one week I'd only seen him once in seven days. That wasn't the norm though, and we managed to spend at least three nights a week together. Weekends were always touch and go, as he might be on call the entire weekend, or not working at all.

We stole what time we could, whenever we could. Sometimes I would meet him at the hospital and we'd grab a quick bite in the cafeteria when he had a break. Other times, he'd come right to the apartment after a long shift, kiss me hello and fall into my bed to sleep for sixteen hours straight. To me, it didn't matter what we did as long as we got to do it together. Being with him helped me feel whole and happy, which was something that I hadn't felt in a long time.

The times we were apart were hard, much harder than they should've been. For him I was willing to do whatever it took to make him happy so he'd stay with me. I knew I was broken inside – that had become clearer to me the night I sobbed in his arms over him seeing my scars. I had known it for months, but had masked it in front of my father and Jake. As far as they were concerned, I was healing physically and emotionally.

Only I knew the truth.

I had nightmares every night; in most of them I relived the accident, watching my mother die in front of my eyes. Sometimes my father, Jake, Alice and Edward took her spot, but every night I had a nightmare, unless Edward was with me.

When he held me, there were no nightmares.

I never told him about the ones I had when he wasn't there. Even Alice hadn't known until last night. Last night had been the worst yet and I hadn't woken up in time to stop screaming before she heard me.

I had been hiding the nightmares from everyone.

I was mostly worried about Edward finding out about them, which is why I worked so hard to get Alice to promise me that she wouldn't tell him. I was afraid that if Edward knew the true extent of my fear, if he saw the truly broken Bella, he'd leave me.

I felt horrible for doing it, for holding back so much, but I knew without a doubt that if I allowed him to see everything that was wrong with me, he'd bolt without so much as a good-bye.

I couldn't handle someone else leaving me.

* * *

We had talked the day after the panic attack over my scars, and spoke a bit about why I reacted as I had. That morning, I'd woken up in his bedroom, alone. I heard sounds coming from the living room/kitchen part of the condo, and decided to get up to see what he was doing. I was wearing a pair of purple and black fleece pajama pants and a black tank top. I considered grabbing a sweatshirt, but figured since it was just Edward and me, there was no point in covering up. The apartment was pretty warm and I was comfortable in what I was wearing.

I found Edward on the couch, flipping through the channels of the big flat screen. Rain was pouring down outside and the dining room table was set for two.

"Morning," I yawned, sitting down to join him on the couch.

"Morning, love. Pancakes are in the microwave if you're hungry; I waited for you to eat."

"You didn't have to do that, but thank you." I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek and he pulled me close to him, wrapping his arms around me.

"How are you feeling?"

I hesitated, taking stock of my emotions. After last night, I felt a bit drained and empty, but for the most part, I felt…numb. Knowing that wouldn't make him happy in the least, I lied.

"I'm okay. Better than last night."

"How about we talk about it after we eat?"

I gave a non-committal shrug; I had no interest in discussing what happened at all. However, I knew Edward wouldn't let it go, so I steeled myself for what lay ahead.

Once breakfast was over and things were cleaned up, I apologized.

"I'm really sorry about last night."

Edward and I had settled on the couch; ironically enough the exact spots we had sat when he come clean about Tanya. "I know you are and I'm sorry for pushing you too far, too fast. But we covered the apologies last night, love. I need to know what's going on in that head of yours because I never want to see that look in your eyes ever again. Tell me what you're thinking and feeling, please."

My fingers were drumming on my leg in a nervous tap-tap-tap. Edward reached over and grabbed my hand, stilling my movements. I gave him an apologetic smile, taking his hand and pulling his fingers through mine.

"I am…overwhelmed by how I feel when I'm with you. I get swept away and it's hard for me to remember that we've only been…whatever we are…for a few days. It feels like it's been forever, honestly. This has been moving so quickly, but it doesn't feel like that at all."

I was rambling and I knew it, but I didn't know where to start, or how to explain all that was going on inside of me. This had been the norm since _the accident. _The doctors at the clinic had said something about post-traumatic stress disorder, but I blew them off. What happened to me had nothing to do with some psycho-babble disorder. It had only been six or so months since it happened and I was sure to have some side effects from it. Once I was stronger, this would no longer be an issue. Until then, I had to explain my behavior to Edward in a way he would understand and accept.

"Did I ever tell you that my ex-boyfriend dumped me while I was in the hospital recovering?"

Edward's jaw went taut and his eyes hardened. "He broke up with you while you were in the hospital?"

"Yes. Charlie called to tell him what happened and he arrived after I woke up from the coma. He stuck around for a day or so before he finally told me it was over and he wasn't interested in being with me anymore."

"Asshole," Edward spat.

I shrugged. "He had to do what was right for him, I suppose, even if his timing sucked."

Edward was incredulous. "You aren't _mad_ at him?"

I shook my head. "I was at the time, but now I'm over it. I can't blame him for not wanting to stick around. My recovery wasn't pretty. I wasn't the same person that he once knew."

"He didn't even stick around long enough to find out who you were, Bella! He should've been there for you, even if it was just as a friend! Who the fuck breaks up with someone they love while they're fucking lying in a hospital bed after suffering from a near fatal accident?"

I did not want to go there; remembering would cause nothing but grief. The nightmares always came if I thought too much about _it_. I had managed to snap myself out of recalling _the accident_ as the months went on, but talking about it for more than a minute or so always caused them to happen.

_Time to change the subject._

"Look, we're not having a conversation about Joe and his break-up techniques. The reason I'm telling you this is to explain why last night was so overwhelming for me. Joe and I were last…intimate…the night before I left for Florida. We were apart for almost six weeks when … you know. Then we broke up."

I knew my face was burning and I ran my free hand through my hair roughly. Edward squeezed the hand he was holding, but said nothing, allowing me to pull it together.

"Ugh! This is so much harder to talk about than I thought! Anyway, no boyfriend for the last six months has meant there's been no sex. I panicked last night because no one has seen me naked for almost a year. No one has looked at me or touched me in a sexual way in a _long_ time. I got overwhelmed thinking you would be the first…and what you would do when you realized that there are parts of my body that are…ugly."

"Oh, baby." Edward reached for me, but I held him off with my hand.

"Let me get through this, okay?" He leaned back, but I could tell he wasn't happy about it. When I was sure he wasn't going to pull me toward him, I continued.

"I want you, Edward, so much. All you have to do is touch me and I feel like I'm going to burst into flames. But I'm scared to death of possibly being rejected. That you'll see my scars and they'll turn you off so much that you'll walk away from me. I don't think I could handle it if you did. What you make me feel is so good, so wonderful, that I'm terrified that I'll lose it."

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella. I've waited much too long for you and wanted you for far too long to walk away now. No amount of scars or panic attacks is going to push me away. I'm in this for the long haul."

"I know that…in my heart. My head is having a harder time catching up."

"Can I hold you now?" Edward asked, almost vibrating with emotion.

I nodded and he immediately gathered me up into his embrace.

"I'll wait. For however long it takes, I will wait for your head to catch up with your heart. I will wait for you forever."

* * *

Over the last month, he was patient and he was kind. Edward let me know in all the ways he could imagine that I was important to him and he wasn't going anywhere. He called when he said he was going to, he told me every day how beautiful I was and how happy I made him. He made normal, everyday things special. Sometimes I would wake up to a song he picked out on my iHome. He'd send me flirty texts throughout the day – some would tell me how much he missed me, others would hint at the things he'd like to be doing when we were alone. It didn't matter what he did; it just mattered that he took the time to let me know how much he cared for and wanted me.

As time wore on, our physical relationship did not progress much beyond some heavy petting and long, intense make-out sessions. My body screamed to allow him access to all of me, to have him naked and hard against me, yet my mind rebelled. I couldn't believe that Edward wouldn't run once he saw just how scarred I was. After all, Joe had promised to love me forever and he left without seeing the extensive damage left from _the accident. _How could I hope that Edward would stick around once he saw that I wasn't the perfect, beautiful person he thought I was?

I was afraid that if I didn't give in to what my body wanted and what Edward wanted, I would lose him. My heart told me I was being dumb, but my head was a different story. I couldn't seem to convince that part of me that he was here to stay. Maybe because my head knew all the things I was keeping from Edward, all the ways I was trying to be normal when I felt anything but.

I would cry in the shower some mornings because the thought of going out there and facing my students, my colleagues, even the barista at the local coffee shop, filled me with dread.

It took anywhere from five to ten minutes each day to psych myself up to put the key in the ignition of my car so I could drive to work. If I had a nightmare the night before, it might take twenty minutes for me to even get in the car. I would've walked to work if it weren't so damn far.

I was exhausted all the time. Between trying to act normal and do normal things and just feeling generally lethargic, I had very little energy to want to do anything. Nights when Edward was working were spent in bed, sleeping or watching TV. I hadn't touched a book to read for pleasure in months, when it used to be my greatest joy.

Guilt still played a huge part in my life. There were moments that I would go to pick up my phone to call my mom and check in on her, only to remember that she wasn't there to call. One day I cried for ten minutes and was late to class because C.C. left the radio on in the office and I heard James Taylor's "Fire and Rain." Mom had loved J.T. and the song not only reminded me of her, but also of my loss.

Some days I worried about how dark and empty I felt inside. I wondered if something was truly wrong with me, if I was going to drown in this dark abyss.

The happier times came when I was with Edward. He helped me feel like my old self, a Bella who was carefree and joyful. There were times I had to pretend, but for the most part the pretending came true and I really felt lighter and untroubled.

One of the more memorable, happier moments came just a few days after _the date_. Edward worked a seventy-two hour shift that week, starting Sunday and getting out early Wednesday morning. He came right to mine and Alice's place to crash, not even moving when I got up around ten. He slept through Alice and me cleaning the apartment, preparing for Esme and Carlisle's visit that weekend. He didn't even flinch when Alice ran the vacuum right outside my bedroom door – with the door open. The two of us giggled over how tired he was, but I decided to shut the door and leave him alone when Alice told me that she remembered Edward never being happy about being woken up before he was ready.

Things with Alice were better. She still hadn't spoken to me about what was bothering her, and I didn't push. Maybe I should have, but she truly seemed fine after I returned from spending the rest of the weekend at Edward and Emmett's. She was cheerful, going on about floor samples and hiring a glass company to come in and replace the front windows and door. I listened with half an ear, trying to pick up any awkwardness within her or between us, but couldn't find any. I chalked my previous worry up to my overactive imagination and decided to let it go. I would approach her if I noticed something off later.

The apartment was clean and Alice and I were relaxing in front of the TV when Edward finally stumbled from my bedroom. His hair was in disarray and he had pillowcase marks creased into his left cheek. I couldn't help but smile when I saw him. Ali rolled her eyes, but didn't get up to leave like I thought she might. Instead she giggled when Edward came over, picked me up and sat down where I had been sitting. I started to read him the riot act when he grabbed me around my waist and pulled me down on top of him. I sat on his lap for almost an hour, the three of us talking about this and that. We finally decided to get up and shower, before meeting back to decide on what to do for dinner. We ended up ordering Chinese and playing Family Feud on the Wii. The atmosphere was laid back and comfortable.

_Normal. _

The next few days pretty much the same way, although Alice did make herself scarce more often than not. Sometimes I would see a wistful smile cross her face as she gazed at Edward and I – we were usually attached at the hip – and then it would be gone so quickly that I wasn't sure it had ever been there at all.

Carlisle and Esme arrived in Seattle on Friday evening, bringing love and greetings from Charlie. Edward had to work all weekend, so we all met for a quick, casual dinner before he hugged his parents and siblings, gave me a long, lingering kiss and left for work.

Alice and I spent the weekend with Carlisle and Esme, who were staying at the Pan Pacific once again. Saturday saw the four of us at Alice's shop, with Esme helping her make decisions about the décor and Carlisle doing any heavy lifting – or measuring – that was necessary. I had tagged along for a little while, but excused myself after only an hour with the excuse that I had work to do before I started my job that coming Monday.

But when I got back to the apartment, instead of working, I slept. I only woke up when I heard Alice, Esme and Carlisle return to pick me up for dinner.

I had a panic attack the Monday morning I started my job and for the first time, I had to take the pills Edward had prescribed for me when I had gone to the hospital with my sprained ankle. I was afraid how they were going to make me feel, but I had no choice – I _had_ to go to work and the only thing that was going to get me there was medication. Afraid to drive, I took a cab, hoping Alice wouldn't notice that I left my car behind.

So began the routine. I woke up, went to work – without medication, luckily – and came home. If Edward was off, we did something together. Sometimes we just made dinner together and watched TV before bed. Other times we went down to Ali's shop and dragged her out for dinner with Emmett and Rose.

We had our second "official" date two weeks after our first date. This time Edward took me indoor miniature golfing. We had a good time until I lost my grip on my club and it flew over and knocked a fifteen-year old in the head. Luckily, he was fine and had no problem accepting my apologies; it probably didn't hurt that I paid for his game, as well as two more extra ones.

At least it saved my butt from getting sued.

Edward even managed to wait until we got into the car before he started laughing. I sat next to him stone-faced, finding nothing funny about the situation. Eventually he realized I was mad and calmed down enough to lean over and kiss it better.

We spent the rest of the night parked in front of my building, making out like two teenagers in the backseat. Thankfully, no cops came by to ruin the moment.

That had been the last "real" date that we had. Most of the time we stayed in, either at his place or mine, and sometimes his siblings joined us. While I considered these "real" dates too, Edward did not.

Hence, such the big freaking deal for our one-month anniversary.

Edward had the whole weekend off and wouldn't tell me a thing about what he had planned. He enlisted Alice's help and the two of them had spent the last few days whispering like conspirators, never letting me know what they were up to. I begged Alice to tell me, but all she would do is giggle and tell me I'd just have to wait.

_Pixie traitor. _

Knowing I couldn't put it off any longer, I turned off my computer, grabbed my bag and stood. I straightened my shoulders and pasted a smile on my face.

I hoped that by the time I arrived home, it would be real.


	17. Higher and Higher

**Thanks as always to my wonderful betas, _Ms_Ambrosia and Browns_. I heart them a lot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.  
**

* * *

"If I could walk on water, if I could tell you what's next,

make you believe, make you forget. So come on get higher, loosen my lips.

Faith and desire in the swing of your hips. Just to pull me down hard and drown me in love…"

_Come on Get Higher by Matt Nathanson_

**EPOV**

She wasn't going to know what hit her.

Alice told me Bella hated surprises, but I hoped she'd forgive me for this once she realized where we were going. It was only our one-month anniversary, but I felt the need to celebrate, to do it up big for some reason. I couldn't put my finger on why, hoping – _fuck that_ – _knowing_ –that we'd have many more anniversaries to celebrate together. But I wanted to do something sweet and romantic for the girl I was falling in love with.

W_hat do you mean _falling _in love with?_ _Admit it, Cullen; you're already there._

Some would say I was moving too fast, especially considering all Bella was dealing with. It might have escaped her notice, but I was well aware that something was going on with her. However, she had opened up to me so much already, and I didn't want to have her shut down because I pushed for more. So, I let her go at her own pace, telling me whatever she wanted to tell me, and only when she was ready. I knew she was hiding something, but all I could do was trust that she would tell me what it was eventually.

In the meantime, I would do whatever I could to make her feel safe…and loved.

This weekend wasn't about getting her to spill her guts though, as much as I fucking wanted her too. It was just about the two of us, away from the "real world" for a little while, connecting and enjoying spending time together.

I'd been working the same hectic hours I'd always worked since my residency started, but it was different now that I was with Bella. I hated being away from her for days at a time and when I worked those kinds of shifts that was exactly what happened. Thankfully, she was content with having sleepovers and spending every waking minute with me when we both weren't working, but…

We needed some time just the two of us. We were constantly fighting the intrusion of my work, of my brother or my sister and even Bella's job. Her co-workers called constantly, inviting her out for drinks or whatnot. I always encouraged her to go, even telling her I would go with her if she wished, but she refused. She claimed our time was limited as it was and she didn't want anyone or anything to interrupt us when we were together.

The problem was we were _always_ interrupted. Be it by Emmett or Alice, my job, or her job, someone was always coming home or calling at an inopportune moment. Emmett laughed for three days after he walked in on Bella and me half-naked on the living room couch. Had I known he was going to be home anytime soon we would not have been there, but the asshole told me he was spending the night at Rosalie's. He'd forgotten his uniform and came back to get it, leaving Bella red-faced and refusing to leave my room until well after he was gone.

_Fucking cockblocker._

Not that I was expecting to make love to Bella this weekend – or any time soon, really. Her panic attack over her scars was enough to show me that my girl needed some time – and healing – before she was ready for anything more than some touching and kissing. I tried to show her in every way I knew that I adored every inch of her, scars and all. It wasn't easy to always keep my raging libido in check, but I was more than willing to do it for my Bella. I hoped this weekend would go a long way to help show her that.

_And if Eduardo was hoping that he might get a little sumin-sumin, who was I to crush his dreams?_

_Yes, I named my penis. Get the fuck over it._

I refused to apologize for the healthy sexual appetite that I had. I liked sex. I liked it a lot and I enjoyed doing it as often as I could. I wanted to have a relationship with Bella, though, and that meant sex was off the table for now. However, it didn't stop part of me from wishing that was different.

My cell phone rang, dragging me out of my sex-starved thoughts and I glanced at the caller id, even though I already knew who it was.

"Hello, Big Brother!"

"Hey, Baby Girl. How's tricks?"

"Eh, you know…things are good."

Alice sounded chipper, but it didn't stop the worry from clouding my mind a little. I had taken Bella's observations about my sister seriously and I knew that Bella wasn't imagining things when she said something was up with Alice. But just like with Bella, I was content to sit back and observe for now, waiting for her to come to me if and when she ever needed me. Despite the fact that Alice had friends and family around, she was still embarking on a new and scary journey. Her acting strangely didn't worry me as much as it might have if I hadn't known her so well. Alice just didn't handle change very well - no matter what form it was in. My sister had just moved to a new city, was starting a new business and coming to terms with the fact that her best friend was dating her brother. I knew she wasn't unhappy about any of these things, but they were things that required getting used to used to and Alice usually took more time to adjust than most people.

"I just called to let you know I have Bella's suitcase packed for the weekend and hiding in my room, so don't forget to grab it on your way out." I could hear the smile in Ali's voice.

"Baby Girl, you are my new favorite sibling. Thank you so much for helping me surprise her. I couldn't do it without you."

_I have no problem sucking up when it is warranted, and in this case it totally is._

"You owe me, Edward. Do you know the shopping I had to do to make sure Bella had appropriate outfits for this weekend? By the way, expect her to give you hell. She hates it when I buy her stuff."

I sighed. "Ali, I told you not to go crazy. She's going to have a hard enough time accepting the whole surprise thing."

"I couldn't help it. I have a problem. I have no shame in admitting it."

I laughed. "Oh Ali, I love you."

"Love you, too. Her passport is in the front pocket; I won't even tell you what I had to go through to find it without her knowing." I could only picture Alice rolling her eyes on the other end of the phone, but I knew that's exactly what she was doing.

She continued in her sing-song voice. "I'm going to head out so I'm not around for the big reveal of your present. Just so you know, she's probably gonna yell."

"Thanks for deserting me in my time of need."

"Hey, a smart girl knows when to abandon ship, so I'm getting out while the getting is good. I hope you two have a fun and relaxing weekend away. Enjoy it."

"I hope we will. Thanks for everything, Ali. I mean that."

"I know you do and you'll pay up someday." Alice laughed and said goodbye.

I hit the button to end the call and surveyed the living room. My luggage was waiting for me at the door and all that I had left to do was meet Bella at her apartment by five o'clock.

I really hoped she didn't kill me when she found out what I had planned.

I ended up leaving earlier than I needed to for Bella and Alice's apartment, but I was anxious to arrive and sweep my girl off her feet.

Twenty minutes later – _damn, Seattle traffic_ – I was letting myself into the girls' apartment. Alice had given me an extra key in case of emergencies, but this was the first time I had ever used it.

I looked at the clock, noting it was four-thirty and hoped Bella would be home soon. I wished we could've gotten on the road a bit sooner, but Bella had a class at three-thirty. I probably should've made reservations for us a bit closer to Seattle, but the resort I found had been too perfect to pass up.

I had made reservations for a romantic weekend package at the Brentwood Bay Lodge and Spa in Victoria, British Columbia. When I saw the website and read the reviews for the resort, I couldn't resist booking it. I reserved us a private suite for two days and two nights along with a spa package for Bella. I wanted to do anything I could to make my girl feel relaxed and pampered.

Along with the spa package, I also planned a trip for us to Butchart Gardens. The most important part of the whole weekend, though, was that we would have the privacy to just enjoy being together.

_With no interruptions. _

I heard Bella's key in the lock and realized I had been lost in my daydreams for longer than I thought. I smiled brightly knowing that in just a few seconds she'd be through the door and in my arms.

My smiled dimmed as the door opened and I caught sight of her face. There were deep, purple shadows under her eyes, and even though she was smiling, it didn't seem completely real. She just looked so…defeated.

I was immediately on my feet, crossing the floor to get to her and move her into my embrace.

"Baby, are you okay?" I asked, my jaw moving against her hair.

I felt her nod. "Just tired, it was a...long day." She nuzzled into my chest, burrowing as deep as she was able. I shuffled us a bit so I could remove her messenger bag from her shoulder. Once I had that dropped to the floor, I removed her coat as well. Her body seemed to sag beneath the weight of something and I wished that she would just let go of her burden and let me in.

I stood there and held her for a while, rocking her back and forth slightly. Eventually though, she pulled back and looked at me; I could now see some happiness in her brown depths.

"There's my girl." I grinned back at her, and then leaned down to kiss her lips. Her mouth opened under mine and I slipped my tongue inside. She moaned softly beneath me and I knew that if I didn't pull away, we wouldn't get out of here until much later in the evening. I took the high road and backed up, giving her one last soft kiss on her mouth.

"Do you want to change before we go?" I asked, keeping my arms wrapped around her waist.

She looked down at the skirt and blouse she was wearing. "What's wrong with what I've got on? Do I need to be more dressed up?"

I shook my head. "No, but I think you'll be more comfortable in something more casual. Jeans and a t-shirt would be fine for what we're doing."

She looked at me puzzled. "Aren't we going out to dinner?"

Smirking, I gave her an evasive answer. "Eventually…"

Bella rolled her eyes and huffed. "Aren't you going to give me something more to go on?"

"Nope. If you're comfortable the way you are, we can leave, but I really think you'll feel better if you change."

She sighed and her eyes were full of wariness. "O…kay. Give me ten?"

I kissed her once more before releasing her. "Take your time, love."

I followed Bella as far as Alice's room before sneaking inside to grab her suitcase. It was right where Alice said it would be and I yelled to Bella that I had to run to the car for something real quick and I'd be right back. I heard her yell a muffled, "okay" just before I shut the door.

I was back upstairs by the time Bella finished getting ready. She had taken my advice and changed into jeans and a light gray, long-sleeved t-shirt with a pair of Chucks. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and she looked very sexy.

_Settle down, Eduardo. Settle down._

"Ready, love?" I asked, holding my hand out to her.

The smile reached her eyes as she slipped her hand in mine and walked with me out the door.

* * *

Almost four hours later, we pulled up to the front of the resort. Bella had fallen asleep just after we stopped for a quick bite to eat. She'd ranted and raved at my refusal to tell her where we were going before eventually calming down; ten minutes after that, she stopped talking to me completely.

I looked over to find that she had passed out in the seat beside me.

I didn't want to wake her, the dark circles under her eyes told me she hadn't slept well the night before. I knew that she had a hard time sleeping when I wasn't with her, and I felt guilty for all the time I spent away from her. I hoped this weekend would help make that up to her a little.

Leaning over the console, I ran my hand over her hair, and cupped the back of her neck before placing my lips on hers. I gave her a gentle kiss and she shifted a bit underneath me. I moved back and watched her eyes open slowly.

"We're here, love." Bella sat up and looked around.

"Am I allowed to know where we are yet?" she asked, grumpily.

I smiled. "We're just outside Victoria. I planned a little getaway for us."

Her eyes widened and her mouth opened in a little "o." Just then the valet approached the car and I turned to get out so he could take care of our luggage and the car.

I met Bella on her side of the car, taking her hand and following the bellboy into the main lobby. Check-in was easy and we were directed to our room in no time. Bella's eyes widened as we stepped inside; she removed her hand from mine to go explore while I tipped the bellman for bringing up our bags. A short few minutes later, our luggage was inside, the door was shut and locked, and I had Bella in my arms. She was standing on the patio and I knew in the light of day we'd be able to see the ocean from here, just as the resort advertised. Neither of us spoke; we just stood there, my arms around Bella's waist, her hands over mine, and took in the silence around us.

Feeling her shiver, I turned her around in my arms before kissing her softly. "Ready to go inside?"

She nodded and we walked, hand in hand, back into our room. I thought about asking her if she wanted to make use of the hot tub on the patio, but decided instead to light a fire. Leading Bella over to one of the chairs in front of the fireplace, I gestured for her to sit down. She gave me a small smile before curling up in the chair.

Fifteen minutes later, I had lots of smoke, but no fire. I could see Bella trying hard not to laugh. She hadn't said anything since she offered to call the front desk to see if I could get some help and I bit her head off.

It was just a stupid fire, damn it. I could handle this. _I am man, hear me roar!_

Bella slid down next to me and gently pulled my hands away before pushing me to the side of the fireplace. "I've got this, Cullen. Go wash your hands."

I sat there in disbelief, speechless at my girl. She turned over her shoulder and smiled at me. "Go wash your hands, they're all sooty. Then pour us some of that champagne they gave us. I'll get the fire started."

Not knowing what else to do, I stood and walked into the bedroom, toward the bathroom. _How the hell did my girl know how to start a fire? _

When I re-joined her in the living area, sure enough, there was a fire crackling in the fireplace.

"How did you do that?" The words were out of my mouth before I realized how stunned I sounded, and how insulted she might be by them.

Thankfully, she just looked amused. "We had a fireplace in California. Sometimes I wanted a fire and Joe wasn't around, so I had to learn to use it on my own." Her smile turned sad for a moment and I wondered if it was California she missed or something else. Not wanting to entertain that thought, I grabbed her up from where she was standing in front of the fireplace and brought her over to the chair she had been sitting in earlier. Instead of placing her in it though, I sat down in it myself, placing her onto my lap.

There was no protest from her as she placed her cheek on my chest, her head tucked under my chin. My arms were wrapped around her and I let out a contented sigh.

"Everything okay?" she whispered quietly.

"Hmmmm...I'm just very, very happy right at this moment."

Bella snuggled into me further. "Me too."

I ignored the voice in my head that wondered if she was telling me the truth.

* * *

The next morning dawned sunny and cool, and I told Bella that she might want to dress warmly, since we were taking a cruise to Butchart Gardens that day. We had lucked out weather wise, the winter and the rainy season was coming to a close in Victoria. There was also an indoor garden for us to enjoy if the weather drove us inside.

Bella had been less than pleased to see her suitcase packed full of brand new "Alice-approved" attire, but she kept her grumbling to a minimum when she realized that Alice really had thought of everything she would need. The night before a blush had lit up her face when she saw something Alice had packed, but she refused to show it to me. I had done a little grumbling myself then.

The package I booked for us included a gourmet breakfast, which was delicious. After having our fill, we headed down to meet the water taxi that would take us to the Gardens.

Two other couples, both a bit older than us, joined us on the water taxi. We all exchanged hellos before settling into our seats to enjoy the ride. Bella linked her arm through mine and laid her head against my shoulder as we pulled away from the dock.

"Warm enough, love?" I asked, pulling her closer to me.

"Hmmm…I am. I can't get over how mild it is today. It almost feels like spring."

I kissed the top of her head. "We lucked out, that's for sure."

She lifted her head and looked at me. "I think I'm the one who lucked out."

I shook my head back at her in answer. "Nope, that would be me."

We smiled at each other and I could help but press my lips to hers.

Before I knew it, we had docked at Butchart Cove. Bella grabbed my hand and we were off.

The day passed quickly, with the two of us enjoying the winter shrubbery and Show House. We had lunch at the Dining Room Restaurant, before heading back for one last look at the Japanese Garden. Bella seemed to have fallen in love with the quiet area, looking more peaceful standing there than I had seen her in weeks, if ever. She was quiet on our way back to the resort, but it was a calm, serene quiet rather than a bored or pissed off one.

We were both chilly by the time we reached our room, the temperature dropping with the setting sun. Bella slipped off her shoes before climbing into the big king-sized bed and burrowing under the covers. I joined her a few minutes later after – successfully this time – starting a fire. Thankfully, my girlfriend had schooled me in what I had been doing wrong the night before.

We snuggled together, quiet in our togetherness. Bella's head was pillowed on my chest, one arm slung over my stomach. I had one arm under her, and I pulled her closer as I ran my other hand over her arm.

There was no way to describe the contentment I felt. It was something that I never knew I was missing, because I had never felt it before. But being there, with the woman I loved wrapped in my arms, I was feeling nothing more than absolute peace and comfort.

_I loved her. _

I had been utterly fascinated and drawn to Bella for the last ten years, but over the course of the last month, I had fallen completely head over heels in love with her. My brain wanted to argue with this newfound feeling, trying to convince me it was much too soon for me to feel this way. Logically, I realized a month was far too fast for me to really say whether I loved Bella or not. Yet, if I didn't love her, why did I feel this way?

I never wanted to be away from her. When I was, I couldn't wait until the moment I was back in her presence, with her in my arms. She brought a smile to my face just thinking about her, and you couldn't wipe it off when I _was_ with her. I wanted nothing more than to bask in her warmth and beauty, to laugh and talk with her as much as possible. Everything seemed so much brighter and happier since she'd walked back into my life. If that wasn't love, I didn't know what was.

We just seemed to _fit_ together. The way her hand fit in mine, the way her head lay in the perfect spot on my chest. We laughed at the same jokes, had the same taste in movies and TV shows. We both preferred reading to doing anything physical, and the love and loyalty we felt for our families and friends was never wavering.

If I had to custom build the perfect woman for me, it would have been Bella. _Always Bella._

Emotion overwhelmed me and I tightened my hold on the girl lying in my arms. She squeezed me harder and I sighed happily.

"I love you."

_Fuuuuucccck. _

The words were out before I even registered that I was saying them. I immediately froze, not sure what to do from here. I had wanted to think about it some more, to make sure that what I felt was real, and that Bella felt the same before I told her I loved her.

Instead, I let my emotions overwhelm me, and I blurted it out like a fifteen-year-old boy hoping to get laid.

_If Emmett were here, he'd be demanding my man card back and handing me a skirt. _

It was only seconds, but it felt like years before Bella moved. I was still motionless beneath her, barely breathing, eyes screwed shut. She shifted and I was afraid to look down at her. I swallowed hard, praying I'd keep it together when I finally opened my eyes and looked at her. I had no idea what she was going to say to me, and I was terrified it wouldn't be good.

Sucking it up, I opened both my eyes. Bella was gazing up at me, the hand that was on my stomach now resting beneath her chin as it lay on my chest. There were tears falling down her cheeks.

I opened my mouth to say something – anything – that would dry her tears and bury my embarrassment. I didn't get further than taking a breath when she spoke.

"Edward, I love you, too."

The tightness in my chest immediately lightened and I smiled so hard my face felt funny. I could see past the tears in her eyes now to the love and happiness that were there. My hands grasped her hips and I pulled her up so our faces were aligned.

"Really?" I sounded like a little boy who was just told the fuckton of presents under the tree were his, and his alone.

Bella bit her lip and nodded. My smile got bigger.

My instinct was to crush her lips to mine and devour her, showing her just how much her words meant to me, but that wasn't what the moment called for. The woman I loved just told me that she loved me back and I was going to treat her with the respect and reverence she deserved.

I slowly rolled us over, so she was lying beneath me. Framing her face with my hands, I brought my mouth down to hers, brushing her lips lightly with my own. Our mouths connected, tongues following soon after.

I had no idea how long we lay there, kissing and whispering "I love you" to each other, before my arms got too tired to hold me up any longer. I moved to my side so that I was facing Bella, and she turned to face me. Her fingers came up and started tracing my face, ghosting over my forehead, down my cheek, over my lips and back up. I stayed still, allowing her to do whatever she wished to me. My eyes slid shut while I concentrated on her tiny finger moving over my skin.

"Did you mean it?"

My eyes popped open at her question. There was a crease in the center of her forehead, and she was biting her lip once again. I could still see the love in her eyes, but there was doubt there now too.

"Absolutely. I'm completely and totally in love with you, Bella." Taking her hand from my face, I brought it to my lips. I placed a soft kiss against her knuckles before turning her hand over and kissing the palm.

"You don't think it's too soon?" The worry was still there, but the crease had become less pronounced.

I didn't answer her right away, actually thinking through her question. She wasn't voicing anything that I hadn't thought myself just a few minutes before. We had only been together a month…

…but when you know, you know. And I had no doubt, not when it came to Bella. Some might think it was too soon, but we were the only ones in this relationship and our opinions were the only ones that truly mattered.

"No, I don't. I know how I feel about you, Bella, and whether I said it out loud tonight or three months from now wouldn't change it. I love you. I am so overwhelmed and filled with love for you that I just had to tell you."

Bella's eyes lit up once more and she leaned forward to kiss me. When she was done, she leaned back a little, just enough so she could see my eyes, but our noses were practically touching. "Okay."

"Just okay?"

She gave me a brilliant smile. "I love you and I absolutely agree with everything you just said. Better?"

"Much." I leaned forward and kissed her once again.

Time passed while we stared at each other, exchanging kisses and feather light touches. We only stirred when my stomach growled and I realized we hadn't eaten dinner yet. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was only ten after seven. It hadn't felt like that much time had passed at all.

Bella padded to the bathroom to freshen up while I banked the fire. When I was done, I went to the bathroom door, leaning against the door jam, watching her. She was pulling a brush through her hair, a slight smile on her face as our eyes met in the mirror.

"Can I help you?" she asked coyly, never stopping her movements.

"Nope, I'm good."

Bella rolled her eyes at me and set her brush down on the counter with a soft clack. She turned and not even a second later, her arms were around my waist, her nose nuzzling my chest. There was definitely a happy feeling to her hug, but there was something else there. It felt…desperate.

"I love you," I whispered to her, hoping that whatever had popped up could be taken away by those three words.

"I love you." She pulled back and looked at me, a smile on her face and her eyes clear. My stomach growled again, and Bella laughed.

"Let's go feed you."

* * *

We hadn't called ahead for reservations at the resort's five-star restaurant, so instead we ate at the much more casual pub. We didn't chat much over dinner, content to just stare and smile goofily at each other. Since our declaration, something had changed between us again, but in the most fucking awesome way ever.

_I can't stop smiling._

Whatever I felt earlier in Bella's hug had completely disappeared; there was only love and happiness in that moment. We held hands, laughed, fed each other off our plates. I noticed a few of the other patrons watching us, but their smiles seemed to reflect what we were feeling. There were no rolled eyes or "get a room" remarks, but instead, smiles and knowing looks.

Our behavior continued as we returned to our room. Bella's hands roamed my torso, and the wine we had during dinner made her giggle. I kept getting distracted by her movements, and it took me a few tries before I could get the key card in the lock. Finally, we were in and Bella immediately headed to her suitcase, hips swaying in front of me.

She turned and gave me a flirtatious look over her shoulder before reaching into her suitcase and grabbing something black…and lacy?

_Fuck, yes!_

"I'll be right back," Bella said as she moved past me to the bathroom. "You should make yourself comfortable."

She barely had the bathroom door shut before I had torn my shirt off and flung it somewhere in the vicinity of our suitcases. I toed my shoes off, and did a bit of a hop-jump over to the bed as I tore my socks off. I debated for a few minutes about taking my jeans off, but decided that might look a little too forward, especially since I wasn't exactly sure what Bella had brought into the bathroom with her. I could only guess where her mind was, and hope that we were thinking the same thing.

Lying down on the bed, I put a couple of pillows behind my head and adjusted the monster trying to fight his way out of my pants.

_Yeah, I said monster. Eduardo isn't little, at all. Just sayin._

I took a look around the room and it was entirely too bright. I jumped up, turning off the light by our bedroom door. There was still too much light.

I ran around turning off the lamps by the bed, but then it was too dark. I huffed in annoyance, figuring I only had minutes before Bella came out of the bathroom. Then my eyes landed on the fireplace.

_Duh._

I quickly made a fire. The flames were just catching as I sprinted back toward the bed.

_Perfect. _

That was when I heard the bathroom door open.

_I'm in love with a goddess. _

The firelight caught the red highlights in her hair, which was swirling sexily around her face and over her shoulders. She was wearing some black, lacy…thing that definitely caught my attention.

_Eduardo was also standing up to say hello and get a better look. _

As Bella stood in the doorway, biting her lip and blushing, it hit me just how fucking lucky I was.

I couldn't wait for her to make her way to me. The distance between the bathroom and the bed was much too long. I had to have her in my arms _now_.

Seconds later, that's exactly where she was, our mouths moving against one another. Her arms were around my neck, gripping my hair as my tongue slipped between her lips.

Never breaking our kiss, I picked her up and carried her over to the bed. I stood us next to it, waiting for Bella to make the next move. Considering how things ended the last time we had gotten this intense, I wanted her to make all the decisions about where tonight would lead. I would not upset her by making assumptions.

_Assume, asshole, assume! _

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. _What can I say? Eduardo was a bit excited. _

My hands slid down Bella's back to her hips and I held them there. I was dying to pull her against me, for her to feel exactly how much I wanted her, but I held back, waiting to see what she'd do.

Again, my girl surprised me. Her hands moved from around my neck, down my back to my ass, which she grabbed as she pulled herself into me.

_Fuck, yes!_

The fireplace wasn't the only thing heating up our room.

Sweat was beginning to trickle down my back, and I could feel Bella's heart pounding against my chest. My grip on her hips tightened as she nibbled on my lip. Our breathing was heavy, the air thick with tension and I couldn't help the groan that escaped my lips as Bella pressed her body closer to mine.

Bella pulled back and looked up at me through her lashes. That one look alone was enough for my pants to tighten further. My hands tightened on her hips, bunching the lacy material in my fists. Breathing hard, it took all my concentration not to rip the material from her body. Four words gave me the clarity to relax and slow down.

"I love you, Edward."

She followed her declaration with a blinding smile that I couldn't help but return. I leaned down until our foreheads were touching. Bringing my hands up to cup her face, I kissed her.

I was more than a little unhappy when Bella pulled away from me. She gently reached up, and grasping my wrists, pulled them from her face. In the next instant, she had the covers pulled back on the bed and she slipped inside.

Her eyes were filled with lust and love as she spoke. "Make love to me…please?"

"Baby…" I breathed, and moved toward her. Before I could get very far, she reached out with her hands and touched the buttons at my waist. Her fingers touched the skin of my stomach and my eyes slid shut involuntarily. I could feel her pushing at the denim until it was down around my ankles. I quickly stepped out of them and joined my love on the bed.

I touched her, starting out gentle and slow at her feet and working my way up. I explored the silky smooth skin of her bare legs, making note when she let out a breathy little sigh as my fingers moved behind her knee. I glanced up to see Bella watching me, her teeth incredibly white against the pink of her mouth. My hands glided higher, moving the material of her lingerie up her body.

Creamy thighs and more black lace. It was almost my undoing.

I leaned down, placing one small kiss directly on the lace, right where I knew her clit lay. Bella's hips bucked up into me, and I smiled against her before making my way up her body.

I reached her stomach next and it was easy to feel her tense beneath me. I knew exactly what she was worried about and I wanted to make this as quick and painless as possible. Moving the material away, I looked at the scars crisscrossing her belly. Some were still quite dark, while others had faded to a light pink. They still stood out starkly against her white skin. My heart stopped thinking of what she had gone through to get them.

I did all I could think to do.

I kissed each one.

I would never be able to take away the hurt that Bella experienced from the accident, but I hoped with each kiss some of it could melt away, knowing I loved her and accepted her just as she was. I glanced up at her to make sure she was okay and saw tears streaming from her eyes.

I immediately moved up next to her, using my hands to wipe away her tears. "Bella, love, are you okay?"

She sniffled and nodded, moving to press her face to my chest. "Thank you," I heard her softly say as I felt her breath against me. I pressed my lips to the top of her hair, breathing in the scent that was completely Bella. We stayed like that for a few minutes before I felt Bella's lips trailing kisses across my torso. One of her hands reached up and pushed at my shoulder before I took her hint and lay back against the pillows. Her mouth continued to move over me, her tongue tracing patterns over my skin and nipples. I ran my hand over her head as she made her way up to my throat and jaw. Her lips eventually met mine in a steamy kiss.

Our movements became frantic – Bella's hands pulling at my hair, mine searching for the straps of her slip so I could slide it down her shoulders and bare her breasts.

Clothing was removed at a fast pace, our naked skin touching in the most delicious of places. I wanted to feel Bella beneath me; I flipped us over so I was hovering above her. My mouth moved against hers, down her throat to her pale, pink nipples. I plucked at them with my fingers before replacing them with my mouth.

My fingers moved over her body, caressing and touching until they were nestled in the dark curls above her pussy. She was panting hard now, pushing up into my body, trying to get me to move my hand.

"Patience, baby," I whispered against her skin. Kissing her once more, I let my fingers slide up and down her folds.

"Oh…" Bella moaned, pushing up to meet my hand. My fingers explored her inside and out, coaxing as much pleasure from her as I could. Her moans turned into cries and I could feel her tighten around my fingers. Not wanting her to come this way just yet, I withdrew them.

"Ed…ward…" Bella moaned and lifted her hips once more. My lips moved from her breasts down her body, following the path taken by my fingers until my breath blew against the curls. I stopped there, taking a minute to calm down when all I wanted to do was bury myself inside of her.

Bella wasn't having it. She pushed hard on my shoulders, making it clear exactly where she wanted me. If I wasn't so overcome with lust and want for her, I would've laughed.

Dipping my head, I took my first taste of her. She was hot and wet against my lips and I groaned as I tasted her for the first time. After a few minutes, I added a finger, then another. Bella's cries grew and as I wrapped my lips around her clit, she convulsed and came, moaning my name.

I stayed close, touching and kissing her gently under she calmed underneath me. I removed my fingers and crawled back up her body until I could see her face. Her eyes were closed, and there was a blissful smile on her face.

"That…was…amazing," she finally breathed out.

I leaned down, kissing her in answer. My lips against hers caused Bella to moan and I was shocked when her tongue came out and she licked my lips. My eyes widened as she tasted herself and didn't flinch.

I didn't think it was possible, but that made me harder.

Before I could move, Bella pushed me away from her and onto my back. Then she proceeded to show me just how much she appreciated what I had done to her.

As her lips closed around my cock for the first time, I had to start multiplying by twelve's so I wouldn't explode on contact. Her tongue swirled around the head before she engulfed as much of me as she could. I couldn't keep my hands out of her hair, wrapping the strands around my fingers and doing all I could not to grab her and force her down even further.

Whatever she couldn't reach, she used her hand to touch and stroke. She'd alternate between stroking, swirling, cupping my balls and licking my shaft.

"Bell…I'm gonna…" I could barely get the words out, but she understood my meaning. She lifted her head, looked up at me and gave me a small smile. She licked the tip of my cock once more before taking it in her mouth again. The minute her lips were wrapped around me, I came.

Seconds later, Bella was lying in my arms, a smug smile on her face and a very contented and happy one on mine. Her hands roamed my body, helping me come down from my high.

"I love you," I whispered as I leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you," she answered simply, placing kisses across my chest.

"Are you okay?" She seemed to be, but I felt the need to check in with her. She had told me that it had been awhile since she had been intimate with – _and that train of thought needs to stop right there _– I needed to make sure I hadn't pushed her too far too fast.

"I'm fantastic, thank you very much." She placed one more kiss straight in the center of my chest before moving so I could see her face. She looked radiant. Her skin glowed in the firelight and her eyes were sparkling.

"God, I love you." I ran my hand over her hair and touched her cheek. She leaned into my touch, giving me a bright smile.

"I think I melt every time I hear you say that," she replied, kissing me.

"Hmmm, I make you feel all squishy and smushy inside?"

She rolled her eyes at me and laughed. "Something like that…"

I ran my hand up her backside, over her ass. "Something like that, huh? Or something like…" My fingers moved lower, running down the crack of her ass and into her pussy. Bella gasped as I plunged a finger inside of her. "…slick and wet?"

A blush stained her cheeks as her eyes slid shut. "Um…oh…holy…hell."

"So Bella, how do I make you feel now?" I kept my voice low, moving my finger slowly in and out of her.

She didn't answer me. Instead, she crushed her lips to mine.

Within minutes, Bella was on her back below me and the tip of my cock was pressing up against her pussy. As I gazed into her eyes, I felt my heart swell.

"Love, are you – "

"Edward, make love to me." She arched her back up off the bed so she could reach my neck. She placed hot kisses along my Adam's apple and up to my jaw. "Please," she sighed against my skin.

Little by little, I pressed myself inside of her. I watched her face carefully to make sure she was okay, but all I could see was pleasure.

All I could feel was her.

She was hot, tight and warm, and I never, _ever_ wanted to leave.

I moved slowly and Bella matched my movements, pushing up as I pulled out. We gazed at each other, all the love that we felt floating between us and around us. Her eyes would slide shut, only to open seconds later, looking unfocused and sexy. Her breasts were moving with her deep breathing and I could feel her nipples hard against my chest.

"Baby…" I whimpered, moving faster as I felt my orgasm approach.

"I'm…almost…" Bella's hand moved from where it had been resting on my back and came down in between us to rub her clit. Our bodies moved frantically, driving each other toward completion. I felt Bella climax around me just as she screamed my name. I was right behind her, chanting hers.

I collapsed beside her, breathing hard into the pillows. We didn't move for minutes, until Bella rolled over on her side and kissed my shoulder.

"That was…" She paused, I assumed to try to find the right words to describe what just happened.

"Fucking awesome." I finished for her.

Bella laughed. "That's an understatement."

I peeked up at her. "I have a feeling any word we use to describe what happens when we make love will be an understatement."

Her eyes softened, turning to chocolate goo. "I love you. I love you so much, I can't…put it into words."

I turned to face her and pulled her to me. "I love you, too. More than I can possibly express."

We snuggled close together, basking in love and sex afterglow. Eventually Bella moved away from me and climbed off the bed.

"Where are you going?" I asked, hating how it felt to watch her move away from me.

"To take a shower…" She looked back at me. "Aren't you coming?"

"Not yet." I vaulted off the bed and tried to catch her as she ran into the bathroom, giggling.

* * *

Leaving the next morning was incredibly hard. Having Bella to myself all weekend with zero interruptions was pure bliss. Making love to her the first time just helped cement the fact that I didn't want to be away from her for any length of time ever again. However, the real world was calling and we weren't left with much choice but to return.

We spent Sunday morning in the spa, getting a couple's massage that finished up with a relaxing rain shower for two. I tried to convince my girl to engage in some shower lovin', but she was worried about someone seeing us. Apparently exhibitionism wasn't her thing.

We made love once more upon our return to our room, and it wasn't hard to notice that we both clung to each other a little tighter after we finished. There was an ache in my chest as I watched Bella get up and move away from the bed to get dressed. I wanted nothing more than to pull her back to me and throw the covers up over our heads.

Had I known what we'd be going back to, I would've done just that.


	18. Bombshell

As always, my sincere thanks to **MsAmbrosia **and **Browns**. I drive these ladies batty with my constantly changing tenses and my repetitive words. Yet, they stick by me and encourage me every step of the way. I 3 them. Read their stories!

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**BPOV**

I huffed, sitting back on my heels. My iPod was missing and I'd just spent ten minutes tearing apart my room looking for it. I swore I had it with me when I left for work that morning, but it was nowhere to be found. My last guess was that it had fallen under my bed, but there was nothing more there than a few dust bunnies and an old condom wrapper.

Edward would hear about that one later.

I groaned as I stood, the wrapper in my hand. After our weekend in Canada, we realized we hadn't quite been as careful as we should've been. Getting caught up in 'I love you's' and the hormones had caused us to bypass the birth control conversation. Even a week later, I was still cringing about our lapse in judgment.

At twenty-seven, I definitely should've known better. I was an educated woman who knew the dangers of sexually transmitted infections. And, as much as it skeeved me out to think about, Edward had been with...a number...of different women. Instead of getting caught up in love and sex, we should've sat down and had a very adult discussion about protection, tests, and all the stuff no one ever _wants_ to talk about, but should definitely talk about anyway.

I worried slightly that our actions may have led to a pregnancy, but I tried to block it out. I would worry about it if I needed to. Until then, panicking wouldn't help. Edward offered to find me a doctor and it was almost too easy to let him be the one to take care of this for me. He was the expert, after all.

The moment we arrived home, Edward had an appointment scheduled for me with the best gynecologist in Seattle. My appointment wasn't for another three weeks, but Edward only wanted me to have the best and refused to have me go see another doctor who might get me in sooner. He said he didn't mind using condoms, as he had always used them with his partners in the past, but we both agreed we'd rather not rely on them solely if we didn't have to. I had been on the pill when I was with Joe and only stopped taking them because I was in the hospital. There had been no reason to go back on them once I was released.

I walked out into the living room, dropping the condom wrapper in my bathroom garbage on the way out. I was halfway up the hallway when I heard the knock at the door.

My eyebrows drew together in confusion. I couldn't imagine who it could be. Alice was at the shop, putting last minute touches on things and I was supposed to meet her there in a little while. Edward was working until eight and was coming by when he was done. I had no idea who'd been knocking on our door at four o'clock on a Thursday afternoon.

The minute I opened the door I knew something was wrong.

Edward stood there, pale as a ghost, with a look of shock and devastation on his face.

The look reminded me much - too much - of the look on Charlie's face when I had woken up in the hospital.

My hand immediately went to my throat, almost as if I'd stop my heart from flying up into it. "Edward?"

He was over the threshold and had me in his arms within seconds. His grip was tight, worrying me further. He turned his face so it was tucked into my neck and I panicked even more when I realized he was avoiding looking at me.

"Edward, please..." I begged him, although for what, I wasn't sure. Reassurance? Information? I just wanted him to say something.

The minute he spoke, I wished he hadn't.

"Tanya's pregnant."

I knew I heard him wrong.

"I...what?"

I stepped back, pushing on his shoulders. I needed to see his eyes when he told me this.

He reluctantly let me go and there was pain written all over his face. "She showed up today and told me that she's three months pregnant and that..." He took a deep breath. "It's mine..."

I stumbled back, the shock of what he was telling me overwhelming. My head dropped under the weight of his announcement.

"I don't..." I couldn't think enough to actually say anything worthwhile. How do you respond to something like that?

_The man I loved was having a baby with another woman._

"Bella, please..." I lifted my head to look at him. The pain was etched in every line on his face and he suddenly looked ten years older.

"How...I don't understand," I whispered. I knew he wanted to hold me, as his hands were reaching out toward me, but I needed some space so I could think. His words were still echoing in my head.

_"Tanya's pregnant."_

Edward's hands dropped to his side and he shook his head. "She's lying. I know she's fucking lying."

He started pacing, his movements suddenly manic and exaggerated. "I was always careful, _always_. I didn't want anything like this to fucking happen, so I was extra careful. I told you Bella, I tried to have a relationship with her, but I _never_ wanted children with her, so I was cautious. I was so fucking careful! I always used protection! How could this happen?"

He turned toward me, to where I was still standing in the kitchen. His eyes were frantic, wild. "It's not fucking mine. She can lie with the best of them, I've fucking seen her. She's lying now. She's a manipulative fucking bitch and I know she's fucking lying about this. It's not mine. There's no possible fucking way that it's mine."

His voice had dropped low by the last sentence and there was no way to mistake the doubt and confusion behind his statement. He didn't want to believe Tanya's pregnancy had anything to do with him, but he wasn't absolutely positive.

I took a deep breath, trying to pull my thoughts together so we could have a coherent conversation. "What...what did she say?"

Edward ran a hand through his hair. "She handed me a sonogram picture and told me she thought I'd like to see my child."

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I just...blinked.

Edward scoffed. "Yeah. Then she told me that she doesn't expect anything from me, that she just wanted me to fucking know."

I ran my hands over my face. "I don't..." I blew out a breath. I had questions, but I didn't know where to start.

Edward slid to the floor, his back against a kitchen cabinet. He drew his knees up to his chest and rested his arms over them. His head dropped and he took a shuddering breath. All the anger that had been there just moments before was gone.

Hating to see him in so much pain, I dropped to the floor next to him. We were close enough to touch, but didn't. We just sat there in silence, lost in our own thoughts.

_What does this mean for us? What should I do? What should I say? Is he going to leave me to go back to her? If we stay together, what will this do to us? Will I be okay knowing he has a child with another woman?_

The last question gave me a distinct pain in my stomach, and I threw my arms across my torso, as if it would somehow stop it. Now that I'd found him, I didn't want to let him go. Ever. I could see myself with him for a very long time. The thought of babies hadn't really crossed my mind, other than in a _not now_ kind of way. However, now that reality was knocking, the thought of Edward's child growing in some other woman's womb made it hard to breathe.

The only person I wanted to be able to have Edward's babies was..._me._

I tried to stop my tears, but I was no match against the hurt and pain I was suddenly feeling. He hadn't cheated on me, but he might as well have, it hurt so badly.

Edward turned toward me and with a quiet, "Shhh, baby." He gathered me up and placed me on his lap. His arms wrapped around me, my head dropped onto his shoulder and I cried.

It took me a few minutes to realize he was crying with me. That alone was enough to slow my sobs.

I moved my hands up so I could wipe the tears from his face, but he wouldn't look at me. His head was bowed, his shoulders shaking from the force of his crying. I hadn't seen a reaction like this out of him before; Edward ran pretty mellow most of the time. I was the moody one, while Edward was Mr. Laid-Back-Take-It-As-It-Comes. To see him come undone so completely frightened me.

My own tears stopped and I focused completely on Edward, running my fingers through his hair.

He took a deep shuddering breath, trying to pull himself together. "I'm...so...sorry. I don't know how...this could...have happened."

I didn't say anything, just continued to run my fingers through his hair. We sat there in silence for an undetermined length of time. We had both stopped crying at that point, but we were lost in our own thoughts. My ringing phone brought me back into the moment.

I crawled off Edward's lap, and he let me go, although his arms had tightened briefly before they dropped. I stood, my hip aching from the position we had been sitting in. Stumbling to the counter, I picked up my phone, glancing quickly at the caller ID. It was Alice.

"Hey," I said quietly.

"Where the hell are you? You were supposed to be here an hour ago? Are you okay?" Alice was yelling and I could only imagine how angry - or worried - she was right now.

"I'm sorry. Something came up and...it's complicated."

"What could be complicated..." Alice trailed off. She was silent for a minute while I debated what to tell her. "Is Edward okay?"

"He's...fine." What else could I have said?

"You're lying. He's not hurt, is he? Was there an accident? Did something happen at the hospital?"

"Ali, he's not hurt, there wasn't an accident." I heard Edward scoff from the floor, but I ignored him. "He's actually here right now; I'm not sure if we're going to make it there tonight."

Alice was silent and I knew she was angry. I felt horrible ditching her like this, knowing the biggest moment of her life was arriving in two days and neither her brother nor I were in any shape to help her. I was a terrible friend. "Alice, I'm so sorry. I can't explain -"

She cut me off. "It's that bitch isn't it? She fucking did something, didn't she?"

I sometimes forgot how perceptive Alice was. I swear to God she was psychic. "Um, it's...complicated."

"I'll bet it is. Look, take care of what you need to there. I'll...figure something out here. Maybe Em and Rose are around."

I placed the hand that wasn't holding the phone to my forehead. I felt torn in two directions and I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to stay with Edward and talk, but another part of me wanted to get away from him and just think for a little while. I felt overwhelmed and, stupidly, I felt betrayed. I knew it didn't make any sense, but there it was. I made my decision in an instant.

"I'll be right there."

"Bella -" I hung up on Alice before she could say anything more.

I dropped my phone, avoiding Edward's gaze. Walking swiftly to my room, I grabbed my purse and wiped the rest of my tears from my face. I was doing what I did best - running - but I was in no shape to help Edward through this right now. I had to get things straight in my own head before I could even begin to deal with him - and us.

I met Edward's eyes as I walked back into the kitchen. He was standing at the counter, grief and anger written all over his face, staring at me. I picked up my phone and put it in my purse.

"I have to go help Alice at the store," I said quietly.

"You're leaving?" His voice was cold.

I fiddled with my purse as I nodded. "I promised her."

"Bella, I..." His voice broke. "I need you."

A sob broke free and I covered my mouth with my hand. "I need some time to think."

"We haven't even talked about this yet. Don't you think we should talk before you walk out on me and leave?"

I shook my head. "I need...to think."

"And I need my girlfriend to support me! Do you understand what I'm going through here? My fucking life just got flipped the fuck upside down and you're walking out on me?" He was yelling, and I was crying.

"I'm sorry. I know...I just...I can't...I...I don't know what to do. I need to think! I can't think right now!"

"Think? What do you need to think about? I need you, Bella, and you're fucking running away from me!"

We stood there, facing off across the kitchen counter. I was sobbing, and Edward was breathing heavy, his face an unnatural shade of red. I had never seen him so angry...or hurt.

_And I had caused it._

My knees buckled and I grabbed the counter for support. _What the hell was I doing?_

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I don't know..."

Edward was around the counter in an instant, pulling me up and into his arms. They wrapped around my waist and he buried his face into my hair. "Don't leave, please. Just don't leave. I need you, Bella."

I cried as he held me, wondering what I had been thinking. Running was not going to fix this, or make any of it better. I would just be abandoning the man I loved when he needed me and how could I ever be okay with that? How selfish could I possibly be?

I calmed and pulled back from him so I could see his face. His eyes were red and filled with so much sorrow and pain, I gasped. _I helped do that._

I reached up, taking his face in my hands. I ran my thumbs over his cheeks, trying to comfort him. "I'm so sorry. I can't...I panicked. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Edward's eyes slid shut and he leaned forward so our foreheads were touching. "Please don't run. I need you. We need to talk about this. But I can't lose you, Bella. Don't run away from me."

"I won't. I'm sorry. I'm here."

We stood there for a few more minutes, just breathing in each other, me still trying to calm my stuttering sobs. Edward was holding my hips, but otherwise was still. My hands were running up and down his back gently, trying to soothe me as much as him.

I finally dropped my hands and backed away. "I'm going to call Alice and tell her that I'm not coming."

Edward nodded. "Is it okay if I go..." He pointed in the general direction of my room.

"Of course. I'll be there in a minute."

Edward kissed my forehead and left me in the kitchen.

I opened my purse, digging deep for my phone. I picked it up only to find missed calls and text messages from Alice.

**I swear if U show up here, I'll kick U out.**

**Em & Rose R on their way. We've got things under control.**

**ISABELLA U not answering me better mean UR staying put!**

I typed back a quick reply. ** I'm sorry. Staying here w/ Edward. Talking. Love you.**

I flipped the phone shut, placing it on the counter. I braced my arms against the edges, my head falling down, with my hair sweeping over my face. I wanted to cry, to rail, and part of me really still wanted to run, but I needed to go be with Edward. I needed to hear what Tanya told him.

I needed to know what it all meant for us.

I straightened up and walked slowly back to my bedroom, wondering what I would find when I got there.

Edward was nowhere in sight, but I heard water running.

I debated for a half a minute before following the sound.

Edward was in the shower, his back to the room, hands braced against the tile wall. The water was raining down upon his head, and his position mirrored the one I had been in when I was in the kitchen. My heart pounded painfully in my chest and I had to blink back the tears. I wanted to strip off my clothes and join him, not for sex, but for comfort. I wasn't sure if that was what he needed right now, but I needed to feel him, and I had a feeling he needed me that close too.

I quickly shed my clothes and stepped into the shower with him. His head turned slightly as I opened the door, but he didn't move otherwise. Once I shut the door behind me, his head returned to its original position and the water continued to cascade over his hair, down his neck and his back where it rolled off in different directions.

Walking up behind him, I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my cheek against his back. We stood there silently before Edward turned swiftly, pulling me tight against him.

"Bella, please...baby, I need you. I can't lose you over this. Please tell me we're going to be okay. Show me that we can survive this." He dropped to his knees before me. He reined kisses over my abdomen and down lower until he was kissing the most intimate part of me. His tongue slipped inside and I was lost to the sensation.

I cried as I came, his name a chant falling from my lips. He stood and gently pulled me into his arms, kissing my neck, running his hands up and down my back as I came down from my orgasm.

Once I had regained some semblance of thought, I pulled him over to the bench against the shower wall and tugged on his hand until he understood what I wanted and sat down. I straddled his waist, running my hands up over his chest, his shoulders, over his neck and into his hair. His head was thrown back, his eyes shut and his hands were gripping my waist so tightly I was sure there would be bruises on them the next day. I didn't care. I needed to make him feel good - if only for a moment - I needed to comfort him and be as close to him as I could possible. Taking one hand out of his hair, I reached down, grasped his penis firmly and guided it inside of me.

My rhythm was slow, as I gently rocked against him. We kissed slowly, languidly, our tongues intertwining only to separate so Edward could nibble my lower lip. His hands caressed by back, before moving around to fondle my breasts. My hands moved from his hair to his shoulders and then back again, as if I couldn't make up my mind about where they felt best.

We didn't speak much, letting our hands and bodies do the talking for us. Our eyes locked as I moved my body up and down on his length. Edward's hand left my hip to come up and tangle in my hair, pulling it so he could turn my head and ravage my neck. I felt my body tighten as my second orgasm approached and Edward let out a long moan as I contracted around him. It didn't take him long to follow my orgasm with one of his own.

We sat there for as long as we could stand, the shower still running, trying to catch our breath. I wondered if the comfort he needed - that we both needed - had been received. It hadn't been the way I intended it to happen when I joined him, but it happened just the same.

I stood, gently detangling our intertwined limbs. Edward continued touching me as he rose and reached over to turn off the water. The silence was almost deafening after having the water running for so long, but neither of us made any move to break it. We stepped out of the shower; me first, followed by Edward, who was still touching my bare skin with his hand. I stood on the mat in front of the sink, refusing to look in the mirror as Edward reached over with one hand and grabbed a towel. He finally removed his hand from my body, only to replace it with the fluffy material, and run it over my body. He took his time, making sure one patch of skin was dry before placing a kiss there and moving on to the next. When he finished, I turned and took the towel from him so I could return the favor. I could feel him watching me as I ran the cloth over his skin. Once I was done, he placed one hand back on my hip and used the other to drape the towel over its rack. When it was in place, he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom.

He set me down as we neared my dresser, but refused to stop touching me. Using one hand, he pulled out a pair of scrub pants he left here and one of his t-shirts. He pulled the t-shirt over my head, running his hands over the cotton once it was in place. Taking a deep breath, he stepped back to pull on the pants. The minute they were on, I was back in his arms.

"I love you," he murmured against my hair.

"I love you," I answered back. Despite the turmoil we were in, that was still true. It always would be, no matter what happened.

Edward sighed. I reached up and smoothed back a piece of hair that fell across his forehead and he gave me a small smile.

"I'm going to go brush my hair. When I come back, we can talk?" His smile fell at my words.

"No."

I looked at him, surprised. "Edward -"

He shook his head. "No, I didn't mean that we shouldn't talk, just that I didn't want you to leave." My heart broke at his words.

"Oh, Edward, I'm just going in the bathroom to brush the tangles out of my hair. I'll be right back. I promise."

He hung his head, looking more like a child than the thirty-year-old man he was. "I just don't want to be that far away from you."

I sighed. "Come with me then."

I took his hand and we walked back into the bathroom together. I grabbed my brush from the drawer, but Edward took it from me right away. He led me back into the bedroom and over to the bed. Sitting down, he patted the space in between his legs, motioning me to sit down. I did so, my back to him, and he began running the brush through my hair.

We were silent for a few more minutes before he began speaking.

"She's been looking for me since last weekend."

I stayed quiet, letting him go at his own pace. There was little I could contribute anyway, not until I had the whole story.

"I was avoiding her, not wanting to deal with whatever she wanted. When we...broke-up...she was angry and promised me I hadn't heard the last of her. I expected shit when we got back to work, but she stayed out of my way and I stayed out of hers. When I heard she was looking for me, I figured she was trying to start something, so I avoided her. She caught up with me today. She handed me a sonogram picture and asked me if I wanted to see my child."

I bit my lip, trying not to cry at the sharp pain I felt in my stomach.

Edward drew the brush twice more through my hair before he stopped. His arms came around me and wrapped tightly around my waist. I felt him rest his head on my shoulder blade as he took a shuddering breath.

"I don't know if I believe her, Bella. It's all too...convenient."

I nodded. "But you don't know if you don't believe her either," I said quietly.

Edward was quiet and there's no doubt in my mind that with his silence, he had answered my question. Moments passed before he spoke again.

"I don't know. She's definitely pregnant, or at least wearing a very real looking pillow. She may have been able to doctor the sonogram picture..."

He sighed. "I don't know what to believe. The Tanya I saw today did not act like the Tanya I know...or thought I knew. She claimed she just wanted me to know...that she didn't expect anything from me if I didn't want to involve myself."

"What do you want?" I asked quietly.

"I want this to go away. I want to prove that she's making this up or lying to me. I want to go back to twenty-four hours ago when this never happened..."

I shut my eyes. I knew exactly what he meant. Tanya's news hadn't just rocked Edward to his core, but me as well. There was a part of me that wanted to run, to forget this was an issue and let Edward deal with it. Maybe if I pretended it wasn't real, I could make it go away. I could pretend that nothing had changed and Edward and I were just happy and in love. There would be no Tanya...and no baby.

I knew better though. I might bury my memories of _the accident _and I might pretend that having to get in a car didn't freak me out or that my nightmares didn't interfere with my life, but this was in a completely different league. Forgetting about Tanya and her pregnancy and how it would affect Edward was not a possibility. I knew Edward well enough to know that he would never turn his back on his child - no matter how much he disliked the mother.

I was worried about the toll this would take on him, and selfishly, on us. How would we survive this?

_Will we survive this?_

"Baby, what are you thinking?" Edward asked quietly before kissing my shoulder.

"I honestly don't know. I'm just...blown away."

"Yeah, I know the feeling," he said, sarcastically.

I was running my hands across his where they lay over my stomach. It crossed my mind how different this moment would feel if I was the one expecting a child with the man behind me, if our hands were covering the life we had made together in love.

For all I knew...maybe they were.

For a moment, a feeling of hope and contentment bubbled up inside of me. The thought of being pregnant with Edward's child - something that only hours ago had seemed terrifying - now suddenly didn't seem so bad. If he were going to have a child, I'd want it to be with me and_ only_ me. Having this news thrown at us suddenly made some things very, very clear.

I loved this man. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and only him. And I wanted to be the mother of his children.

I was getting lost in the fantasy when Edward pulled me right back down into reality.

"She offered to get a paternity test after the baby is born."

My heart sank. There was no way Tanya would offer that if she wasn't completely sure it'd come back in her favor. The tense silence that had fallen around us led me to believe that Edward thought the same thing.

"So we'll...wait..." I whispered.

Edward's arms tightened around me. "You'll stay with me? You'll be with me while I figure this mess out?"

I turned around in his lap so that I was facing him. Taking a deep breath first, I finally spoke. "Tanya is possibly pregnant with your child. Are you sure you don't want to be with her?"

Edward looked as if I had slapped him. He replied without hesitation. "Fucking positive, thank you very much. Jesus, Bella, did you think I was going to leave you and go back to her?"

Great, I pissed him off.

I slid off his lap, needing some space. I started pacing the room. "I didn't know, honestly. I've never dealt with this before, Edward. I don't know what is going through your head. I know you, I know how you were raised, and I know enough to know that walking away from your child is not an option. You'll take responsibility -"

He stood, his jaw clenched tight. "Of course I'll take responsibly for my child! I can't imagine that you'd think -"

I stopped pacing. "If you'd listen to me rather than jumping down my throat, you'd see that I know that and didn't think anything differently, even for a second. My concern is what kind of relationship you want with Tanya," I explained. "I...I don't know what you're thinking here..."

The silence stretched as he just stared at me.

"I can't believe you just asked me that," he said softly. The look on his face broke my heart, but I didn't regret asking the question. I needed to know. Even knowing he loved me, I still didn't trust him not to leave me. _It had happened before..._

"Some would consider it doing the right thing..." I answered him.

"The right thing for me - and for any child I may or may not be the father of - is to make sure that I'm living in a healthy, happy environment surrounded by the people I love and whom love me. That scenario definitely does _not _include Tanya and most certainly _does_ include you. How could you think I'd leave you and go back to her?"

I ran my hands over my face before looking at him. "I don't know. There's a part of me that is having a hard time believing that I could keep you after hearing this...news. Even with all your confessions about Tanya and how you feel about her, a baby could trump that. There is no way you would turn your back on your child, not even if the mother was someone you couldn't stand."

Edward let loose a huge sigh. "I can't believe you doubt me. I thought you knew how I felt about you and that you could trust me when I told you I would never leave you."

My eyes slipped shut. "I do believe that, but sometimes circumstances change and people change their minds with -"

He exploded. "I am not your fucking ex-boyfriend, Bella! I'm not going to leave you - _ever_. You are _it_ for me. Nothing will change that. _Nothing_. I'm in this completely. Are you? Because you're sure as hell not acting like it. I'm scared shitless that you're going to leave me over this, but I'm trusting you and in your love for me that you won't. That you love me enough to take this fucking mess I've created and love me and support me in spite of it. Can you do that, Bella? Can you tell me the same thing I've just told you and stay by me _no matter what_?"

I was sobbing while Edward yelled. I had never seen him so angry, but I wasn't scared of him. I was thinking of everything he just said and how it must look to him - me ready to run at the first sign of trouble, questioning whether or not he was going to leave me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew they were valid questions I had every right to ask. I also knew that his questions, and his worry were equally valid.

_How do we fix this?_

We stared at one another, Edward breathing heavy in his anger, me still crying in my confusion and fear. I seriously considered leaving the room, trying to give us both of us a minute to breath and think before we said or did anything we couldn't take back. I didn't though, knowing that would not help the situation in the least. Instead, I lowered myself to the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest and running my hands through my hair. I breathed deeply, trying to calm down.

"Jesus, baby, I'm sorry." Edward knelt in front of me, holding his hands out as if he wanted to touch me, but was afraid to. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I'm so sorry. Baby, please..." He pled with me.

Shaking my head, I reached out and grasped his hands with mine. "No, don't apologize. You were right. Everything you said...you were right to ask." My tears had slowed and I was able to talk now that my breathing was more under control. I took another deep breath. "But I also think I was right too. We both need those answers from each other, as much as I think we both wish we didn't have to ask...we did. We do. We both need to know where the other one stands."

We were both silent for a minute until Edward asked, "Are you going to leave me?" His voice was anguished and I felt my tears start once again.

I shook my head. "No. I don't think I could even if I wanted to...and I don't want to. I am in this relationship with you, one hundred percent. I know you might question that because of how I first reacted, but I was just scared and confused. My first thought was to just get some space, and I was wrong. Please don't doubt my love for you or if I will be with you during this...it's going to be hard..." I tried to block the image of Tanya's stomach growing large with Edward's child, but it came to me anyway. Mentally shaking it away, I continued. "It's going to be hard, but if you don't want me to go anywhere, I'm here. I'll be here as long as you want me to be."

He gathered me into his arms. "I want you - always. I never want you to leave. I need you to get through this, to help me make the right decisions and do what's right for you and us and...the...baby..." He choked on the last word and I knew in my heart that Edward might deny it all he wished, but somewhere inside of him, he believed Tanya was telling the truth.

"Then we'll get through this...together." I sighed into his neck, the tightness in my chest lessening the longer he held me.

I knew we hadn't even hit the hard part yet, and that life was about to get exponentially more difficult for us. I could only hope that we could take whatever came at us and use it to make us stronger, rather than tearing us apart.

For the first time since I was a child, I prayed before I fell asleep that night.


	19. Discoveries

As usual, much love and thanks to my beta, **Browns**. I heart you, bb.

Sending get well vibes to **MsAmbrosia**. Hope you feel better soon!

To **Ang**, thanks for pre-reading, darling! You're the best! Thanks to **Mel** for the four-dollar bill idea! :)

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**EPOV**

When I woke up, Bella was gone.

I wasn't shocked or disappointed. I had a feeling it was coming, even before I arrived yesterday and told her about Tanya. Bella had told me bluntly that when things got tough, she retreated rather than confronted. That was her first instinct yesterday, and I was a bit surprised she had held out for so long.

I wasn't stupid. I knew asking Bella to be by my side through all of this might've been asking too much of her. Walking away from my mess would probably be the smartest thing she could do, especially with everything she was dealing with in her own life. I had to believe that she wouldn't though, and would return after she got out of work. Her absence from our bed didn't have a permanent feeling to me, and something inside told me she just needed some time to herself to think about everything. Going to work would give her the excuse to do so, without making it look like she was running.

_She'll be back._

The clock next to her bed told me it was after eleven. Bella had class at two, but I knew she liked to go in early and make sure everything was prepared. I was surprised that she managed to leave without waking me. Of course, the lateness of the hour of when we finally fell to sleep may have had a little to do with my inability to have heard her.

We'd finally gone to bed around four a.m., having spent most of the night talking and trying to figure out where to go from here. Tanya's pregnancy was a complication that we hadn't counted on in our - still very new - relationship, and it'd become clear over the course of our conversation that we were both scared that it would cause the other to walk away. Although I had no intention of ever leaving Bella, only time would be enough to reassure her that I was in this forever. The same went for me; only time and her actions would prove to me that she wasn't going to leave.

We both made a lot of promises last night.

Promises that Tanya's pregnancy wouldn't destroy us.

That we'd get through this together.

That no matter what, I would be there for my child - if it _was _my child.

That we'd work through this and it would make us stronger.

They were promises made with the best of intentions; promises I could only hope that we'd be able to keep.

It wasn't that I thought we couldn't, but I knew the promises you make, could also be the promises you break.

Rubbing my hands over my face, I climbed out of bed. After a pit stop in the bathroom to take care of necessities and brush my teeth, I opened Bella's bedroom door to go see if there was any coffee, and try to come up with a game plan of what to do today. I had the day off, luckily, as I planned to help Alice at the store all day. I should also probably talk to Tanya at some point, although it was the last thing I wanted to do.

As I opened the door, I found Alice pacing back and forth in front of it, muttering to herself.

"Ali, what are you doing?" I asked quietly, trying not to startle her.

Her head snapped up and she looked at me wide-eyed. "Oh, thank God you decided to get up. I was going crazy out here waiting for you!"

I gave a small shrug. "Sorry, it was a late night."

Alice followed me up the hallway and into the kitchen where I opened the cabinet to get a mug for the coffee sitting in the pot on the counter. She watched my movements silently, and I could tell she was waiting for me to say something. I didn't volunteer any information.

Once I had prepared my coffee the way I wanted it, I turned to face my sister. She was facing me, arms crossed, looking like the little spitfire from hell.

I knew this was about to be the first of many uncomfortable conversations I'd have to have in my near future.

"Good morning," I said, giving her my signature crooked grin and hoping it would be enough to melt some of the anger I could feel coming off of her in waves.

"What the hell is going on?" Alice's face was bright red and I didn't remember ever seeing her quite so mad before. "Can you explain to me what happened last night? And why my best friend was in our kitchen crying at eight o'clock in the morning beforetelling me she'd see me later and that she had to go to work? What the hell, Edward?"

I sat down on one of the bar stools at the counter, as Alice watched me, her face going from angry to wary. "It's bad, isn't it?" she asked.

"It's definitely not good."

"Just tell me."

"Tanya's pregnant and she says it's mine."

"She's a fucking liar." There was no hesitation from Alice. Her words were vehemently strong, and filled with conviction.

"I'm inclined to agree, except that she just...I don't know, Ali. She might be telling the truth."

"How is this possible? You've been with Bella for the last month and it's been over with Tanya even longer, if you're to be believed...Jesus, Edward, if you fucking cheated on Bella, I swear to all that is holy I will -"

"Fuck no, I didn't cheat on her! Tanya claims she got pregnant around Thanksgiving, when we were still together."

Alice gaped at me. "It's mid-fucking-February now, what the hell has she been waiting to tell you for? She should've known well before you broke up with her skank ass."

"Irregular periods or some shit...I don't fucking know. I was a little too stunned to be asking the right questions. I tried to think while she was telling me, but at the time all I could process was the fact that she said she was pregnant and it was mine. Then all I could think about was what this would mean for me and Bella."

Alice held up her hand. "We'll get to you and my best friend in a minute. What else did Tanya say?"

I went through the entire conversation I'd had with Tanya, everything she said, how she looked, even her tone of voice. Alice's eyes narrowed further the longer I spoke, but she stayed silent until I was done.

"She's a lying bitch. She's making this up; I hope you know that. I hope you're not buying her shit. She's just trying to break you and Bella up and hoping you'll go back to her." Alice's tone was cold and harsh as she paced the kitchen floor in front of me.

I shrugged. "It's not that I'm buying it, but she just seemed so different yesterday when she was telling me. I would've expected her to be gloating if her plan was to break Bella and me up, but she wasn't. She honestly looked devastated by the news and like the last place she wanted to be was telling me."

Alice shook her head. "Edward, the woman is a manipulative bitch if what I've gathered from you and Emmett is correct. She's going to play it that way because she knows it's the only way she's going to get you to listen to her and actually consider taking her word for this. What doctor do you know would be stupid enough to miss her birth control pills and then fail to mention it to the person she's having sex with, unless she's doing something shady?"

"Mistakes happen, Ali. You can't tell me you've never forgotten something -"

"I've forgotten to water my plants or return a phone call. I've never 'forgotten...'" Alice used air quotes to drive her point home... "to take my birth control pills." I cringed at the thought of my baby sister and her sex life. She rolled her eyes, but ignored me. "In fact, most women I know have it so engrained in their schedule that they do it automatically. I find it hard to believe Tanya just 'forgot.'"

"Ali, all I know is what she told me. Do I think you're right? Absolutely. But I know nothing about women and birth control pills, so what the fuck do I know? Maybe she did forget, maybe she didn't. Either way, she's knocked up and pointing the finger at me as being the father."

"Didn't you wrap your dick up before you -"

I cut her off, really not wanting to have this conversation with my sister. "Jesus, Alice, yes! But they're not one-hundred percent effective. I don't want to believe Tanya. I don't. I know she's manipulative and she promised to rain a shit storm of fuck over my head for breaking up with her. But this...this is _beyond_ being a bitch to me. This is fucking with her life in the process. And while I have no problem thinking she'd go far enough to fuck with me, I know Tanya well enough to know she has a huge problem inconveniencing herself. Plus, she was pregnant at least a few weeks before we broke up. I don't see how - or why - she would do this if she thought it would be a way to hold on to me."

Alice raised an eyebrow. "Ever heard of women's intuition, Edward? She may have seen your break-up coming from a mile away, and made sure to get knocked up so she could get her claws into you permanently." Rolling her eyes, she scoffed, "I can't believe you're buying into her lies."

I shook my head. "And I can't prove that they _are_ lies, Ali. I can't prove that she's lying, and I can't prove that she's being truthful. All I have to go on right now is that she's pregnant and that she says it's mine. And until the baby is born, there's no way to know for certain."

"Can't you make her get a paternity test or something? I know there's got to be a way to do it before the baby is born."

I laid my head down on the counter. "Yes, there are tests, but they're risky. Not incredibly risky, but enough so that most doctors won't do them unless they're absolutely necessary. Paternity is not a good enough reason to make a woman go through them. No doctor I know would do it even if Tanya would agree, and she made it perfectly clear that she wouldn't."

"So you have to wait."

"Yup."

"Fucking great." I heard Alice slam a plate down on the counter in front of me. I raised my head to see she had filled it with chocolate chip pancakes. _Bella's favorite._

My heart hurt. I missed my girl, but I understood why she had to go. She had stayed last night when I needed her, but I knew she needed time to sort this all out in her head. She gave me her closeness last night when I needed it; I would give her space now.

Alice and I ate silently. After we finished and I got up to take our dishes to the sink, she spoke, letting me know she had been stewing over something while we ate.

"Please tell me that you got tested for STI's before you slept with my best friend." Alice caught the deer-in-the-headlights look from me and stood up, ready to vault over the counter, I was sure, to smack the shit out of me. "Are you a doctor or not? Do you not think of this shit? What the hell is wrong with you?"

I hung my head and remained quiet. I had no answer for her. I _did_ know better. I never should've taken the next step with Bella without getting tested, no matter how safe I thought I'd been. I also knew that Alice would have my balls in a vice if she knew Bella and I had slept together without using any protection. _Which included when we had sex in the shower just last night._

I'm not sure what Bella was thinking then, but I had definitely realized we should've grabbed something and been safe. Honestly, though, I hadn't wanted to.

I _wanted_ to get Bella pregnant.

It was juvenile and stupid, but my feeling in that moment was that if anyone should have been having my baby, it should've been Bella.

I didn't care that we'd only been dating a month and had only declared our love just a few days before. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Bella was the one I wanted to - _was supposed to_ - spend the rest of my life with. I wanted her to be my wife and the mother of my children.

Apparently, I was hell bent on making a bad situation worse, and decided that trying to impregnate her right then would be an excellent idea.

Ever since I'd first met Bella Swan, I had shitty timing. _Why should it be any different now?_

I finished loading the dishwasher, and turned to face Alice, waiting to see how much more yelling she'd put me through before I could go shower and we could leave. Instead, she was still sitting at the counter, playing with her coffee mug. I considered sneaking by her without saying anything more, but her next words stopped me in my tracks.

"What are you going to tell Mom and Dad?" she asked.

I groaned. "Fuck me."

"That's what got you into this mess." I growled at her, but Alice looked less than contrite. "What? It's true. Do you think you could do me a favor though? Could you wait until Sunday or Monday? The store opens tomorrow and..." Alice trailed off and I knew what she was trying to say without coming out and saying it. She hated being selfish, but in this case, it was warranted and needed. Tomorrow was going to be a huge deal for her and the least I could do was make sure it stayed all about her and not about me.

"Yeah, not a problem. I won't ruin this weekend for you, Ali," I promised.

She gave me a small smile before jumping off the stool and wrapping her arms around me. "No matter what, Edward, we'll all stand behind you. I love you."

I kissed the top of her head. "I love you, too, Baby Sister."

She squeezed me tight before letting go and picking up her mug. "I'm going to go shower. Are we ready to head to the shop when I'm done?"

Alice nodded. "Yeah, Mom and Dad are going to meet us there. Em and Rose are coming later, and Bella said she'd be there when her class is over. Jake and Leah will be here in the morning."

It felt good knowing my whole family would be here this weekend to help Alice. I didn't even mind the fact that Jake was coming. Ever since Bella had cleared up the misunderstanding - the very _deliberate_ misunderstanding - that Emmett had put me through about the two of them, I was quite fine with Jacob Black. Knowing that he was married and madly in love with his wife didn't hurt either.

Alice and I arrived at her store just after noon. To me, the place looked great, totally like Alice. The décor was funky and bright. I knew next to nothing about fashion, so I couldn't tell you about any of the clothes, but the racks seemed well stocked with fun, flirty clothes.

"Okay, Baby Sister, put me to work." And she did.

Not more than an hour later, Mom and Dad arrived with bags from Target, and doling out huge hugs to my sister and me. I was happy to see them, especially in light of Tanya's announcement. I knew I was going to have to tell them. My hope of waiting until after the baby was born and then letting them know if they had a new grandchild was not a viable option. We weren't a family that kept many secrets, especially not big ones. The extra support would be a definite help in getting through this.

I sighed, thinking about the conversation I was going to have to have with Tanya. I knew Alice had her doubts about Tanya's honesty and God knows I didn't want to believe a word that came out of her mouth.

She had mentioned on more than one occasion that her career came first and she never wanted to have children. "They're dirty, disgusting, messy little shits and I'd rather go back to being an intern than to ever consider having one," she had told me one night. We had been out to dinner and someone had brought their baby with them to the restaurant. The child was clearly unhappy, and its cries could be heard across the room. Tanya was annoyed that someone would think of bringing their child out to dinner when they couldn't control them.

Tanya had made it clear that if we were ever going to get married - _as if_ - children would not be a part of our future. If I hadn't already made the decision that we had no future, her statement would've ended it then. I wanted a family and not having children would be a deal breaker for me.

Knowing how she felt about kids, alarm bells were going off in my head that her pregnancy was just a bit too convenient.

At the same time, I _knew_ Tanya. I spent nine months fucking her and picked up on some of her quirks and mannerisms. I knew, without a doubt, one of Tanya's biggest pet peeves was inconvenience. She hated it with a passion. When Tanya had a goal, she let nothing stand in her way and, if something did, watch out. Her job was the most important thing in the world to her, and getting pregnant was going to put a huge damper on her getting where she needed to go in her career. She'd have to go on maternity leave right around the time we would be finishing the last of our residency requirements. This baby would mean she would most likely have to put things on hold for a while, if not indefinitely.

Tanya was also incredibly proud of her body. She never put anything in her mouth without calculating calories and how much time it would take at the gym to burn off any excess ones. Her boobs were large and as fake as a four-dollar bill, thanks to the surgery daddy paid for after her graduation from college. Her make-up and hair were always perfectly flawless. The woman was as vain as the day was long. Ruining her body for a child? Unthinkable.

Her career and her body - two things I could not picture Tanya bargaining with, ever. It was those two things that kept the seed of doubt planted in my mind.

There was also the matter of what she would gain from this. She had to know I wouldn't be coming back to her. Rumors were commonplace at the hospital and I was positive she knew about Bella and myself. Maybe she thought it wasn't that serious since we had been seeing each other for such a short period of time, but at any rate, the pregnancy had been a done deal well before we'd broken up. Maybe she thought it would keep me with her? I suppose, had I not seen Bella again and not gotten the balls to finally end things with Tanya, it might have. There's no way I would ever turn my back on my child, and if Tanya had announced her pregnancy while we were still together, maybe I would have stayed. But it was a huge maybe, and it would have been a gigantic gamble on Tanya's part.

What would she get out of holding on to me though? It wasn't like she was trying to set herself up as a trophy wife for a surgeon - she had a brilliant mind and was a very talented surgeon in her own right. Maybe my family's money would have been an incentive, but I knew her own family was as wealthy, if not more so, than my own.

None of it made any sense.

"Edward, sweetheart, are you okay?" I looked up to find my mother staring at me, a look of concern across her face. She was holding some fabric - a shirt - in her hands and her head was cocked to the side, as if she was trying to figure something out.

"Yeah, Mom, I'm okay." I gave her a smile and hoped it would be enough to convince her that everything was just fine. The truth was I wanted nothing more than to confess everything to her, including my doubts and fears, so she could hold me and tell me everything would be okay.

_Sometimes, I really wish I was five-years-old again._

My mother didn't look convinced. "Are you sure? Is everything okay with you and Bella?"

My parents had taken the news of Bella and I getting together with overjoyed reactions. When I called to tell them that we were seeing each other, my mother had screeched so loud that I was sure I could hear her in Seattle, and not just because I had her on the phone. My father shouted, "Finally!" from somewhere in the background and I began to wonder if I hadn't been as slick as I thought in hiding my attraction for her all these years. It would also explain why Emmett was so quick to pick up on my discomfort the night they had brought Bella into the hospital.

At any rate, my father and mother were thrilled that Bella and I were dating. Charlie, on the other hand, seemed to be withholding judgment.

It wasn't that he disapproved - _I didn't think_ - but he seemed to be reserved in his feelings toward my relationship with his daughter. Bella explained that he watched her ex-boyfriend hurt her at a time in her life when it was the last thing she needed, and he'd be cautious toward anyone she became involved with. He'd also been there the night of the disastrous run-in with Tanya at the restaurant. Charlie might not say much, but the man was a trained observer, so he picked up on much more than the average person would. He explained to Bella that he wasn't thrilled with the fact that I seemed to be starting something with her before breaking things off with Tanya. He was completely right and I had no problem with working hard to convince him that I loved his daughter and would treat her with the utmost respect.

_Of course, now that my ex has showed up claiming to be pregnant with my child, well, that might put a kibosh on any friendly feelings the man might ever have toward me. _

I would worry about Charlie later. I had to get through this weekend first, make sure Bella was still okay with standing by me - _because, really, who could blame her if she left me?_ - break the news to my parents, and talk to Tanya about what we were going to do.

"Bella and I are fine, Mom. Everything is...fine." I hated lying to her, but I promised Alice and there was no way I was going to break it.

My mother looked like she didn't believe a word that was coming out of my mouth, but thankfully, chose to let it go. "How was your weekend away? I haven't talked to you or Bella since you've been back."

A real, honest-to-goodness smile crossed my face. "It was amazing. The resort was beautiful and it was wonderful to get away from everything for a little while."

My mother beamed. "I'm so glad, sweetheart. It's nice to get a break from reality every once and awhile." Her smile faded and a pensive look crossed her face. "Bella's truly okay, right, Edward? She's handling everything well?"

I know I must have looked confused. "What do you mean, Mom? Bella's fine. She's...perfect." And she was. She was entirely too good for me and I knew it.

"Has she spoken any more about the accident or how she's dealing with it?"

I could only stare at my mother. "She honestly hasn't said much about it, if you want the truth. There were some...issues...with her feeling anxious about some scars she still had and she was worried about my reaction to them, but other than that..." I trailed off, really thinking about the question. "I know something is bothering her from time to time, but I try not to push her on it. I know she'll talk to me when she's ready."

"So the nightmares stopped?" Esme put the shirt she was holding down on a shelf and gave me a look I couldn't interpret.

"Nightmares? I don't know what you mean." And I didn't. Every night that I had spent with Bella there hadn't been any nightmares that I knew of.

"Edward..." My mother trailed off at the look on my face. "You really don't know."

I shook my head. "Know what? What are you talking about?"

Sighing, she took my hand and led me over to where there were a couple of chairs by the dressing rooms Alice had set up in the back of the shop. She and Dad were busy arguing over the placement of a painting she was having him hang on the wall and they weren't paying any attention to us.

We sat in the plush, purple chairs and I began to get worried when my mother didn't say anything at first. Finally, she looked at me and gave me a small smile. "Edward, Charlie came over to see your father one day not long after Bella moved back in with him. Charlie was distraught and incredibly upset, and your father wasn't home at the time. I couldn't let him leave like that, so I brought him inside and we talked." Mom took a deep breath and I felt a churning in my gut.

"Charlie told me that Bella had been having nightmares every night since her return to Forks. She was actually having them in the hospital after she came out of the coma, but Charlie thought they'd stopped once she entered rehab. The first night she was home, she kept Charlie awake with her screaming. He was up with her all night, waking her up, comforting her as she cried. She screamed for her mother, for all the pain she was in...Charlie said it was the scariest and saddest thing he'd ever seen."

My mother's eyes filled with tears and I could only imagine how bad it had to have been since it upset her so much and she wasn't even there to witness it, not to mention how Charlie must have felt.

"Charlie said the nightmares tapered off after a few weeks, but the day he came over, Bella had the worst one yet the night before. He was barely able to wake her up from it and when he finally did, he said she just looked at him with no life in her eyes. He said it was like looking at someone who had just died." My mother's breath caught and I could tell she was trying to hold back her tears. My heart was pounding a mile a minute. It took all I had to sit where I was, and not jump up to go find Bella so I could hold her in my arms.

"Charlie was at a loss about what to do for her. She refused counseling and medication, telling him she'd be fine and she was getting better. He came to the house that morning to ask Carlisle to talk to Bella and try to convince her that she needed some help."

I sat back in my chair, stunned. I had no idea things had been so bad for her. I knew that going through what she had couldn't have been easy, but she never spoke of the accident or its aftermath. I never pushed her to do so because she seemed to be doing just fine. I knew she was keeping something from me, but I assumed that it was just her anxiety over our relationship. Things had been moving so quickly between us that I just thought she was trying to come to terms with it.

Now it seemed I might've been completely off base.

My mother was silent as she watched me. "I had no idea, Mom. Not a fucking clue."

She didn't look surprised as she nodded at me and gave me a small smile. "I'm not really surprised, honey. Charlie has been worried about Bella for months...he was hoping she was getting better with this move to Seattle, but he's still concerned. Has she mentioned the accident or anything at all to you?"

I shook my head. "No, not really. Other than telling me her ass of an ex-boyfriend broke up with her not long after she woke up from her coma, she's never mentioned anything about what happened."

My mother's head tilted to the side and I could tell she was pondering something. "Have you ever asked her about anything?"

"No, although now I'm thinking maybe I should've. I could tell she was keeping something from me, but I've been trying to give her space and just prove to her that she could trust me. It feels like we've been together so much longer than we have, and I remind myself of that when I want to question her. I thought giving her space was the right thing to do...but now..."

Mom grabbed my hand and smiled at me. "Honey, there's no wrong or right way to approach this with Bella. I'll be honest, based on the things Charlie has shared with me and with your father...I'm a little worried about her myself. It doesn't seem like she's dealt with what's happened, but then again, maybe she's doing so in her own way. But Charlie seems to think she's just bottling everything up and not coming to terms with anything that's happened. He told us that Bella was always really good at ignoring what she didn't want to deal with, and this would seem to fall in that category. He said she never speaks of Renee or Phil or about what happened. She claims not to recall anything about the accident and doesn't seem at all interested in regaining those memories." My mother sighed and took my hand, giving it a squeeze. "I'm not sure what the right answer is, darling. What I can tell you is that I am thrilled that the two of you found each other after all this time, and if anyone can get Bella to open up, it'll be you."

She stood and I followed, wondering what I should do - if anything - about Bella. "Honey." My mom stopped me before I could take a step away from the chairs. "Just...follow your heart. Everything will be okay, I'm positive."

I hoped she was right, but my mind was racing. It was bad enough that Bella and I had to deal with Tanya's pregnancy so early in our relationship, but now I was worried that there was something deeper and more serious happening with her that I completely missed.

_How could I have missed it?_

I was so caught up in landing my girl that I had pushed aside the fact that she had survived a near-fatal accident just a few months before. An accident that killed her mother and step-father.

I had no idea what had happened seven months ago because Bella never brought it up. Other than telling me about her anxiety over her scars, and that her fucker of an ex broke up with her during her recovery, she never mentioned it at all.

It was almost as if she was pretending it never happened. She never broke down, she never cried. She had a short temper, but I had no idea if that was something new or if she had always been that way. We had jumped into this relationship with one another without really getting to know each other.

That being said, I had no regrets about doing so. I loved Bella and I knew that she loved me. I knew that she was the woman I was meant to spend the rest of my life with, but after the conversation I just had with my mother, I wondered if maybe we had rushed things a bit too much.

For the first time since we began dating, I wondered if our relationship would survive the Tanya issue and Bella's past.

* * *

Three hours later, Emmett and Rosalie arrived, followed soon after by Bella. She looked exhausted, purple shadows under her eyes and absolutely no color in her cheeks. Alice looked at me alarmed when she first saw her, but I gave her a subtle shake of my head to let her know not to say anything.

Everyone hugged her after she walked into the shop, with Emmett giving her such a big hug I was afraid he'd break her ribs. She looked like she was about to burst into tears when my mother wrapped her arms around her, and I was positive I saw a few escape while my father hugged her. Alice's eyes were wide with unease, and even Emmett looked a little confused and worried. My mother gave me a small smile before gathering everyone's attention.

"Alrighty, we've still got a lot to do before Alice opens this place in the morning, so let's get going. Emmett, why don't you help your father move those two displays where Alice wants them, while Rose and I will unpack the panties into the right drawers." She pointed to a small dresser in the back corner near the dressing rooms.

"Ewww, Mom, don't say that word ever again! Gah!" Emmett looked like he was going to puke and I rolled my eyes.

"Emmett, shut it, or I'll use the words moist _and_ panties in my next twelve sentences. Now, get to work!" We all chuckled at the look on Emmett's face, which was a cross between horrified and amused. We all split up at that point, with my father and Emmett already following in Alice's wake as she gave them directions and my mother and Rose moving toward the back. Bella stood in front of me, head bowed, shoulders slumped. Unable to stand it any longer, I gathered her up in my embrace.

"Hey baby. How was your day?" I whispered into her hair. I was relieved when I felt her arms tighten around my waist, letting me know that no matter what, she was still here with me.

"Long. Everyone hates Friday classes because they want the weekend to start as soon as possible. It was torturous, especially since I'm so tired." She snuggled into my chest with her nose before turning and laying her cheek against my heart.

"I'm sorry." It was all I could say. I was sorry for keeping her up so late talking about Tanya and the baby. I was sorry for having to _have _to talk to her about Tanya and the baby. Most of all, I was sorry that I had been so wrapped up in my own head, I hadn't noticed that she might be suffering with her own stuff in silence.

_Boyfriend of the Fucking Year, that's me._

Bella didn't say anything and I was afraid she had fallen asleep as we stood there, but just as I was about to pick her up and tell everyone we'd see them later, she stepped back away from me.

"We'll go to bed early tonight, if that's okay? I just talked to Jake and he said that he and Leah were going to be here early, since Alice opens at ten. He figures she'll have us up at the crack of dawn to get over here and make sure everything is ready. They were going to leave tonight but Leah got stuck working so, yeah." She was rambling, which was a sure sign of her exhaustion.

"Do you want to leave now, go take a nap or something?"

Bella shook her head. "No, let's go see what Ali needs from us."

I wanted to groan, but figured that would be a good way to get my head smacked by Bella or my ass beat by Alice. I followed my girl as she made her way toward my sister, vowing to keep a close eye on her as well as sit down and have an honest conversation with her after this weekend.

* * *

Jake was right when he told Bella that Alice would have us all at the store at the crack of dawn. My entire family, Bella, Rose, Jake and Leah, plus the two girls Alice hired to work for her, were at the boutique before seven a.m. Alice was in pure panic-manic mode; screaming at all of us to move, fix, straighten, and clean whatever she deemed not perfect. My mother was nearly as bad; she was determined to make sure her baby's opening went off without a hitch. Dad handled them both so well that the rest of us stood back and stayed quiet. We did what we were asked to, but otherwise let my dad run interference for us.

Just a little over three hours later, Alice opened her doors. She had steady traffic throughout the morning, not overly busy or packed at any one time, but a constant stream of customers. Some people just came to browse and check out the new store, while others actually came to shop. Alice was beaming and she vibrated with excitement. It was contagious. My father was behind the counter, ringing up purchases with one of the girls Alice hired. My mother was making rounds of the shop, helping customers and just offering a pleasant greeting as they walked around. Emmett and Rose had left to go get us all some coffee, and hopefully, something to eat. Jake, Bella and Leah were back by the dressing rooms, laughing and chatting. I left them alone, knowing Bella would probably appreciate the time to catch up with her best friend.

I placed myself in a corner of the store discretely, trying to stay out of the way while I watched everyone. There were more of us here than Alice really needed, but none of us had wanted to miss out on her grand opening. She had worked her ass off to get this place off the ground and we all wanted to celebrate and be here with her for it.

I was happy to see my girl looking well rested and content. There was color in her cheeks today and the shadows had all but disappeared from underneath her eyes. She was currently laughing at something Jake was telling her, while Leah looked on in amusement. I knew the two of them hadn't always gotten along, so it was nice to see them interacting without any discomfort or awkwardness. To me it was yet another sign of how selfless my Bella could be, letting go of her own dislike of Leah for Jake's sake.

Missing her, even though she was only across the store from me, I made my way toward her. She smiled as she spotted me coming, holding out a hand for me to take as I drew closer.

"You guys look like you're having a good time over here," I said, snaking my arm around Bella's waist and pulling her close to me.

"Jake was just filling me in on Charlie's latest fishing story. Apparently, Dad's boat caught a leak and Charlie didn't notice it..." Bella trailed off in a fit of giggles.

I looked at Jake and Leah, hoping one of them would finish the story. Jake did me the favor.

"Charlie's boat started to sink when he stood up to take a leak."

The four of us started cracking up at the imagined image of Fork's Chief of Police peeing off the side of the boat as it started to sink. _Talk about getting caught with your pants down._

Suddenly, I felt Bella tense up. I looked down to see what was wrong and saw that her jaw was clenched and her eyes were set in a glare toward the front of the store. Jake and Leah caught the change in her and turned to look over their shoulders just as I raised my head to see what had her so upset.

_Tanya._

_Oh, hell, motherfucking, no. _

I glanced quickly down at Bella, whose breathing had picked up and her face turned a dark shade of red. Jake and Leah looked back at her, confused, but I couldn't focus on them at that moment. My eyes cut over to Alice, who was standing at the cash register talking to my dad. He was watching one of Alice's girls ring someone up and my mother was still flittering around the store and thankfully, hadn't seen Tanya yet.

I left Bella without a word and started toward her, hoping to get her out of the shop before any of my family saw her. I had no doubt she was in here on purpose, but I had no intention of breaking my promise to Alice. I was not going to have Tanya's untimely arrival force me into telling my parents about her pregnancy before I was ready, nor would I allow her to take the focus off Alice today.

_Fucking bitch could mess with me, but she wasn't going to use my baby sister to do it._

She had her back to me, so she never saw me coming. Or at least she wouldn't have if my father hadn't called my name in that moment. He had no idea where I was going, but it hadn't escaped his notice that I was striding across the floor at a determined pace. His voice carried a hint of a question and Tanya's head came up at the sound of my name.

She whirled, almost ramming into my chest. "Ed..Edward?"

I had to give it to her, she looked surprised to see me.

"You need to leave, now."

Tanya's eyes widened and she took a step back from me. "Wh..what do you mean? I..."

"Don't play dumb with me, or insult my intelligence. I know you know this is my sister's new store and I know you came here to cause problems. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you - you need to leave here, now. You will not ruin this for her."

She looked at me wide-eyed. If I hadn't known her and her manipulative ways, I'd totally believe that she wandered in here on accident.

"Edward, I swear, I had no idea. I was out shopping for...the baby..." her hand caressed the small bump "...and I saw the grand opening sign. I had no idea this was your sister's place, honestly."

"Whatever, you need to -" I cut off when I noticed her face pale and she bit her lip. She was no longer looking at me, and I noticed her eyes held a bit of...fear?

I got my answer a second later when Bella came up beside me.

"Tanya," she said quietly. "Welcome to New Beginnings." Bella turned to look at me, her face still a bit red, but her breathing was under control. "Edward, it might be best to take this somewhere else." Her eyes cut over to the cash register, where there was a customer standing, being cashed out by one of the employees. Alice and my father were to the right of them, having been joined by my mother, Leah and Jacob. My parents looked confused and it looked like both Jake and Leah were holding Alice back from stomping over here.

She may be my baby sister, but she's a fierce tiger when she's pissed.

I reached up with my left hand to pinch the bridge of my nose, while Bella gripped my right hand in hers. I drew my strength from her, knowing that she was right and I should escort Tanya outside.

"Bella," Tanya began and both our heads turned to her in shock that she was speaking. "I'm so sorry about all this. Please understand that none of this was planned and I -"

I cut her off. "Tanya, enough. Let's go outside."

I squeezed Bella's hand before letting go and moving it to point the way out to Tanya. We had only taken a few steps before I heard my mother's voice.

"Dr. Jackson, what a surprise to see you here." Her eyes were calculating as she came to stand beside us.

My mother was nobody's fool. She knew something was up.

"Uh, yes. I saw the sign saying grand opening so I thought I'd stop in. I had no idea this was your daughter's store." Tanya looked extremely uncomfortable and I began to wonder if I was wrong - maybe this wasn't deliberate move on her part.

"Well, feel free to look..." At that moment, my mother's eyes came to rest on Tanya's hand, which was still resting lightly on her stomach.

My mother's eyes widened, but otherwise her expression did not betray whatever she was thinking. My father, Alice, Leah and Jake walked up at that point, making us an awkward group standing in the middle of my sister's store. I opened my mouth to make an excuse for Tanya to leave, hoping to stave off any more conversation between Tanya and anyone in the vicinity. I could see Jake's eyes narrow as he caught sight of her baby bump before glancing behind me at Bella. They must've had some silent conversation because his eyes landed on me next, flashing in anger.

_Fucking wonderful. _

Before anything could leave my mouth though, my mother spoke. "It looks like congratulations are in order, Dr. Jackson." She nodded her head at Tanya's stomach.

Whether deliberate or accidentally, Tanya's eyes swept up toward me for just a moment before they dropped to the ground in what looked to be embarrassment.

I could feel the tension radiating off Bella's body behind me as she took in a quick breath. I saw Alice smack her forehead with her palm out of the corner of my eye and Jake roll up on the balls of his feet, hands in his pocket. Leah stood silently by his side.

I only had eyes for my mother and father. I knew the minute they put everything together.

It was my turn for my eyes to drop to the ground.

"Um, I think I'm going to go. It was...nice, seeing you all again." She turned to me and laid her hand on my bicep. I heard Bella hiss behind me. "I'm sorry if I caused any problems being here. I'll...talk to you later?" She asked before dropping her hand at my nod. With that, she turned and left the store.

Leaving behind in her wake a silence filled with confusion, anger, disappointment and hurt.

_Fuck. My. Life._

* * *

**A/N:**

Thank you so much for all of your reviews and especially to all of you who have reviewed every chapter.

Thanks again for everything - especially to the person who nominated "After All" in the Hidden Star Awards for "You Cliffy Bitch." Thank you so much!


	20. Grounded

Thanks as always to **Browns** and **Ms. Ambrosia.** I can't thank you enough.

**Disclaimer**: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**BPOV**

Dead silence.

No one moved, and no one said a word as we watched Tanya walk out of the store. I wasn't even sure if anyone was even breathing.

I was afraid to look at anyone, afraid to see what expressions I'd find on their faces.

Pity? Anger? Disappointment? Devastation?

I was sure I'd see them all.

I didn't have to look up to know Jake was probably vibrating with the need to ask a million and one questions about what just happened. I hadn't had a chance to tell him about Tanya and her pregnancy, trying to –_ rightfully_ – keep the focus of the day on Alice.

And poor Alice. She didn't deserve to have the attention taken away from her on one of the biggest days of her life.

For that alone, I could rip Tanya apart. The fact that she touched my boyfriend just gave me extra incentive.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Seeing Tanya's hand on Edward's arm stoked my anger enough that I had to hold myself back from punching her out. How dare she? Who did she think she was, touching him like he was _hers_?

_The mother of his child, that's who. Best not forget that, Bella. The truth is a fickle bitch._

I might not have liked it, but Tanya was doing something much more intimate than touching Edward's arm – and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

Steeling myself, I raised my eyes to find Jake staring at me with a pissed off, yet worried, look on his face. He was watching me closely, and I knew I was about five seconds away from being dragged out of the store to face an inquisition.

Quickly breaking eye contact with him, I searched the rest of the faces in front of me. Esme looked dumbfounded and Carlisle looked disappointed. Alice was on the verge of tears. I couldn't see Edward's face because his back was to me, but it was easy to see the tension in his shoulders.

I shut my eyes, wanting to do nothing more than run away, and do so for more than just a couple of hours. I didn't want to watch the fallout of Tanya's revelation. I knew his parents would have questions that Edward couldn't answer. I knew Alice had wanted nothing more than a successful opening to her store that did not include her brother's baby mama drama. And I knew Jake now had one more reason to dislike the man I loved.

When was life going to stop being so damn dramatic and hard?

I was exhausted. Just out and out tired. I didn't want to deal with anything anymore. I was tired of trying to be strong and pretending everything was okay. Everything wasn't okay and hadn't been okay for the last seven months. I thought being with Edward was helping to turn that around, but then…this.

I felt worse than ever.

I wanted to run. Every nerve in my body was screaming at me to get out of Dodge as quickly as possible. Where I was going to go I had no idea, but the urge to leave was great.

I knew I couldn't.

Running helped nothing. It might have been my way of dealing with things, but at twenty-seven, I knew very well it didn't work. The scenery might change, but the problems remained the same. My mother taught me that.

She had left Forks for Phoenix, too young to be a wife and mother. She took me with her because it was the "right thing to do" and I could only be thankful that she never resented me for it. I never had a doubt that she loved me, and in the end, that's all that mattered.

She loved my father, but she had been overwhelmed with being a wife and mom at a young age, married to a man that didn't have the first clue on how to be a husband or a father. Instead of telling my father she was unhappy, that she wished he was home more and went fishing less, she packed me up and moved us south.

The pattern continued like that until she met Phil. If she had a job that she didn't like, she'd immediately start looking for a new school, a new grade to teach. If there was an issue with a man she was dating, she just ignored his phone calls until he gave up.

I had learned avoidance at my mother's knee. She was my best friend and a wonderful mom, but she taught me a crappy way to deal with life.

I had made promises to Edward that I would stand by him no matter what, and that included when he broke the news of Tanya's pregnancy to his parents. It appeared that moment was at hand.

Slowly, I reached forward and intertwined my fingers with his. My touch seemed to give him the strength to speak.

"Mom –"

"Not another word, Edward." Esme turned and faced Alice. "Sweetheart, why don't you and I go check the dressing rooms for items? Things are calm enough that your brother and father can help the girls handle the customers you have."

Alice looked a little scared of her mother, but she nodded. "O…kay."

And with that, Esme turned on her heel and walked away.

"Fuck," Edward murmured softly.

"Edward, language." Carlisle's tone was sharp. "This is not the time, nor the place."

We all knew he was talking about more than just Edward's choice of words.

"I'm sorry." Edward ran his free hand through his hair.

"Bella, can I talk to you outside for a minute?" Jake's voice was low, and I could tell, very, very controlled.

Edward – consciously or unconsciously, I wasn't sure – tugged me closer to his side.

Leah reached up and rubbed Jake's shoulder. "Jake, I'm not sure…"

"Now, Bella."

I raised my eyebrows at him. Jake had a tendency to be heavy-handed with me from time to time, especially when he was playing the role of protective brother. It didn't matter that he was a year younger than me; he had no problem pulling the "big brother" card on me when he felt it was warranted. His sheer physical size and the maturity he gained from taking care of his father's needs at a young age had left him with the notion that he could boss me around.

Apparently, he decided he would be go from his normal best friend mode into overprotective big brother mode.

_And yet someone else in my life with excellent timing._

I heard Edward emit a low growl and he stepped toward Jacob just a bit. "Don't talk to her like that."

Leah had her hand clamped on Jake's shoulder now, trying to tug him backward. I wasn't afraid that Edward or Jake would come to blows, but the fact that they were both overreacting to the situation was starting to tick me off.

"I don't think you have a lot of room to talk to me about anything to do with Bella right now, man." Jake didn't fight against Leah's hold, but he was leaning toward Edward, his jaw tight.

"Since she's my girlfriend, I think I have every right to tell you that you will not be disrespectful when you speak to her, _man_."

I rolled my eyes and tugged on Edward's hand. "Edward –"

"You've known her what, for four seconds? I've known her my whole life, so why don't you back off and let me talk to her – alone."

"I don't think so. It's not going to happen." Edward pulled me in closer, making it very clear he had no intention of being any further away from me than he was at that moment.

Annoyed and frustrated with their childish display, I pulled my hand from Edward's. He just stared at me, stunned. Jake looked smug, as if he had gotten his way. It was more than satisfying to see the smugness turn to surprise when I murmured quietly, "Fuck off, Jake."

I took a quick glance at Carlisle, waiting for him to reprimand me for cursing, but he just shook his head, looking slightly amused.

"I'm going for a walk. No one should follow me." I looked pointedly at both Jake and Edward, hopefully making it clear that they were to leave me alone for a bit. I wasn't in the mood to deal with either one of them after their display of juvenile behavior, and since Esme had made it clear that Edward wouldn't be breaking the news to her anytime soon, I was free to leave.

I met Emmett and Rosalie coming in while I was trying to leave. Emmett started to say something, but Rosalie took one look at me and quickly handed the drinks she was carrying to Emmett. Emmett juggled everything in his arms with a, "What the hell, Rose?" and gave her a confused look.

"Do you want some company?" she asked me quietly.

I hesitated before nodding. She quickly leaned up to kiss Emmett on the cheek. "We'll be back soon."

We left the store, with Rose offering her silent support as I worked off my anger. Between Tanya's arrival and the boys acting like idiots, I was furious. I strode along the sidewalk, sidestepping people. We were extremely close to Westlake Center and with the weekend, the streets were packed.

I turned my head to face Rose, but never slowed by pace. "Is there somewhere quieter we can go? I need to get away from all these people."

She nodded. "There's a park near the water; it's about fifteen minutes away. Feel like walking that far?"

I had enough mad to burn off that it sounded perfect. "Yes."

"This way." She motioned for me to cross the street.

The silence kept up until we got to the park. The area that was closest to the aquarium was busy, since it was a fairly warm – and sunny – day in Seattle. The sun was an anomaly on most days, but with it being the end of February, there were a ton of people out taking advantage of the day. Rose kept moving further on, and we as we neared a statue of someone that looked like an explorer, she motioned to a bench.

"Is here okay?"

Instead of answering her verbally, I just sat down, resting my elbows on my knees and let out a long sigh. Most of my anger had died down and I was left with a heavy feeling, like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.

Neither Rose nor I spoke for quite awhile. Finally, in an effort to get rid of this weight holding me down, I started talking.

"They're such…children!" I vented, clamping my hands into fists. "Arguing over me like I'm some toy and they need to make decisions for me."

"I take it you're talking about Edward and Jacob?" Rose asked softly.

My fists hit my thighs once before resting there. "Yes. Jake's upset about something and Edward isn't exactly in a rational frame of mind lately either. So to get over it, they start acting like they're five years old or something."

"What the hell did Emmett and I miss?" Rose looked completely baffled.

"Tanya's claiming she's pregnant with Edward's child." I blew out a breath and flopped back on the bench. I turned my head to see Rosalie's mouth open in a small 'o' and one eyebrow cocked.

"Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction at first, too." I swung my eyes away from her, looking toward the water. It was rippling with small waves as the wind blew lightly around us. It was calm and serene – a total contradiction to my mood.

"That's…fucked up…" I nodded my head at Rose's statement.

"Yeah, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. He only found out on Thursday and told Alice yesterday. She asked him to keep things quiet, at least for this weekend. Instead, when you and Em were out getting us all coffee, Tanya comes waltzing into the shop."

"Oh, hell no!" Rose said furiously.

"Oh, she did. Edward went to confront her, I followed, and as he asked her to leave, Esme and Carlisle walk over." Rose's mouth dropped open again and if I wasn't feeling angry all over again it would've made me laugh. "So, Esme sees Tanya's stomach, congratulates her and…let's just say Tanya can't act her way out of a paper bag. One look at Esme and Carlisle's faces was enough to know that they knew very well whose child it was."

Rose shook her head. "That's…wow. I don't even know what to say."

I looked back toward the water. "Yeah, me either. Then Edward and Jake decide they need to have a pissing contest or something and ended up ticking me off. You caught me as I was leaving them to fight it out without me."

Silence fell once more as I left Rosalie to shuffle through the mess I just told her.

"If she wasn't knocked up, I would fucking knock her out."

I laughed at the sheer matter-of-fact tone of Rose's voice. "I think I'd let you. Or tell you to get in line behind me."

"Yeah, you should definitely have first crack at that bitch."

"I take it you aren't a big fan of hers." I stuck my hands in my coat pocket, trying to warm them a bit. It was cooler here on the water.

"Not from the moment I met her whoring ass." I sputtered out a laugh and Rosalie looked at me, expressionless. "What? Bitch was rude and condescending, acting all high and mighty because she was a surgeon. She took one look at me and either decided I was a bimbo that wasn't worth her time, or that she was actually dealing with someone with brains and she didn't want the competition. She barely said two words to me that night, and rarely spoke to me when we saw each other after that. When she did, she was insulting."

"What the hell was he doing with her?" I asked, not really expecting an answer, since I knew it anyway. Edward had told me about his relationship with Tanya, but it didn't mean I still had an easy time wrapping my head around how he could be with someone like her.

Rose shrugged, shaking her head. "I wish I could tell you, but I have no idea. Emmett couldn't figure it out either, so he just gave up after a while. Nothing he said seemed to get through to Edward, and Em was tired fighting with him about it. I think we all breathed a sigh of relief when they finally broke up."

"And yet…she's still around." I looked back over toward the water.

"I'm sorry, Bella." There was sympathy in Rose's voice, but not pity.

"Yeah, me too." I sighed and stood up. "I guess we should head back, huh?"

Rose nodded and got to her feet. "I can have Em smack Jacob and Edward around if you want me to."

I smiled at the thought. "I'll let you know."

The shop was quiet when we returned, but there were four or five customers milling around, looking through the racks and shelves of clothes. Carlisle was behind the counter once more, talking with one of the salesgirls. Emmett and Jake were standing in the corner out of the way, engaged in what seemed to be a friendly conversation. Alice, Leah, Esme and Edward were nowhere to be seen.

Emmett's head lifted when he heard the tinkling from the bell on the door ring out. His eyes were amused, but I caught a hint of seriousness there as well.

"Sometimes he just slips into cop mode," said Rosalie from beside me. I nodded, recognizing all too well look on his face. Charlie had worn the same one for years.

We walked in that direction, although I wasn't really ready to talk to Jake yet. He must have known it – _of course he did, he's your best friend_ – because he stayed right where he was and kept his mouth shut when we reached their sides.

Rose kissed Emmett hello and after she pulled away he looked around her to me. "You alright, Belly?

I rolled my eyes at the nickname. "I'm fine, thanks."

Jake started to stay something. "Bells –"

I glared at him. "Not now, Jacob."

He raised an eyebrow at me, but must've realized that by using his full name, I meant business. "We're going to talk about this, Bells."

"Ugh! Don't you listen? I said, _not now_!"

"I just want to make sure you're okay. Kill me for being concerned, jeez."

I rolled my eyes again. "You're a pain in my ass. I'm fine."

Emmett and Rosalie had drifted away, leaving Jake and me alone in the corner. The customers had dwindled to two and neither were anywhere near us. Alice, Leah, Esme and Edward were still missing.

"I'm worried about you, Bells, and if that means being a pain in the ass, then that's what I'm going to be. What the hell is going on?" His arms were crossed over his chest and he looked more troubled than angry.

"This is not the time and place, Jake." I looked around the store again. I did not want to taint Alice's store with my unpleasant situation.

"We'll leave." Jake dropped his arms and took a step toward the door.

"I already did that once today, and I'm not about to do it again. This is Alice's big day, Jake, and it's already been crapped on. I'm not going to do anything else to make this harder for her. She's nervous, she's excited and she expects her family and best friends here for support. I will explain everything to you, but not today."

"Tomorrow you and I are going out to breakfast – alone. You'll tell me everything then."

"You. Are. Impossible." I gritted out between clenched teeth.

"No, I just want to make sure you're okay before Lee and I go back to La Push."

"And what are you going to do if I'm not?" I was trying to get him to see the ridiculousness of his attitude, but apparently it was falling on deaf ears.

"I'll bring you home to Forks and get you the hell away from Dr. Dick."

I glared at him. "Nice, Jake. You're such an ass."

His face grew serious. "No, Bella, I love you. You're my best friend and you're like a sister to me. If someone is hurting you or has hurt you, I will do everything in my power to make sure it doesn't happen again and that they pay for it. If it means getting you out of a situation where you're in over your head, I'm going to do it by any means necessary."

"You're overreacting. I'm fine. Edward and I are fine. I will explain it to you, I promise. But I will not let you walk all over me and make decisions for me. I'm an adult – and older than you, by the way. I'm fine. If I ever need someone or something, you'll be the first person I call, but until then, please back off."

He just stared at me for a few silent seconds before nodding. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"You should be. You've been acting like an overgrown ass and it's getting old." I snapped, but tried to lighten my words by giving him a small upturn of my lips.

"I won't apologize for wanting to protect you," he answered me back, still serious.

"Jake, if you haven't noticed, there's been a whole heck of a lot the last few months you haven't been able to protect me from. I'm a big girl. I've survived and I'll keep surviving."

I leaned up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before I turned to go find Alice or Edward. As I walked away, I swore I heard him mutter, "But for how long?"

I ignored him, not sure if I knew the answer myself.

* * *

I found Alice, Esme and Leah back by the dressing rooms, under the pretence of straightening things out and putting merchandise away. In reality, they were discussing how well things had been going at the shop that day. As I walked toward them, there was no mention of Tanya or the awkwardness of earlier. They didn't even pause or look uncomfortable as I approached, making it clear to me that if anything had been discussed, it was now over.

"How are things back here?" I smiled at the trio and genuine grins were returned to me from all three of them.

"We were just saying how well things seem to be going. I mean, it hasn't been packed in here or anything, but it's been pretty steady. I have a good feeling that everything is going to be just fine." Alice gave me a meaningful look, making it clear she was talking about more than just the shop.

"I've learned never to bet against you, Ali. And I agree, this place is going to do great!" It was easy to be enthusiastic and happy for her. She was practically glowing with success.

"Things seem well in hand here, Alice. Would you mind if I stole Jake for a little while and we walked around a bit? It's been awhile since we've been to Seattle…" Leah trailed off, looking a bit apprehensive. She wasn't incredibly close to Alice, although there was much less animosity between the two of them than there was – or had been – between us. She and Jake had come to Seattle specifically to help out at the shop, and it was clear from her demeanor that she was uncomfortable asking for a few hours "off." In my conversations over the last few weeks with Jake though, I knew they had been both working crazy hours and hadn't had a lot of time to spend with one another. I was sure she just wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to do so by being away from their home and obligations for a little while.

"Oh, of course! I can't thank you enough for your help today, Leah. It's been invaluable, really."

Leah gave Alice a small smile. "Thanks, Alice. It's been great to see how it all came together. I don't think we'll go far, so if you need us, please call and we'll come right back."

Alice shook her head. "I think we'll be okay and we're closing in a few hours anyway. You guys go and have a good time tonight. We'll see you tomorrow?"

Leah nodded. "Absolutely. And seriously, if you need us, just call." In a move that took me by surprise, Leah leaned over and hugged Alice, then Esme, before turning and embracing me quickly. "See you all tomorrow!"

We watched her as she walked away and the minute she was out of sight, I turned to Alice, stunned.

"Did that really just happen?" I asked her, trying to wrap my head around the hug I just got.

"Yup," Alice answered. "And it's about time. You two have been coldly civil to each other for way too long. It had to thaw out at some point. Being in the same vicinity with the two of you was exhausting with all the tension."

"Now I just have another reason to be tense…" I mumbled, but apparently not quiet enough.

"He went for a walk." Esme gave me a small smile. "I think he was overwhelmed by everything that happened."

_I can understand that_. "Did you talk to him?"

Esme shook her head. "This really isn't the time or the place. I told him we'd meet talk later tonight, maybe after dinner or something. He seemed okay with that."

I sighed. "Sounds good." I looked around at the clothes and accessories lying around. "So where do you want me to get started?"

* * *

Edward returned about a hour later, looking morose, but he tried to put on a happy face for everyone. Anyone that knew him well though, knew he had a lot on his mind.

Alice closed the shop at six p.m., and we all headed out to a nearby Italian restaurant for dinner. Despite Edward's depressive undertones, the meal was lively and fun. We toasted to Alice's success and to many years of thriving business for her. Emmett kept finding silly things to toast to, like the waiter's tie or Carlisle new Mercedes, which was good at keeping us all in a joyful mood.

By the time Carlisle paid the bill the mood turned a bit somber. We agreed as a family to return to Emmett and Edward's apartment to continue the evening.

We had just made it out the front doors of the restaurant when Edward's phone rang.

"Hello? Yes, Dr. Bradley. I did…yes, I understand. I'll be there…. I'll see you in just a few hours then. Yes, okay. Goodbye."

Edward hit the END button on his phone and slid it into his jacket pocket. He sighed before he turned to look at his family and me.

"That was Dr. Bradley; I have to go in at midnight. I'm sorry, Mom, Dad. I need to go home and try to get a couple hours of sleep."

Esme gave Edward a hug. "It's okay, darling. We'll talk soon. Maybe you and Bella can come to Forks this weekend?"

Edward looked at me and I gave a tiny nod and shrug. Turning back to Esme, he nodded. "I'll have to take a look at my schedule and see what it's like. I'll do my best."

Esme kissed Edward's cheek before turning him over to Carlisle for a hug. The rest of us said our goodbyes, knowing we'd see each other the next day at the shop. Esme and Carlisle headed back to their hotel, while Emmett and Rosalie left for Emmett and Edward's apartment. Alice drove home with Edward and me.

Our drive home was silent, with Alice almost asleep by the time we got there. We didn't turn on any lights as we made our way into the apartment and up the hallway to our rooms. Alice murmured a sleepy "good night" as she went into her bedroom, and Edward and I continued up the hall.

We got ready for bed without any words. I finished first, crawling in between the sheets as I watched Edward slip on a pair of pajama pants. He set the alarm on his phone before putting it down on the bedside table, plugging it into the charger.

He sighed before he sat down on the bed, his back to me.

Sitting up, I scooted over until I was behind him and could wrap my arms around his waist. I kissed his shoulder blade before I asked, "Everything okay?"

His hands reached down to take mine before bringing them to his lips and kissing them softly. "Yeah." Our hands dropped a bit until they were resting against his chest. I laid my cheek against his back, waiting for him to talk.

"I just wish I didn't have to go to work, that's all." His hands tightened on mine and his head dropped so he could kiss them once more. "Matthews apparently has a family emergency and she needs someone to cover for him. I wasn't supposed to go in until Monday…it looks like I'll be working most of the week now."

"Are you going to be going okay going back to work with…Tanya again?"

Edward shifted, turning to face me. He reached up and cupped my cheek in his hand. "Are you okay with that?"

I shrugged. "I'm not thrilled about it, but the damage has already been done, hasn't it?"

Edward's eyes slid shut. "I'm so sorry for how much this is hurting you, Bella. If I could go back and change it, I would."

I laid my hand over his on my cheek. "I know. But you can't, so…we'll deal. I do need you to do something else for me though."

His eyes opened and he stared into mine. "Anything."

"Stop jumping in front of me trying to protect me from things."

He looked at me confused and shook his head. "I don't understand."

"This afternoon, in the shop with Jake. He was being an ass, and you decided to become one too. I can handle Jake, Edward. I don't need you to step in and tell him what I will – or won't – do."

His eyes narrowed. "The bastard was being disrespectful to you, ordering you around. If you think I'm going to stand there and allow the woman I love to be talked to like that, you're sadly mistaken."

I sighed. "I understand that, and I appreciate it, really. But I can stand up for myself, especially when it comes to Jake. You don't have to stand in front of me."

"If you think I'm going to do anything less than stand in front of you and stand up for you, you've got another thing coming. I love you, Bella and no one is going to talk to you like that. Not even Jacob."

"Edward, you told him I wasn't going to talk to him."

"Only after he acted like he couldn't be trusted to talk to you in a calm and rational manner. He was volatile, baby, and I wasn't going to put you in a situation where –"

"Did you think Jake was going to hurt me?" I was flabbergasted. Jacob had come off like a jerk, but I didn't find him threatening in the least.

"He was getting angry and I didn't want you around him like that."

"Edward…seriously?" I couldn't wrap my head around what he was saying. "Jake would never…"

"He disrespected you." Edward's tone was very matter of fact.

"He's been my best friend for over ten years. It's just how he gets sometimes; he plays the overprotective card, I get pissed, we yell, and then we're over it. I've been known not to be so nice to him from time to time too."

"He shouldn't talk to you like that."

"And you shouldn't decide what I'm going to do for me. If I had wanted to talk to Jake then, you shouldn't have tried to stop me. It wasn't your place."

Now it was his turn to be flabbergasted. "Not my place? You're my girlfriend. I'm going to protect you from –"

"_Jake_? You're going to protect me from the same person who would jump in front of a bus for me?" Rubbing my hands over my face, I blew out a slow breath. "I'm not sure that we're going to see eye to eye on this tonight…" Taking one look at his face, I amended my statement. "…Or ever. All I'm asking is that before you step in and start making decisions for me or about me, you check with me first. If I need you to step in, I'll let you know. Otherwise, you need to let me handle it."

He didn't answer me for a few seconds. Finally, he relented. "Okay. I don't like it, but okay. On the other side of that, I need you to understand that if I see someone acting aggressively toward you, I'm going to step in – best friend or not. You might be able to handle him, baby, but he's not going to treat you like that in front of me."

Now it was my turn to remain silent. I understood what he was saying, but it was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that he thought Jake – _Jake!_ – would hurt me or even disrespect me. It had never seemed that way to me before; it was just how we were with one another. Looking at it from Edward's point of view though, I understood – kind of – where he was coming from.

"Fair enough." I gave him a small smile. "We good?"

"Always, even when we're disagreeing." He pulled me into his arms before lowering me to the mattress. His lips ghosted over mine for a bit before he came down harder, molding his mouth to mine. Some time later, he rolled over, turned off the bedside light and we fell asleep, wrapped up in each other's arms.

A few hours later, I felt him give me gentle kiss goodbye, and whisper that he'd call me when he could. My heart hurt at the thought of being away from him, but it always did anytime we had to part and it was becoming easier to deal with as time went on. I wondered if it would ever go away completely.

I slept restlessly for the rest of the night. Around 8:30 a.m., I finally gave up and decided to face the day.

I rose, limping first to the window to check the weather – dreary and cloudy – then to the bathroom. My hip was bothering me this morning and I wondered if it was the weather or the way I slept that had irritated it. Despite the annoying pain, I showered and dressed within a half an hour. The apartment was quiet as I exited my bedroom and I knew Alice must have already left for the shop. I debated walking or driving, but between my hip and the rain I now saw falling, I knew I should suck it up and take the car.

I then recalled my conversation with Jake from the day before and my promise to have breakfast with him this morning. Picking up my cell from the counter, I called him.

Forty minutes later, we were seated at a table at Glo's Diner. A waitress who looked like someone right out of 1960 came and took our order, sloshing coffee into the mugs already on the table. Jake ordered the two-egg breakfast with meat and a short stack of pancakes while I settled for something Glo called the Eggs Californian.

"What's Leah up to this morning?" I asked as I stirred creamer into my coffee.

"She's taking advantage of the weekend and sleeping in. I spoke to Alice last night and she mentioned there was no need for us to come in this morning, so I told Lee I was meeting you for breakfast and she told me she was sleeping in."

He had such a goofy smile on his face I couldn't help my own. He was truly in love with her and happier then I ever remember seeing him.

"Good for her. Dad says you guys have been working hard lately. Everything okay?"

Jake nodded as he sipped his coffee. "Yeah, just…you know. With the economy, the garage took a hit and we're holding our own, but we've both been doing all we can to try and get ahead rather than just make do. She's harping about doing some improvements around the house, adding extra rooms, that kind of thing." Jake shrugged and gave me a small smile.

"She's pregnant, Bella."

My eyes filled up with tears. I scrambled to my feet and rushed over to Jake's side of the table, ignoring my aching hip. I threw my arms around his neck and he caught me with a small "oomph."

"Oh, Jake. Jake, I'm so happy for you! For both of you!" I leaned back to look at him grinning from ear to ear. My tears had spilled over and I felt so silly, but I was thrilled for both of them. Jacob had talked about having kids from the moment that he and Leah had started dating, and I'd had a feeling they weren't going to wait too long after the wedding.

Jake hugged me tight before letting me go back over to my side of the table. "She's due in the beginning of October. Sue is thrilled, Seth is excited about being an uncle and Rachel and Rebecca are over the moon about becoming aunts."

I couldn't stop my tears as they fell. I was definitely nothing but happy for my best friend and my crying was only because I was overwhelmed with joy for him and his family.

"I'm going to spoil him or her rotten, you know that right? I'm going to buy out Toys R Us with all the things I'm going to get for him…or her…them. You know what I mean." I laughed and wiped at my eyes.

Jake still had the silly little grin on his face and we chatted for a few minutes about the plans Leah had for the nursery and the deadline Jake was facing to start – and complete – the new additional rooms to their small house.

Our food arrived and silence fell over our table as we dug in. The silence continued for a few minutes before Jake cleared his throat.

"Um, I know you might still be pissed about yesterday…"

Setting down my fork, I looked up at him. "No, I'm over it. We're good."

Jake nodded and took another bite of his eggs. I pursed my lips, waiting for him to say something else.

"So, that woman yesterday…." He trailed off, waiting for me to fill in the blanks.

I blew out a deep breath, shifting in my chair, trying to get comfortable. "That was Tanya, Edward's ex-girlfriend."

Now Jake set his fork down. "And that stomach she's sporting…"

"She says its Edward's." I shrugged. "He isn't so sure."

"And what do you think?"

Shrugging again, I leaned back against my seat. "I don't know what to believe. He says he was always careful and that there's just no way, but I can tell there's a seed of doubt in the back of his mind. And I…it's hard for me to believe that someone would go through the trouble of naming someone a father when it can be proven fairly quickly that he is or isn't. Seems like a lot of trouble for something like might just blow up in your face."

"Or someone who's just that desperate."

"Yeah…" Looking away, I set my gaze on the people standing outside the window, waiting for a table. Everyone looked at ease and carefree, and I wondered if they really were, or if it was all an act?

Jake reached over and took my hand that was lying on the table. "How are you with this news?"

I turned my head back to face him, and for the first time in three days, let myself be completely honest with someone else.

"I'm hurt…jealous…nervous…angry – you name it, I've been feeling it."

I pulled my hand out of Jake's and leaned forward to rest my elbows on the table and drop my face into my hands. Jake rubbed my arm, trying to comfort me. Lifting my head, I gave him a small smile. "I love him though, Jake. I love him more than I ever thought possible. And despite how I feel…it changes nothing."

Sighing, Jake leaned back to his side of the table. "I didn't think it would, Bells. It's easy to see just how head over heels you are for him – and he is for you."

"I know you don't like him."

He shook his head. "No, I still don't know him, so I can't make that call. What I do know is that he's my best friend's boyfriend and my other best friend's brother and I should get to know him better. I don't like the fact that his past is hurting you, but shit happens, so who am I to judge? I just want to make sure you're okay and that if you're not, what I can do to help you."

I took a deep breath. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him I wasn't okay and that it wasn't just the situation with Tanya that was the problem. But as usual, I held back. There was nothing Jake could do to make anything better – he couldn't turn back the clock and bring my mom and Phil back, he couldn't keep Tanya from conceiving. I was at a point in my life where I was struggling – still – with the fact that my life felt like it was out of my control and nothing around me was the same. At the same time, if things hadn't changed, I wouldn't have Edward.

_How do I reconcile the fact that my mother's death led me to the love of my life?_

The truth was, I really couldn't. Not right now. Maybe someday, but it wasn't today.

Giving Jake the best smile I could, I answered him. "I'm okay, Jake."

His look was doubtful, but he didn't rebut me. "Okay, Bells. But you know –"

I took his hand. "I know."

We left the diner and Jake dropped me off at the store before returning to the hotel so he could pick up Leah and check out. They would stop and say good-bye before heading back to the reservation.

Alice was behind the counter as I walked into the shop. She smiled brightly at me as I approached her.

"Morning, Sunshine! How did you sleep?" she asked.

"Meh." I ran a hand through my hair, looking around the store.

It was slightly busier than it was yesterday; I imagined the rain was driving people inside, which was only a good thing for business. Among the customers though, I didn't recognize any of the Cullens or Alice's employees.

"Where is everyone?" I asked her, walking behind the counter to take a seat on the stool she had back there. I had hoped the shower and a little time would help loosen up my hip, but it was still as painful as it was when I woke up that morning. I tried to hide my wince as I sat down, but Alice caught it.

So did Esme.

"Bella, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Esme came striding over from the dressing area and joined Alice and me behind the counter. She knelt down in front of me, taking my hands in hers and rested them on my lap. "You look like you're in pain, darling. What happened?"

I shook my head and smiled at her. "Nothing; my hip is just bothering me this morning, that's all. I'll be fine."

"Maybe we should get Carlisle to look at it, make sure it's okay." She looked concerned and I felt horrible for making her worry about me.

"I'm fine, Esme, really. I promise." I grasped her hands tightly before loosening my grip.

She looked at me doubtfully before standing up. "We'll see. If you aren't better before we leave, I'm having Carlisle check you out. I know if left up to you, you'll be stubborn and not go to the doctor."

Alice rolled her eyes behind her mother's back and I had to stifle my grin. "We'll see," I told her noncommittally.

Esme stood and turned to Alice. "She's to stay behind this counter today, understood? She won't be running around or running any errands. She stays put. Now speaking of errands, where is Emmett?"

"He hasn't come back yet, but he was picking up Rose, who might be running late herself, so…who knows? It's not like we really need them; everything is running just fine."

I raised my eyebrows at Alice's cocky attitude. Things were going great, that wasn't something I could contest, but there seemed to be an underlying meaning to her words, as if she really didn't want everyone around.

"Dad's still in the back with the girls helping them unpack those boxes to make room for the delivery you have coming tomorrow." Esme reached out and straightened a bowl of rings on the counter. "They've been an amazing help, Alice. You were lucky to find them."

Alice smiled and it seemed genuine. "I know. Kristen and Christina are great, aren't they?"

Before Esme could answer, the door of the shop opened and Emmett and Rosalie walked in, followed by Leah and Jacob. All were wet and windblown, holding cups from Starbucks in their hands.

"We come bearing caffeine, family!" Emmett bellowed out, causing everyone in the store to turn and look at him. Rose placed the coffee cup in her left hand down on one of the tables, then lifted the same hand to knock Emmett in the back of the head.

"Idiot," she mumbled, although everyone heard her. The group made their way toward us, Leah and Jake laughing, Rose looking annoyed and Emmett looking properly chastised.

We exchanged hellos as they handed over the coffee and Jake explained how he and Leah had run into Rose and Emmett outside. We made small talk until a customer came over to ask for Alice's help. She went off to help and everyone, with the exception of me and Esme, moved away from the cash register to continue their conversation.

"Are you sure you're okay, sweetheart?" Esme asked me once again, turning her concerned eyes on me.

I had to laugh. "Esme, I'm fine, I promise. You're worse than Edward!"

She raised an eyebrow at me. "I'll take that as a compliment then." She gave me an appraising look before leaning up against the counter and looking down at me.

"How are you handling everything?"

I looked down at my hands, unsure as how to answer her. Everything that was going on with Tanya was Edward's story to tell and I really didn't want to get into it without him there to answer his mother's questions.

"Esme, I…. it's complicated."

"Complicated my ass." My mouth dropped opened and my eyes widened at Esme's proclamation.

"Esme!" I exclaimed, too stunned to say anything more.

"Bella, I've been on this planet for fifty-some-odd-years and I am not stupid. I was an excellent wife who raised three children while running a design business. I come from a long line of intelligent, mid-western women. It was plain as day what that _woman_ was up to yesterday and she's lucky she left when she did or I would have escorted her out myself."

I opened my mouth to say something, but all that came out was a small squeak. Esme ignored me and only took a quick glance around to make sure no one was around that could overhear. When she saw no one was, she continued.

"Now, I will hear from my son exactly why…_she_ was in here yesterday, sporting a baby bump and giving him fake apologetic looks, acting like she hadn't known exactly what she was doing when she walked in here. Until then, I will just say this – I will support you – and him – in whatever is going on. I love you both and what the two of you have is very special. I hope you won't allow _her _to change that, no matter what kind of crap she's trying to pull."

With that, she leaned down, kissed me on the cheek and walked away as I looked on in amazement. I had never, in all the years that I've known her, ever seen her lose her cool.

_That woman has amazing control._

I could only hope she could keep it when Edward finally got around to confirming what she already knew.

As the day went on, my family and friends left for home. Jake and Leah were the first to go. I cried as Jake hugged me; I wasn't sure when we'd have a chance to get together again and honestly, it would have been nice to know that he was closer than four hours away as the drama surrounding me continued. He was someone I could count on to be completely on my side and not be worried about spilt loyalties. I loved the Cullens like they were my own family, but it wasn't the same. Jake was like my younger/older brother and having him nearby for support would be invaluable. I wished I could do the same for him now that Leah was expecting.

We eventually broke apart and Leah moved in to hug me. It felt awkward, yet nice. I wasn't sure when our relationship changed, but something was different and the animosity that used to surround us was definitely gone.

Esme and Carlisle left soon after since their trip back was nearly as long as Jake and Leah's. Esme had spoken to Edward when he called on his break to check in and requested his presence at home that weekend. Edward waffled for a bit according to Esme, but once he realized his mother wasn't messing around, he agreed to make sure he wasn't working. I was expected to come with him, Esme told me in no uncertain terms, as it had been too long since I'd seen Charlie.

The woman was impossible to say no to.

More hugs, kisses and goodbyes followed them out the door, leaving me, Alice, Rose and Emmett to man the shop.

Em had been pushing his luck all weekend with his antics and lack of natural grace, but the final straw for Alice came when she found him in the dressing area in front of the three-way mirror. He had a lacy blue bra on over his massive shoulders, and dozens of scarves draped over his neck and was singing along to Britney's "Oops, I Did it Again."

Once Alice stopped laughing, she ordered Rose to take him home. He wasn't allowed back until there were at least one thousand hits for the YouTube video she was going to post of his performance.

_Thank God for video phones. _

He walked out, sans bra and scarves, not looking the least bit embarrassed. The man might be one of Seattle's finest boys in blue, but he had no shame whatsoever.

_Sometimes there are no words for him. _

Alice, Kristen and Christina and I closed the shop at five o'clock. The rain was still pouring down and Alice drove home in my car since Esme and Carlisle picked her up that morning. We spent the rest of the night curled up on the couch, munching on homemade nachos and beer. The alcohol helped with the pain in my hip, but it didn't do much to help me sleep. I was missing Edward and I was worried about our trip home that weekend.

I knew that Edward was not looking forward to explaining all to his parents, but I think we both had pushed out of our minds the other parent in our equation.

_Charlie._

_

* * *

_

**A/N:**

As always, thank you for reading (even when it's forever between updates!)

If you'd like to let me know what you think, feel free to leave a review, send a PM, or tweet me. I can be found on Twitter at **Scorp_112**.

Thanks again!


	21. Confessions Part 2

Thanks, as always, to **Ms. Ambrosia** and** Browns**.

**Disclaimer**: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**EPOV**

Bella and I never made it to Forks.

I had been very lucky the entire time I was dating Bella in the fact that my shifts at the hospital hadn't been too insane. Apparently my run of good luck was over, as the last two weeks had been busier than ever. We were extremely short staffed, especially with Matthews still away dealing with his family emergency.

I had been working for days at a time, barely getting time to sleep in the on-call room, much less go home and crawl into my own bed - or Bella's.

We survived on text messages and phone calls. I missed her so badly it sometimes hurt to breathe, but knowing she'd be there when I got home made it easier. And I always went home to her, never going back to my own apartment. Emmett had called me at one point and left a message asking if he could box my shit up and send it over to the girls' apartment. He was looking to turn my room into a home gym.

I texted him back telling him to fuck off.

Honestly though, he had a point. I was never there anymore, only stopping in for a minute or two on my way home from the hospital to grab a quick change of clothes and my mail. I was gone minutes later, heading straight out the door to get to my girl.

I debated asking her about moving in together; maybe either getting our own place or maybe asking Emmett and Alice if they'd be open to swapping apartments. I held back, knowing that it just wasn't the right time. With me working so much, it wouldn't be fair to ask Bella to be alone all that time. It wasn't fair to my sister to steal her best friend and roommate from her. I also had a sneaking suspicion that Emmett and Rosalie would be moving in together sooner rather than later. I was willing to wait a little while to see if my hunch was right.

I had decided in the two weeks since Alice's opening that the "wait and see" approach seemed to be the best way to go with everything in my life. It was difficult, though. There was one huge thing I wanted done and settled, and knowing there was nothing I could do about Tanya or the baby was torturous.

The good thing about being so busy at work was that Tanya and I had very little time to interact. There were moments when she'd catch me, asking if we could talk, but I didn't even have to make up an excuse to avoid doing so since we were both so busy.

If were weren't working together at the hospital, she was calling my cell phone, leaving messages about meeting to talk or asking me to take her to her next doctor's appointment. I would usually ignore the call if I was around to get it, or if I wasn't, would wait a bit before I'd text her back and tell her we could talk later. I was avoiding her like the plague, and I knew that wasn't any way to handle things either.

I didn't want to talk to her, but I knew we needed to. However, there was something about the way she was acting. She was too sweet, too demure. She caressed her stomach whenever she was around me, almost as if she was trying to bring my attention to it and remind me that she was expecting.

Like I would be able to forget it.

I hadn't trusted her since the moment she told me she was pregnant, but I had wavered from time to time, unable to wrap my head around Tanya's treachery stretching so far. But since our run-in at Alice's store, she had been popping up more and more, being very clingy and touchy. It was clear her intention was to let everyone know she was pregnant and that the child was mine.

I was trying to take my Dad's advice and stay civil, but biting my tongue and not ripping into Tanya was difficult.

Telling my parents about her pregnancy was hard, but not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I knew they would be disappointed, but they were honest and supportive and that's all I could have asked for.

The conversation had taken place a few days after their return to Forks. I had returned home before midnight on the Wednesday after their Sunday departure and took the chance that my parents would still be awake. Honestly, all I'd wanted to do was climb into bed with Bella, wrap my arms around her and sleep for nine uninterrupted hours, but I knew I couldn't put off the conversation any longer. Mom was already disappointed that we wouldn't be able to go home that weekend, thanks to my crazy work schedule.

My parents had reacted very much the way I expected them to. They were disappointed I hadn't broken up with Tanya when I realized things between us weren't going anywhere, believing it was unfair to her to keep her in a relationship I hadn't been invested in. They also weren't too happy with the fact that I had yet to speak to her about her pregnancy. My mother told me in no uncertain terms that she expected better of me in that respect.

All that being said, they also gave me their unconditional love, support and advice. My father cautioned me to be careful in my dealings with Tanya and not make an awkward situation worse by fighting with her. If the baby turned out to be mine, it would be best for all involved if we could at least be cordial to one another.

They sent their love to Bella and told me to take care of her throughout all of this. They were worried about me, but I knew my mother was increasingly worried about Bella as well. She had been unable to share her concerns with me outside that one conversation we had the day before Alice's store had opened. After spending opening weekend with Bella, Mom was convinced more than ever that Bella was struggling much more than any of us had realized.

After I hung up with my parents and lay in bed with Bella that night, I stayed awake thinking. Had I been so wrapped up in my life that I had missed the very things about her that caused my mother so much worry? Had I been so consumed with up my own life, my own worries, and in my love for Bella that I had completely missed the fact that my girl was struggling and hurting?

It bothered me more than I could say that she might have been hiding things from me, and that I might have had my head so far up my ass that I could not see if she was truly okay or not. I vowed to do better at watching over her and make sure she was all right.

The next morning, I showed up at work tired, but determined. I was going to beg, borrow and plead to get a day off so I could spend it with Bella. I wanted to just have a little time together to forget the craziness that surrounded us. I wanted her to know that despite everything, I was there if she needed me and always would be. I hoped she would open up to me and let me know what was on her mind.

Dr. Bradley wasn't thrilled with my request, but she must have been in a good mood because she managed to get me the following Sunday off by switching a few people around. Thankfully, I had worked enough overtime the last couple weeks that calling in the favor hadn't been too difficult.

The next week and a half passed in a blur, and I barely stopped to say goodbye to anyone as I left the hospital. I arrived home in an excellent mood, knowing I would have the entire next day alone with Bella. She was already in bed and asleep by the time I got there, and I crawled into bed after my shower feeling wide-awake and playful.

_I wonder how much trouble I'll be in if I woke her up._

Deciding to chance it, I pulled down the covers and began running my fingers lightly over her bare arms and legs. She was dressed in one of my t-shirts and I could see the barest hint of her panties from beneath it. Moving my fingers up under the hem of the shirt, I traced the edge of the cotton of her underwear, eliciting a moan from my girl.

I raised my head as she turned over, not once removing my fingers from her skin. I smirked as she looked at me sleepily.

"Wha...what time is it?" She blinked, and then rubbed her eyes.

"Just after one-thirty in the morning..." My hand glided gently over the swell of her ass cheeks, under the t-shirt but above her underwear. Bella's eyes slid shut and a soft moan escaped her lips.

"I missed you tonight." She opened her eyes and moved closer to me.

"I miss you every night I'm not with you." I leaned down and brushed my lips over hers.

"Well, yeah..." No sooner were the words out of her mouth than she was on me, pushing me onto my back and straddling my waist. Her hands were lying on each side of my head, as mine came up to stroke her back. Our mouths moved together, tongues tangling.

I sat up, pushing Bella into a sitting position on my lap. I took her hands in mine and raised her arms up over her head. Our gazes didn't break as I inched my t-shirt up over her stomach and breasts. Her eyes slid shut as my hands drifted over her skin and I raised the shirt over her head. I threw the shirt across the room as her arms floated down and came to rest on my shoulders.

"Make love to me." She kissed me gently.

My hands drifted up her sides and over her breasts. Bella's head fell back and I leaned up to nip at her throat. My lips moved down her neck and over her breasts. Reaching out with my tongue, I flicked her nipple and her hands moved into my hair, pulling me closer to her. Moving her off of me, I laid her down on the bed, where her head spread out in a pool of chestnut over the midnight blue sheets. I leaned over her, picking up my kissing where I had left off. I lightly bit her nipple, and her chest bowed up off the bed, her hands back in my hair. I smiled against her skin as I moved down her body, nipping lightly at her stomach. Her hands pushed at my shoulders, letting me know without a word exactly where she wanted me to go next.

I pulled her panties off and pushed her knees up until her feet were flat on the bed. Settling myself down between them, I took my fingers and spread her open. I felt myself grow harder at the sight of her wetness and unable to wait a minute longer, I dove into heaven.

Bella moaned loudly above me, pulling my hair with her hands. It didn't take long before she was calling out my name as she came.

I raised myself above her, and as she shook from her orgasm, I plunged into her. We both groaned at the sensation, and I tried to take it slow, but it didn't take me long to pick up my pace. Bella's nails scratched down my back and gripped my ass, pulling me into her further. As she reached her summit for the second time, I followed right behind her.

I moved so I was lying next to her instead of crushing her with my weight. She snuggled up against me, throwing one leg over mine and draping her arm over my waist.

"I love you," she whispered softly.

"I love you, more."

Kissing her hair, I fell into slumber.

* * *

I woke up to the sound of rain on the window. I could hear the slightest sounds of music coming from the other room. Suddenly feeling wide-awake, I jumped up, slipped on a pair of pants and bounded out of the room.

Bella was in the kitchen, the sounds of Maroon 5's "Sunday Morning" coming through the iHome speakers. Her back was to me as she stood at the stove stirring something. I wasn't sure if she heard me or just sensed my presence, but she spoke without turning around.

"How would you like your eggs this morning, Dr. Cullen?"

_Fuck, the sound of her voice gets me hard._

"I'll take them however you make them, baby."

She turned over her shoulder, looked at me and tossed me a saucy wink.

_God, I love this woman._

Walking over to stand behind her, I rested my hands on her hips and my chin on her shoulder. She leaned up and back to kiss my cheek, but when she tried to turn her attention back to the bacon she was frying, I turned her face back to mine. Taking her chin in my hand, I moved my lips to hers.

We stood there, lost in each other for a few minutes before we finally came back to our senses. Bella smiled and pecked my lips once more before turning back to the food. I released her and walked to the fridge, pulling out a carton of orange juice.

"What time do you have to go into work today?" she asked me as I poured two glasses full.

"I don't. I'm off today." I set out plates and silverware on the breakfast bar. I looked up to find Bella staring at me, a huge smile on her face.

"You mean I get you to myself all day?" There was no mistaking the glee in her voice.

"Yup."

Picking up the platter of bacon and eggs she created, she brought it over and placed it in front of me on the counter.

"Best. Sunday. Ever." She stood on her tiptoes to give me a kiss.

"Agreed." I pulled out her chair, and allowed her to sit before pulling it as close to me as possible. We smiled at each other as we ate; Bella kept giggling at me as I tried to steal the last piece of bacon off her plate.

"Dr. Cullen, don't you know large amounts of bacon aren't good for you?" She laughed as she pushed my hand away as it crept toward her plate.

"Exactly, which is why I'm trying to get it away from you. I need to make sure you aren't doing anything to endanger yourself. I'm afraid I'm going to have to take one for the team here, Bella." As my left hand moved steadily toward her plate, my right was creeping up her thigh.

She foiled both my plans by hopping up off the other side of her stool. As she rose, she grabbed the bacon and moved quickly away. "You got to be faster than that if you want to steal my bacon, sweetheart." With a wink and an evil cackle, she took off up the hallway.

I was seconds behind her.

She didn't have time to shut the bedroom door before I got there. She ran to put the bed between us, laughing so hard she was having a hard time catching her breath.

It was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard.

The bacon had disappeared somewhere and Bella was breathing hard as she faced me over our bed. I leaned over, putting my hands flat on the mattress and grinned at her.

"Whatever will I do with you, Ms. Swan?"

Her laughing manner quickly switched into something somber and serious. "Just love me, Edward. Just love me."

It took me less than a second to bound over the bed and embrace her.

"I do, baby. I love you so damn much." Kissing her, I swept my hands over her back, pulling her to me.

"Let me show you..."

And I did.

* * *

We made love again in the shower before Bella finally told me she was cutting me off for a while. I could have spent all day ravishing her, but I also wanted to connect with her in other ways too. I was hoping that we could just spend a relaxing day together doing whatever she wanted. I just wanted to spend time with her, making sure she knew how loved and cherished she was.

"Babe," I asked as I pulled on a pair of boxer briefs. "What do you want to do today?"

Bella was in the bathroom and stuck her head out to look at me. "What?"

"What would you like to do today? Stick around here? Go out somewhere?"

She moved out of the doorway and sauntered over to the window, where she pulled open the drapes. I was too busy watching her ass sway under her panties to pay attention to what she said.

"Edward?"

"Huh?" I looked up from her ass to find her staring at me, hand on hip.

"Eyes up here, Cullen." She grinned at me as she pointed to her face.

"Sorry. I got...distracted." I winked at her.

"You've been 'distracted' enough today, I think." She used air quotes and laughed at me when I stalked toward her.

"You think, huh?"

"My lady parts certainly think so. They're calling for a time-out."

I laughed. "Okay, then. So what did you say while I was ogling you?"

"I said that the weather doesn't look like it's going to cooperate for us to be able to do anything outside."

I glanced behind her and out the window; it was still raining. "Yeah, probably not. Is there anywhere in Seattle you haven't been that you'd like to go?"

She gave me a thoughtful look. After a minute she said, "The aquarium."

I kissed her nose. "Sounds good."

We finished getting dressed and headed out. The rain was falling hard, and I noticed Bella tense when we got in and I started the car. I reached over and took her hand.

"You okay, baby?"

I glanced over to find her biting her lip and looking anxious. Finally, she turned to me. "It was raining the night of the accident. I still get nervous when I'm in a car and it's raining."

It was the most she had shared with me about the accident in the entire time I'd known her. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you, Bella."

She smiled at me sadly. "That's one promise that you can't make, Edward, because you never know. You may try, you may do all the right things and all that you can do, but sometimes, in the end, it's not enough."

Reaching up to wipe away a tear at her eye with her right hand, she squeezed mine in her left. I wanted to do something to take her pain away, but I was at a loss. I only knew how to reassure her.

"Sweetheart, I will do all I can do to make sure I keep you safe. I know I can't control everything, but I will do my very, very best to take care of you, always."

She leaned over to kiss me tenderly. "I know."

Squeezing her hand one last time, I moved my hand back to put the car into gear. We rode in introspective silence to the whole way to the aquarium.

Bella seemed a bit more cheerful when we arrived. I paid our admission fee - without an argument from her - and we moved straight into the Windows on Washington Water exhibit. We got there just in time for the dive show. I watched Bella look on in wonder at the divers in the tank, taking in their words and interactions with the other visitors.

She was beautiful.

We stayed for most of the show before moving to the next exhibit. Bella couldn't seem to get enough of watching the giant octopus, or - surprising me - of the touch pool. We took our time through the underwater dome, feeling calm and peaceful surrounded by thousands of gallons of water and fish.

My arm was around her shoulders and I leaned down and kissed the top of her head as we stood in front of one of the many windows to the exhibit near a doorway that would lead us on to the next spot. She turned her head into my chest as she squeezed the arm she had around my waist.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too." I looked down at her as she looked up at me and I smiled. "You make me so incredibly happy."

Pulling her other arm up, she twisted so that she was hugging me. "Same goes for me. Things are better when I'm with you."

"Are you reading my mind?" I kissed the top of her head, and then said the words that I'd been rolling around in my head since the phone call with my parents.

"You know you can talk to me, right? I know that things have been strange lately, with my working and...everything. But I want you to know that if you need anything or if you have anything on your mind, you can talk to me. Just like I know you're here for me, I want you to know I'm here for you. No matter what."

Bella was so still beneath me, I started getting nervous that I had somehow screwed up by blurting out everything. She pulled out from under my arm and stepped in front of me with an extremely serious look on her face and my wary feeling grew.

"Can we go home? I can't...here..."

I immediately felt like shit. "Oh hell, Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

She shook her head. "No, no. We...I need to do this. I just can't do it here."

I wanted to punch myself for my shitty timing, but in the same vein, I was relieved knowing she was willing to open up to me.

"Okay, we'll go."

We made our way through the aquarium and out the exit without incident. I quickly texted Emmett to see where he was, since I had a feeling that we were going to need some privacy for this - privacy that was more than hiding out in Bella's room once Alice got home.

Thankfully, Emmett was working and then heading over to Rosalie's when his shift ended. We'd have my apartment to ourselves until we both had to go to work the next morning.

Bella's movements seemed heavy as she got out of my car and walked through the parking garage to the elevator. I took her hand, trying to offer her what little comfort I could, since she seemed to be holding herself together by a mere string.

I unlocked the condo door and ushered Bella inside.

"Baby, do you want anything to drink? Something to eat?"

Shaking her head, she just moved to the couch and sat down. I stood there looking at her for a second, trying to decide if she wanted me next to her or if she needed some space. I got my answer only seconds later when she held out her hand to me.

Moving to her side, I took her hand and sat down next to her. Once I was seated, I pulled her hand to my lips. As my mouth moved over her knuckles, her eyes slid shut, and I heard a breath escape her. I rested our hands in my lap and waited for her to call the shots.

Her eyes fluttered open and her mouth turned up at one corner, giving me a small smile. She lifted her free hand to my cheek. "You look nervous."

I breathed out an edgy chuckle. "I am, a little."

Her hand moved up to run through my hair. "There's no need to be." She took a deep breath and then continued. "Edward, there's things I need to tell you - about the accident, and before. Not anything bad, just about my life before everything changed. And then what happened after..."

Leaning forward, she placed her forehead and pressed it lightly into my chest. Her voice was quiet, but just loud enough for me to hear. "I'm going to tell you, I promise. It's just that so much has happened so quickly..." She moved to look back up at me. "I'm overwhelmed with everything. I just need some time...not long, just enough for me to catch my breath. Please don't think I'm keeping things from you on purpose. I'm..."

Blowing out a breath, she shook her head. "I'm making excuses and hiding again, so I'm just going to say it, straight out." She paused, looking as if she was trying to find the right words. "I'm struggling...a lot. I'm...hurting. There are some days I just can't..." She choked on a sob and buried her face in my chest.

My heart broke at her tears and the pain in her voice. It was the first time I had really looked at Bella and saw the truth; I saw just how broken she was. I had to swallow my own tears as I pulled her close to me. "Shhh, baby, I've got you."

I cradled her in my arms as she cried, rubbing my hands up and down her back. I whispered words of comfort and tried to control my own emotions. I had no idea how to help her, how to make the obvious pain she was in go away. Eventually, she calmed, lying quietly in my arms.

"Do you remember the night of my panic attack? The night after our first date?" She stared at her hands, which were playing with the fabric of my t-shirt.

I kissed the top of her head. "I remember."

"I feel like that ninety percent of the time."

I quickly pulled her away from me so I could see her completely. "Bella...wha...how is that possible?"

She ran her hands over her face. "I don't mean the actual panic attack part, although I still have those from time to time - usually when I have to drive - "

"Shit..." I whispered quietly, but she heard me anyway.

"It's not all the time, but most of it. I refuse to allow them to take over though, so I work through it, most of the time without meds because I can't drive or work when I take what you gave me. If I have to take one, I call a cab." Her voice had become toneless, matter of fact.

"Baby, those pills..." I had given her enough for up to ten attacks, and she had been driving to school for almost two months now. I couldn't fathom what she had been going through trying to get to work in the morning.

"I have one left. I was saving it in case I really needed it, you know?"

Remembering what my mother told me, I leaned down and placed my cheek on the top of her head.

"Do you need them after the nightmares?"

"I only have one left." Her voice sounded dead, and I was more scared than I remember being - ever. I was shocked that I had missed how bad things were. It also didn't escape my notice that she didn't even deny having nightmares.

I tightened my arms around her and closed my eyes. I was at a loss of what to say. Part of me wanted to yell, to ask her why she hadn't come to me, why she felt like she had to do this on her own, but I couldn't. The other part wanted to beg her to stop talking because I didn't know if I could hear any more.

"So you have panic attacks everyday, love?" I swallowed hard and prayed I was saying the right things to help her talk to me.

"Not everyday, and they aren't full-blown. Sometimes I have them before I drive or after a nightmare or if I think too much about..." Her hand was lying limp in mine against her leg and I rearranged them so both of hers were in between mine.

"About...?"

"_The accident_." Her breathing picked up and I felt her body tense.

I was afraid she'd have an attack right here, so I worked on calming her down. "Baby, take a deep breath. Focus on the sound of my voice. I'm here with you and you're okay. Nothing is going to hurt you. I love you and you're safe."

I ran my hands over her back in soothing patterns. Whatever I was doing seemed to be working, because soon her breathing was even again and she had relaxed somewhat.

"How you doing? Do you need something to drink? Do you want me to get you anything?"

She shook her head. "I'm okay." She took a deep breath and sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I just want to make sure you're okay." Trying to calm my own heavily beating heart, I nuzzled into her hair, breathing in her scent. It was familiar and comforting and it worked to smooth out my edginess.

"I'm used to dealing with them by now, but you being here helped; it helped a lot." She relaxed further into me. "I should have told you about them, but I've been hiding them for so long...I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want anyone to worry."

"Baby, I'm here to help you, but I can't do that unless you tell me what's going on. We're all here to help - Ali, my mom and Dad, your Dad, Jacob, Em, Rose. All we want to do is help you through whatever is hurting you and make it better."

Bella gave a humorless chuckle. "That's what I'm afraid of, Edward."

"What?"

"I'm afraid I'm beyond help. I feel like I'm so broken, that I'm so messed up inside that there's no way you or anyone can help me. I'm...destroyed."

"You're _not_ destroyed or broken." I was fierce in my defense of her.

She gave another joyless laugh. "Edward, you only know me this way...you have no idea...not a clue what I feel like inside."

I closed my eyes trying to tamper down the panic I was feeling. I wanted her to tell me, but she sounded so lifeless.

"I want you to tell me. I want to help you feel happy again, to feel whole again."

She finally moved, turning to face me and reaching up to cup my cheek. "You do. Just by being around me, just by being with me. I feel a million times better when I'm in your arms, Edward. I feel like I can be whole again and the pain and grief of the last seven months is no longer there."

I pressed my lips to hers, overwhelmed by her words. My heart soared at what she was saying and broke all at the same time.

Because I knew it wasn't enough.

There was no way that I could - or should - be the_ only_ thing that kept Bella from feeling so much devastation. It wasn't healthy for either of us and definitely would not be healthy for our relationship. We had so much stacked against us already with Tanya's pregnancy. If Bella wouldn't or couldn't rely on someone besides me to help her through this, we were never going to make it.

It wasn't that I didn't want to be everything for my girl and be the one to help cure her of these horrible, awful feelings and thoughts. I knew better, however. I could help, but Bella needed more than just me. She needed a counselor; someone trained in post-traumatic stress disorder.

I was a surgeon, but I knew PTSD when I saw it. Bella allowed me a glimpse of just how bad she had it.

"Baby, I think -" I began, but she cut me off.

"I know we need to talk about this more, but I just can't right now. I'm just...done." The lifeless quality of her voice was back and I was afraid of pushing her any further.

"Okay. Okay." I pulled her back to my chest and she laid her head against my heart. We stayed there for the longest time as I watched the rain pound the windows and Bella fell asleep in my arms.

* * *

Bella had been asleep for an hour and I needed to move. I didn't want to leave her side, but I was feeling restless and felt the need to just _do_ something. I pressed my lips to her forehead and slipped out from underneath her. I laid her down on the couch, looking at her silently. Not knowing what else to do, I walked over to the fridge, looking for something to drink and something to possibly make for dinner. Just moving around made me feel a little more in control.

I hadn't been away from her for more than ten minutes before I heard her whimper. Just as I turned toward the sound, she called my name.

"Edward?" Bella sat up, panicked, looking around frantically for me.

"I'm here, baby." I rushed over to her, placing the water bottle I had in my hand on the coffee table in front of her. I pulled her up into my arms before settling back into the couch. She was trembling and her breathing was shallow.

"Nightmare..." She managed to get the words out between her shaking teeth.

"I'm here. You're okay." I rubbed her back and hair, trying to calm and soothe her. It had worked before and I could only hope it would work again.

Her breathing slowed, as did the trembling. "Better?"

She nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah."

Her body was cold and clammy from the remains of her sweaty nightmare. "How does a shower or bath sound?"

"Hm...yeah...that would be good."

I slid her off of me and stood, then reached down and swung her up in my arms. Taking her to my room, I placed her on the bed.

"What would you rather have, love? A bath or a shower?"

"Bath," she said quietly, struggling to sit up from where I had placed her on the bed. Sliding my hand over her hair, I smiled at her. "Stay put; I'll take care of it."

She tried to smile back at me, but she didn't quite get there. I kissed her forehead and moved into the bathroom.

Once I had the water at the right temperature, I grabbed my robe off the back of the bathroom door and went back into the bedroom to help Bella out of her clothes. She had made it as far as getting her socks off and her jeans unbuttoned, so I quickly took over from there. Once she was undressed, I slipped my robe around her. She didn't tie it; instead, she just collected the material and held it at the waist.

When she looked up at me, I finally saw what I had been missing all this time - what she had been hiding so well from me. She was exhausted and lost, confused and broken. And yet, underneath there were other feelings trying to break through - determination, gratitude and love.

Despite how low she was feeling she was trying to push through it. I was in awe of her.

I picked her up once more, not even wanting to be far enough away from her to have her walk on her own. She didn't protest, but instead seemed to melt into my arms. I set her down gently by the bathtub and removed my robe. I held her hand as she stepped into the tub.

I waited until she was seated, her back pressed against the rear of the tub. Resting on my heels, I pushed her hair off her face as her eyes slid shut in what seemed to be relief.

"I'm going to go make us something to eat. Any requests?" I tucked the last piece of hair behind her ear and moved my hand down to caress her cheek.

Opening her eyes, Bella gave me a small smile. "Whatever you make is fine. I'm not that hungry."

I nodded and stood. Bending at the waist, I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "I'll be in the kitchen."

"Hmmm, k." She slipped a bit lower in the water and shut her eyes once more.

I stared at the cans and boxes in the open cabinet, but I wasn't really seeing anything that was there. My mind was still with Bella and on what happened earlier. I knew it wasn't going to be an easy conversation or that she would agree quickly - if at all - but I knew that Bella needed some professional counseling in getting over what had happened all those months ago. I wanted to be the one to help her, but I knew the best support I could offer was to get her to a professional. Give me an inflamed appendix, ask me to remove a gallbladder, or fix a perforated bowel and I knew exactly what I was doing. Trying to mend my girlfriend's emotional and physical pain was beyond my scope.

I rubbed the heels of my hands into my eyes, trying to focus on the here and now. I would start by cooking us something to eat and then I'd take everything else one step at a time. I pulled out a can of tomato soup from the cabinet, placing it on the counter next to the stove. After I opened it and poured it into a saucepan, I took out the ingredients for grilled cheese sandwiches. Comfort food at its finest.

Dinner was done by the time Bella came out of my room dressed in a pair of my sweatpants and one of my t-shirts. Everything was entirely too big on her, but she had done her best by rolling up the cuffs on the sweats. Her hair was damp and swirled around her face in waves.

"Feel like some grilled cheese and tomato soup?" I asked her as she approached me in the kitchen.

"Sure," she answered, wrapping her arms around my waist and snuggling into my side.

My arm came up to rub her shoulder and she sighed contently. She seemed better than she had earlier and I hoped I wouldn't ruin it with the conversation I was going to have with her. I didn't want to push her into doing something she didn't want to do, but I didn't feel like I had a choice. She wasn't okay, and she finally let me see that. It annoyed me to no end that I had missed it all this time, but now that I knew I was going to help her do something about it.

I sent Bella over to the couch and told her to pick out something for us to watch on TV. She flipped through the channels while I ladled our soup into bowls and put the sandwiches on plates. Walking everything over to the living room, I set it on the coffee table as Bella put the remote down beside her.

"The Goonies?" I asked, turning to smile at her.

"It's a classic. Chunk and his Truffle Shuffle are my favorite." She grinned at me and took the bowl of soup I held out to her.

"I have to disagree. I always thought Sloth screaming, 'Hey, you guys!' was the best part. Jumping off pirate ships? Every boy's fantasy."

Bella grinned at me and shook her head. "If you say so."

I settled down next to her and we ate in silence, watching the movie. Bella didn't eat all that much and it concerned me, but I reminded myself to be thankful that she'd eaten anything at all.

Once we both completely finished, I took the dishes back to the kitchen and loaded them into the dishwasher. I had everything cleaned up and was back at Bella's side in less than five minutes. She snuggled up against me as I sat back down on the couch and we watched the rest of the movie.

As the credits ran, I grabbed the remote and turned down the volume a bit. Bella looked at me curiously, but didn't question me.

"Babe?" I wanted to try and keep her at ease while I began what was sure to be a difficult conversation.

"Yeah?" She was still cuddled up next to me, her head lying on my chest.

"I want to talk to you about something, but I don't want you to get upset."

I felt her immediately tense under my arm. "It's a surefire way to get people upset by starting a sentence like that, Edward."

I kissed the top of her head. "I know and I want to avoid that, but I wasn't sure how to begin this, so I just said it," I answered her lamely.

She shifted slightly, but didn't pull away from me. "Okay then, go ahead."

I took a deep breath. "I was thinking about earlier and about what you told me."

"Oh." There was nothing more, just that small, quiet word.

"Baby, just based on what you told me, I know there's some things that you need to deal with. Have you thought about talking to someone about all of it?" I held my breath, waiting for her reaction.

At first, she didn't move or say a word. I was just opening my mouth to start in on trying to convince her why talking to a counselor was a good idea when she finally spoke.

"I've considered it. When I left Florida, they gave me the name of a counselor here in Seattle who specializes in grief counseling and PTSD. But I was moving to Forks, and it seemed pointless to have to drive all that way for something I thought I'd be able to deal with on my own."

I looked down at her to see her staring at the TV, but it was obvious her attention wasn't on it. "And now?"

She shrugged. "Part of me thinks I can still do it on my own. I am getting better, Edward."

I shook my head slightly, knowing that she didn't get it. "Baby, what happened, that's a lot for you to try and deal with on your own. And I really don't mean any offense, but if you're having panic attacks almost every time you get in a car or if you're having nightmares often, you're not getting better."

This time she pulled up and away from me. "You don't...I'm _trying_, Edward. Things like this, they don't go away overnight."

I tried to bring her back to me, but she wasn't having it. She got up off the couch and walked over to the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and drank from it, keeping her back to me.

"Bella, I know that with everything you've gone through that it's not going to be easy to just pick up and move on from it, but from what you're telling me, things aren't getting better. I think you need to -"

"I was driving the car."

Her words did an effective job of shutting me the hell up. The silence stretched between us and I tried to think of something - anything - to say to her.

"We were on our way back from Atlanta, on our way home from the last stop on our trip. We were five miles from their house, and it was raining. Mom was asleep next to me and Phil was asleep in the backseat. I was having a hard time staying awake myself, but we were so close to home, I thought..."

She broke off and took another drink of water. Her back was still to me. My heart broke listening to her tell me about that night.

"I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed." She turned, but didn't look at me. She just walked passed me quietly, and into my bedroom. I heard my door shut with a soft click.

I sat there for a while, unmoving. Eventually I got up and turned off the television and the lights around the room. Walking over to the wall of windows that faced the Seattle skyline, I watched the rain pour down the glass in rivulets. I wondered how long Bella had been keeping all that in; I wondered if I was the first person she told and how much more she had buried beneath the surface. I wondered how to convince her to go to counseling and how long I was going to have to wait until I could broach the subject with her once more.

Again, I was in the precarious position of hurry up and wait.

Sighing, I turned and walked to the bedroom to join my girl in bed.

Somehow though, I doubted either one of us would get much sleep.

* * *

It was still raining the next morning when we woke. Bella was quiet, but she didn't seem like she completely shut down. Neither one of us had slept well, especially after she had her nightmare.

It was the first night she had one when she had been with me.

The alarm went off and we rose, getting ready for the day ahead. We didn't speak much as we dressed and ate breakfast.

Our silence continued as I dropped her off at work. It was still raining and after last night, I didn't want her driving today. Alice's store was closed on Mondays and while she'd still be at the shop doing inventory, she would be able to leave when she needed to. I had texted her before we left to make sure that she could pick Bella up from school. She had agreed without question when I mentioned that Bella had a rough night.

The fact that my sister wasn't curious about Bella's rough night made me wonder what she knew about Bella's accident and everything she had been going through since. I would have to talk to her about that.

Bella agreed to the driving arrangements without an argument since even she knew she wasn't up to even attempting to drive today. I had debated asking her to stay home from work, but figured that wasn't a fight I would win. It was probably better for her to be out doing something among people rather than sitting at home, alone.

I left her with a kiss, telling her I would talk to her later that night. I had to work another forty-eight and wouldn't see her until Wednesday.

The hospital was bustling with energy and activity when I arrived. Dr. Bradley was waved a distracted hello as I walked by and greeted her. She was on the phone with someone and by the look on her face, it didn't seem as though the conversation was going well.

Checking the surgery board outside the doctor's lounge, I saw I had some time to kill before my first surgery. It would give me time to follow up on what happened while I was out yesterday and catch up on some paperwork.

Entering the doctor's lounge though, I stopped short.

Alistair Matthews was kissing Tanya.

I stood there, stunned. I couldn't move because I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

_Did he just hand me my 'Get out of Jail Free' card? _

I must have made a noise, because they broke apart. Tanya looked horrified, but Matthews gave an embarrassed little grin.

"Hey, Cullen. Uh…" He gestured between Tanya and himself. "Sorry. I hope this isn't awkward or anything…"

"Awkward?" I could barely get the word out through my shock – and glee.

"Yeah, well you know. You and Tanya." This time he gestured between Tanya and me. "Me and Tanya… now we're having a baby… I just hope this isn't weird for you or anything. No hard feelings and all that."

I couldn't help but grin. "No hard feelings at all, Matthews. We're cool."

Alistair grinned. "Great, great." He turned to Tanya. "I have to go to surgery, so I'll catch you later, babes." He leaned down and kissed her, before stooping further and kissing her belly. I cocked an eyebrow at Tanya who looked both the strange combination of pissed off and relieved.

Alistair straightened and walked past me, giving me a small nod. I returned it, continuing to stare at Tanya as the door closed behind him.

We were silent for a few seconds before Tanya said, "Um, I have to go. I have a surgery too."

I shook my head. "I just checked the board before I came in here. Neither you nor I are scheduled for anything for another hour." I walked closer to her and pulled a chair out at the table she was standing next to. "Sit down. We're going to talk."

* * *

**A/N:**

You can blame **Browns** for the cliffy - I was going to continue it and she told me not to. So we'll see what's up with Tanya in Chapter 22. She was/is lying, but who is she lying to - Edward or Alistair?

Thank you to everyone who read, favorited, alerted and/or reviewed. I appreciate it more than I can say. :) You're all awesome and on this Thanksgiving week here in the U.S., I'm grateful to you all.

As usual, those who review get teasers for the next chapter.

Thanks!


	22. Truth and Consequences

**Disclaimer**: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks as always to my betas, **Ms. Ambrosia** and **Browns**.

* * *

**EPOV**

I pointed to a nearby chair and Tanya grudgingly sat down, looking incredibly annoyed. "Do we have to do this? You know the truth now; let's just move on."

I didn't let my eyes leave hers as I sat across from her. "Oh, no. You owe me some explanations, lady. Start talking." My eyes narrowed as I watched her.

Tanya gave a long, dramatic sigh and rolled her eyes. I was already over her dramatics.

"I'm not kidding, Tanya. Tell me."

"You're going to be pissed."

"Already there. You owe me some answers and you're not leaving until I get them." I was trying to keep my cool, but failing miserably. I wanted to wring her scrawny neck.

"I've been seeing Alistair since last October. It's very likely the baby is his." Her tone was bored.

"_Very likely_?"

She sighed once again. "It's definitely his."

"You _bitch_!" It took all I had to remain seated and not give into the urge to hit a woman for the first time in my life.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm a horrible person. Sorry." Tanya rolled her eyes, not looking the least bit apologetic.

"'_Sorry?_' You've turned my fucking life upside down for the last few weeks and all you can say is '_sorry_?'" I had to get up and walk away or I was going to kill her.

"There's no need to overreact. It all worked out in the end." She shrugged. "Alistair came around and you still have your precious girlfriend. No one got hurt."

"Are you even listening to yourself right now? Do you even hear what you're saying? What the hell is wrong with you?"

She flicked back her hair. "Look, I'm not proud of the way I've handled things, but I did what I thought I had to do. I made a mess of things, I know this, but what's done is done. I probably would've come clean...at some point."

I scoffed. "Yeah fucking right." I was pacing the floor of the lounge, ready to tear my hair out. I turned back to her.

"Why, Tanya? Why did you put me through this? How does Alistair factor in? What the hell has been going on?"

"Are you going to calm down?" She tapped her fingernails on the tabletop, an impassive look on her face.

"Tell. Me. Now." I was in no mood for her games.

Tanya smoothed down her scrub shirt and rested her hands on her stomach before she spoke. "Last October, when we had that huge fight?" She paused, looking at me for confirmation. I barely remembered the time she was talking about, but nodded my head anyway, eager for her to get on with it. "Alistair and I were on shift together. One thing led to another and he came home with me." She shrugged. "You weren't exactly subtle in the fact that you were losing interest in me and in our relationship. I was feeling sorry for myself and he was there. It happened."

"But it wasn't a one time thing?" I asked.

Tanya shook her head. "No, we ended up seeing each other – a lot. He had known that you and I were dating and he asked if we were over. I told him we were."

I couldn't help the raise of my eyebrows. "So, you were cheating on me with him, and on him with me?"

She considered my statement for a minute. "Yes," she finally said.

"Why didn't you just break up with me, especially if you knew I wasn't invested in our relationship anymore?" I was having a hard time wrapping my head around her treachery.

"I had planned on it, but two things happened pretty much at once. First, I found out I was pregnant and I had no idea who the father was. Secondly, Alistair found out that you and I were still together and he told me it was over between us."

She looked so sad in that moment that I _almost_ felt sorry for her. Then I remembered who I was dealing with and my sympathy dried up quickly. "Go on."

Tanya continued to look around the room, a bored expression on her face as she continued. "It didn't take me long to realize that, while a baby wasn't something I planned for, it wasn't necessarily a bad thing, either. It could be okay. But I didn't want to raise it on my own. Since Alistair was out of the picture, you were the obvious choice for the person I would name as the father. I knew you wouldn't back down from your responsibility."

She finally met my gaze. "My plan was fucked though, since you were obviously finished with me, too. You had gone weeks with absolutely no desire to speak with me and then suddenly you were constantly asking me if we could talk. I knew what was coming and I couldn't handle it, so I avoided you. I heard through the grapevine that your parents were in town, so I followed you to the restaurant that night. I figured I could force your hand – I'd announce my pregnancy in front of them and you'd have no choice but to stand beside me."

She paused before continuing. "Obviously, it didn't quite work out that way."

I scoffed. "No, not quite."

A sliver of shame crossed her face, but was quickly replaced by one of indifference. "I went home to re-group. As I thought about it some more, I realized that the baby could only be Alistair's. You had always used condoms and he didn't. You and I weren't even sleeping together when I conceived, actually."

I held up my hand. "You said it was around Thanksgiving." Unfortunately, I did remember having sex with her just before going home to Forks for the holiday.

She shook her head. "I lied; it was actually the beginning of November. You were away at that conference at Johns Hopkins. You weren't even in the state when I conceived."

Tanya lifted her hands in a "there you have it" kind of gesture. "Once I realized who the father was, I tried to get Alistair to talk to me, but he refused to do so much as even look at me. I was desperate and alone, and I didn't know what to do."

She looked at me straight-faced. "You can hate me for it, Edward, but I was trying to make sure my child would have a father and the opportunity to have at least one decent parent. To be honest, I don't know if I have a mothering instinct, so having someone else around to figure shit out is the only way I could do this. I wasn't even sure that if I told Alistair he'd step up to the plate to be a dad, but I knew you would. So, I lied. I showed up at your sister's store to do what I had wanted to do back in January. I wanted to meet your parents and force your hand."

I pulled at my hair in frustration. "Do you know what you've done to me? To Bella? Do you have any remorse at all?"

Tanya didn't say anything, but instead gave me a small shrug. "I had to look out for my child's best interests, Edward, and at the time you were it. I'm sorry that there was collateral damage, but I did what I had to do."

"You're a fucking…" I couldn't even think of a word bad enough to call her. I was so angry that I had to turn my back on her before I picked her up and threw her across the room.

"Call me all the names you want, it's fine. It doesn't matter. You can go on with your life now, and not worry about this child or me. Alistair's willing to be a dad. He says he loves me."

"Good luck to him, because he's going to need it." I turned back to face her. "What made you finally decide to tell him the truth?"

"Alistair returned from his family thing and heard about my pregnancy. He confronted me. I thought about lying, but honestly, I'm exhausted from it. I knew the truth would come out eventually anyway, because I couldn't fake the paternity results."

She paused, considering. "Well, I suppose I could, but that's a lot of work, and really, you'd probably order one on your own anyway. So I told him the truth. He was thrilled. He wants us to be a couple and raise the baby together."

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "Tanya, I just…the truth was always going to come out. Why did you put us all through this?"

My eyes opened to find her staring at me, her head tilted to the side as if she was trying to figure out exactly what I meant. "You hurt me, Edward. You strung me along, you played with my emotions, and then you left me without a backward glance for someone else. I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me."

She smirked. "Did it work?"

* * *

**BPOV**

I really wished I had listened to my inner voice when it told me to cancel class and stay wrapped up warm in Edward's bed.

But being the responsible adult I am, I went to work.

_My new motto is going to be, "Screw responsibility. It does nothing but cause problems."_

I was absolutely exhausted from the night before – both mentally and physically. Telling Edward even the little bit I had about _the accident_was enough to bring on the nightmares – nightmares even he couldn't keep at bay. I think they scared him as much as they drained me; we were both bleary-eyed and slow moving because of them. Not to mention I had the start of what felt like a killer headache.

The atmosphere between us wasn't tense or uncomfortable, but there was an uneasiness that seemed to be there, as if we were both waiting for the other one to crack, break, or worst of all – reject. That was my biggest and worst fear – that Edward would wake up and realize that he had enough to deal with in his life and didn't need my baggage on top of it. So I waited and prayed that he meant it when he said he wasn't going anywhere.

He seemed braced for a fight when he told me that he was dropping me off at school and that Alice would pick me up. I didn't argue with him, even though for a few minutes, it felt as though he was treating me like a child. However, I knew I was in no shape to drive or to deal with a panic attack. For the safety of myself and the other people on the road, I had no business getting behind a wheel of a car.

We were quiet on the drive, but again, it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, just cautious. Traffic was insane and it took twice the normal amount of time for us to reach campus. Edward was tense, knowing that he would be cutting it close to get to work on time. His tension seeped over to me and by the time we got to school, I was a bundle of nerves. I kissed him goodbye and he told me he loved me and would call me later.

The minute I stepped into my office I knew something was wrong. C.C. was standing over my desk, hunched over and moving her hands back and forth rapidly.

"C.C.? What are you doing?" I didn't want to startle her, but she was acting strange – even for her.

Her head snapped up and she turned her head to look at me, a guilty look on her face. "Uh, hey Bella. Um…." She gave me a sheepish look. "I kind of made a mess."

She moved out of the way just enough for me to see dark brown liquid all over the stack of papers lying there. Papers that I had spent two days grading. Papers that I hadn't recorded the grades of yet. Papers that I had promised to hand back today.

_Motherfletcher. I knew I should've stayed in bed. _

"Oh…" I couldn't get any other words out besides that one.

"I'm so, so, sorry. I came over to turn on the radio." She pointed to the small portable radio I had on a shelf over my desk. "And I didn't realize that my hand had turned…" Gesturing at the mess, she gave me a small smile. "At least they were all graded, right?"

"Uh, yeah. Just not recorded." I could feel the pounding behind my eyes get worse.

C.C. paled and started to apologize again, but I waved her off. "I'll figure something out, don't worry." Giving her a small smile, I made my way toward my desk and the mess.

A half an hour later, I had papers lying on every surface of the office trying to dry and C.C. was doing her best to read the grades on them off to me. Some of them were incredibly smudged and impossible to read, which meant re-reading them would be the only option. I would need at least another day before I handed these papers back, and I knew my students would not be happy. This was one of the few grades they'd get before the college's withdraw period. The longer I held onto them, the longer they would have to wait to see if they needed to drop the class. At some point, they wouldn't be able to do so, and I knew many of them were counting on me getting them their grades today.

It was going to be a rough class.

I did as much work as I could, but was barely able to make a dent in the pile before I had to leave to teach. As predicted, my students were less than pleased to hear of the delay and of the condition their papers would be coming back to them in. I apologized, but it didn't seem to help. Eventually, tired of all the complaining, I snapped at them and told them to grow up. They sat there stunned as I explained that sometimes crappy things happened that were out of people's control and they better learn to accept it now, rather than later, when the circumstances might be worse than waiting an extra day for a grade on a paper.

The rest of the class was tense and not one of them said goodbye as they left. Knowing my luck, one of them would report my behavior to Katherine, or worse, the Provost.

Knowing I was going to be absolutely worthless for the rest of the day, I went back to my office and called the English department's secretary. I asked her to cancel my next class and let Katherine know I wasn't feeling well and going home. Once I hung up with her, I called Alice to come and get me.

C.C. was teaching, so I had the office to myself as I gathered up the almost dried papers and put them in my bag. Glancing around, I tried to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything, feeling my eyes prick with tears.

I was just so damn tired.

At that moment, my phone beeped, alerting me that Alice was outside waiting for me. Picking up my things, I trudged down to her Porsche.

"Hey there! What do you say we…"Alice's voice trailed off as she got a good look at my face. "You okay?"

"I've had the Monday from hell. Can we just go home?" I leaned my head back against the seat and shut my eyes.

"Um, yeah, sure. Do you want to pick up anything for lunch while we're out?" Alice put the car into gear and smoothly moved us forward.

"If you want. I'm not really that hungry." Honestly, I just wanted to go home, crawl into bed and sleep the rest of the day away. I hoped Alice would let me.

Surprisingly, she did. After stopping to pick us up some salads for lunch, Alice drove us home silently. She watched me as I picked at my food – I wasn't hungry, but figured I should eat something since she picked it up – and let me retreat into my room without a word. I knew I should've talked to her, but I didn't have it in me for even the most casual conversation.

I had no idea how long I slept when I woke to the feeling of Edward's arms around me. Rolling over, I looked at him through unfocused eyes.

"Hey." I blinked a few times, trying to clear my vision and wake up.

"Hi. How're you feeling?" He gave me a small smile, but I could see the worry in his gaze.

"I'm okay. Tired, I guess. I had a horrible morning." Reaching over, I ran my hand through his hair. Seconds later, it occurred to me that I shouldn't be seeing him at all.

Pushing him off of me, I struggled to sit up. "What are you doing here? I thought you were on until Wednesday? Is everything okay? Alice didn't bother you at work, did she?"

Edward held up both hands. "Whoa, baby. Slow down. Everything is fine; I'm just home for my break. I have some news that I couldn't wait to tell you, so I decided to come over."

I shook my head, trying to clear it. My nap had left me disoriented and I was still trying to gather my bearings. "What time is it?"

"It's about quarter after five," Edward answered, running a hand over my head.

"Five in the afternoon?" I was shocked I had slept so long; Alice had picked me up just after eleven that morning.

"Yes, and I have to be back by six. Baby, you don't look well." He cupped my cheek in his hand and gazed at me with appraising eyes – doctor's eyes.

I lifted my hand to press against the back of his. I immediately began my standard refrain before I remembered that I'd promised myself I would tell him truth about how I was feeling.

"I'm…tired. Work was awful. After my first class, I just called it quits. I didn't have the energy to try to finish out the day." I scooted forward until I was in his arms.

It was difficult for me to admit just how bad I felt, but I didn't have the energy to hide from him anymore. There were certain topics I wasn't ready to discuss, at least not completely, but knowing I didn't have to hide everything from Edward left me feeling a bit lighter.

"Oh, babe. I wish…" Edward sighed and laid his cheek on top of my head. "I wish I could make this all go away for you."

There was probably an answer I could have – should have – given him, but I didn't have one. I wish he could make it all go away too, but we both knew that wasn't going to happen.

I pulled myself back in his arms a bit so I could see his face. "So, what's this news that couldn't wait?"

All at once a multitude of expressions flashed over his face – elation, anger, giddiness, irritation. I was a little confused by the vast difference of emotions, and he must have been able to tell because he chuckled at me.

"Well, I hope I'm about to make your shit day a whole lot better." He leaned forward and kissed me.

I was pleasantly pulled into the touch of his lips and tongue against mine, forgetting for a minute where we were and what we were talking about. He finally pulled away and chuckled when I tried following him.

"I'll kiss you again when I finish telling you," he said, smiling at me.

"You better get to it then." I shifted a bit in his arms, trying to get comfortable.

"So when I got to work this morning, I walked into the doctors' lounge to find Alistair Matthews kissing Tanya." He paused, waiting for my reaction.

"Wait…Tanya? The Tanya that's claiming to be pregnant with your child Tanya?" I raised an eyebrow, wondering if I had entered an alternate reality or if I was still asleep and dreaming.

"The one and the same. Apparently, she's been cheating on me with Matthews since last October. She told him that we had broken up and when he found out we hadn't, he dumped her. Right around that time, she found out she was pregnant. She wasn't sure who the father was, so she figured she'd just pass it off as mine since we were still technically together."

My jaw had dropped and I sat there staring at Edward, dumbfounded. "You have _got_ to be kidding me."

"Oh, baby, I'm so serious."

"So…what…why did she decide to come clean?" I shook my head, trying to wrap my brain around what Edward was telling me.

"Matthews came back from his family emergency and found out Tanya was pregnant. She apparently just decided to tell the truth. He accepted whatever she told him and they're now together and I'm free of this fucking mess." He gave me a blinding smile.

I could only stare at him, incredulous. "It's over? No more Tanya, no more baby?"

Edward nodded. "It's over – at least it seems to be. I still don't trust the bitch as far as I can throw her, so I'm going to have my lawyer request a paternity test when the baby is born just to be on the safe side. Honestly, though, I believe her. She's got nothing to gain from continuing the lie, especially since she knows it can be so easily disproved. Honestly, baby, I think this is it. We don't have to worry about her anymore."

There was no stopping the smile that crept over my face or the tears of happiness that sprung to my eyes. "For real? It's done?"

"It's done; it's not my baby." Edward's grin was so big it showed nearly all his teeth.

I launched myself at him. With a chuckle, he fell backward on the bed and I landed on top of him, smothering his face with kisses.

"I love you, I love you, I love you!" My words came out muffled against his skin and I could feel him shaking with laughter underneath me. Then suddenly, his laughter stopped and his hands were cupping my face, stilling my movements. I gazed into his beautiful green eyes and saw them shimmering with emotion.

"I love you, Isabella. More than I ever thought possible. I love you so much. Thank you for sticking with me through this hell." He ran his thumb over my cheekbone, the look in his eyes tender and adoring. I felt my heart swell with emotion.

"I love you, too. More than anything." I turned my head so I could kiss the palm of his hand. The minute my lips touched his skin, he was pulling me down to his lips. His kisses were full of love and passion and I found myself getting caught up in the emotion of the moment. Eventually though, Edward pulled away, giving me two chaste kisses to help soften the blow.

"I have to go back to work, baby."

I sighed, but for the first time in weeks, it didn't feel quite so heavy. "I know. Thank you for coming home to tell me. I'm glad we got to celebrate in person." I winked at him, still ecstatic over his news.

"Me too. And we're going to celebrate a hell of a lot more when I get home on Wednesday." He raised and lowered his eyebrows in a lecherous manner, which was completely set off by his grin.

"It's a date," I whispered moving down to kiss his lips one more time. We got up off the bed, holding hands as we walked out into the living room. Alice was sitting on the couch watching "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." A dark look crossed her face when she first saw us, but then she smiled brightly, making me think I had seen something that hadn't really been there.

"Everything okay?" she asked, snapping off the TV with a click of the remote.

Edward nodded. "I came home to tell Bella that Tanya has been lying; I'm not the father of her child."

Alice squealed and jumped up off the couch. "Really? That's amazing news!" She ran over, throwing her arms around Edward in a massive hug before turning to do the same thing to me. "I'm so happy for you guys! What happened? Why did she lie? What did she say? Who is the father? Are you going to have a paternity test done just to make sure? Oh my God, Mom and Dad are going to shit themselves with happiness!"

Her words came out in a tumble and I just stared at her for a minute, trying to make sense of everything she just said. Edward laughed before leaning forward to kiss her on the forehead. "Oh, Ali, you have such a way with words.

"I'm going to let Bella explain, because I really need to go back to work. I promise if you need more details, I'll give them to you when I'm home again, but I have to run. Love you!" With one last kiss to me, Edward was out the door and headed back to the hospital.

Alice pulled me over to the couch and we sat down to gossip like two old women. I explained to her everything Edward had told me and we tried to fill in the blanks of the why's and what for's. Neither one of us could wrap our heads around what Tanya thought she was going to accomplish by lying, but maybe it was because doing something like that would have never occurred to either one of us.

"Maybe it was the money." Alice raised an eyebrow at my surprised look when she made her suggestion. "What? You can't tell me that wouldn't be a draw for some women? A rich doctor, who's not just doctor rich, but like seriously rich."

I had never heard Alice be so cavalier about the Cullen fortune before. Sure, she and the rest of her family had never treated it was a big deal, but this was the most candid I'd ever heard from her.

"I guess…but to turn people's lives around like that over money…" I trailed off, unable to comprehend it.

Alice looked wise beyond her years as she answered me. "You'd be surprised what people would do for money, Bella. When any money is involved it gets complicated, but when you add up the dollar amounts that come with being a Cullen…people have no shame. It's actually quite sad the lengths they would go to get their hands on it."

Alice turned her head away from me as she spoke and it occurred to me that she might be speaking from experience – an experience she hadn't told me about. "You want to talk about it?" I asked her quietly, laying my hand on top of hers.

She turned to me with a shrug, but the glimmer of tears in her eyes told me the real story. "It was a year or so ago. I met someone in New York that I really hit it off with. He actually had me considering breaking my 'no boyfriends' rule for a while. Then it became apparent that the only true interest he had in me was how far my family's money would take him." Alice reached up and swiped at the tear that began to fall down her cheek. "I'd really liked him, so it hurt a bit. It was part of the reason I wanted to come home – to get away from the memories and my embarrassment."

"Oh Ali, I'm so sorry." I gripped her hand under mine, trying to lend her my support.

"I've never admitted that to anyone before. I guess I was more ashamed about it than I thought." She sniffled and I reached up to pull her into a hug. She stayed there for a minute before sitting back into the cushions.

"Really, he did me a favor. Can you imagine if I had let things get serious with him and then found out?" She gave me a watery smile. "I suppose in the end it's more my pride hurt than my heart, but…"

"It still hurts," I finished for her.

She nodded. "Yeah, it does. Makes it hard to trust people and put yourself out there, you know?"

I could only imagine. If Edward hadn't found me I had no doubt I'd still be alone. After _the accident_ and Joe, I couldn't imagine putting my trust and love in someone else. Edward had made it easy, sweeping me off my feet before I had a chance to think too much about it.

"You'll find someone to trust again, Ali. Someone who is worth it and will be nothing but wonderful to you and for you."

"Says the girl in the most perfect relationship in the world." Alice's tone was bitter and I recoiled a bit from the coldness in her words.

"It's not…" I trailed off because I didn't know how to answer her. Edward and I didn't have the perfect relationship, but even I could admit it was better than most people would ever know in their lifetimes.

"Bella, I know that you didn't mean anything by it, but it's really easy for you to sit there and tell me that I'll find someone. You were in a relationship with Joe for five years. For five years you trusted the fact that he'd be there when you needed him. You slept beside him, you shared your life with him and you loved him. And yes, he turned out to be a dick and broke your heart and that freaking sucked. But without even meaning to or wanting to, you found my brother. It was effortless, it was easy, and you got damn lucky. So don't sit there and tell me that it's easy as finding someone who is trustworthy and worth it, because_you don't know_ just how hard it is."

I bit my lip trying to hold back my tears. On one hand I knew very well that Alice wasn't really lashing out at me. She had been alone for a long time – her choice or not – and she was feeling the pain of that loneliness. I hadn't exactly been waiting around asking her to open up to me and now that I had, some of that frustration and hurt and anger was bound to come out of it.

But it didn't make her words hurt any less.

In the past, I would have let it go and avoided a confrontation, but I couldn't this time. She needed to know that her view of things was a little skewed.

"I may have been lucky for awhile with Joe, but after he dumped me in the hospital, Ali, I wondered if I would find anyone else; if anyone would look at the broken parts of me and love me despite of them. There were months before I met your brother where I would come home from physical therapy or from another doctor's appointment and just want someone to hold me while I cried from the pain I was in…. both the mental and emotional pain. I wanted someone other than my father and Jake to tell me that they loved me and it would be okay. I wanted someone to hold me up when I didn't think I had it in me to go another step. And before I met your brother, I had convinced myself that it just wasn't going to happen and I would have to learn to be okay with that. And then…there he was. And I fought it for a little bit, but ultimately I had no choice once I met him. I know he's it for me and I'm it for him. But it took a lot of tears and pain and heartache to get there, so don't tell me I don't understand, Alice Cullen. I understand better than you think."

We both were crying by the time I finished, tears streaming down our faces and snot running from our noses. It took less than five seconds for Alice to throw her arms around me.

"I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean it. Well I did, but that's because I wasn't thinking beyond my own selfish issues. I'm so sorry, Bella. I know how much you've been through and I can only imagine how that must have felt. I'm sorry I didn't take that into consideration."

She cried into my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around her. My anger melted away into understanding. I knew that Alice truly hadn't meant anything by what she had said, but I also knew I couldn't let her misconceptions about what I might or might not understand go without a response. "It's okay; we're okay."

We held onto each other for a bit longer until we got our tears under control and I leaned back out of our embrace.

"Ali?" I waited until she looked at me. "I know there's been a lot of stuff going on lately and I haven't been the best friend to you I should have been, but if you want to talk to me, I hope you know you can."

Alice sighed. "Oh, Bella. You've been a good friend to me – always. I'm just…feeling incredibly sorry for myself and acting like a jealous, selfish bitch."

"You can tell me, you know? If you want to…" I didn't want to push her, but I knew I had a lot of making up to do to her in the friend department. I hadn't meant to abandon her when I met Edward, but that's pretty much what had happened. Granted, I had my own issues to deal with, and God knew that Tanya's pregnancy only added to my distraction, but I had known for a while that something was up with Alice. It made me feel like a crappy friend, and I hoped there was some way I could make it up to her.

She was quiet for a moment before she spoke. "It's hard to be around all of you – Em and Rose, you and Edward. You're all so _happy_ and I just…for the first time in a long time, I wish I had someone to share my life with. It probably sounds stupid…" She ran a hand under her nose as she sniffled.

I took her hand in mine. "I don't think it sounds stupid at all. I think it sounds very human. I'm sorry if we've made things difficult –"

Alice shook her head and cut me off. "No, no, that's not it. I _am_ happy, Bella." She smirked a bit at the incredulous look on my face. "No, I really am. I'm passionate about what I do and I'm following my dream. I'm surrounded by the most supportive and wonderful friends and family – I know how lucky I am, trust me. But there are times when I've had a particularly long day or something great happened and I just wish I had someone to come home to and talk to about it. And as thrilled and happy as I am with the fact that you and Edward and Emmett and Rose found each other, sometimes I'm jealous as hell of it too. And that makes me feel guilty because…_how dare I_? Why should I be envious of someone else's happiness? Especially of my brothers' and best friend's? It makes me such a shitty person."

"Oh Ali, it doesn't make you a shitty person. It doesn't make you anything but honest." I wish I knew how to make her feel better about her feelings; I could only imagine how she felt.

"I feel so guilty, Bella. I see how happy you are and it's amazing the difference in you since you and Edward started dating and fell in love. Even with the whole Tanya thing, you guys never faltered; you never even stumbled. I've been in awe watching both of you. _I want that._ But there are times, like tonight, when I feel sorry for myself and frustrated and wonder if it's ever going to happen for me."

Squeezing her hand, I gave her a small smile. "I can't promise that it will, Ali. I know that I've been lucky when it comes to relationships – even with jerk face Joe. So it's easy for me to sit here and say that it'll happen for you, but I believe with everything I have inside of me that it will. I know you'll find someone who will do for you what Edward did for me – he'll turn your world upside down and make you smile for no reason. I know you don't believe that right now, but I do, so I'll believe enough for you until you can get there."

My words set her off again, but wasn't too long before all her tears dried and she looked at me with a slight smile.

"Thank you. You know, for listening, not judging. I'm sorry to have dumped it all on you with everything you've got going on."

I shook my head. "There's not a thing you need to be sorry for. I love you, Ali, and I'm always here for you – even if I've got craziness in my own life. BFF's remember?"

My words got a genuine smile and laugh out of her this time, and she pulled me into another hug. "Same goes, I hope you know. Anything, anytime, anywhere, Bella; I've got your back."

I nodded and squeezed her tight. Pulling away, I looked over at the clock hanging on the wall. "I don't know about you, but I'm starving."

Alice nodded. "I could eat. Feel like getting out of here for a bit? Maybe wandering around a bit and seeing what we can find?"

"Sounds good. Let me just go wash my face and then we can go."

We ended up eating in a cozy little Irish pub not far from the apartment, with Alice and I starting our meal out with pints of Guinness. It was never my first choice beer, but as they say "when in Rome…"

_Well, in this case, Ireland._

Alice seemed happier after her confession and our dinner conversation was easy and carefree. We stayed far away from any heavy topics and the more we drank, the sillier we got. We planned evil and inventive ways to get revenge on Tanya – after she had the baby, of course. I laughed at her grimace when I accidentally blurted out just how good her brother was in bed. She retaliated by telling me about the time she and Jake made out when we were in high school.

"I honestly hope he's gotten to be a better kisser, Bella, because Jesus, he slobbered like a dog! I don't know how Leah could handle it!" Alice was practically snorting into her beer and I was covering my ears with my hands, trying to block out her words. The last thing I needed was the image of my two best friends hooking up.

Alice snorted once more and I decided it would be best if I got us out of there before she was too drunk to walk home. The beers seem to hit her harder than they had me, and while I hadn't kept track, I was also pretty sure that she had one – or three – more than I had.

The walk home was only slightly less enjoyable than the walk to the pub had been, since it was colder and there was a light, misty rain coming down. We arrived at the apartment with no major incidents, although Alice did try talking a guy into giving her the dog that he was walking. Luckily, he just smiled and let me drag Alice on our way.

I had forgotten just how loopy Alice could be after having a few too many drinks.

After I poured her into bed, I went through the apartment making sure the lights were off and that I remembered to lock the front door. My phone buzzed in my pocket just as I was flicking off the hallway light.

**I miss you. Wish I was holding you right now. I love you. – E**

I couldn't help the sigh that escaped my lips. There were moments that what I felt for Edward overwhelmed me and I thought for sure it would burst out of me. What I felt for him was so intense, so consuming, and so powerful that I couldn't understand how my body could handle the assault on my heart.

I wouldn't trade it for the world.

**Wish you were here, too. I love you more than anything. – B**

My phone stayed silent and I knew he must be busy. Sighing, this time with a bit of disappointment, I walked into my bedroom. I took my time getting ready for bed, thinking over everything that happened in the last twenty-four hours.

First and foremost, knowing that Tanya's pregnancy was no longer a concern was a huge weight off my shoulders. While I'd had a few weeks to adjust to the fact that my boyfriend might have fathered a child with his ex, it wasn't something I had allowed myself to think about in great detail. I actually deliberately avoided thinking about it at all if I could help it. I'd had no idea what that baby would have meant for us beyond the fact that I knew it was something we would deal with and get through together. I hadn't allowed my brain to move to the_ how_ we were going to get through it.

And now it didn't matter.

I thought Edward was smart for getting a paternity test just in case, but the truth of the matter was I believed him when he said it was truly over. The test would just put the confirmation over into the 100% sure category rather than the 99% sure one.

Knowing that was something off our plates – that we could move on it and past it as if it had never happened – was such a relief that it brought tears to my eyes. It didn't take long before I was full out sobbing into the t-shirt of Edward's that I held in my hands.

I cried in relief that it was over.

I cried for the guilt I felt in relief of knowing I would never have to share him with another woman and a child that wasn't mine.

I cried for how much I loved him and how sometimes I felt so unworthy of how much he loved me.

I sniffled, trying to bring myself back into control. The important part of this debacle with Tanya was that it was now over.

Dropping Edward's shirt on the bed, I moved to slip out of my clothes. In nothing but my underwear, I padded into the bathroom to wash my face. The cold water cooled down my overheated skin and washed the salt from my cheeks.

One look in the mirror was enough to start the tears all over again.

I could see the scars across my stomach and seeing them threw me back into the nightmare of _the accident_.

Suddenly, I was no longer in my bathroom in the apartment I shared with Alice. Instead, I was standing in the bathroom of the hospital in Jacksonville. My face was still bruised and I was leaning on the sink for support. I could smell the antibacterial soap from the dispenser next to me and it made me want to gag. When I lifted my gown and looked at my abdomen, I vomited.

There were staples and stitches and old, black lines of blood crisscrossing my skin. The pain my vomiting caused brought me to tears and I was gasping for air. I could hear Charlie calling for me through the door, asking me if I was okay.

The memory ended and I woke in the present on the floor covered in puke. It may have been a memory, but the pain of it had followed me.

I was calm by the time I exited the shower, clean and no longer smelling like a garbage can. My body felt heavy, as if I had ridden through a storm being tossed back and forth. It just wanted me to lie down and rest.

However, my mind was still going a million miles an hour when I crawled into bed.

It was the first time I had flashed back to anything having to do with_the accident_. I had nightmares of course, and had vague memories of what happened that night – vague memories that I refused to think of unless I couldn't help it.

Like when Edward had asked me about them the night before.

It was the first time since _the accident_ that I deliberately let those memories come to the forefront of my mind.

And now it seemed as though I was paying for it.

I didn't know what to do or how to handle it. Nothing seemed to make sense to me in the moment and part of me wanted to call Edward and beg him to come home. I didn't want to be alone with the memories or the fear that I could have another flashback.

I just wanted to be better.

I thought of Edward's words from the night before_. "Have you thought about talking to someone about all of it?"_

Rolling over, I opened the drawer in my nightstand. I took out a book my doctor had given me before I left the hospital and opened the cover. Pulling out the small business card tucked inside the book jacket, I shut the book, placing it back in the drawer.

I stared at the card for an eternity, trying to decide if I was actually going to call the man whose name was listed on the front.

There was a ball of fear in my belly as I traced the name with my fingernail. Taking a deep breath, I reached over and grabbed my cell phone. I didn't allow myself to think as I dialed the number.

There were four rings before his voicemail picked up. It gave the standard greeting that he was currently unavailable and to leave a message after the beep. If I had a medical emergency, I should call 911. In a smooth southern drawl, he thanked the caller and said he would return the call as soon as he could. Then there was the beep.

I hesitated briefly before finally speaking.

"Dr. Whitlock, my name is Bella Swan..."

* * *

**A/N:**

I'll stop you before you ask. Yes, the baby is really Alistair's. We're done with Tanya. (Yay!) She won't be popping up again. (Well, unless **Browns** has her way and I come up with a really good revenge plan.) But as of this moment, we're done with Dr. Jackson and her evil ways, so no worries in that respect.

Thanks to everyone who has read/reviewed/alerted/favorited. I really do appreciate it more than I can tell you.

I do not have one word written for Chapter 23 yet, but for those of you that choose to **review**, a **teaser** will arrive once I do.

**Twitter**: Scorp_112

Again, thank you so much for reading.

**Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! **


	23. Learning

**Disclaimer**: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks to **Ms. Ambrosia** and **Browns**, as always.

I also want to send out a huge thank you to **divineinspiration** for letting me spoil her and run some plot issues by her. Thanks so much for your help, bb. I really appreciate it more than I can say. You're the best!

* * *

**BPOV**

My knee bounced up and down nervously as I sat in the waiting room of Dr. Whitlock's office. The room gave off a calming feel with its sky blue walls, light wooden beams across the ceiling and cushy leather furniture. The receptionist was a man who looked to be about my age, with longish blonde hair and striking blue eyes. He smiled at me gently when I gave him my name. His voice was kind as he handed me the insurance forms to fill out, and his demeanor helped put me at ease. It was almost as if he knew how difficult it was for me to be there, and that I needed some extra support.

Dr. Whitlock had called me back less than eight hours after I left him a message on his machine. He also returned the call himself, and scheduled an appointment with me for Thursday afternoon, after my office hours on campus were over. I texted Edward to let him know that I had made an appointment with the grief counselor recommended to me, and that my first appointment was later in the week.

When Edward called me back later that night, I didn't feel like discussing my upcoming appointment, only telling him that it was on Thursday evening. He asked me what made me decide to call, and I gave him a vague answer, telling him I thought about what he had said and decided I should talk to someone about _the accident_. I hadn't told him about my flashback or my subsequent illness because of it, not wanting to get into it over the phone. I had every intention of telling him about it when he arrived home on Wednesday, but we had gotten distracted easily. I was chomping at the bit to learn the exact details of his conversation with Tanya and when that was over, we had quite a bit of _celebrating_ to do. Telling him about my flashback completely left my mind.

I was pulled out of the memories of our _celebration_ when the man behind the desk spoke to me.

"First time?"

"Huh?" I was startled by the sound of his voice in the quiet room.

"You seem a bit nervous. First time at therapy or just nervous about the doc?"

The tone of his voice was light and there was something about it that helped ease my tension just a bit. My knee stopped bouncing and I gave him a small smile. "First time in therapy."

"Ah. Well, you don't have to worry about the doc. He's a nice guy. He's letting me work for him as I get my Master's Degree."

"What's your degree going to be in?" I couldn't believe I was having a conversation with a complete stranger – totally not my thing, usually – but it was a nice distraction.

"Psychology," he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I chuckled. "Of course. What better place for you to work then here?"

Laughing, he answered. "Exactly. I can't technically do my internship here with the doc, since he's my father, but doing the office stuff allows me to see another side of things. It's actually a pretty good deal."

"So you saying that he's a good guy, you're not biased or anything, are you?" I teased, feeling more and more comfortable as time went on. I had no idea where this talkative side of me was coming from, but I went with it. It felt better to be having a friendly conversation with a stranger than to be worrying about what was going to happen when I walked into his father's office.

He gave me a wink and a grin as he answered. "Well, maybe a bit." Sobering a bit, he continued. "The truth is though, he is _that_ good. I wouldn't be following in his footsteps if he wasn't, nor would I be working here with him. I hope after I get my degree he'll take me on as a partner. He's a good guy and one of the few people in this world I know I can count on and trust – and not just because he's my dad. He's a genuinely good man."

I nodded. "Thank you for telling me that." While it sounded like he was just praising his father, it helped to put me at ease about what I was going to have to do.

"I hope he can help you with whatever it is you're here for." He gave me another gentle smile and I nodded. Before I could say anything further, Dr. Whitlock's office door opened.

The man that stood there reminded me of Santa Claus – albeit a much skinner version. He had twinkling blue eyes that I could see clearly behind his wire-rimmed glasses. He had a neatly trimmed beard and mustache. He was fairly tall, but at my own five foot four, everyone seemed tall to me.

"Bella?" he asked, taking a step further into the room.

I stood. "Yes, I'm Bella."

The smile he gave me was disarming in its sparkle factor. He managed to light up the room with one easy grin. Stepping forward again, he held out his hand for me to shake.

"It's nice to meet you, Bella. I'm Dr. Jasper Whitlock."

His grasp was both firm and gentle. Like his son, he immediately put me at ease. "Nice to meet you, too."

Releasing his hand from mine, he gestured toward his office. "Let's go talk, shall we?"

Giving him a small smile, I followed him inside.

I hadn't ever been to a therapist before so I had no idea what to expect after Dr. Whitlock had ushered me into his office. There was a desk, which seemed normal enough, but there were also two reclining armchairs and a couch. Not sure where to sit, I paused. Dr. Whitlock noticed my hesitation and smiled.

"You can sit wherever you're comfortable, Bella."

I decided to take one of the recliners, which was, conveniently enough, situated across from the other only a few feet apart in front of windows that looked over the Seattle skyline.

After we were seated and settled, Dr. Whitlock explained that he just wanted to give me an idea of how he operated and what he expected from the patients he worked with.

"I focus on holistic healing, Bella. I want to make sure you're not just mentally and emotionally healthy, but also physically and spiritually healthy as well. It takes some time to develop trust in a patient/therapist relationship and I hope that you'll give me that time. It may take a few sessions before you can decide if I'm truly the therapist for you, and I hope you'll agree to making at least four appointments with me before you make a decision on whether or not my approach is what you're looking for. Does this sound okay to you?"

I nodded. While four appointments sounded like a lot, I knew that if I was going to make this work, I needed to give it time.

Dr. Whitlock gave a short nod before smiling at me. "So, Bella, why don't we start with you telling me why you're here."

* * *

The hour I spent with Dr. Whitlock had been draining, and I left feeling exhausted. We hadn't even gotten into anything deep, other than the reason why I made my appointment with him. I explained about my mother's and Phil's death due to _the accident_ and my resulting injuries. We then moved on to speak in general terms about my life now – my job, my friends and family, and some of my likes and dislikes. Before I left, Dr. Whitlock had assigned me 'homework' to complete before my next appointment. He asked me to journal each night and write about how I was feeling, what I was thinking and any worries, concerns or hopes I had that day. He told me to focus on all aspects of my life and in all areas – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. He explained that the journal would be for my eyes only and that I was not required to share it with anyone, including him. It was just a way to express my hopes, worries, dreams and fears.

The whole thing seemed pretty informal for a therapy appointment, but having no point of reference, what did I know? The truth of the matter was that I might have been exhausted, but I was comfortable talking to Dr. Whitlock. It no longer seemed like it would be so hard to show up for four appointments. It would be difficult, but not impossible.

When I left, I said goodbye to Dr. Whitlock's son, who I learned was also named Jasper, but went by Jazz. He scheduled my next appointment for Tuesday after my class.

The drive home went by slowly as I hit the evening rush hour. The longer I sat in traffic, the more anxious I felt. My frustration grew when I opened the door to the apartment and heard Alice and Edward arguing over the TV.

"Edward! Give. Me. Back. The. Remote." Alice's voice was loud and shrill and it intensified the pounding that began behind my eyes on the trip home.

"Shut it, Shorty. I'm watching this." I could hear the teasing in Edward's voice, and groaned inwardly knowing Alice hated that nickname.

"Then go to your own apartment to watch ESPN and leave me in peace!" Alice's voice grew in volume. I sighed, knowing what I was walking into was not something I really wanted to be dealing with.

"Good evening, children." I trudged into the living room to find Alice crawling over Edward, trying to reach the remote control he held out of her reach. The minute he saw me, he moved Alice off of him and dropped the remote in her lap. He stood and crossed the room toward me.

"Hi, baby. How was your day? How was therapy?" He leaned down and gave me a soft kiss before pulling back and smiling at me.

"It was good. Long day. I'm beat."

A worried look crossed Edward's face. "Are you okay?"

I rolled my eyes at his concern. "I'm fine, really. Just…tired."

I looked around him to see Alice sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels. "Hey Ali."

"Hey! Thanks for taking my annoying brother off my hands. Now I can watch last night's American Idol in peace."

Both Edward and I groaned. Shaking his head, Edward wrapped an arm around my waist. "Are you hungry? I made dinner for you guys."

Walking toward to where he had pointed to the covered dish on the cabinet, I said, "How was your day?"

Edward followed me over to the counter and stood next to me. "It was fine. I slept late, went to the gym, had lunch with Emmett, paid some bills, did some laundry and then decided to come over here to make dinner."

I lifted the lid off a casserole dish to find…mush.

"What is this?" I tried to keep my disgust out of my voice, but I don't think Edward bought it.

"Goulash."

I looked back at the food in front of me. "This doesn't look like any goulash I've ever seen…"

Edward laughed. "It's Esme's recipe. Ground beef, elbow macaroni and cottage cheese."

I tried not to gag. "Oh." Putting the lid back on the dish, I turned away. "I don't think I'm that hungry, actually." And after seeing that, I really wasn't.

"Are you sure? You should try it, it's good."

"I'll take your word for it." I left the kitchen and made my way to my bedroom, sensing Edward's presence behind me. I didn't wait for him to come in and close the door before I started stripping off my work clothes. I wanted my yoga pants and a comfy t-shirt, stat.

Edward sat on the bed, watching me silently. His demeanor was making me tense and I found myself snapping at him. "What?"

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Um, nothing."

"Then why are you staring at me?" I slipped my t-shirt over my head and turned to him. "I'm fine, Edward. Just tired. It was a long day and you were snoring last night."

It was an outright lie since never once had I heard Edward snore, but I just needed to get him off my back for a minute. It wasn't that I wasn't glad he was there, waiting for me when I came home, but I needed a minute to decompress and debrief from my appointment. Even though the subject matter for my first session had stayed light, I knew it would only be a matter of time before we started delving into things I had spent months avoiding. I was afraid of what the journaling might bring up for me and I was terrified of having another flashback.

These were things I knew without a doubt I could share with Edward, and probably _should_ share with him, but I needed the time and space to get it clear in my own head, first.

Edward just stared at me before slowly getting to his feet. "All right. Sorry you felt I was bugging you. I'll just go watch TV with Ali for a while. Let me know when you're ready for bed…or if you'd rather, I'll just go back to my place."

Without giving me a chance to respond, he left the room, shutting the door quietly, but firmly, behind him. I sighed and sat down on the bed with a thump. On top of feeling tired and a bit overwhelmed, I felt like a crappy girlfriend. He had been overly concerned lately, constantly questioning me on how I felt and if I was okay. It seemed my confession about the nightmares had lighted something in him that made him want to constantly check-in with me to make sure I was fine. It had only gotten worse in the last few days now that he was no longer consumed with the drama Tanya had caused. Since he no longer had that weighing on his mind, he had all the time in the world to worry about me and how I was doing.

Along with my guilt came frustration. Who was he to start questioning me the minute I walked in the door? Was it completely unreasonable to ask that he understood that I just needed a bit of time and space before getting into everything with him?

_No, he doesn't, because you didn't tell him. Instead you accuse him of staring and keeping you up all night with his non-existent snoring. _

I groaned, knowing that he had every right to be upset with me, because I _hadn't_ communicated with him what was happening with me. I didn't understand what my problem was. When everything was going on with Tanya, we were able to discuss the situation like two rational adults. I had even been able to open up a bit and tell him things I had never told anyone. However, faced with truly doing something about my problems, I clamed up, refusing to let him in. What was wrong with me?

I lay back on the bed, throwing my arm over my eyes. If I was honest with myself, I knew part of the issue was I didn't know how to allow anyone to be there for me. With my parents, I had been the adult in my relationships with them, making sure my mom paid the bills on time and that Charlie had a home cooked meal every night I lived with him. Even after I moved out and went to college, I still called home at least three times a week, making sure they were both okay and handling my absence without a problem.

When it came to my relationship with Joe, I hadn't been able to let go and allow him to help me – not that he tried very hard. If I had a bad day at work and needed someone to vent to, he let me talk, but I'm not sure how much he had actually listened to me. His head always seemed to be stuck in the newspaper or focused on a computer screen. I would receive the occasional "uh huh" or "wow," but I was never sure how much of that was just a canned response to what I was telling him.

Jake and Alice had been there when I needed them, but in retrospect, how often had I really called them and used their shoulders for a good cry? Times were few and far between, as I had always just handled things on my own. If I told them of my troubles, it was usually well after they were over and dealt with.

So here was Edward, trying to be there for me and support me as any good boyfriend should do, and I was doing nothing but keeping him at arms length. I seemed to only let him in so far, stalling when I should've been confiding in him the most.

It was hard wrapping my head around what I wanted – and needed – to do. Talking to Edward might make me feel better, but I didn't see how laying all my fears at his feet was going to make a difference. There was nothing that he could do for me that he wasn't already doing. He couldn't change the past; he couldn't make me feel better about the accident or my role in it. He certainly couldn't change the fact that I had found him and fallen in love because of it. He couldn't control my fear of opening up to Dr. Whitlock and allowing him to help me.

And if I was honest with myself, that was the crux of the issue.

There was no way I would ever be the same Bella I was before _the accident_. That Bella had…_died_…right along with my mother and Phil. The only thing I knew now was how to be _this_ Bella.

I couldn't deny that part of my fear was that Dr. Whitlock was going to change me into someone new yet again. I would have to let go of the Bella I became in order to survive. How could I…Would I even like the new me?

Would Edward?

Part of my brain told me how irrational I was being, but I couldn't seem to help myself. All I knew was this _after accident_ reality. The fact that Dr. Whitlock would likely focus on helping me get over my fears and neuroses, worries and nightmares actually scared me. Most people would probably have been thrilled to let those things go, and here I was afraid to lose them.

I was scared to find out who I was without them.

For the last seven months, I had only known the person who felt these emotions, who dealt with the constant physical, and then emotional, pain. Those two things had become my security blanket, what I wrapped myself in when everything around me seemed cold and unfamiliar. I may have hated the pain, but after a while it reminded me that I was still alive and if I could count on nothing else, I could count on the pain.

I knew that it was time to let it go of it all, but I had no idea how. I had no idea where I was supposed to go from here and what I would do when I got through the other side. I was confused, frightened and totally unaware of how to look at the man I loved and ask him to help me.

How could he help me when I wasn't really sure if I wanted help at all?

I knew working through my issues and problems was what was best for me, and would allow me to have a happy, healthy life. I knew that I had done the right thing when I made that phone call to Dr. Whitlock.

It didn't change the fact, however, that _knowing_ and _doing_ were two completely different things.

Part of me wanted to get better.

Part of me was terrified of more change.

Part of me wanted to reach for Edward and rely on him to get me through this.

Part of me was afraid to let him.

Despite all my worries, I knew one thing for sure; I would be pushing Edward away and probably dooming our relationship if I didn't let him in and allow him to help me through this. No matter what my fears were, I wasn't willing to risk losing him. I loved and needed him far too much. I may have wanted to stand on my own, but I didn't want to do it without Edward by my side.

Standing up, I walked to the bedroom door and opened it. Listening, I heard the TV, but nothing else. Moving forward, I stopped in the archway between the hallway and the living room. Edward and Alice were sitting next to each other on the couch, watching American Idol.

"Edward," I said quietly.

He glanced up and looked at me and I could still see the hurt in his eyes, although his expression was impassive. "Yes?"

"Can…can we talk?" I bit my lip, somewhat afraid that he'd deny me after the way I treated him earlier.

He nodded and stood. Alice glanced back over her shoulder and gave me a wink and a grin, lending her unwavering support – as usual.

I walked back to my room as Edward followed behind me. He shut the door once he was inside and I sat on the bed.

"I'm sorry." I wasn't sure where to start, but an apology seemed to be the best place.

He said nothing, his face still blank.

I sighed. "Instead of snapping at you, I should've told you I just needed some time and space to decompress from my appointment. I just needed to get it sorted in my own head first before I talked to you about it."

Edward ran a hand through his hair before crossing the room to sit next to me on the bed. He took my hand in his before speaking. "I wish you had told me, but I should've recognized you may have needed some time alone, too. I'm sorry I didn't give you space; I was just so worried about you."

I leaned over until my head was resting against his shoulder. "I know…I just…I shouldn't have snapped at you. It's not that I didn't – and don't – want you here because I loved the fact that you were waiting for me when I came home. I just needed a chance to relax a minute before getting into it, you know? Kind of sort out how I felt before I told you?"

He kissed the top of my head. "I get it. You'll tell me when you're ready. I just want to make sure you're okay."

I squeezed his hand. "I'm fine. I'm still nervous about what's to come, but for a first session, it wasn't too bad. He seems like a good guy; straightforward, but kind. He made me promise to give him and therapy a chance, so I had to agree to show up for at least four sessions. As I left this one, I realized it wasn't going to be a problem. He made me feel comfortable, so that's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah. I'm so proud of you, sweetheart." Edward kissed the top of my head and I felt some of the tension I'd been carrying around leave my body. I knew talking to him would be good for me; I just had to wrap my own head around things first.

"He focuses on holistic healing – body, mind and soul, I guess you could call it. But he didn't push this session, just asked how I was feeling overall and learning about me, why I was there, the people in my life, that kind of thing. I found it very easy to talk to him."

"That's…great, Bella. I'm glad it looks like this is going to work out for you." There was something in the tone of his voice that caused me to turn and look up at him. There was tension around his mouth and his eyes were tight.

"Are you okay?" I asked, staring at him and willing him to look at me.

"I'm fine." He smiled at me, but it didn't reach his eyes. "What did you say this doctor's name was again?"

I sat up straighter and pulled back from him a bit more. "I…didn't."

Edward raised his eyebrows at me. "Okay, so what's his name?"

I stood and walked toward my dresser, my back to Edward. Straightening some of the bottles of lotion and perfume – both rarely used – that were sitting there, I answered him. "Um, I'd rather not say." I braced myself, knowing my answer would not please him.

"I don't understand…why not?" His tone was confused.

I sighed. "It's probably going to seem silly to you, but I kind of want to figure out how I feel about him on my own. I already have a good feeling about him and I don't want it to be tainted by anything you might know or find out about him. I want to decide if he's a good doctor and the right doctor for me without any input from you."

It came out harsher than I meant it to, though I did my best to keep my tone light. I knew my words were a bit stronger than I planned on using, but I knew this would come up and I was worried about it. I had tried to practice what I would say to him when he asked this very question, but when the time came, it came across much worse than I had meant.

"Wait. What are you saying? You're afraid I'll interfere somehow?"

_Great, he's hurt._

Turning, I looked at him. "Edward, it's not that I think you'll interfere. But between you and your father, I know you have a lot of contacts and ways of finding out things about other doctors in the area. I just want to be able to try this without any outside knowledge or opinions. It's hard enough to go there and pour my heart out to him; I don't want my brain filled with outside information. I just want to be able to go there and try to get better and I don't want a voice in the back of my head saying, 'Edward heard a few people were unhappy with his methods' or something."

I paused, trying to gauge the reaction on his face. "Please understand where I'm coming from. It has nothing to do with me wanting to keep anything from you, but I'm really trying to do this on my own. I've been relying on all of you so much that I just…I need to know I can do this by myself."

"Bella, that's… How would me just knowing his name lead to all that? Why won't you let me help you through this?" His head dropped and his shoulders slumped. "I just don't understand…"

I could feel the tears spring to my eyes, but I did my best to blink them back. Edward and I should be able to have a difference of opinion without me getting so upset it made me cry.

"I just…I want to see how things go for awhile before I get specific, okay? I want to make up my own mind, have my own opinions on how things are going and if he's the right therapist for me before I involve you in it. I don't want to be swayed by something you heard from a colleague or even something that you _think_ he should be doing. I want to give him the four sessions he asked for with only my own impressions and feelings deciding if he's someone I want to continue seeing. Does that make any sense?"

Inside, I was begging Edward to see where I was coming from. I didn't want this to turn into a fight or something we spent hours discussing. I just wanted him to accept it and for us to move on.

Edward sighed and was silent for a few moments. Finally, he answered me. "I still don't understand, but if that's what you want, then okay. You'll tell me what you want me to know, when you want me to know it." He looked defeated, and hurt.

"Edward, please don't do that. It's not that I want to keep you out on purpose…I just…do you know how hard this is for me? Do you know how difficult it was for me to dial his number and make that appointment? To show up there today and explain to him why I was there and what I hoped to get out of my sessions with him?" The tears spilled over without my consent.

"I just need some time to figure out how this is going to make me feel, how I'm going to deal with it. I'm not trying to keep anything from you; I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to go to therapy and then come home and tell you everything I talked about. Do you know that means reliving everything twice? I don't know if I can do that, Edward. I don't know if I'm strong enough for that right now. All I'm asking for is some time to figure out how to get help from him without shutting you out, but still protecting my state of mind. Do you understand?"

Edward stood, crossing the room and taking me in his arms. I buried my face in his chest as my arms came up to wrap around his waist. He said nothing, just held me while I continued.

"I'm sorry. I'm not handling this right. I don't want to shut you out. I do want you here with me and I do want your help. I just…let me figure out this therapy thing first, okay? That's all I'm asking for…just a couple of sessions to figure out how it's going to affect me and what kind of support I'm going to need."

His arms tightened around me and he sighed. "Okay. I don't completely understand, but I'm getting there. You just tell me what you need and I'll do my best to give it to you. I just…I want you to know that you are not alone in this and I'm here for you, however and whenever you need me. I don't want you to feel like I don't care or that, now that you're meeting with someone, I'm ignoring you. I just want to help you, baby. I want you to be happy and healthy. I'll do anything I can to make that happen and if it means backing off and letting you do this on your own…then I'll suck it up and do it. I won't like it, and it goes against everything I have inside of me, but if it's what you need, then I'll do it."

I removed my hands from around his waist and reached up to grasp his face with my hands. Pulling his face down to mine, I kissed him gently. "Thank you."

"I love you, Bella. I'll do whatever I can to make you happy." His lips caressed mine in a soft whisper.

"I love you, too." We stood there for a few minutes, wrapped up in each other and letting the tension melt away. Eventually, Edward pulled back, his hands clasped behind my back.

"Are you hungry?" He placed a small kiss on my forehead and my eyes slid shut.

I wasn't hungry at all, but I knew this was some small way he felt he could care for me and after what I just put him through, I couldn't deny him it. "Yeah, I could eat."

He let me go, only to take my hand as we walked to the kitchen. Alice was still in the living room, but had moved on from American Idol to something that looked and sounded like a Lifetime movie.

Edward opened the casserole dish with the goulash in it as I sat on one of the island stools. Seeing it, and smelling it, again made me sick to my stomach and I quickly said, "No" as he went to go scoop some into a dish.

Edward looked up at me, questioning. "It really is good…I promise."

I nodded. "I'm sorry, I'm sure it is, but it just does not look appetizing to me right now."

Edward put the cover back on the dish. "Okay, what else can I get for you?"

"I just want something light; maybe soup or something?"

Edward nodded and walked over to the cabinet to pull out a box of chicken noodle soup. He held it out to me. "Is this what you had in mind?"

"Perfect." I tried to take the soup from him, giving him a grin in thanks. He kept it out of my reach, insisting I go join Alice on the couch while he got my dinner ready.

I laughed at Alice's choice of movie, since it _was_ one of those corny Lifetime ones staring Tori Spelling, but by the time the soup was ready, I was immersed in it. Edward rolled his eyes and left me to the soup and the movie, saying he was going to try to catch a basketball game on the TV in my room.

The movie wrapped up about two hours later and I joined Edward in the bedroom, where he was already undressed and in bed. I was glad to feel that there seemed no leftover animosity between us from earlier in the evening and that we were back to normal. I quickly went through my nighttime routine, washing my face and changing into my normal tank and shorts for bed.

"I'm going to go check the locks, make sure the lights are off and stuff. Be right back."

His response was an "hmmmm" since he was already engrossed in the highlight reel on ESPN.

Walking back up the hallway, I turned off the light by the couch in the living room before going to the foyer to make sure our door was locked. Once I was satisfied it was, I turned and a blinking light caught my eye. On the table in the foyer was our apartment phone and answering machine, which was what was blinking. It struck me as odd, since no one I knew ever called the house phone, preferring to get Alice and me on our cell phones.

Hitting the button, I listened.

"Ms. Swan? This is Dr. Reilly's office. We're calling to remind you about your appointment tomorrow. We'll see you at four o'clock. Thank you."

There was a beep and a second message played. "Ms. Swan, Dr. Reilly's office. We are calling about your missed appointment today. Please call us back at your earliest convenience. Thank you."

I groaned as I heard the message. _Crap_.

"What's wrong?" Edward sat up in bed as I walked back in the bedroom, grumbling.

"I missed my gynecology appointment today. It completely slipped my mind with everything that happened this week." I slid into bed next to Edward. "Gah. This Swiss cheese for brains I have sometimes is killing me."

Edward pulled me into his arms and I settled against his chest. He kissed the top of my head and said, "Do you want me to call them back, smooth things over and make you another appointment?"

"No, I'll call them tomorrow. Hopefully they'll still see me, but if not, I'll find someone else." I huffed out a breath. "I feel like an idiot forgetting something like that."

Edward's chest vibrated as he chuckled underneath me. "Sweetheart, you've had some interesting developments happen this week, so your mind's been somewhere else. It's okay."

There was a churning in my gut as I remembered my flashback and realized that Edward still didn't know about it. He had no idea just _how much_ had been on my mind. I opened my mouth to tell him about it, but before I could, he spoke again. "Are you sure you don't want me to call them for you?"

"No, I'll call them. Thanks though."

Pulling my chin up so he could reach my lips, he kissed me gently in response. Getting caught up in the moment, everything else left my brain.

An hour later, as I drifted off to sleep, I had forgotten all about what I wanted to tell him.

* * *

**A/N:**

Huge apologies for this chapter being so late. My muse apparently took a vacation for the holidays and didn't return until after the New Year. Good news? I have a decent chunk of Chapter 24 written, although I'm still working through some plot issues/challenges. As I told Ms Divine this week, I want to give anyone who reads this story the best story I can. Sometimes it takes longer than I like, so I hope you'll forgive me and stick with me.

Thanks everyone for reading.

As always, reviews get a teaser. :)

OH! I don't know if I mentioned it, but I'm now on staff at **The Twilight Awards**. **Browns** and I review one fic a week, giving our opinion on some of our favorite stories. If you're looking for some great fics, check us out! http:/ reviews(dot)thetwilightawards(dot)com/search/label/Weekly%20Fic%20Picks%20Review

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	24. Progress

**Disclaimer**: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Thanks as always to **Ms. Ambrosia** and **Browns**. They put up with my tense changes, my plot issues and the fact that I still have a hard time knowing when to use laid, lay or lie. I can't thank them enough for sticking with me through it all. They're the best and I heart them, lots.

* * *

**BPOV**

I woke up early to call Dr. Reilly's office and hopefully reschedule my appointment. They informed me that they weren't able to get me in until the end of the month, which was another two and a half weeks away. Dr. Reilly was one of the best OB/GYN doctors in the state of Washington and was in high demand. It was only because of Edward's intervention that I had been able to get an appointment with him in the first place. I briefly considered trying to find another gynecologist, but ultimately decided it wasn't worth the trouble. After being off the pill all these months, there was no way another few weeks would make much of a difference. Before I hung up with the receptionist, I made sure she had my cell phone on file as my primary number instead of the apartment phone and told them I would see them at the end of the month.

After making the call, I went to the bathroom and realized that there was no reason for us to worry that one of our unprotected moments had resulted in a pregnancy.

I had gotten my period.

I let a few tears escape. I had worried – and hoped – for weeks that our actions during our weekend away as well as our moments of comfort after Tanya dropped her lie might have resulted in Baby Cullen. Part of me was relieved to know the worry was over, and this wasn't something else we would have to figure out how to deal with at this point in our relationship. We had more than enough on our plate already, thank you very much.

Yet there was another part – it was smaller, but it still existed – that had almost hoped that those moments would have resulted in me carrying Edward's child. I had no doubt that the two of us were meant to be together forever and a child would have been a symbol of our lifelong love and devotion to each other.

I gave myself a few moments to allow that part of me to feel some sorrow before accepting what was and moving on. There would be time for babies later and I wouldn't allow myself to wallow in something that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

Edward was lying in bed awake when I came out of the bathroom, smiling at me as I padded across the room toward him. Sliding back into bed, I snuggled up against his bare chest.

"I think this is my favorite spot ever." I nuzzled my nose into the light hair sprinkled across his pecs and he chuckled underneath me.

"I'd be ecstatic if you stayed there forever."

We laid there silently for a bit, just enjoying the quietness between us. My brain, though, reminded me that there was something I should be talking to him about and there was no better time than the present.

"Babe?"

"Hmmm?" He kissed the top of my head and I tightened the arm I had slung over his stomach to squeeze him.

"You asked me the other day what made me finally call to get some help with everything…"

He tensed beneath me, just a little, but enough for me to notice. "Yeah?"

"It was something more than just taking your advice." He tensed further and his arms came up, trying to move me from where I was wrapped around him. I knew he wanted to look at me, but I needed to get through this and I didn't know if I could while he was looking at me.

"No, just…let me just get this out first, okay?"

"Okay."

I sighed and started again. "The night you came home in the middle of your shift to tell me about Tanya and the baby? Later that night, I had… an incident. I was getting ready for bed, and I was just standing in front of the bathroom mirror when suddenly I looked up and…I just wasn't here any longer. I was back in Jacksonville, in the hospital, and I could see all my wounds and bruises and hear Charlie calling to me through the door. The next thing I knew, I was back here in the present, on the floor covered in vomit." I looked up at him. "I don't know what happened or why. It was the night I called Dr…the therapist."

This time I didn't stop him when he turned us both so we were lying on our sides facing each other. His eyes were wide and his hand came up and drifted over my cheek. "Jesus, Bella. Why didn't you tell me?"

I closed my eyes. "It wasn't that I was trying to keep it from you, but I couldn't tell you while you were at work or over the phone. By the time you got off shift, it had been a couple of days, my appointment was set up and I still had to hear the whole story about Tanya. I just…I promise, I wasn't trying to keep it from you."

I needed him to believe me. I was walking a very fine line between traveling this journey on my own so I could get better and letting Edward in enough to support me. It was a line I was worried about and I knew I was going to make mistakes – kind of like I had the night before. I hoped he had the patience to deal with me when I messed up, because as much as I wanted to do this on my own, I also knew I couldn't imagine doing it without him standing beside me.

He was silent for a bit and I finally opened my eyes to see what he was doing. His eyes instantly met mine and they held everything I hoped for – love and understanding. Leaning forward, Edward placed a gentle kiss on my lips that didn't last nearly long enough before he pulled back.

"Have you ever had one of those flashbacks before?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Okay. Thank you for telling me. I assume you told your doctor about this?"

An eyebrow rose when I bit my lip and didn't say anything. "Bella…"

Burying my face in his chest, I spoke. "It was my first time meeting the guy; please cut me some slack, okay? I was lucky I was even able to walk into his office."

Edward sighed. "Baby, you have to tell him. These are the kinds of things he needs to know in order to make sure he's helping you in the right way."

"I know, I know. It's just easier said than done sometimes, you know?"

His fingers ran through my hair. "I know."

There were no more words after that; instead we just lay there and enjoyed being together.

Eventually though, we decided to get up and face the day. We showered and dressed, and talked about what we wanted to do that evening.

Edward was making us sandwiches in the kitchen, while I sat at the island, flipping through Facebook on my laptop.

"I was thinking that since I have to work all weekend, we should go out for dinner tonight, you know, romantic date night or something." Edward sliced a tomato and looked up at me expectantly.

I nodded. "That sounds wonderful. Where do you want to go?"

"Emmett told me about this Mexican restaurant that just opened near Rosalie's place; they went there not long ago. How does that sound?"

"Perfect. I love Mexican."

As usual though, things didn't go exactly as planned.

When Edward called Emmett for the name of the restaurant, Emmett decided that it would be more fun if we all hung out together and played laser tag. Edward tried to argue and get us out of it, but couldn't hold out against Emmett's determination. He pouted, mentioning that the Cullen siblings and their significant others hadn't seen each other in a while and we should spend some quality bonding time together.

So our Friday night date night turned into Friday night Family Laser Tag night.

Emmett had chosen a place outside of Seattle called Laser Quest, and we decided to all drive down together in his SUV. From the minute he picked us up, he started talking smack.

"Little brother, you're going down. I'm going to beat your ass so bad you'll be crying for Mommy at the end of the night!"

"Mommy, Em? Really? You're over thirty. I think you can start calling her Mom now." Edward quipped back, rolling his eyes at his brother's ridiculousness.

"Shut it, punk. You know what I meant. Ass," he grumbled from the front seat.

Alice laughed at Em's disgruntled expression, which was easy to see when he glanced over his shoulder to give Edward the stink eye. Meanwhile, I had a death grip on Edward's hand in the back seat, biting my lip to keep from screaming at Emmett to watch the road. Rose smacked his arm lightly, forcing him to face front once again. I sighed in relief and Edward squeezed my hand.

We arrived at Laser Quest in one piece and Emmett was the first one out of the car. Rosalie sighed and turned to me.

"I'm apologizing in advance for him. He has no shame and loves to compete. I made him promise to behave, but honestly…"

I smiled. "No one can control Emmett; I understand."

Rose grinned back at me and linked her arm through mine, walking us inside. Alice and Edward followed behind.

Emmett was chatting anxiously with the guy behind the counter, who he seemed to be on a first name basis with.

"Emmett knows the laser tag guy?" I leaned over and whispered into Edward's ear.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Em takes his laser tag very seriously. I swear he has a membership, he's here so often. I think it's his way of practicing his aim or something. When he says he's shooting at the range, I think he really means he's here playing."

The guy behind the counter shuffled us over to the mission area, where someone else was there to give us a quick orientation and rules for the game before having us suit up. Edward winked at me as he tightened the belt around my waist.

"You ready, baby?"

"I guess so. Are we on the same team?" I hadn't truly been paying attention when the girl who was giving us the orientation was talking, and I had no idea what I was walking into.

Edward explained that we were playing a solo game, so it was every man – and woman – for themselves.

He gave me a quick run down as we walked into the arena. Hide. Don't get hit. Physical hits were illegal. Once you got hit, you were out of the game for at least five seconds. If time was called and you had the most lives at the end, you won.

I tried to get my bearings as we walked inside the arena, but the lights were already down low and it was difficult to see anything. The girl asked if we had any last minute questions and when we said no, she wished us luck and stepped out.

The lights went out and the music came pouring in at a deafening level.

I heard Emmett give a shout and decided I'd better run or I was going to be the first one shot. Rose, Alice and Edward had already scattered.

I had one thing going in my favor. I might not have been able to hide without being found, but I was an excellent shot. My father was the type of cop who was convinced there were bad guys on every corner, so he did all he could to make sure I was protected. He made sure I grew up knowing how to shoot a gun.

Many might consider it bragging, but I had excellent aim.

Emmett wasn't going to know what hit him.

Twenty minutes later we walked out of the arena, Emmett with a stupefied look on his face. Rose was doing her best to contain her smile, but Alice and Edward had no such qualms, letting loose with huge belly laughs that left them gasping for breath.

"I just don't…how? I'm a fucking cop, for Christ's sake. How the hell did some puny English professor beat _me_?" Emmett was moaning as we turned in our gear and the guy behind the counter printed up our score sheets, handing them to Rose.

"The puny English professor grew up with a dad who was also a cop. He taught me how to shoot before I was thirteen." I winked at Emmett. Edward walked beside me and slid his hand into mine. Bringing it to his lips, he smiled.

"You are my hero. Thank you for giving me something that will allow me to torture my brother for years to come."

Getting back in the car, we drove back toward Seattle, discussing where we should eat dinner. Emmett was still grumbling about losing, especially since he was the one who had made the last minute bet that the loser had to buy the winner dinner. I almost felt bad when he couldn't seem to let it go, but Rosalie assured me that he'd get over it. "Losing is good for him from time to time. It teaches him a little humility, which he needs in droves."

We ended up at a pizza joint near Emmett and Edward's condo, a place that Em swore had the best pizza ever. He wasn't wrong; it was delicious. We polished off a couple of pitchers of beer as well, and I was feeling all sorts of tipsy by the time we got home. I barely remembered Edward kissing me softly as he poured me into bed.

* * *

"_Bella? Bella, sweetheart? Are you ready to go? Phil's starving. He's ready to get to the game and chow down on some stadium dogs."_

_I call out through the bathroom door where I'm inside getting ready. "I'll be out in a second!"_

_I take one last look around the bathroom, making sure I haven't missed anything I should have packed. It's the last day of our trip and we're heading to Turner field to watch the Atlanta Braves play the Los Angeles Dodgers. After the game is over, we're driving the five and a half hours back to Jacksonville. Mom had tried to get Phil to stay overnight in Atlanta, but he said between the three of us, we should have no trouble making the trip._

_I take a deep breath and run my hand across my forehead. I have a pounding headache and it's causing me to be nauseous. I didn't sleep well last night, only catching an hour or two thanks to an uncomfortable hotel bed. I'm debating asking Mom and Phil if I could hang out here for a bit and rest, and catch a cab to the stadium a bit later. However, I know we have to check out, so it's pointless. I'm hoping Mom has some Advil or Aleve on her. _

_The baseball game lasts until almost six in the evening and by the time it's over, my headache is back with a vengeance. I'm hoping Mom or Phil won't mind driving the first leg of the trip home so I can rest in the back seat._

_Rest does not come easy. I'm tossing, turning, and the air conditioner in the car is on the fritz. August in the south is scorching, so this is not the time to be without one._

_We stop for dinner and it seems everyone is wilting a bit under the weight of the heat and the long trip we've been on for the last month. Mom keeps talking about sleeping in her own bed and I know exactly how she feels. My mind flits to Joe and I sigh, realizing we haven't talked in almost a week. Things had been tense when I left Sacramento for Florida, and I'd hoped the trip would have given me some time and space to figure out what to do about our relationship. _

_It hasn't._

_Mom drives this leg of the trip with Phil passed out in the backseat. My head still hurts, but it's tolerable. My stomach is turning and I just feel… off. I can't get comfortable in the front seat and I'm feeling bitchy thanks to the heat and my discomfort._

_Mom and I talk for a while about nothing of importance; we tell our favorite memories from the trip and she asks me if I'm looking forward to going back to California soon. We discuss my possible plans for Christmas and she tells me that she and Phil might come out to see me since I've been here with them all summer. We discuss the possibility of getting Charlie to come down from Washington to join us for the holiday, and both of us agree that we have a good chance of convincing him._

_It amazes me sometimes that my parents have been able to have such a good relationship despite their divorce. I'm thankful for it. _

_Our conversation ebbs and flows until we finally fall silent and I lean back, watching the passing scenery. It's twilight, and the sun has sunk low in the horizon. I hum along to the songs on the radio and hope that maybe I'll find a comfortable position so I can get some rest._

_I'm not sure how long I've been asleep when I feel Mom shake me awake._

"_Bella, would you mind driving for a bit? I'm so tired." Renee does her best to stifle a yawn, but doesn't quite succeed. _

"_Yeah, sure." She finds a rest area to pull over and we all climb out of the car to take a bathroom break. We're back in our seats minutes later, with Phil still in the back and Mom taking the passenger's seat._

_The night grows darker and both Mom and Phil fall asleep, leaving me with only the radio to keep me company. I curse the few hours of sleep I got last night, and the fact that I didn't get a nap this afternoon. The window is rolled down as far as it can go, but the breeze is still warm, which does not help to keep me awake. I debate turning the radio up, but don't want to disturb my mom and Phil._

_Finally, I see the sign that welcomes us to Jacksonville. I'm within ten miles of Mom and Phil's house and I can feel my body relax with the knowledge that we're so close and I'll be able to sleep soon._

_It sneaks up on me out of nowhere. One minute I'm yawning, and the next thing I see is a car bearing down on us. My sense of direction is off and I'm not even sure where we're orientated on the road. I have no time to react, no time to swerve out of the way. By the time I even notice the car, I hear the squeal of breaks, the crunch of metal…_

* * *

"Bella! Bella, baby, wake up. Jesus, wake up! Bella!"

I heard his voice before I registered his words, and it took me a few seconds before I stopped screaming. It took a few seconds longer for me to get my bearings.

I was in Edward's arms, where he was holding me tight against his chest. The pounding of both our hearts was echoing in my head. There were tears streaming out of my eyes and down my cheeks.

I had to vomit.

I pushed against Edward but it took a few tries before he let me go. I yelped in pain when my hip twisted as I tried to climb over him. Untangling myself from Edward and the sheets, I limped swiftly toward the bathroom. I made it to the toilet just in time, Edward right behind me.

He rubbed my back as I purged my dream into the white porcelain, whispering words of comfort and love as I sobbed and shook with the remnants of my nightmare. I heard a noise and lifted my head weakly to see Alice standing in the doorway. I barely registered how pale and nervous she looked before my stomach heaved again.

Edward stayed where he was behind me, and spoke quietly to Alice. I caught the words "clothes…hospital…call…" before I realized what he must have been telling her.

"Not….going…" I rasped out, hoping he understood what I was telling him.

I felt him lean his forehead against my back. "Baby, you need to get checked out."

"No…I'm…fine…" My throat burned with the acid from the bile I'd thrown up and it hurt to push the words out.

"Bella." Edward lifted his head and spoke into my hair. "I want you to get looked over and make sure you're okay. With the vomiting and screaming, and the way you went leaping off the bed, I'm afraid you may have hurt yourself. Please go and get looked at."

Sighing, I fell back away from the toilet and into his chest. I was weak, my limbs heavy and my body covered in sweat. My head pounded, my hip hurt and my throat ached. My breath was still coming in heavy pants and I could feel my pulse racing.

I felt like I got hit by a truck…_all over again._

Suddenly, I began laughing. My previous thought struck me as funny and I couldn't seem to contain the giggles that burst out of me. It hurt, but I couldn't stop myself. Then just as quickly as it began, my laughter turned to sobs.

I heard Edward say something to Alice, but I was crying too hard to make out his words. I barely noticed when he removed his body from mine, or when he picked me up and carried me in his arms. When I realized he was taking me out of my bedroom, I just cried harder.

I tried my best to slow my sobs, but I couldn't seem to gain control.

"Oh, sweetheart …"

I barely registered the car ride to the hospital or Edward carrying me into the E.R. I thought I heard Alice at one point, but I was so exhausted that nothing around me was sinking in to my numb brain. My head and body felt overloaded and I did the only thing that made sense.

I drifted off into the numbness.

* * *

I wasn't sure how long I had been asleep before I woke. What I did register was that I was at home in my own bed, which was a huge relief.

My body still felt heavy and I had a slight headache. However, the panic that had overtaken me the night before had settled into a sort of calm acceptance, and for that I was thankful.

It was the first time that I had dreamt the actual, accurate memory of what happened the night of _the accident_. It obviously affected me in a way I hadn't been prepared for – but then again, how do you prepare for something like that?

Dr. Whitlock was going to have a field day with me on Tuesday.

Once I realized that in the light of day I was actually okay – or at least better than I was – my worry for Edward and Alice overtook me. It had to be incredibly scary for them to see me like that, especially since it was the first time they had seen me react to a nightmare in such a way. I was somewhat used to it, as it was reminiscent of how my dreams were when I first woke up from my coma.

Edward was scheduled to work, although he wasn't scheduled to go in until that evening. I was glad, as I didn't want what happened the previous night hanging over us for three days while he was at the hospital.

I gingerly rolled out of bed, testing my weight on my hip before walking toward the bathroom. There was no pain, not even a hint of an ache, which made me happy that I hadn't done any permanent damage during my mad dash.

After taking care of my bladder, I undressed and stepped into the shower. The warm water felt good against my skin, loosening my tense muscles. It also helped clear my head and drive away the remains of whatever medication they had given me in the hospital. I had no doubt they drugged me to calm me.

I didn't turn when I heard the shower door open, knowing it could only be one person. His scent surrounded me in the steam-filled chamber and I breathed in deeply, letting it calm me further. His arms came around my waist and I felt his lips leave a kiss on my shoulder.

"Hi," I whispered, moving my hands up to thread my fingers through his where they laid across my stomach.

"How're you doing?" His voice too was quiet and I leaned my head back against his shoulder as the water pounded down our skin.

"Better. I feel…better."

He didn't respond, instead he just kissed the spot where my shoulder met my neck. We stood that way for a while, silently wrapped up in one another. After a bit, Edward moved and when I protested, he brought his hands around my body once more to show that he had my shower gel in his hand.

"May I?" he asked, his voice still low.

I nodded and his hands disappeared only to show up moments later on my back. His hands and fingers slipped and slid over my skin, kneading where my muscles were tight, ghosting over others. His movements weren't sexual, instead full of just love and tenderness. He moved from my body to my hair, massaging my scalp to work the shampoo into my wet tresses. Once I was rinsed off and my body was sufficiently cleaned and pliant, he quickly washed himself before turning off the water and stepping out the shower.

I followed him and he was there, as he always was, holding a towel for me. His was slung low across his hips and despite the lack of sexual mood that was around us, I felt a shot of lust at the sight. Seeing the look on my face, he gave me his crooked grin before wrapping me up in the fluffy cloth.

We both dressed and I went to dry my hair while he made the bed and straightened up the room a bit. When I was done, I joined him where he was sitting on the bed, leaning back against the headboard. Edward pulled me into his arms and I laid my head against his chest.

"I'm sorry about last night," I murmured quietly. I didn't want to break the comfortable silence that had settled around us, but I knew we needed to talk.

I wondered if we'd ever get to a point in our relationship where we could enjoy moments like this without having to talk about anything.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about. I'm sorry you had such a bad nightmare." His hand ran over my head in a soothing motion and my eyes closed at the gesture.

"It was a memory more than a dream, really. I dreamt about exactly what happened the day and night of _the accident_." My throat got tight and I swallowed against the tears I knew were coming. "So…yeah."

I felt his lips against the crown of my head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I sniffled and wiped my nose and eyes before I answered. "No. Maybe in a day or two, but not now. I feel better, but still…raw…from it, if that makes sense?"

"Yeah, it makes sense." His hand moved from my hair to my back and I snuggled further into his chest.

"I'm sorry you had to take me to the hospital."

Edward sighed. "_I'm_ sorry I had to take you. But between your screaming and vomiting, I was afraid you had done some damage to your throat. Plus, you were so…out of it…I knew you didn't have anything here to calm you down and I was afraid without it…" He trailed off, unable to voice his fear, but I understood what he wasn't able to say.

Still rubbing his hand in soothing motions across my back, he continued. "They re-filled your prescription for the Vistaril and said you should rest your voice as much as possible, eat soft foods for a couple of days, and definitely nothing spicy." Edward paused. "Are you seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist? Or a mental health counselor?"

"A psychiatrist. Why?"

"Well, whomever you were seeing should know what happened last night as well as what medication you're on, but a psychiatrist can adjust it and change it if need be without having to go through your primary care physician. It…saves a step, so to speak."

"Oh." The type of doctor Dr. Whitlock was hadn't factored into my decision to see him; he was just who had been recommended to me. I supposed it would explain why he asked me to give the okay for him to have access to my medical records from my time in Jacksonville.

The silence settled over us once again and I was on the verge of falling back to sleep when Edward spoke.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

Edward left for work with lots of kisses and hugs, and made me promise before he left that I would call if I had another nightmare. Alice was going to sleep with me with the hopes that if I did have one, she could wake me up before I did any more damage to my throat. Other than taking the pills prescribed to me and continuing with my therapy, there was no true way of preventing them, but it was everyone's hope that with someone close by it would keep me from having to fight through one for too long.

Both Esme and my father called to check on me. Alice had called them from the hospital to let them know I was there, since at the time, they were unsure if they were going to have to admit me. Alice was convinced the only reason the hospital let me go home was that Edward was going to be with me; he had fought tool and nail against them keeping me there, knowing it would only make me panic when I finally woke.

Charlie was his normal stoic self, but I could hear the relief in his voice when we spoke. He tried to crack some lame jokes, which I laughed at not only to make him feel better, but because they were kind of funny.

He took the news of me seeing Dr. Whitlock the same way he had always taken news of things that made him uncomfortable – a few questions, some "hmms" and then changing the subject. I hadn't wanted to tell him, but he had been bugging me about talking to someone for months now and I supposed it was time to let him know I was finally taking his advice. Once he knew I was doing what he had asked of me, the subject was closed as far as he was concerned. This "touchy-feely stuff" wasn't something he needed to know about – he just wanted to make sure I was doing what I needed to do in order to get better.

Esme, on the other hand, wanted to know every little detail, down to exactly what happened last night, what had caused the nightmare – if anything – and how I was going to deal with it. It was a bit easier talking to her about it, but I still felt strange. I was not used to baring the details of my life, especially the parts of it I was struggling with. As usual though, Esme was her kind and loving, non-judgmental self. I felt a little lighter after speaking with her.

The next three days passed swiftly and before I knew it, I was sitting in Dr. Whitlock's office explaining what happened on Friday night. He took a few notes, made some non-committal noises and, when I was done, he looked at me, his expression full of kindness.

"Are the nightmares a common thing?" he asked, looking at me over the rim of his glasses.

"Not so much lately. I had them nightly from the moment I woke up from the coma, but they tapered off once I got to rehab. They started up again when I moved back to Forks, and then again when I started seeing my boyfriend." I shrugged, not completely sure how to explain myself. Some weeks I went without having them at all – at least not that I could remember anyway. But since meeting Edward, and especially since he convinced me to start talking about things, I'd been having them more often.

"Okay. We'll explore what's happening around you when these cycles seem to start and see if we can find a connection. It's very likely it's just your subconscious's way of dealing with the trauma and loss you suffered. I think as we continue our work, you'll see them taper off once again, but we'll just have to get you through them until that happens. There's a number of ways we can try and deal with them, including using meditation and yoga." He took another look at his notes. "Do you like the medication you're on?"

I shrugged again. "I…guess. It helps with the panic attacks, usually."

"If you're comfortable staying on the Vistaril for when you have the actual attacks, we'll keep you on that. I would, however, like to talk about maybe having you go on some meds to help with your day-to-day anxiety and depression."

Blowing out a breath, I stopped myself from immediately saying no. It was not something I wanted to do, but maybe the medication would help. I was constantly stressed and worried, and even I couldn't deny that I was depressed, even if I was better since Edward entered my life.

He was my safe haven, but he wasn't my cure-all and I couldn't start treating him as such.

"I won't lie, I'm not a fan of the drug thing. But if you think it'll help, then I'll try it."

Dr. Whitlock regarded me over his glasses once more. "It's an option and one I'd like to explore. There are many different ways for people to deal with their day-to-day worries and stresses. But in your case, I think if we go with a short-term plan, to help you as you navigate your way toward getting healthy, you'll be okay. We'll explore different options of how to mange your stress once you're feeling a little more even in your life. But if you're willing, we'll find some meds that work for you and see how it goes."

I nodded slowly. "Okay."

"I'm still waiting on your records from Florida, but they promised to get them to me this week. I know we haven't discussed the actual accident or your resulting injuries, but we'll take our time with that as well." Dr. Whitlock gave me a small smile. "Bella, this is a process, and it's one that will take time. We'll go through it step by step. Having an accurate record of what you were dealing with physically will help me in drawing a total picture of where you were, so I can best decide how to get you where you want to be. Does that make sense?"

"Actually, yes, it does."

Dr. Whitlock gave me a brighter smile. "Good. Just based on what you've told me so far, I can tell that you're going to get through this journey just fine. You're a strong woman and I'm proud of you for taking these steps. I know they're scary, but you'll be healthier for it in the end."

His words made something inside of me release and I felt a bit lighter as I walked out of his office.

Over the next couple of weeks, I settled into a routine. I would work or go to my office hours, and see Dr. Whitlock twice a week. He never rushed me to share more than I was ready to, though he did sometimes ask leading questions, especially once he got my records. He never came out and said it, but I got the feeling he was probing for something more than I was giving him. I couldn't imagine what it was though, as I had told him as much as I remembered from that night and after I woke up from my coma. We briefly touched on the subject of Joe, but it was something Dr. Whitlock said we'd come back to.

The nightmares continued, especially on nights after my therapy appointments. If Edward wasn't beside me soothing and comforting me, Alice was. All three of us were exhausted, but the two of them refused to leave me alone to deal with them. Dr. Whitlock did not seem overly concerned; he just kept reminding me that this was my mind's way of dealing with what I had been through. He was sure that they would taper off as my therapy continued.

I had to believe him or I'd go mad.

Despite the nightmares though, things were going better than I had expected. Therapy wasn't the hardship I thought it was going to be and I sometimes found myself wanting to go see Dr. Whitlock just to purge what I was feeling on any particular day. The journaling helped for when we didn't have an appointment scheduled and I found myself writing pages upon pages of feelings and memories, along with everyday things almost daily. I tended to write more when Edward was working, since I had the time and the privacy.

He was never nosy about my journal, although I saw him look at it speculatively from time to time. However, he respected my need to not share everything with him and didn't push. Writing was easier when he wasn't around though, because when he was, all I wanted to do was spend my time focused on him – on us.

The last weekend in March, Edward surprised me. He had Friday and Saturday off and decided that we needed a break – and needed to give Alice one as well.

"I can't believe you're doing this again." I moaned from the front seat of his Volvo. "Why won't you tell me where we're going?"

It was Friday night and he had been waiting for me when I had gotten home from class. He looked amazingly hot and sexy in a black suit with a red tie. He had red tulips waiting for me as I walked through the door and I almost swooned when he handed them to me.

"Good evening, my love." He winked at me as he handed me the bouquet.

"H - hi. What's all this?" I asked, sniffing the flowers and allowing my eyes to rake over his body.

"A surprise. There's a vase on the counter for the flowers and a dress hanging up in the bathroom for you to change into. Pack a bag for overnight, because we're not staying here."

My mouth dropped open in surprise. "That's…I'm…okay then…"

He gave me his big crooked smile and, with his hand on the small of my back, gently pushed me toward the kitchen. "Go get ready, baby. We've got reservations."

Which is how I found myself in his car wondering what the love of my life was going to surprise me with that night.

My eyes widened as we pulled up to the restaurant. "Canlis?" I asked, breathlessly. It had been on my to-do list ever since I had seen the pictures Jessica had shown me after her parents brought her there to celebrate our graduation from high school. It was all glass, rock and wood and, from what I heard, had stunning views of Lake Union.

Edward just winked at me as we walked inside. After he spoke to someone, I expected us to be taken to the main dining room.

I forgot who I was dealing with.

We were led, instead, to the upper floor of the restaurant and into our own private dining room.

"Mr. Cullen, Ms. Swan, welcome to the Caché. Your personal server is Jared; he'll be right with you." The man gave a slight nod of his head as he left the room.

I whirled around on Edward with wide eyes. "I…wow…"

"I love it when I leave you speechless." He leaned down and placed a soft kiss against my lips. I protested when he pulled away far too quickly, but he just swiped his thumb over my bottom lip. "Later."

Jared entered the room then and gave us the run down of our amenities, which included not only him as our personal server, but a telescope to look at the sky over the lake and a custom sound system. Edward handed Jared a disc with a smile and I shook my head at the lengths my boyfriend went to to make it an unforgettable evening.

We dined on oysters for our first course before moving on to King Salmon and Live Main Lobster for our main courses. Dessert consisted of something Jared called Chocolate Covered Chocolate and after the first bite, I swore I had died and gone to heaven.

We were stuffed by the time Jared left us to enjoy the lights twinkling on the lake and the soft music playing in the background. Edward had chosen well; they were light melodies that just added to the romantic atmosphere.

"Dance with me?" Edward stood in front of me, holding his hand out for me to take.

"Anytime." I took his hand and he led me over to the window before drawing me into his arms.

We swayed to the music for a time, just breathing in each other and enjoying our closeness. We only stopped when Edward pulled back and looked at me. "Ready for your next surprise?"

I grinned, unable to help myself. "There's more?"

"Of course." With a kiss, he led me back over to the table where Jared was waiting with our coats. Edward tipped him and we said our goodbyes, making our way back to the Volvo and onto my second surprise of the evening.

I could only shake my head as he pulled up to The Edgewater Hotel. "Oh. Wow."

"Come on, baby. I've got plans for you."

He had reserved us the Waterfront Junior Suite, which gave us sweeping views of Elliot Bay, and a balcony we could use to take in that view. The four-poster bed took up the majority of the room and with the fireplace in the corner, I couldn't picture anything more romantic.

Edward shut the door behind us and locked it, raising an eyebrow at me when he saw me standing by the bed, a smirk coming over his face. I gave him my best seductive look and started toward him.

"Dr. Cullen?" I ran my fingers over the buttons of his shirt.

"Yes, Professor Swan?" He winked at me and I felt myself go all hot and wet inside.

"I want you." His eyes widened just a bit; I was normally a bit on the shy side when it came to telling him what I wanted.

"You want what, exactly?"

I bit my lip and then grinned. "I want you…to fuck me."

Edward's eyes glazed over a bit. "Oh yeah?"

"Uh-huh. I want you inside of me…."

"You want what inside of you?" His hands came up and ran over my throat to my collarbone before stopping just above my breasts.

"I want your cock inside of me."

His hand immediately went to my waist and he pulled me toward him, grinding his erection into me. His head came down as his lips attacked my neck, kissing and biting up to my ear. "Where do you want my cock, baby?"

I moaned as his teeth closed over my earlobe. My nipples tightened into hard peaks against his chest and I could feel the wetness of my arousal between my legs. "In my… inside of me. I want you inside of me – now."

He reached his limit and so had I. With a growl, he pulled back and ripped his jacket, shirt and tie off in record time. I had thankfully gotten the zipper down on my dress because he had it over my head seconds later, before throwing it to the floor. The minute it was off, I reached for the button on his pants as he unclasped my bra. He had it off before I could get his fly down, his hands palming my breasts before moving so his fingers could pluck at my nipples. I threw my head back and his lips were against my throat before moving down to my chest. His lips closed over one nipple, his teeth pulling gently while his fingers played against the other one. I continued to struggle with getting his pants down, wanting him naked but not wanting him to stop the delicious torture he was putting my body through.

He pulled my hands away from his body and took them in his, leading me over to the bed. Giving me another sexy smirk, he slid my panties down my legs and laid me down on the bed. Edward was on his knees in front of me and with a wink, he buried his face in between my thighs.

I grasped his head, pulling him closer to me and holding on for dear life. His lips, teeth, tongue and fingers worked in tandem to have me shaking and begging for release.

"Edward, please!" I was prepared to beg him just to get some relief from the overwhelming sensations he was creating in my body.

He moved away from me for just a moment, and then his mouth was suddenly on mine. He kissed me hungrily, and I attacked his lips with just as much ferocity. He began to travel back down my body, but I grabbed at his head and pulled his face back to mine.

"Inside of me…I want you inside of me!" I whispered urgently against his lips.

His tongue plunged into my mouth, giving me a better taste of myself. I groaned at the intimacy that the act he just performed on me symbolized, running my fingers through his hair.

He separated from me just for an instant to grab a condom from his bag. Unable to wait for even the smallest second for him to return to me, my hand slid down my body and I slipped my fingers through my folds, finding my clit. My back arched at the sensation, and I licked my lips thinking of how good it would feel when Edward was finally inside of me.

He was back in front of me within seconds, his eyes darkened with desire and want as he watched my fingers play over my body. I swear I heard him growl before he leaned down and flipped me over onto my stomach.

"On your knees, baby…" I moaned at the lust I heard in his voice and the pleasure I knew was coming.

I lifted myself up, wiggling my ass a bit as I settled into a comfortable position. He settled behind me on the bed where he was now at the perfect height to enter me.

I glanced back at him over my shoulder and licked my lips once more. "Edward…"

He plunged inside me hard and fast. I was barely able to brace myself as he set a furious pace. My head hung down between my shoulders, my hair in curtains around my face. The room was filled with the sound of skin hitting skin, moans and pleas for more.

It was hard, fast, dirty – and I loved every second of it.

Thanks to his wonderfully tongue-enacted foreplay, it didn't take long for me to be on the edge of my release. I pulsed around him and heard him groan at the sensation.

"Bella…baby…uh…fuck! You feel…so damn…uh…oh…good!" He thrust into me deep and hard as his words came out from those gorgeous lips on breathless moans.

I came hard and fast, my arms collapsing, dropping my upper half to the bed. Edward had a firm grip on my hips and pounded into me mercilessly. He erupted not long after, roaring through his pleasure.

We both groaned at the sensation of him pulling out of me. He ran his hands over my hips and my backside in a comforting manner before moving away to deal with the condom. I sighed heavily as I rolled to my side and watched him through barely open eyes as he came back from the bathroom.

He gave me a lazy smirk as he crawled onto the bed with me. He lay down next to me so we were nose to nose, entangling his legs with mine.

"Hi," he whispered quietly once we settled comfortably.

"Hi," I answered back, just as softly.

Edward reached up and pushed a piece of hair off my cheek and put it behind my ear. "You okay?"

I grinned at him. "I'm freaking amazing, thank you very much."

I got an answering grin in return. "You got what you wanted huh, Professor Swan?"

"Uh huh."

His grin grew wider at my answer. "Well, I'm glad I could be of service." He leaned forward and kissed my nose and then moved down and kissed my lips.

We lay there until I shivered with cold. Swiftly, he had me gathered up and under the covers before I could blink. He threw on his boxer briefs to start a fire in the fireplace, but removed them before he got back into bed with me. This time we spooned, my back to his front, snuggling together as we watched the fire burn.

"I love you," Edward whispered in my ear.

"I love you, too. More than I ever imagined I could." I sighed, and bent my head to kiss the arm that was lying across my chest.

"Do you ever think about the future…our future?" His words were barely audible, but I caught them easily.

"Constantly." I didn't hesitate or even consider lying to him. I did think about our future; I thought about it all the time.

"What do you think about?" His nose skimmed across the back of my neck and I practically purred at the sensation.

"You really want to know?" My hands tightened where they lay against his arms, wondering if he'd really want to hear my secret fears and desires about our future together.

"Absolutely." His voice was a bit louder and his body seemed to tense slightly behind me.

I blew out a breath, giving me a second to put it all together in my head before I spoke.

"Well, if I'm having a bad day or if I've had a bad night, I wonder if we'll make it through unscathed. Sometimes I wonder if you'll continue to love me despite all my issues, or if you'll walk away when you get tired of dealing with my drama."

His arms squeezed me to him. "Baby…"

"_But._" I stressed the word so he'd let me continue. "Most of the time I think about living with you. I wonder how it'd feel to live together full time, rather than just this makeshift living together we've been doing for the last couple of months. I think about…good things, like vacations and lazy days in bed. I think about happily ever after."

The future I hoped and dreamed of with Edward was never far from my thoughts.

"Can I ask what this happily ever after consists of?" His lips were at my neck again, leaving a trail of kisses up to my jaw.

Normally, this question would make me pause, make me wonder if telling him what I really wanted would scare him off. However, being wrapped up in his arms, lying in this hotel suite after spending the most romantic night ever with the man I loved, I couldn't be anything but honest with him.

"I think about houses and puppies, weddings and honeymoons. I think about coming home from work, checking the mail and cooking dinner. I think about yelling at you to put down the toilet seat down and pick up your socks off the floor. I think about making love in a bed that's ours and sharing kisses over breakfast in the morning. I think about babies and being a soccer mom. But mostly, I dream of just being with you – forever."

He flipped us so I was on my back on the bed while he hovered over me. I looked up into his eyes and saw them shining with happiness. His whole face radiated love and I couldn't help but smile at the vision he created.

"I think about the all same things, all the time. I never want to be without you, Bella. Ever."

A tear fell from my eye and Edward reached up with his thumb to wipe it away. "I wasn't going to do this exactly this way, but sometimes the moment just seems to fit." He paused and I felt my breath catch, wondering what he had planned.

_He wasn't going to ask me to marry him, was he? Now? I mean…oh crap._

"Bella, will you move in with me?"

* * *

**A/N:**

Bet you didn't see that coming, did ya? Yeah, neither did I. It's amazing what happens when you sit down to write one thing and your characters take over and lead you somewhere else.

I just want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for your reviews, alerts and favorites. It warms my heart each time I get an email letting me know that you're still reading, or have started to read, this story. It has taken me much longer than I had planned to write this and I appreciate more than I can say those of you who have stuck with me.

Now normally, this is the point where I promise teasers for reviews, but based on what I have written of Chapter 25 so far (which is about 4K), I cannot find anything that won't give some major plot points away. That being said, if I do find something, I will send it to you if you review. If I can't, I hope you'll forgive me this once and be content with my review reply without a teaser.

I'm still on Twitter - **Scorp_112** - if you'd like to follow. I post teasers and update on where I am in the writing process, if you're at all interested.

Thank you again for reading!


	25. These Dreams

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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As always, my thanks to** MsAmbrosia **and** Browns **for their help with this story. I appreciate them so much!

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*peeks out* Is anyone still with me? If you are, thank you. If you're just joining, welcome. :)

Longer A/N at the end. For now, I'll let you get on with the story. You may or may not need tissues.

* * *

_**Previously...**_

_"Do you ever think about the future…our future?" His words were barely audible, but I caught them easily._

_"Constantly." I didn't hesitate or even consider lying to him. I did think about our future; I thought about it all the time._

_"What do you think about?" His nose skimmed across the back of my neck and I practically purred at the sensation._

_"You really want to know?" My hands tightened where they lay against his arms, wondering if he'd really want to hear my secret fears and desires about our future together._

_"Absolutely." His voice was a bit louder and his body seemed to tense slightly behind me._

_I blew out a breath, giving me a second to put it all together in my head before I spoke._

_"Well, if I'm having a bad day or if I've had a bad night, I wonder if we'll make it through unscathed. Sometimes I wonder if you'll continue to love me despite all my issues, or if you'll walk away when you get tired of dealing with my drama."_

_His arms squeezed me to him. "Baby…"_

_"But." I stressed the word so he'd let me continue. "Most of the time I think about living with you. I wonder how it'd feel to live together full time, rather than just this makeshift living together we've been doing for the last couple of months. I think about…good things, like vacations and lazy days in bed. I think about happily ever after."_

_The future I hoped and dreamed of with Edward was never far from my thoughts._

_"Can I ask what this happily ever after consists of?" His lips were at my neck again, leaving a trail of kisses up to my jaw._

_Normally, this question would make me pause, make me wonder if telling him what I really wanted would scare him off. However, being wrapped up in his arms, lying in this hotel suite after spending the most romantic night ever with the man I loved, I couldn't be anything but honest with him._

_"I think about houses and puppies, weddings and honeymoons. I think about coming home from work, checking the mail and cooking dinner. I think about yelling at you to put down the toilet seat down and pick up your socks off the floor. I think about making love in a bed that's ours and sharing kisses over breakfast in the morning. I think about babies and being a soccer mom. But mostly, I dream of just being with you – forever."_

_He flipped us so I was on my back on the bed while he hovered over me. I looked up into his eyes and saw them shining with happiness. His whole face radiated love and I couldn't help but smile at the vision he created._

_"I think about the all same things, all the time. I never want to be without you, Bella. Ever."_

_A tear fell from my eye and Edward reached up with his thumb to wipe it away. "I wasn't going to do this exactly this way, but sometimes the moment just seems to fit." He paused and I felt my breath catch, wondering what he had planned._

He wasn't going to ask me to marry him, was he? Now? I mean…oh crap.

_"Bella, will you move in with me?"_

* * *

**BPOV**

I stared at him for only a moment before a huge smile overtook my face. "Yes. Absolutely, yes!"

His lips were on mine once again and I threw my arms around his shoulders, pulling him toward me. He took just an instant to grab a condom before his legs parted mine and he slipped inside of me, connecting us once more.

"Oh, baby…" He groaned against my mouth as my fingers dug into his shoulder blades.

"Edward…" I breathed out, loving how he felt inside of me, how every part of us was touching in some way.

This time our lovemaking was slow and sensual, our pace matching our mood. Even our climaxes ended with soft sighs and quiet moans, our bodies shuddering against each other.

When we had recovered once again, he gazed at me sleepily. "We're moving in together."

I smiled and sighed, snuggling into his chest. "Yeah we are."

And with that happy thought in our heads, we drifted off to sleep.

We spent the next morning making love – in the bed, in the bathtub, in front of the glass doors leading out to the balcony. I had never been so thankful for late check-out in my life.

The rest of the weekend passed on the same wonderful high. Edward and I spoke some about our decision to move in together. We decided to speak to Emmett and Alice first before making any firm decisions about anything. I couldn't lie; I was a little worried about how Alice was going to take our news. I knew she'd be happy for us, but based on our conversation from just a few weeks ago, I didn't want her to feel as though I was abandoning her.

Edward had to work Sunday night, so after we returned home on Saturday morning, he called Emmett while I spoke to Alice about having brunch the next day. Everyone was available so we all gathered at The Maltby Café late Sunday morning.

Edward waited until everyone had ordered before he brought up our news.

"Um, guys? Bella and I kind of wanted to talk to you about something…" Edward put down his coffee cup and met Emmett and Alice's questioning looks head on. Rose's eyes sparkled and I had a feeling she knew what was coming.

"Uh, so this weekend, Bella and I talked about some things and well, I kinda asked her to move in with me and she said yes."

There were hearty smiles and congratulations from our three companions. Alice's eyes were shining and she looked genuinely happy for us. I blew out a sigh of relief at her reaction, knowing I should have had more faith in my best friend.

Once everyone was settled into their seats again, Emmett and Rose had an announcement of their own.

"Apparently this seems to be the day for good news." Emmett took Rosalie's hand and after giving her a quick dimpled grin, turned to us. "I asked Rosalie to marry me this weekend and she agreed."

This time the table exploded. There were cheers, tears and hugs passed all around and Alice and I both clamored to see the rock on Rose's left hand. Emmett's smile was so big I thought his face might split in half and Rose began crying as she told us about how he proposed on Friday night.

Seemed like our Cullen men had both unknowingly planned this weekend to pop some big questions to the women they loved.

Emmett and Rose had decided on a late summer wedding, neither wanting to wait long to get married. They also planned on making it a destination wedding, knowing that either the Cullens or Hales would have to travel anyway, depending on whether the wedding took place in Washington or New York. This way everyone could travel and have a vacation at the same time. The final destination hadn't been decided on yet, but Rose told us she had a few places in mind.

Emmett brought his fork full of his pancake sandwich to his mouth. "Have you two decided where you're going to live?"

Edward shook his head. "We wanted to talk to you and Ali first, but I imagine we'll get our own place?" He looked to me for confirmation and I shrugged.

"Um yeah? I just assumed…I mean, we haven't talked about it, but…yeah?"

"We still have to work out the details, but when we know, we'll let you know." Edward brought my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles.

Brunch ended on a high note with more hugs and kisses handed out as we left the restaurant. Edward and I headed back to my apartment, while Alice went to make sure things at the shop were going okay. Rose dragged Emmett away promising him he could watch a basketball game after he helped her narrow down where they'd be getting married.

"Big weekend for the Cullen clan, huh?" Edward asked as we settled down in front of the TV in the living room.

"Yeah, I'd say." I bit my lip, contemplating. "Have you thought about where you wanted us to live?"

"Honestly, it doesn't matter to me, as long as I'm with you," Edward said, smiling at me before leaning over to give me a peck on the lips. "Capitol Hill, Queen Anne, West Seattle, anywhere. I really don't care as long as I get to come home to you every night."

We talked for hours about the best place for us to live. I would have loved to be closer to work, but moving closer to the University would mean Edward would have to be further away from the hospital. Ultimately, we decided that we would look for apartments and condos in the neighborhoods closest to our jobs. Wherever we found the place that we liked the best was where we would settle.

As we climbed into bed and fell asleep that night, I smiled as Edward's arms wrapped around me. It had been the best weekend of my life and I couldn't imagine how things could get much better. I was in love with one of the most caring, understanding, supportive, amazing men on the planet, and amazingly enough, he loved me back. We were moving in together and our future stretched out in front of us bright and sunny. My therapy with Dr. Whitlock was going well and I began to feel as though I might just be able to conquer the hurdle that was _the accident _and the loss of my mom and Phil.

I felt better than I had in months. With a smile, I drifted off in Edward's arms.

* * *

I hated doctors.

It didn't matter that I was at the gynecologist for a routine check-up and that I knew exactly what to expect. The fact was I hated doctors, doctor offices and anything having to do with the medical profession. Spending weeks in a coma and then months in a rehabilitation facility might have had something to do with my feelings.

"Ms. Swan?" A tall, older, dark-haired nurse stood at the door and called my name. I sighed as I stood, making my way back to her, walking as if I was off to the torture chamber. She just laughed at me and introduced herself as Therese. After taking care of the usual stuff – weight, height, peeing in a cup – she escorted me back to a small examination room. Handing me a gown to change into she told me to get naked, put the gown on and she'd be back in a minute to do some initial intake questions with me since it was my first visit.

Therese was back five minutes later, knocking to make sure I was all covered up before she entered. She sat down at a computer to the right of the examination table and began asking a series of questions about my medical history and my purpose for being there today.

"This is your first visit, correct?" Therese asked as she typed something into the keyboard.

"Um, yes. I moved to Seattle in January and well…here I am." I fidgeted nervously on the exam table just wanting to get this visit over with.

"Did you happen to send your records from your previous doctor?" Therese turned to look at me and smiled. "Dear, you should try to relax. Dr. Reilly is good at what he does. He'll make this as painless as possible."

I sighed. "Okay. Um, yes, I had my records sent." When Dr. Whitlock had asked me to release my medical records to him, I thought it would be prudent to have my records sent here as well. While Dr. Reilly would probably have no use for the records from Florida, I figured it wouldn't hurt to have him have an account what happened. With all the injuries that had happened to my lower abdomen, there might be something that he'd need to know. My stomach clenched at the thought. No one had told me that I had any lasting injuries that might have affected my reproductive organs, and I hoped Dr. Reilly wouldn't find anything today that someone else had missed.

"Ah, yes. It's all entered here." With that, Therese closed the program and stood up. "I'll let Dr. Reilly know you're ready and we'll be back in just a few minutes."

True to her word, she and Dr. Reilly were in the room just a few minutes later. Dr. Reilly introduced himself and took a minute to glance over my records on the computer.

"So Bella, you're here today for a routine check-up?" He asked, pulling latex gloves over his hands.

"Um, yes. And to get back on birth control." I bit my lip, trying to calm the butterflies in my stomach.

Dr. Reilly looked back at the computer screen. "It looks like your doctor in Sacramento had you on Ortho-Cyclen. Any side effects or things you didn't like about being on that pill?"

I shook my head. "No, it was fine."

Dr. Reilly nodded. "And you stopped taking it…" He looked back at the computer screen. "…Around August of last year?" His brow furrowed as he read further along. "Ah…I see."

Turning back to me, he gave me a small smile. "Well, let's take a look, shall we?"

The exam commenced and as usual, it was as uncomfortable as always. Dr. Reilly was gentle, but my tenseness did not make things easy for either one of us.

Finally, having done all he had to do, he stood and removed his gloves before washing his hands. "I'll give you a moment to get cleaned up and re-dressed, Bella, and then I'll be back in to talk to you."

I nodded and he and Therese left the room. I dressed quickly, happy to be out of the gown and stirrups and back into my clothes. My hands shook a little as I waited, my nerves overtaking me. I wished he could have just told me whatever he had to say, even if it meant I had to talk to him while I was practically nude. I was scared to death he was going to tell me he found something, or that something was wrong. The wait was torture.

Dr. Reilly knocked a few minutes later and entered the room on my okay.

He sat down on the stool in front of the computer and smiled at me. "Bella, things look good. I was a little concerned about the injuries from your accident, but from what I can tell, everything is fine. We'll explore further if needed. For instance, if you have complications or trouble getting pregnant when the time comes, we'll dig a little further. But for now, things look real good."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "That's a load off my mind, thank you."

He stood and gave me another smile. "I'm glad. Right now, I think we'll see you in six months, just to make sure your birth control is working out and for me to make sure things still look the same. You can of course, call me sooner if you have any problems or concerns."

I nodded. "Great. Thank you."

Dr. Reilly shook my hand and escorted me out of the exam room. Before I left, I picked up my prescription for my birth control and texted Alice to let her know I was on my way to the store. As I walked out into the sunshine, I breathed deep, letting it out in one huge gust of relief.

_Everything is okay._

My worries had been for nothing; I hadn't lost something else due to _the accident._ Could everything really be coming together or should I brace myself for the other shoe to drop?

I snapped myself out of it. There was no use borrowing trouble when I had plenty of it already. I needed to just take life as it came and hope for the best. I was grinning as I hailed a taxi.

Alice was skipping around the shop changing displays when I arrived. I stood and watched her for a bit, amused by her antics.

"Hey, Alice."

She whirled around at the sound of my voice and gave me a huge grin. "Bella!" She skipped across the shop and threw her arms around me. "Hi!"

"Hello. You look awful chipper this afternoon." I grinned at her as she stepped back from me.

"Isn't it a beautiful day? April is right around the corner, the sun is shining and the flowers are about to bloom." Her smile was as bright as the sun she spoke of.

Okay, now she was just scaring me. "Um, Ali? Are you all right?"

"Of course, silly! I'm wonderful!" She did a little pirouette right in the middle of the store, causing Kristen, who was standing behind the counter, to laugh.

"Uh huh. Um, are you okay to leave for lunch?"

"Yup! Let me just…." She trailed off as she put the scarf she was holding around the mannequin next to us, and then skipped over to Kristen to let her know she was leaving.

We walked over to one of the small coffee shops nearby, ordering sandwiches and smoothies to share for lunch. Unable to resist the perfect day, we walked down to the waterfront to eat.

Once we were settled on a bench and began eating, I questioned her.

"Okay, BFF. What's going on with you? Why are you so chipper this morning?"

Alice smiled. "I don't know. I can't explain it. I just feel like…something good is coming. That everything is just…" she sighed "…going to be perfect."

I couldn't help but grin right along with her. "You seem awfully sure of yourself."

She nodded and picked up her sandwich. "I am. I just have a really good feeling about life lately. I don't even think I can explain it. Just that…everything's going to be all right – better than all right. It's going to be perfect."

Alice's attitude was infectious and I couldn't help but pick up on her positivity. We got so caught up in the moment that I didn't realize I was running late for my appointment for Dr. Whitlock until I looked at my watch and realized I was supposed to be across town in ten minutes.

Alice calmed me and offered to drive me over and then pick me up. I was still going to be a little late, but it was better than trying to hail a cab at lunchtime. She dropped me off in front of his office and promised to be back to pick me up in an hour.

I dashed inside, apologizing to Jazz. He just waved me through to his father's office, where Dr. Whitlock was sitting behind his desk waiting patiently for me.

It didn't take more than ten minutes for me to be sobbing into my hands. Dr. Whitlock smiled at me, an understanding look crossing his face as he handed me a box of tissues.

"Bella, what you're feeling is perfectly normal. You've been through an ordeal that you never truly got to deal with and move on from. Now that you're doing so, your emotions are going to reflect that."

"I feel like I'm all over the place, though. A half an hour ago, I was sitting in the park, laughing with my best friend. Now here I am, snotting and sobbing all over your couch. I just want to feel normal again!"

Dr. Whitlock nodded. "I can understand that and I think you'll see an evening out of your emotions once the medication has been in your system for a bit as well as we work through your grief and your guilt."

At his word "guilt," I began crying harder. "Shit."

He waited me out, just like he usually did. "Will I ever not feel guilty? I was driving. I killed them."

I got a stern look in response to my words. "You did not kill them."

"I fell asleep."

"According to what you told me, and the police reports, if you fell asleep it was for seconds, and you didn't cross the yellow line. You were hit by a drunk driver, Bella. Your mother and Phil were not wearing their seat belts. That is what killed them. Not you."

"If I had been more alert, I could've gotten out of the way."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

His matter of fact words had me raising my head to look at him. "Bella, the truth of the matter is, we could spend days – months, even – sitting here playing the coulda, shoulda, woulda game. The problem with that game though, is that it won't change anything. What happened, happened. And it sucks." My eyes widened at his choice of words. "What? It sucks, does it not?"

I gave a watery half-laugh and nodded. "Yeah, it sucks hard."

"The thing is Bella, I'm not here to play the what-if game with you. It won't help you heal, and it certainly won't make you feel better and help you move on with your life. It will only hold you back. I'm here to help you move forward, so we're not going to go there."

"I can't seem to help it."

"I know, and I understand that, but the job I have is to get you to the point where you if you begin to do the what-if thing, that you can snap yourself out of it. It's to get you to a point where you understand that just because this horrible thing happened while you were driving, doesn't mean good things can't happen to you now. It's helping you accept the guilt you feel and being able to move on from it."

We stared at each other in silence for a few minutes before I spoke. "Sometimes I feel guilty only because I know if I changed anything, I wouldn't be where I am now."

"And where are you?"

Taking a deep breath, I began my list. "I'm in Seattle. I'm living closer to my best friends and my family than I have since I was in high school and I've reconnected with them in ways I never knew were possible. I met Edward, who I love more than anything in this world. He asked me to move in with him."

Dr. Whitlock gave me a huge smile. "That's wonderful."

I nodded. "It really is. I have a job that I never considered before, and yet, I feel like I was born to do it. I'm happier than I ever remember being, and then I remember, I wouldn't be this happy if I hadn't been in that accident. And that makes me feel like a really bad person."

"That's normal, Bella."

"It sucks though."

"Yes, yes it does. But again, it changes nothing. The accident happened. You are where you are because this is the path your life is on. Going back and feeling guilty over something you can't change will not do anything. You'll just continue to feel guilty. You may even begin to push away or sabotage the very things that are making you so happy. And then what? You become unhappy, possibly lose what has made you happy and then what did that accident do for you but cause you more loss? What about looking at it as something that happened that caused you great loss, but out of it, arose some amazing and wonderful things?"

I was crying again, unable to reconcile what he was telling me. My brain got it, but my heart was having a harder time with the concept.

"Do you think your mother would rather have you wallowing in guilt over her death and what it has seemingly brought you, or do you think she'd rather have you just be happy?"

I swallowed and wiped my face. "She'd be thrilled that I was happy. She'd be so happy for me. She always told me that I shouldn't settle for anything other than complete and total joy, no matter what I was doing. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I should call her and tell her just how wonderful things are, and then I remember, she's not there to tell."

"It doesn't mean you can't talk to her."

Scoffing, I answered him. "You mean look up to the sky and have a conversation with her spirit?"

He chuckled. "Not necessarily. Maybe just sit in your living room and talk to her like she's sitting across from you on the couch. Maybe write her a letter. Go do something that she loved to do, or find a private spot and tell her what you're feeling. Just because she's gone from this physical world doesn't mean she can't hear you, Bella."

"I don't know if I believe in a heaven or an afterlife, Dr. Whitlock."

"You don't have to. But the woman your mother was didn't stop being just because her corporeal body is gone. She's in your father and every single memory he has of her. She's in the places you visited with her, and in the things she gave you and taught you. Someday, she may live on through your children and your grandchildren. Most importantly though, she's in you, because without her, you wouldn't be here and be who you are."

His words had me crying harder than ever. When he put it that way – afterlife or not – I knew exactly what he meant. She may not be here with me physically anymore, I may never hear her voice ever again, but she surrounded me every day of my life.

She had created me.

Dr. Whitlock gave me some time to collect myself before he gently told me that our time was up. He had given me so much to think about and my head hurt from all my crying. However, I knew Alice would be waiting for me and I had to go.

I told Dr. Whitlock I would see him on Thursday and he told me to call if I needed to talk before then. Walking out in to the outer office, I saw Jazz sitting behind the reception desk, smiling at me as I exited his father's office.

"You okay, B?"

I nodded. "Just an…intense session."

Jazz and I had struck up a friendship of sorts over the course of my visits to his father. We never talked about anything that happened within his father's office, but Jazz always asked me how I was every time I left. There was something about him that just excluded a calmness and serenity that had been hard to come by lately. He was going to make a wonderful therapist someday, and I took advantage of his presence to calm down after leaving his father's office. In doing so, we had forged an acquaintance that was slowly turning into a lovely friendship. Our conversations could be as mundane as talking about the weather, or as intense as discussing Obama's foreign policy, but they never failed to make me feel better.

That afternoon though, I just wasn't in the mood to talk. Spilling my guts to his father had drained me completely.

He stood up and walked from behind the desk to stand in front of me. "You look like you could use _The Whit Special_."

Giving him a quizzical look, I asked, "_The Whit Special_?"

He nodded and the next this I knew, I was receiving the Best. Hug. Ever. Only being wrapped up in Edward's arms felt better. Jazz had a way about him that just calmed me completely. Being surrounded by his presence in a huge hug just intensified the feeling. When he finally let go and stepped back, I found myself surprised that I actually did feel better.

"Holy crow, it worked." I looked at him in amazement.

He gave me a smug look as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Like I said, _The Whit Special_. Works every time. Be thankful – only extra special people ever get it."

I grinned. "Thanks."

I was just about to tell him goodbye when the door to the office burst open and Alice came flying inside.

"Bella, where have you been…" she trailed off, staring at Jasper. I was slightly concerned about her silence, because that's just not how Alice is; she's never just quiet. My first thought was that she was upset with Jasper and my proximity to each other, but we weren't really standing that close, despite the fact that he had just hugged me. I opened my mouth to ask Alice what was wrong, but she spoke again before I can say anything.

"You've kept me waiting a long time." She walked toward us and stopped in front of Jasper.

My mouth was hanging open in shock at Jazz's reaction, who just looked like he had been gobsmacked. Looking down at her, he tipped his head just a bit and said, "I'm sorry, ma'am."

One look at Alice's face told me all I needed to know about what was happening in front of me.

Alice had found her man.

It took me almost an hour to get the two of them to separate long enough from gazing into each other's eyes for Alice to drive me home. The two of them made plans for later that night and I could only grin. It had never occurred to me to try and set Jazz and Alice up, and after seeing them together, I could've smacked myself. They were so perfect for each other; I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it before.

Granted, I was a little wrapped up in my own head these days, but still…

Alice smiled the whole way home and it made me happy to see her so happy. I had never believed in love at first sight, but after seeing Alice and Jazz, I was now a firm believer.

Alice dropped me off at the apartment before going back to the boutique to try and find the perfect outfit for her first date with Jazz. He was picking her up at the right after work and Alice promised to give me all the details later.

I wondered if she'd even make it home tonight.

Walking into the apartment, I by-passed turning on any of the lights and went right to my room. Jazz's hug and his subsequent meeting with Alice had brightened my mood considerably, but I was still feeling a bit raw and exhausted.

At the same time, something had loosened inside of me during my meeting with Dr. Whitlock. I no longer felt completely bogged down in grief and guilt. It was still there, of course, and I wondered if it would ever truly go away.

Probably not, but for the first time since I woke up from my coma, I thought I might be able to accept it and learn to live with it.

I would need time to process what Dr. Whitlock and I had spent the afternoon talking about, and I was slightly happy that Edward was working that evening. It would give me a chance to decompress without watching him worry and wanting to make me feel like I had to share everything right away.

I took a shower to help me relax before crawling into bed with my journal. I wasn't hungry despite the fact that it was dinnertime, and I really just wanted to purge all my feelings out onto my journal's pages, hoping I'd be able to make some sense of my jumbled and confused – yet, hopeful – thoughts.

I only wrote a sentence or two before I fell asleep.

* * *

_The Arizona sun is hot on my skin and I smile as I lift my eyes to the sky. It's been a long time since I've felt this peaceful and carefree._

_The park is one I've been to a million times, a favorite place for both Mom and me. I grew up here and missed it dreadfully after moving to Forks. After Mom and Phil moved to Jacksonville I had never thought I'd come here again._

_The park is strangely empty, but I don't think too much about it and I settle down under a Carob tree. A dribbling fountain isn't too far away and I can easily hear and see the water as it floats over the decorative stones. I close my eyes and lean back against the tree, letting the slight breeze play over my face._

"_You know the good thing about meeting here, in your dreams? You don't need sunscreen."_

_My eyes pop open at her voice and I can't help the tears that spring to my eyes as she walks toward me, whole and healthy. The last time I had seen her was something that would forever be burned in my memory and it is a way no one should ever have to remember someone they love. The fact that I can see her, untouched by the horror of the accident, makes this meeting so much the sweeter._

"_Mom."_

_She settles down next to me under the tree, placing a comforting arm around my shoulders. I can't stop the tears that come to my eyes or the way they cascade down my cheeks. I can actually feel the weight of her arm, the feel of her hair as it brushes against my chin when I lean in to hug her. Her other arm slips around me, and she holds me tight as I cry._

_After a while, my tears slow and I lean back to look at her. She's smiling at me and looks so very happy to see me._

"_My sweet girl. How I wished I could have come to you sooner. I felt so helpless watching you suffer the way you have."_

_I shake my head and cry a bit more. "I've missed you so, so much. I'm so sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry for what happened."_

_She reaches up and brushes my tears away. "Sorry? what are you sorry for? She searches my eyes for the answer, and when I don't respond, she continues. "Oh, darling. You have nothing to be sorry for; you did nothing wrong. Everything happened exactly the way it was meant to."_

_Hearing her say it is like a kick in the gut and I pull back from her. "Mom, how can you say that? I can't…I can't even…"_

"_Bella. Bella, darling, listen to me. Someday, a long, long time in the future, you will understand exactly what I mean. But until then, trust me when I say that everything happens for a reason, even that horrible accident. I would have done anything to save you from the pain and hurt that you suffered, but it was one of your lessons and you had to go through it. You can let it go now, my darling. I'm fine, and I'm happy and I'm always, always with you."_

_I lean down and bury my face in her lap, while she strokes my hair. "Bella, I want you to know that being your mother was the best thing I ever did in my life. You have brought me so much joy. There was so much happiness in my life because of you and I would not have traded a minute of our time together for anything in the world."_

_Her hands moved to cup my face and lift it up so I could look at her. "I need you to know that. Some of the best memories I have of us were the weeks we spent together on that trip and I hope that you'll start to remember the happiness of it rather than the way it ended. I want you to remember me that way, my darling, and try to let go of how it ended. It wasn't your fault, and I would never ever blame you for what happened."_

_I'm sobbing again, unable to control my emotions against the weight of her words. Through my tears I can barely see her small smile and I lean into her hand as she holds it against my cheek._

"_I've watched you everyday since then and I know how much you suffered. If I could have changed anything, Bella, it would have been the pain you've gone through since I've been gone. But I've seen happiness in you too, and I'm so thrilled for you." Her smile is bright as she pushes my hair over my shoulder. "And that man of yours is one hot piece of man meat."_

_Her words bring a snort of laughter from me and I grin, realizing that she hasn't changed an ounce._

"_He's so good for you, sweetheart. And his heart is pure of absolute love for you. He is your future and your happiness and you cannot allow the past to overshadow that." She gives me a small smile. "He loves you and I know you love him, so go and be happy. I don't blame you, I never did. No one ever did. I love you, Bella and I always will. I want you to go and enjoy the rest of your life. Be happy. Give me lots of grandbabies."_

_I laugh again, but it quickly turns to a sob. "Oh, Mom. I love you, too."_

_She runs a hand over my hair. "It's going to be good, baby, if you'll just let it be. I'm always with you, and I will always be." Leaning forward, she places a gentle kiss on my forehead. "I love you, Bella."_

* * *

I woke up with a gasp, my hand out in front of me, as if I was still reaching for my mother. My cheeks were wet and my heart was beating wildly in my chest. My eyes scanned the room, taking in my surroundings. I knew I was in my room, but part of me was still back in the park in Phoenix. I could still feel her lips on my forehead, could smell her perfume.

I bit back a sob and wrapped my arms around myself. It was so good to see her again, and yet, so sad. Part of me was swamped in grief, while the rest of me was bathed in happiness.

She loved me. She watched over me. She didn't blame me.

"_It wasn't your fault, and I would never ever blame you for what happened."_

I hadn't known how much I craved her words until she had said them.

Everything loosened inside of me. I would always carry some guilt that I was the one driving the car when the accident happened, that I hadn't been paying enough attention to get us out of the way. I would never know what would have happened if I had been more alert, and it was nothing I could change now.

My heart was finally getting it.

I cried a bit longer, my tears part grief and part relief. It amazed me on some level that a dream could cause such a reaction in me, allowing me to begin to grasp the concept that _the accident_ wasn't my fault and that what happened couldn't be changed.

There would never come a time when I wouldn't grieve or miss my mother. To suffer the loss of her, in the way she died – it wasn't something that would just disappear because of a comforting dream or some wise words from my therapist. However, it was finally occurring to me that it would get better; it would get easier.

I just had to allow the process to happen.

* * *

**A/N:**

So let me start with an apology for those of you who have been waiting for this sucker to update since February. I'm so sorry it took me so damn long. RL kicked my ass - I was in my last semester of graduate school and working on what was basically my thesis. It left me very little time to have anything to do with the fandom. My brain was just not in the right place to write this. So again, my sincere apologies.

That being said, in the weeks since I've graduated and work let out for the summer, I managed to finish the story. YAY! There will be one more chapter after this, followed by an epilogue that wraps everything up in a neat little bow. The next chapter is currently with Browns. I hope to have this marked as complete by July.

So have I done anything since February? Yup! In the need to take a break from my project and get creative, I saw an announcement for the Beautiful Bellies Contest. A plot bunny was born. I wrote a story called, **Come Undone** (it's on my profile), and it won first place in the contest! Cool, right? Check it out and let me know what you think.

**Reviews will get teasers for Chapter 26. **

I'd love to hear your thoughts! How did you feel about Bella's dream - or was it a dream at all?

Thank you again for reading!


	26. Full Circle

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it. Never have. Never will.

Thanks to **Ms. Ambrosia** and **Browns** for beta'ing the chapter. They're the best!

* * *

**BPOV**

The dream about my mother kept me up for hours. It had all felt so real that I couldn't help but wonder if it somehow really happened. With Edward at work and Alice still out with Jasper, I had no one to talk about it with and I seriously needed someone to tell me I wasn't crazy.

I called Esme.

"Bella, sweetheart? Are you okay?"

I looked at the clock and realized it was after one in the morning. No wonder she sounded so scared.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry I called you so late; I wasn't thinking. I just…Edward's at the hospital and Alice is out on a date – "

"A date? With who? Is he cute? What's his name?" She sounded so excited I couldn't help but laugh at her.

"I'll let her tell you all about it if it turns out to be a good one. But I know him, he's a nice guy and I think he might just be perfect for Alice."

I laughed again at Esme's squeal from the other end of the phone and could hear Carlisle speaking in the background.

"It's Bella, the kids are fine, and I'm going downstairs," I heard her say to him and then to me, "Hold on a second, darling."

There was some muffled speaking and then some shuffling. A few minutes later, Esme spoke again. "How are you? Is everything okay?"

I sighed. "Everything is fine…I think. I just…you're going to think I'm crazy."

"Never. Tell me."

So, I did. I told her about my session with Dr. Whitlock, and how I was trying to come to terms with everything we'd been talking about. Then I told her about my dream. She was silent for quite a while after I finished speaking and I was afraid I had put her to sleep.

"Esme?" I asked quietly.

I heard her sniffle before she answered me. "Oh, Bella. That was a beautiful visit."

"Visit?"

She sniffled again and spoke. "Oh, sweetheart, that wasn't a dream. That was your mother coming to say hello and tell you things she needed to say and you needed to hear."

Okay, maybe calling Esme wasn't the best idea I'd ever had. She was obviously as crazy as I was.

"Esme –"

"Did Edward or Alice ever tell you that they had another brother besides Emmett?"

Taken aback, I blurted out my first thought. "Uh…no…"

"I'm not surprised. They know about him, of course, but it was still so painful to talk about when they were young. Even now…" Her voice drifted off and I knew she was lost in her thoughts. After a minute, she spoke again. "Carlisle and I had a son about three years before Emmett was born. He was a healthy, happy baby and we loved him desperately. We named him Byron and for three short months he was the light of our lives. Then one day, I woke up and realized he hadn't cried during the night. When I went to his bassinette…he had passed away. SIDS."

"Oh, Esme. I'm so sorry. I had no idea." I was crying now, unable to even fathom the hurt and anguish she must have gone through.

She sighed. "It was…difficult, and to this day I haven't truly gotten over it. It's not something you can just move on and forget, even when you go on to have three more healthy children who live into adulthood. Losing Byron was…well, it's unexplainable. It's nothing that can be described and you never want anyone to have to understand it."

We were silent for a moment, both lost in our thoughts, until Esme started talking again. "Anyway, the reason I'm telling you about Byron was because he came to visit me one night as well, and so I know you're not crazy…although, you're probably thinking I'm pretty nuts right about now."

"I…I…" I didn't know what to say to her.

"It's fine, but I ask that you just listen to me before you call my children to have me committed, okay?" She chuckled and I laughed with her.

"Okay."

"A few months after Byron died, I was still inconsolable. Carlisle wasn't fairing much better and we were just…struggling to survive. We were going to a group on infant loss and it was helping a bit, but not much. I was getting to the point where I didn't think I could go on…with my life, with my marriage…everything seemed so bleak. I was hitting rock bottom, and I had no idea how to begin to recover from our loss. So, one night, I went to bed, hoping I'd sleep at least a little bit. And that's the night he came to see me."

Esme cleared her throat and her voice was a little huskier when she spoke again. "In my dream, I was standing in the nursery, in front of his crib, crying. And then I heard a little voice from behind me say, 'Mama, don't cry. I'm okay.' I turned around, and there's this little blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy standing in the doorway. He was the spitting image of Carlisle, and I knew it was Byron."

I was sobbing now, unable to imagine the pain and joy she must have felt from seeing her son in her dreams. I could tell Esme was crying too, but she kept speaking through her tears.

"So, I did the only thing I could. I held out my arms and he came running into them. And I had never felt more at peace. I held him for…I don't even know how long…but when I opened my eyes, my mother was standing in the doorway. She had died just after Carlisle and I got married and I was shocked to see her. Never in all the years since she'd been gone had I ever had a dream with her in it – and then there she was. She smiled at me and said, 'He wanted to come and see you and tell you he was okay. So I brought him.'"

Esme blew out a breath. "I picked him up and carried him over to her and she hugged me and told me she loved me. Then my son put his hands on my cheeks and said, 'Mama, I love you and I'll always be with you. It's going to be okay. My brothers and sister will come and you won't be so sad anymore.'"

I gasped. "Wait…what?"

Esme laughed. "Oh yes, I just about dropped him when he said that to me. I gaped at my mother and she just smiled at me and said, 'I'll take good care of him over here. You'll have plenty to do on your side.' Then they both kissed me goodbye, she took his hand and they walked down the hallway. I woke up just as I couldn't see them anymore."

We were quiet once more, both of us digesting what she had told me. Finally, Esme sighed. "Bella, I'm telling you all this because I need you to understand that maybe what we both experienced was a dream…but it felt so real that I don't know how it could be. How would my subconscious know – even if it did manage to conjure up a child that looked just like Carlisle – that I would later give birth to two boys and a girl? I didn't even get pregnant with Emmett for another two years after that dream. The only explanation I have is that my child and my mother, from wherever they were, saw that I needed them and came to offer me the only thing that would comfort me in that moment. Maybe your mother did the same for you tonight."

I nodded, even knowing she couldn't see me, but I couldn't speak through my sobs. I no longer felt crazy; I felt blessed. Having Esme share her story just proved to me that even though there was no reasonable explanation to what we had both experienced, something had happened, and it had given us both what we needed.

Closure. The ability to move on. Forgiveness. Love.

She and I spoke a while longer, discussing the similarities in our dreams. Even if for some reason they weren't real, they had felt real to us and that's what mattered. Others might think we were reading too much into them or searching for meaning that wasn't really there, but it didn't matter. They had served a purpose for us and that couldn't be wrong.

* * *

I slept in the next morning, thankful that I didn't have to teach until later that afternoon. The previous day had been draining in so many ways, but it was also freeing in others. It was wonderful to wake up without the heaviness in my heart I had carried with me for so many months.

When Edward got home from work that morning, I told him about my dream. I wasn't completely surprised that he took it in stride, along with the conversation I'd had with Esme. I was a tiny bit afraid he would think I was crazy, but he just shrugged.

"Baby, I've seen a lot unexplainable things since I became a doctor. I know nothing is impossible. I have no doubt your mom found a way to come through and talk to you, just like my brother found a way to talk to my mom. Sometimes things just don't make sense…they don't have to."

The next few days passed quickly. I had no more dreams about my mother, but the upside to that was I didn't have constant nightmares either. Between Monday night when my mother "visited" me and Thursday morning, I had only one nightmare. Thankfully, it hadn't been as bad as usual and I hoped that, somehow, it meant I was getting better – that my heart was finally coming to terms with my guilt and grief. There continued to be lightness inside of me, instead of dark heaviness I had carried with me for so very long.

Maybe hearing and speaking to my mother again had helped me. Maybe I would be fine now.

When Thursday rolled around, I was anxious to see Dr. Whitlock so I could tell him about my week and, in particular, my dream.

"How did you feel when you woke up?" he asked as we sat in his office. He had a small smile on his face and, as usual, it helped to ground me.

"Confused, a little disoriented. Both happy to have 'seen' her again," I said, using air quotes to describe the visit with my mom. "But also sad that it wasn't real."

He appraised me for a bit before nodding slowly. "Did it feel real?"

I blew out a breath. "Yeah, it did."

"Many people have many beliefs about life after death, but they all have one thing in common…it's comfort for the living. Why are discounting the fact that you saw her?"

"I'm not. But I just…I don't know how to refer to it. I believe she came to see me…I don't think I'm explaining myself right. It's not that I don't believe it happened…I'm just sad that it had to happen the way it did. That the only way I'll ever see her again is in my dreams. I'll never be able to hug her when I'm awake, never be able to introduce her to Edward…she'll never meet her grandchildren."

I don't know what made me think I'd get through this session without crying. I owed Dr. Whitlock a fortune in tissues. Grief was a fickle bitch, and she sometimes reared her evil head just when you thought you conquered her. I had counted my chickens much, much too soon.

As usual, Dr. Whitlock waited out my tears. When I composed myself a bit, he handed me another tissue and stared at me silently, waiting for me to continue.

"For the first time in months, I didn't feel so weighed down. Seeing her, talking with her in my dream made me feel like…well, it made me feel hopeful. Like it was all I had been waiting for and now I could move on with the rest of my life, no more guilt, no more grief. Dumb, huh?" I blew my nose and waited for Dr. Whitlock to laugh at my naivety.

He didn't laugh; instead, he just gave me an understanding smile. "Bella, after all that you have been through, it doesn't surprise me in the least that you felt that way. For the first time in months you woke up from a dream that wasn't a nightmare. Whatever it was, it allowed you to release some of the guilt you have been carrying around with you. Being able to let that go…" He made a sweeping gesture with his hands. "…It's a weight off of you that you've been carrying around for a long time. It's supposed to feel good to have it gone."

Leaning back in his chair, he crossed his legs. "It's normal to want those feelings to go away completely, but that's just not how it works. It takes time and it won't happen all at once. One dream will not fix every problem or bad feeling you have. The grief process is something that goes in fits and stages. You'll pass through one stage only to go back and re-visit it at a later date and time. There's no right way to grieve, Bella. You just have to let it take its course."

My shoulders slumped. I couldn't imagine going through this process indefinitely. It had drained so much from me already and I wasn't sure how much more I could take.

"I don't tell you this to discourage you, although from your body language, that's exactly how you're feeling." Dr. Whitlock paused and I nodded. "The truth of it is grieving is different for everyone. Over time, you could go weeks in the acceptance stage, only to be thrown back into anger or depression without warning. Or you may fly right through anger and move into depression. The point I'm trying to make though is that it's just something you have to get through; it doesn't end overnight."

I ran a hand over my wet cheeks and under my nose. "I guess I had just hoped…"

Dr. Whitlock gave me another understanding smile. "Of course you did, and there's nothing wrong with that. I just want to caution you that you'll have good days, and you'll have bad days. Grief doesn't have an expiration date, although I do promise that someday it'll lessen. Time might not heal all wounds, but it does help lessen their pain, even if it's just to a dull roar."

I left Dr. Whitlock's office feeling deflated. It wasn't that I didn't agree or understand what he had told me, I just wished it wasn't true. Part of me had believed that the dream would completely cure me of my guilt and grief and I could just move on.

_Life isn't like that though. _

At least it wasn't for me.

Edward was waiting for me when I got home from my appointment. He was sitting on the couch, laptop closed next to him, watching _COPS_ – again.

"Hey! How was your session?" He stood and walked toward me, his smile fading as he saw the look on my face. He wrapped his arms around me and I sunk into his body, letting him take most of my weight.

"Good…just draining." Edward's hands rubbed up and down my back, trying to smooth out some of the tension I carried there.

"What can I do?" he whispered.

"Nothing." I shrugged. "Just…hold me for a little bit?"

He kissed the top of my head. "Whatever you need, baby."

We stood there rocking silently, his arms sliding up and down my back, calming me. I pulled back so I could look at his face. "Don't you ever get tired of dealing with my depressed self?"

Edward shook his head as he ran a finger down my cheek. "No. I wish I could do something to take away your pain, and to make things easier for you. But I never want to be anywhere but where you are."

I snuggled back into his embrace, staying there for a few more minutes, and then went to the bedroom to change. Edward followed me.

"Where's Ali?" I asked as I slipped off my skirt and pulled on a pair of jeans. Even though I only had office hours that day, I hated showing up at school looking too casual.

"Still at the store. She told me to tell you she was bringing home Mexican, so not to worry about cooking."

Alice and Jasper had an amazing first date, but as far as I knew hadn't seen or talked to each other since. It wasn't that Alice hadn't wanted to, but she was determined to take things slow. After being burned by the guy in New York, she didn't want to rush into something only to find out Jasper wasn't who she thought he was. Once bitten, twice shy – Alice was living proof of that.

"Did you want to do anything tonight?" I asked, running my brush through my hair.

I could see Edward appraising me through the mirror, and I could tell he was trying to decide how to answer me.

"Edward, I'm fine. Just tired. If you want to do something, we can. I feel like I keep you cooped up in here with me all the time."

After the sunshine of California, it was difficult to get used to the Washington winters again after all the years away. Between the weather and my depression, I hadn't exactly been a bundle of fun. My medication was helping with my moods and anxiety, but I still felt more comfortable curled up in Edward's arms in my apartment than out at a bar or restaurant.

"Alice in Wonderland is playing down at the Cineplex still; I thought maybe we could go see that?" His hands brushed over my shoulders and then he moved back so I could finish brushing my hair.

I nodded. "Okay, that sounds good. Do you think we should invite Ali?"

Edward agreed that would be fine, but when we asked her, Alice blushed.

"I'm actually meeting Jasper for drinks in about an hour. So thanks, but I'll skip tonight."

"Jasper? Who's Jasper?" Edward forked down another mouthful of Mexican rice while Alice and I exchanged glances. She hadn't told him about meeting Jasper yet, and I hadn't mentioned it because – well, it wasn't my story to tell.

"Jasper is a guy I met. We went out on Monday and we're going out again tonight." Alice daintily wiped her mouth and smiled at Edward.

"Two dates in a week. Moving kinda quick, huh, Baby Girl?"

Edward set his fork down to give his sister his undivided attention. It was no secret that the Cullen boys were insanely overprotective of their little sister, and I had no doubt both Edward and Emmett would be making up for lost time now that Alice was living in Washington again. Hopefully, Rose and I would be able to rein them in. I hoped that Edward never found out about the douchebag that had broken Alice's heart in New York or I'd be bailing him out of jail sooner than I could say "assault with a deadly weapon."

"Moving quickly? This coming from the man who met and fell in love with my best friend only a few short months ago?"

I bit my lip, trying to hold back a laugh. Edward had the grace to blush.

"Not the same thing, Ali. Not the same thing at all." He took a sip of his Corona and avoided his sister's eyes.

"Whatever. I'm going to go get ready." Alice bounced off her seat, grabbing her dish and putting it in the dishwasher. She looked at me. "Do something with him, will you?"

I nodded and continued eating, watching Edward closely. Together three months or not, I could read him like a book.

"We can go to the late movie. I need to meet this guy." Looking at his watch, Edward stood and took his empty plate to the sink. "I'm going to call Emmett –"

"Edward Anthony, you will do no such thing," I snapped. There was no way I was going to let him go so far in playing the protective big brother.

His eyes widened as he took in my expression. "I was just…uh…you know…"

I nodded. "I know exactly what you have planned. You are not calling Emmett to come over so you can scare the crap out of Jasper and put him off of Alice. Your sister has the right to date who she wants without any interference from you and your brother."

"Jasper? What the hell kind of name is that anyway? Jesus."

I laughed. "Um, really, _Edward_? Should I bring you your pocket watch and cane before he gets here?"

He rolled his eyes. "What-the-fuck-ever. We don't know anything about this guy. He could be a serial killer or something."

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. "I know him, Edward. They met through me. And he's not a serial killer."

"What do you mean they met through you? How do you know him?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Um, please tell me that is not jealousy I hear in your voice."

"Just tell me, please?" He crossed his arms over his chest and I smirked. He was jealous.

"Jasper works in my therapist's office."

"He's a _shrink_?"

Huffing, I rolled my eyes again. "Not yet; he's working toward becoming one. I've gotten to know him over the last few weeks and on Monday, I had a particularly rough session."

Edward's eyes softened and he moved toward me. As he wrapped his arms around my waist, I continued. "I had been running late to get there in the first place, and Alice dropped me off and offered to pick me up when I was done. After the session, Jasper was talking to me, making sure I was okay. Apparently we got carried away in our conversation because Alice came bursting in looking for me. One look and they were both goners."

"Love at first sight?" Edward gave a short 'hmph.'

"Really? You're _really_ going to go there?"

He pulled me in closer to him. "It was different with us. I was infatuated with you for years."

I shook my head. "And neither of us did anything about it." I tilted my head up so I could look at him. "Let her do this her way, okay? Your sister knows what she's doing, so just let her be."

Edward sighed. "Yeah, yeah."

"Edward," I warned.

"Fine." He kissed the top of my head before hugging me tight. "Ready to go to the movie?"

* * *

The weeks passed as April slid into May and May into June.

I had good days and bad days, although for the first time, the good days outweighed the bad. I still had nightmares, but they were less frequent and less severe than before. My medication was working well, as my anxiety had dropped considerably. Instead of just living in a constant state of depression and darkness, I spent more of my time laughing and smiling. Dr. Whitlock dropped our sessions down to once a week, saying he was very happy with how far I had come since I first began seeing him.

Edward's love, commitment and support certainly hadn't hurt my recovery either. Knowing that I could cry on his shoulder whenever I needed to, or that he would give me space when I needed it was worth more than anything else in my life. The more time I spent with him, the more I realized just how essential he was to me. It wasn't that I was incomplete without him, or that I couldn't live without him – I just didn't ever want to. I was a better person, a happier person, when he was around.

Mid-June found us planning for Rose and Emmett's wedding in the Bahamas. They were getting married there the first weekend in August and plans were in full swing. Between trying to find cheap flights and accommodations, as well as help Alice down at the store between my summer classes, I was busy. I lived and breathed by my day planner, paying close attention to where I was supposed to be and when I was supposed to be there.

It was no wonder then that Edward's birthday snuck up on me.

I had wracked my brain about what to get him, going between the about to be released iPhone and a weekend away. The problem was everything I thought of was well out of my price range. My job had obviously offered me some financial stability, but I still had medical bills to pay, along with my portion of the rent and day-to-day necessities. Despite the fact that I was in love with someone who was more than willing to share his wealth with me, my pride wouldn't let me accept it. I wanted to prove to myself that I could support myself should the need ever arise; being a child of divorce had shown me that it wasn't smart to depend on someone else for your financial well-being. I knew Edward and I could go the distance, but I was also a realist. Being able to support myself was important to me.

So, I gave up the idea of getting my boyfriend an extravagant gift, and gave him the only thing I had to offer – myself.

It took some doing, but I convinced Emmett to let us have the apartment to ourselves the night of Edward's birthday. Emmett had me on the verge of agreeing to name my first-born child after him before Rose told him to knock it off; he had to work that night and wouldn't be home anyway.

I set up candles around Edward's bedroom and made sure the raspberry-colored baby doll I'd recently purchased was hanging up behind his bathroom door, available for easy access to change into when the time came. I made his favorite dinner – Esme's roast beef with potatoes and carrots. Thankful that it was a clear and warm Seattle night for once, I set up dinner on the rooftop terrace next to the small fire pit the boys had there. I had made myself comfortable in one of his Adirondack chairs with a glass of wine and waited for him to come home.

He didn't keep me waiting long.

"Bella?" I heard him call throughout the condo, looking for me.

"Out here!" I took another sip of my wine and felt a burn in my belly that was from more than just the alcohol. Just the sound of his voice set me on fire.

"Hey," he said as he stepped through the sliding glass doors. "What's all this?"

I put my wine down and made to stand up, but he was right there to help me. My physical recovery had been complete for a while, but from time to time, my hip still gave me issues.

"Happy Birthday." I smiled and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him.

"Hmmm, thank you," he murmured as we parted. "Wow, I didn't expect all this." He held me as he looked around at the fire and the table set for our dinner.

"Oh, just wait." I winked at him as I moved into the apartment to pull our dinner out of the oven. Edward growled quietly behind me.

He was able to control himself throughout dinner, complementing me on the food as we ate out under the stars. The fire burned brightly next to us as we spoke quietly about our days and our plans for the upcoming weeks. It was going to be a busy summer for us, but it was full of good things we wanted to do. Still on that list was finding somewhere to live.

Edward and I had hoped to find a new place quickly after we had made the decision to move in together, but we couldn't seem to agree on what we wanted or where we wanted to settle. We thought by being open to anywhere in the city and suburbs of Seattle, it would give us enough options to find something we'd like, but nothing appealed to me.

Edward would show me pictures of apartments and condos, but I was indifferent to them. I just couldn't picture Edward and I living in any of the places we looked at, no matter how close they were to the university or how wonderful the neighborhood was supposed to be. I was anxious to move in together, but at the same time, I was also enjoying how things were too. We were happy, and things were going so well. I didn't want to rush into anything knowing we could take our time to find the perfect place. Edward didn't seem to be in any hurry either, so we continued to look, and didn't panic about not finding anything.

After dinner, Edward helped me carry the dishes inside but didn't fight me on letting me clean up on my own. He banked the fire outside while I put away our leftovers and loaded the dishwasher. We finished up about the same time and he was stalking toward me when I held up my hand to stop him.

"Give me five minutes, and then meet me in your room?" I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face as I saw the fire in his eyes.

I hoped the birthday boy was going to be thrilled with his birthday present.

Rushing into his room, I shut the door and moved quickly into the bathroom. I had my clothes off and the lingerie on within seconds, and I ran back to the bedroom to light the candles. With about thirty-seconds to spare, I threw myself on the bed and fluffed out my hair, hoping I looked seductive and good enough for a birthday surprise.

Edward knocked softly before opening the door. His eyes widened when they saw me, and a smirk played across his lips.

"Happy Birthday," I said quietly as he stalked toward me.

"Happy Birthday indeed." He began unbuttoning his shirt as I reached over to take care of his belt. Within seconds he was completely naked in front of me.

I leaned over and took him in my mouth. His hand came to grasp the back of my head, making me moan, which made Edward shudder. I continued working him, feeling him grow longer and harder as I used my tongue and teeth to bring him to the edge.

Suddenly, he pushed at my shoulders and I quickly found myself on my back, naked underneath him.

"I need to be inside of you…I can't wait anymore…" Edward growled and I felt myself go hot and liquid inside. I loved him when he was like this, just barely hanging on to his control.

He slid inside of me and I threw my head back at the sensation. I loved joining with him like this, feeling as close to him as I possibly could. His hands griped the headboard above us as his hips moved in a rhythm that was driving me to distraction. His hand reached down in between us and started stroking me, bringing me closer to the brink of my orgasm. All it took was my glancing up at him and seeing the concentration on his face, the love in his eyes to bring me to a shuddering, lovely completion.

Edward came right behind me, and we groaned as he moved to my side.

I spoke when I finally caught my breath. "Happy Birthday."

Edward threw back his head and laughed. "Happy Birthday, indeed."

* * *

At the beginning of July, UDub offered me a full-time spot on the faculty for the Fall. The offer came as a surprise, as it usually took much longer for an adjunct to earn a tenure track position. Apparently Kathleen had been happy with my teaching, and the students had given me awesome evaluations. When one of the older English professors decided to retire, Kathleen said it had been a no-brainer on who to offer their position to.

I was currently teaching two courses for Summer Session A-Term. My commitment for the summer would be over by mid-July, allowing me to take a break for a few weeks before prep would start for the Fall. Edward and I planned to spend a week in Forks with our parents before taking a week's vacation in the Bahamas for Emmett and Rosalie's wedding.

Alice and Jasper's relationship was moving along at a steady pace, and while Alice was still being cautious, it was clear she was in love with him even if she wasn't saying it out loud. It was wonderful to see her so happy and I just adored Jasper. He was a wonderful friend to me and so good to Alice. Edward was happy that his sister was happy, and he liked Jasper on a personal level as well. Even Emmett gave his seal of approval, which, according to Alice, had never happened before.

Esme and Carlisle came to Seattle one weekend to meet him, and it was clear that within the first hour that Esme was already hearing wedding bells for the two of them. She wasn't pushy about it, but you could tell she was thoroughly impressed with Jasper and thought he was perfect for her daughter.

With Alice dating Jasper, she no longer felt like a third wheel, and Edward and I no longer felt guilty for being a loving couple in front of her. The four of us spent a lot of time together and I was happy to see Edward and Jasper developing a strong friendship. It went a long way in showing Alice that we didn't think she had a thing to worry about when it came to Jasper.

The summer passed quickly. Our visit to Forks was fun, with Edward and I splitting our time between the Cullen's, my dad's, and Jake and Leah's. Leah looked like she was going to pop the baby out at any moment, even though she had at least two more months to go before she was due. You couldn't wipe the smile off of Jake's face any time he looked at her, or how he'd softly hum when he gently caress her stomach anytime the baby kicked. He couldn't keep his hands off of her. It was easy to see just how happy and proud he was of his growing family.

Edward was quiet on the drive home. When we were about ten minutes from his parent's house, I finally asked him if he was okay.

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. It was nice to hang out with Jake and Leah tonight."

There was something in his tone that I couldn't pick up on, but it was there. "Yeah, it was. I miss them. I know we're only a few hours away, but sometimes if feels like I go as long between visits as I did when I was in California."

Edward said nothing, and just nodded. I sighed. "Edward, what's wrong?"

He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, and then closed it. "Nothing, baby, I promise. I'm just tired."

I considered arguing with him, knowing there was more than that, but decided against it. If he wanted to talk to me, he would. Mr. Stubborn wouldn't budge until he was ready.

However, when the silence kept up through our return to Carlisle and Esme's house, and through our getting ready for bed, I got tired of waiting for him.

"Are you going to tell me why you're being so quiet?" I sat on the edge of the bed in my t-shirt and shorts, watching him as he folded his pants over the back of the desk chair.

He avoided my eyes, saying nothing, which moved me from slightly concerned to irritated.

"Alright, you know what? Fine." I stood up, pulled down the covers and climbed into bed. I wasn't going to beg him to talk to me. It didn't occur to me until later that this was how he must've felt when I got all quiet and clammed up.

Edward moved around the bedroom, but it didn't look like he was doing anything but avoiding coming to bed. Finally, just when I was about to tell him goodnight and turn off the light, he turned around and looked at me.

"Do you want that?"

I didn't answer him at first, looking around the room to see what he was talking about. Not seeing anything in particular, I asked, "Want what?"

He huffed and shuffled his feet. "What Leah and Jacob have."

Again, I wasn't quite getting what he was asking. "What do you mean?"

Edward moved toward the bed and sat down next to me. "The house, the marriage, the baby?" He wouldn't look me in the eyes.

"Edward…" I said softly, trying to get him to look at me. "Hey…"

He glanced up and I could see the worry and doubt written all over his face.

"I thought I told you that I did. That I dreamed of that kind of future with you." I brought my hand up to cup his cheek. Since when did he turn into the girl in this relationship?

Something in my face must have reassured him because he smiled. "You did. Sorry. Had a freak moment of insecurity." He shrugged. "Ignore me, okay?"

I leaned forward and kissed him. "I love you, and I want to be with you forever."

He said nothing, just wrapped me in his arms and held me.

* * *

Our trip to the Bahamas was amazing, and Rosalie and Emmett's wedding went off without a hitch. Edward was Emmett's best man, while Rose's childhood best friend, Veronica, was her matron of honor. Veronica's son, Henry, was their ring bearer.

Under the sunset skies, with white sand under our feet, Emmett and Rose promised to love, honor and cherish each other for the rest of their lives. The ceremony was beautiful and led me once again wondering when – _not if_ – Edward and I would be ready to stand where they were.

Their kiss at the end of the ceremony brought a blush to my cheeks and a shake of Carlisle's head. Poor Henry practically got smacked as Edward hurried to cover the toddler's eyes from the very inappropriate display. We couldn't help but laugh at it though, because it was so Rose and Emmett.

We drank too much, laughed too loudly and danced long into the night after the ceremony. As Edward swayed with me along the dance floor as the last song of the night played, he looked deep into my eyes as he asked, "Someday?"

I held him as tight as I could as I nuzzled into his chest. "Someday."

His sigh of contentment was all I needed to hear.

* * *

Our busy summer turned into an equally busy fall. Edward finished his residency and got the attending position at Harborview like he had hoped. Thankfully, Tanya had moved on after giving birth; rumor had it she slunk away to Alaska when Alistair caught her with the results of the DNA test Edward had sent her after her son's birth. The results proved what Edward had always known and what Tanya had eventually told him – he was not the father of her child. Unfortunately, Matthews hadn't ever been informed that it was even a possibility. He had confronted Tanya and then Edward. Edward was quick to put him in his place and give his side of the story. Last Edward had heard, Matthews had broken up with her and was threatening to sue for custody. He had approached Edward for help, but Edward made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Tanya – including taking her child from her. Matthews wasn't happy and was even less so when he found out Tanya had left Washington. Edward wasn't sure what was going to happen with them, but honestly, he didn't care much either. As soon as the results came in, we shut the door on that part of our relationship forever. We agreed to never mention her again.

With the Tanya drama finally completely behind us, I began the fall semester at UDub and Edward settled into more regular hours. Things were going so incredibly well that I knew it was only a matter of time before the other shoe dropped.

It came in the form of the one-year anniversary of _the accident_.

I was completely unprepared for it when I finally realized the date. I shouldn't have been, considering how irrevocably it changed my life, but I had been so wrapped up in everything going on around me, I just hadn't been paying attention to what the actual date was. My bad days were fewer and farther between, and my nightmares had dwindled to almost nothing. I had gone weeks without having one for most of the summer, so when they started picking up again toward the end of August, I should have paid more attention and been more prepared.

I wasn't.

It hit me in the middle of class. A student had a question about a due date on the syllabus and I flipped through my calendar to double check it. I answered her question and flipped back to that week's page and looked down.

Looking back up at the class, I asked in a shaky voice, "What's today's date?"

I got a few weird looks before someone answered, "It's September first, Professor Swan."

My body started trembling. "Than…thank you."

A year ago. One year.

Where had the time gone?

I don't know how I did it, but I managed to make it through the rest of class. I had never been so thankful that it was one of my easy days and it was the only class I had. I was supposed to sit office hours that afternoon, but I told C.C. and the department secretary something had come up and I needed to leave.

I got behind the wheel of my car, shaking like a leaf, and not sure what to do first. I turned on the car and pulled out of my parking space, but didn't get very far before the memories overtook me. I quickly pulled over and called Edward.

"Hey, baby! I didn't expect to hear from you until later. What's up?"

"H..hey. I, um…I…need you."

"Bella, what's wrong?" His voice went from happy-go-lucky to concerned in a heartbeat.

"It's…September first…" My teeth were chattering and I couldn't get the image of the wreck out of my mind. The broken glass, the twisted metal, Phil's blood covered body lying next to me…

"I don't…Bella, I don't understand…What's going on?" There was shuffling in the background and I could hear Edward whispering to someone.

"The accident…was…today," I whispered, unable to get anything else out between my shaking.

"Oh fuck. Where are you?" He was breathless, and I could tell he was moving quickly.

"The…school parking…lot. Don't…think…I can…drive."

"No! No. Stay where you are. I'm coming to get you. Just hang on, baby. I'm on my way."

In the time it took Edward to arrive, I calmed some. Popping my medication helped greatly, although I was practically asleep by the time Edward found me. Even in my out of it state, I could see his pallor and the worry in his eyes.

"Oh, baby. Why didn't you stay home today?" His hand ran over my hair down to cup my cheek. "Or tell me? I would've…"

"I wasn't paying attention." My eyes slipped shut as he continued to stroke my cheek. "Can you believe it? I flipping forgot the worst day of my life." I huffed, but it came off as a small choked sob.

"Come on." Edward helped me from the car. "Let's go home."

I was asleep by the time he pulled out of the parking lot.

When I woke up a few hours later, I was in bed and I could hear Edward talking to Alice out in the other room. He had left my door open; I could only assume it was so he could hear me if I called out for him.

Rolling over, I grabbed my phone. Three missed calls. Jake, my dad, and Dr. Whitlock. The men in my life checking up on me, I was sure.

Not wanting to listen to their voicemails just yet, I got up gingerly and made my way to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror to find my face pale, dark circles under my eyes, and no color in my lips. It was a shock to say the least; it had been months since I had looked so horrible.

"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice through the bathroom door.

"Be out in a sec," I called softly. He must have heard me because he didn't respond, nor did he come in to check on me.

I kept my promise and left the bathroom a few minutes later. Edward looked relieved when he saw me and was quick to pull me into his arms.

"How are you feeling?" His jaw swiped over my hair and I felt him press a kiss to my head.

"I'm…okay…" I answered quietly. It wasn't a lie. I was certainly better than I was when I had called him, and my body and mind had calmed enough so I could think rationally about the day and what it meant.

"Are you sure?" Edward pulled back so he could look in my eyes. "You know you don't have to…"

"I know. I'm better – really. Thank you for coming to get me. I hope I didn't screw up your day too much." I leaned my cheek into his chest and took a breath in, letting the essence of Edward surround me.

"Nothing that couldn't be handled." He swayed me a little and I smiled at the calming motion. He knew how to comfort me, even when I couldn't voice exactly what I needed. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke. "Do you want to talk about it…about anything?"

We moved over to the bed and Edward lay down. I cuddled into him, throwing my leg over his and putting my head on his chest. His arms wrapped around me, drawing me in as close as he could get me.

"I can't believe I forgot…" I mumbled. It bothered me beyond belief that I somehow just let the day get away from me.

"You've been really busy lately. Maybe it just…slipped your mind, or…" He trailed off, so I moved my head so I could look at his face.

"Or what?"

He sighed. "Maybe your way of dealing with it was to try and forget about it. Just pretend it wasn't coming up."

I closed my eyes. That explanation sounded much more likely. "Yeah, maybe."

We both got quiet before I spoke again. "I feel like a shitty daughter most of all. My mother died today and I couldn't even be bothered to remember that fact." I felt the tears prick my eyes and I swallowed hard to get rid of the lump in my throat.

"Sweetheart, that's just not true. I really think you were just trying to protect yourself. You've worked so hard over the last year to get better; I think you just shut it down so you wouldn't have to go back there." Edward kissed my forehead and I snuggled back into his side.

"Doesn't change the outcome though. I really…I really should've been more prepared. Having a breakdown in the parking lot? Making you come and get me? None of that would've happened if I had just paid closer attention, if I just realized..." I sniffled. "And I really feel like I should've honored her in some way today."

"When's her birthday?" I lifted my head again to look at him. "I mean it, when is her birthday? Maybe instead of doing something today, we could do something that day instead, when there's happier memories attached," Edward suggested.

I thought it over and honestly, it felt better to me. Honoring somehow on the day she died just felt…wrong. I should celebrate her life, not her death.

"I like that idea," I said quietly. "Her birthday is in October. October 28th."

"We'll do something then. It'll be a better day for it, I think."

I put my head back down and sighed. "I think so, too."

The rest of the night was spent in quiet reflection. He suggested calling Dr. Whitlock – I had finally caved and told Edward who I was seeing – but since I had an appointment with him the next day and was doing better, I didn't think it was necessary. Alice, Edward and I had a quiet dinner before I called my dad and Jake back. Jake did a good job of making me laugh, and telling me it looked like Baby Black could arrive any day. I made him promise he'd call me the minute Leah went to the hospital so I could do my best to get there before the baby was born. Alice already had Kristen and Christina on stand-by to be at the store the moment the call came in.

The conversation with my dad was much more somber. He was having a hard time with the day as well, remembering the terrifying phone call that had come in and his journey across the country to reach me. He had to deal with so much – the worry that I wouldn't make it, notifying Jake, Alice and Joe that I was in the hospital, identifying mom and Phil, planning their funerals. It was no small surprise that he sounded like he had been crying. Carlisle was there with him though, so it made me feel better that he wasn't alone. I realized my father was supposed to be a hard-ass cop, but there are some things that can bring even the strongest people to their knees.

I survived the day and woke up the next feeling slightly better. It had been a long year, with many horrible, but equally wonderful, things that had happened. My head and heart were finally able to recognize that sometimes out of bad comes good. The good times are sometimes followed by the bad, and the bad times don't last forever.

I would never forget how the year shaped my life. I would never stop missing my mother or carrying the tiniest bit of guilt around for her death. I would always be grateful that out of such a horrible moment came the greatest love of my life. I couldn't explain why things happened the way they did, but I understood that would probably be something I'd never be able to do.

Acceptance. Forgiveness. Peace. Love.

After all I had gone through, I had found them all in the end.

I had come full circle.

* * *

**A/N:**

Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited and alerted this story. I appreciate it more than I can say. Really.

I would love to hear your thoughts, so if you feel like leaving me a review, I would love to hear from you.

BTW, in case it comes up. I started writing this back in 2009, setting the story in the end of that year and then into 2010. That's why Alice in Wonderland is still playing at the movies in the chapter.

This is the last regular chapter. Epilogue to follow...


	27. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: **Anything recognizable comes from Stephenie Meyer. I don't own it.

I'll save the long stuff for the end. This is short, but sweet. Enjoy!

* * *

**BPOV**

I looked out the window of the plane and let out a small sigh. Edward's hand tightened around mine, so I looked over to give him a reassuring smile.

"You okay?" he asked quietly, trying not to disturb our fellow passengers. We had taken a late flight from Key West back to Seattle, and most of the people around us had dozed off.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I yawned. "Just tired."

His fingers ghosted over my rounded stomach. "And how's George doing?"

The nickname he gave our baby never failed to make me smile. "Fine. Seems to be sleeping at the moment." I ran my hand over his and intertwined our fingers. Nothing made me feel better than the touch of his hand on my belly, knowing that what was underneath had been created by us.

We had decided to not find out the sex of the baby, so how "George" became the baby's nickname was beyond me. I hated referring to him or her as "it" or "the baby," and we spent weeks struggling to find a way to refer to him or her. We were watching Harry Potter one night when Edward took one look at me and said, "George. The baby's name is George."

I thought he was crazy, but the name stuck. Alice was worried that we were actually going to name the baby George, even if it was a girl, but I just kept telling her we didn't plan on it.

Although, with the way our name picking was going, boy or girl, it seemed like that was exactly what his or her name would be.

"I'm glad she's finally giving her mom a rest." His hand had started rubbing soothing motions around my stomach as I shook my head. My husband was convinced we were having a little girl, but I wasn't so sure.

"Me too." I leaned my head down onto his shoulder as his hand kept moving over my stomach.

"Are you really okay?"

I nodded. I really was fine, just exhausted. The third trimester of pregnancy would do that to a girl.

"Eager to get home. I can't believe you convinced me going away was a good idea."

Edward laughed. "It was our last hurrah before the baby was born. By the time June rolls around and school's out, we'll be changing diapers."

He had a point, and I did enjoy our week away. But I forgot how much traveling takes out a of normal person, not to mention someone who was pregnant.

"I've missed our bed," I murmured.

"What, the king sized one at the resort wasn't good enough for you?"

I shook my head, not answering him. He knew damn well I enjoyed that bed – and everything we had done in it – but there was just something about your own bed that held a level of comfort that was hard to find anywhere else.

We had spent my spring break in Key West at the Hyatt Resort and Spa. It had been a lovely vacation, much needed due to a stressful semester. Edward had surprised me – like he always managed to – with the trip and whisked me away for the week. We spend most of it in bed, coming up with new ways to have sex around my baby belly, and exploring the town. It had been wonderful, but I was ready to go home.

I turned and looked out the window, thinking of the last time I had been on a plane – our honeymoon to Italy. Another magical trip, another magical time. There had been so many of them over the last three years.

* * *

Not long after the first anniversary of _the accident_, Charlie had come to visit. He was having a hard time dealing with being away from me during that time, the memories of the year before still fresh in his mind. Knowing I couldn't get out to Forks just then, I invited him to come to Seattle and stay with me for the weekend. Edward was working, which meant that my dad and I would get to spend some quality time together. I hoped him seeing me happy and healthy would help lay to rest some of the memories and demons he was carrying around with him.

We spend a lot of time down by the water. Charlie had always felt most at peace, happier, when he was surrounded by it, so it didn't surprise me when he gravitated there on his visit.

On the Sunday morning before he was to leave, we were sitting quietly in Waterfront Park, far from the aquarium and the noise and crowds. Every once in a while one of us would ask a question or make a statement, but for the most part, we just watched the water and enjoyed the silence.

"So, when are you going to put Edward out of his misery and move in with him?" Charlie's head didn't move; he just continued to look out over the water. I, on the other hand, swiveled my head to stare at him.

"I'm sorry?"

Charlie laughed lightly and patted my knee. "He called his father last week all stressed out because it's been months since you first talked about it. Edward seems to think you're chickening out."

My mouth dropped open in shock. Edward really thought I didn't want to move in with him? That was just silly. I couldn't wait to live with him.

_Then why have you avoided the subject every time he's brought it up the last few months?_

I sighed and laid my head on my father's shoulder. "I'll talk to him."

Charlie just patted my knee again, and that was the end of that conversation.

Dad left that afternoon, giving me the chance to sit down and figure out why I hadn't pushed the moving issue. Granted, Edward hadn't either, but at the same time, I knew he was waiting on me to see what we should do. It would certainly explain his uncharacteristic-like behavior after our visit to Jake and Leah's in July – how he needed me to reassure him that I still wanted to be with him forever.

I was the one putting up roadblocks at every twist and turn. I hated every apartment he showed me. I wasn't sure if I wanted us to buy a condo. He would suggest one area of the city and I would shoot it down.

It didn't occur to me until Charlie pointed it out that I truly _was_ stalling. It was unintentional, but it was happening all the same. I was afraid to rock the boat. Things had been going so well for me, for us, that I was afraid that any change, even something that would be a good change, would screw it all up.

Even now I knew what the problem was, I still couldn't seem to do anything about it. I had no idea what I was waiting for, but I needed something to give me that push to finally bring up my concerns to Edward and move forward with our plans to find a place together.

The push came in the form of walking in on Alice and Jasper going at it like rabbits on our living room floor.

Granted, it was my fault. I was supposed to be at school teaching and Alice told me later that they had both taken an early lunch to run home and have a little afternoon delight.

Wham, bam, thank _you,_ ma'am.

I yelped and ran right back out the door and ended up spending the afternoon and early evening sitting mortified in my office at school. I wasn't sure when I'd ever be able to look Alice in the face again. And I was positive that I'd never be able to see Jasper ever again without blushing.

The search for new living quarters began that very day.

Still, I had a hard time finding an apartment or condo that felt right. Nothing I looked at online even sparked my interest. I huffed and looked at the clock. I was meeting Edward for dinner at Ray's Boathouse in an hour and had hoped to show up with the news that I had found us a perfect place to live.

Frustrated, I went back to a basic search and then shut down the browser when nothing new popped up. For a lack of anything better to do, I went to Google and typed in "Seattle real estate."

The first link on the page brought me to a site for houses, not apartments.

Then it clicked.

An apartment or condo didn't feel right because it wasn't. There was something about them that felt temporary and if I knew anything, it was that Edward and I were forever.

I started looking at the houses, narrowing my search by number of bedrooms and bathrooms.

And I hit pay dirt.

I found house upon house that seemed perfect. Gone were the feelings of indifference. I wanted to go and visit almost every house I pulled up.

By the time I left my office, I was trembling in excitement.

Edward was waiting for me outside the restaurant, looking sexy as hell. His face lit up the minute he saw me, and my heart began beating faster. _God, how I love him_.

I reached him and without giving him a chance to even say hello, I took his face in my hands and brought his lips to mine. I gave him the best I had, putting all my love into the kiss. His hands gripped my hips and my hands tangled in his hair as our tongues met, touched, and parted.

"Well, hello to you too. What do I owe the pleasure of that greeting?" His hands wrapped around my waist and clasped behind my back. He pulled me close, hugging me tight to his body.

"I want to get a house." It wasn't what I had meant to say, but it was what came out of my mouth. I couldn't control my glee at finally figuring out what I wanted.

Edward pulled back from me, his face a mix of wonder and surprise. "A house?"

I nodded. "I figured out why nothing else felt right and it clicked with me today. I want us to buy a house. Together."

He stared at me silently and I smiled. "I want a study for my books and an office for you. A big kitchen for me to cook in, and a deck out back where you can put a grill. And I want at least four bedrooms – maybe five."

Edward's mouth turned up into a smirk. "Four bedrooms – maybe five? And what are you planning on putting in those bedrooms?"

I rolled my eyes. "Our kids, of course. Well, we have to save one room for us, obviously. But the rest can be for our kids."

His smirk grew bigger. "Our kids, huh?"

I nodded my head and pulled him inside. "Take me to dinner and then we'll go home and practice."

Once Edward and I decided to look for a house instead of a condo or apartment, we got down to business. We found one in Bellevue that we looked at four times before I finally decided that we should put in an offer on it. It wasn't that I hadn't loved it, but I was so afraid of missing something else - better - that I refused to take the first house we looked at. Thankfully, Edward indulged my whims, knowing that it would very likely the house we would live in for the rest of our lives.

The search slowed down a little after Jake and Leah's daughter, Gia, was born. There had been no issues with her birth, but she developed breathing problems when she was only a few days old. It had been a scary time for them – for all of us. I spent a lot of time going between Seattle and Port Angeles while she was in the hospital, putting the search for a house on the back burner for a while. Considering how thoroughly Jake had been there for me when I needed him, it was hardly a sacrifice. Luckily, the doctors managed to fix what was wrong with her and she recovered without a problem.

Not long after Gia recovered and went home, Edward and I finally put an offer in on a house. Our closing did not go easily, and the people we were buying it from kept hesitating at the last second so the date got pushed back at least twice. At one point, we were almost walked away, but we stuck it out. Four months after our search for the perfect home began, we ended up in a house we loved.

We moved into our house in February and by April, Edward proposed. He took me back to Victoria and to Butchart Gardens where he had taken me on our first weekend away. In front of the Japanese garden I loved so much, Edward got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.

Over the course of our moving in together, getting engaged and planning our wedding, my recovery continued. My nightmares dwindled down to nothing, and I stayed on my medication because it was working for me. I still had good days and bad, but the good far outweighed the bad.

I spent the second anniversary of the accident alone with Edward in quiet solitude. I hadn't let the date sneak up on me that year, even with our wedding only a few weeks away. As Dr. Whitlock had promised, my grief was still there, but smaller somehow. It didn't hurt to think of my mom as much as it once had. For that, I was happy.

Our wedding was in Carlisle and Esme's backyard in Forks, on a sunny afternoon in late September. Things were a little hectic with only five months to plan, but with Alice, Esme and a very pregnant Rose's help, we pulled it off. Emmett and Carlisle were Edward's best men, while Jake and Alice were my man and maid of honor.

We left two chairs empty next to where my dad and Sue sat to represent where my mom and Phil would have been. We all cried a little bit when Rose read "i carry your heart with me" by e.e. cummings. It rang true for how Edward and I felt about each other, but it also held a deeper meaning for me as it reminded me of my mother.

The day was made even more special knowing that my best friend had finally found love with Jasper. Watching them together on the dance floor as Edward twirled me in his arms brought me more joy than I thought it would. They were perfect for each other and I had no doubt they would be together forever.

Edward and I honeymooned in Italy, at a villa that belonged to a friend of Carlisle's. Aro was a bit eccentric, but he had offered us a beautiful spot to stay for a week. We returned home happy and more in love than ever.

The first year of our marriage was filled with wonderful things.

My dad fell in love. Sue and Charlie got married, and she moved off the reservation and into his house in Forks. It warmed my heart to see them so happy and so in love.

Almost a month after our wedding, Emmett and Rose welcomed a bouncing baby boy they named Daniel, but we all called him Slick. He was slippery as an eel; the child never stopped moving, not even when he was sleeping.

Just before I found out I was pregnant, Dr. Whitlock moved me down to one of his "as needed" clients – those of us who no longer required regular therapy, but whom he would continue to see as the occasion called for it. It was a milestone I was happy to reach.

Right around the time Rose had Daniel was when I discovered I was pregnant. Edward and I had talked about having children before our wedding and decided that I'd stop taking the pill and we'd see what happened. What happened was a honeymoon baby. Dr. Reilly was watching my pregnancy closely to make sure there were no affects from _the accident_ that might cause issues, but we had been lucky. It was also why he gave the okay for me to fly to Key West just as I entered my third trimester.

Three years ago, I couldn't imagine being here. Four years ago, it never would have occurred to me that this was the path my life was on.

As I looked over at my husband sleeping beside me, I knew that no one could tell what the future would bring. There might come a time in my life where I would once again be faced with heartache and pain. However, if the last three years had taught me anything, it was that I was stronger than I thought I could be. It also taught me to hold on to the happiness I had and never to take it for granted.

I wouldn't.

I would live, I would love and I would accept everything given to me with gratitude. I would accept the sorrows along with the joys. I would raise my children, love my family and hopefully grow very, very old with my husband.

After all I had been through, I was whole. I was complete.

I was happy.

* * *

**A/N:**

So that's it. :) They lived happily ever after.

A huge thank you to** Browns, **who has become a RL friend and is officially my Beta for Life. Without her, I'm not sure if you ever would have seen this story finished. Thanks, BB. I heart you.

I'd like to thank my other wonderful beta, **Ms. Ambrosia,** for seeing me through this story. Her help was invaluable and I will forever be grateful to her.

I also want to thank **AddictedtoEdward** who was my beta in the beginning and made it through a huge chunk of this story with me. I learned a lot from her, and I owe her my thanks for holding my hand in the beginning as I wrote my first fanfic.

**Outtakes and Deleted Scenes:** As many of you know, I struggled a bit in the direction to take this story. Ultimately, I decided to finish it up without giving Bella and Edward any more angst to deal with. However, I wrote many scenes/chapters in which there was more angst and drama to deal with. I know some of you were interested in that path (**DivineInspiration**, if you're still with me, I'm looking at you!) so I have decided to post what I wrote in the Outtakes/Deleted Scenes story on my profile. I probably will never return to this Edward and Bella, so there will not be any futuretakes, but if you're interested in reading where I had planned on going, then please put the Outtakes/Deleted Scenes story on alert.

**What I'm writing next:** Both Come Undone and The Hardest Thing will most likely be expanded at some point. I don't plan on posting for a bit though, to give me time to write some chapters and get ahead, so I don't leave people hanging for weeks or months while I write an update. I learned a lot from posting After All and one of those things was to always try to be a chapter or two ahead of posting so you don't leave people waiting too long. I'll post on Twitter (**Scorp_112**) any updates and progress I make.

**Thank you** to all the readers who stuck with me throughout the long telling of this story, and especially to everyone who left me a review letting me know your thoughts. I appreciate it so much more than I can say. You got me to almost 700 reviews which, I know is not considered a lot in this fandom, but to me was a HUGE number. Considering this is the first story I ever wrote from start to finish, and put out there for the world to read, it meant a lot every time I got an email letting me know someone made it a favorite, or alerted it, and especially those who wrote me reviews. Even though I'm marking this as complete, I hope you'll still let me know what you thought. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart.


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